For those of you that have fallowed the relationship section, you know the story with the relationship. Well this isnt directly about that. I have been very stressed over the last few days. I have been loosing customers left and right. Some of them I expected due to the season change, but a few that I needed to keep even gave me notice. To be honest this has been going on since the middle of last month. I didnt stress until recently. I kept positive, kept believing, and did all the daily rituals for attracting more work. I thought everything was on course as I was able to place a bid on my first commercial account. Well they still havent signed the paper work due to change of ownership and so I have yet to actually start the job. I just found out that this was going on after I was told I was good to go on the job. So that started getting me a lil uneasy, but I kept at what I needed to do to stay upbeat.
Like I said the last two days I started to stress, I have no money at this point due to accounts closing. I wont go into how bad the financial stuff is this month, but lets just say today it hit me theres a good chance I will lose my business and my home. Here I am trying to get the woman I love so deeply back, and I am about to lose everything I worked so hard over the last few years to get.
Let me give you a little back story on myself here. I have been on my own since about the age of 15. I had places to live most of the time, but I was pushed from one place to the other. Left at the airport at one point, by my mother, with a one way ticket to another state. Needless to say I didnt go. There were years in my adulthood that the only roof over my head was whatever vehicle I had at the time. For over 15 years I have struggled to even stay alive. The things I had to do to make it day to day I dont even want to bring up here. Lets just say, up until recently, I have not been able to look at myself in the mirror. The nightmares lived with me day and night. It wasnt until I met my girlfriend 6 years ago that I knew things had to change. I didnt know how to change them, but I knew they did. From the first day I met her, I knew I wanted to marry her. This beautiful woman put up with me being unemployed, doing illegal things to make money and severe insecurity.
A little over 2 years ago I started to learn about the universal laws. I applied what I could figure out and it worked a bit, not quiet like I needed or expected, but it was moving. At about this point things were getting rocky between me and my girlfriend. After about 2 years of me not really being able to do anything, or pay for anything, she left me. The finances were only a small fraction of it all. I dont want anyone thinking this is the reason she left, but at this point she was burned out.
So back to now. Today was it for me. It hit me that I am gonna fall flat on my face again. Here I am busting my butt physically and mentally and I am going to fail at something else. I spent today driving from customers house to customers house breaking down between visits literally crying my eyes out. I fell into such a dark place that I was cursing life itself. I was telling my mom how this stuff just doesnt work. Here I have applied, learned, applied and learned more. I have lost the woman I love and my business is about to fold. Bills are piling and I saw no way out. I tried everything to get financing but I was on my own. I go out of my way to help people and I just didnt get it. When does it ever come back. I started figuring this is pay back for my past or something. I am the type of guy that will give someone on the street 5 dollars when I only have 5 dollars. Not saying this to make myself look good, but thats just how I am. I just didnt get why I was yet to get the results I have been looking for.
I got a phone call today that I almost didn't take. But I took it and half annoyed answered the phone. It was another advertising company promising me front page on Google and a ton of customers in the month. For some reason I lost it again on the phone. Told the lady everything and pretty much just started sobbing. Heres where it gets fun. This lady called me back after work hours. She builds and hosts sites on the side. According to her, her customers see huge results in a short time. I know she knew what I was thinking because she never stopped talking to give me a chance to say, look lady i have no money. She offered to build my site, host my site, and do it for free. She then went on to tell me something that broke me down right there. She said, you are not alone. You are a good person. You have a good heart and you deserve this. I lost it. She told me God is with me and I have nothing to worry about. All I could say was thank you over and over.
I wanted to share all this with you guys because I know there are a lot of people struggling out there. I know this stuff takes a while sometimes. I know it may not sound like much, but I knew when she was talking to me, this is the change of everything. I finally hit my turning point. It took a lot of work inside and out. Work I wouldn't have done if my girlfriend didn't leave me. I hate to say it but its true. Please always keep your faith and know that everything you do is noticed at all times. Just because it doesn't happen in our time frame, just know that it will happen when the timing is just right. I also wanted people to see, that doubts are not all bad. They wont destroy you getting to where you want. So keep your heads up and always push forward.
This is a long enough post so I will stop here.
Much love and many blessing to you all