I want my ex back who Im in casual relationship with!

[daydreambeliever25]

Hello Everyone

I am in casual relationship with my ex- I have broken all the rules to break ups through the years and sometimes he commits and wer back together and sometimes wer just friends who date and so on and so forth. I just want him to commit. I don't want it to be a on and off relationship anymore. I know I love him and I want him. I know they say how do expect him to commit if you give him the benefits of relationship without putting label on me a girlfriend. I know we both are not with anyone else and i just dont understand why we are not together. We had a lovely weekend away together and were like just any other couple- we are going on a holiday in march. I want to be his girlfriend and I believe in law of attraction but everyone told me it didn't work in relationships. I know that there is loves inside both of us for each other - I want him to say to me Im his girlfriend and where I stand without not much effort from me. I want the loving relationship that I see my friends having! We had it before and many times reunited..please help me to attract us back together in a very happy loving relationship. Tips everything welcome! Im creative person and I have the secret. the power..a happy new book and the secret dvd...I have attracted alot of THINGS into my life but cant attract this commitment from him. 

I think of fear of losing him- i know fear is negative- the thought that Im not deserving  and maybe disrespect for myself at times which I have learnt do attract love and respect....

[marioska]

Hey, "daydreambeliever25! Don't worry, because you'll find a way! But I'd like to know some things about your relationship...
I assume that if you're in an on and off relationship, none of you are dating anyone else... I understand that he treates you with respect. So, don't you feel that you have that relationship, but none of you put the name of relationship to it? I mean (and I hope I'm explaining myself in a right way) don't you think that you are togheter but that none of you asked the other to be in a relationship?

[daydreambeliever25]

I have asked him to be in relationship and he taking a long time thinking about it. He says I am not his girlfriend right now. I want the commitment he doesn't i dont think. He is not with anyone else. I am not either. He is a farmer- who works alot and likes to be with the guys for a pint and even hes friends say Im the only girl he bothers with. He loved me before and Im sure of it and now he doesnt know how he feels..he trying to work it out in his head. I feel unappreciated, that he has all the power and that now I have settled for less AGAIN! This happened before. We get on well in our 'non committed relationship' and everyone says we will get married. Even my dad calls me by MRS "his surname" as joke(which i beginning to pretend now is my surname') haha We talk every single day on phone but i do feel that I do most the calling. He calls too but not as much as me. I do lot of send him nice texts and hes not a texter anymore. We meet up weekly and we go dates and we went away last weekend and were really like an inlove couple but everytime i feel that the next day hes pulling away again and i chase- everytime i think I have him i get nothing again. I feel like im waiting for his love and waiting for his phone call and waiting for his time to spend with me. I want it to be 50:50. Im doing all chasing really and now I think our relationship has gone on like this for too long and I need to do something about it. Can I change it? Can I get to love me again?(i have done it before without realising it was law of attraction) I want him to appreciate me and tell me hes my boyfriend.

[marioska]

Ok, well, as I understand it, you're too focused on him, I mean, you feel that he's the one that decides where your relationship, and so your life, goes, and that doesn't make you feel good. I think that most of all you are frightened of loosing him, so you want to control what he feels about you. You have expectations. You're sending a love that requires a response. Do you think that's pure love? What you have to do is focusing on yourself, thinking about how great it feels to be you, and sending that positive vibes to him, he'll receive them. And about him, in my oppinion he feels something strong about you, but he needs some time to put in order his thoughts and feelings towards you, he seems confused and I believe that the last thing he wants is to hurt you, so he's trying; but this should not be an obstacle to make your own decisions... If you feel that being with him fills you of bad thoughts because it doesn't help you to create the perfect relationship on your mind, you should stop. My advice for you is to realize how happy you are at being you, and don't be frightened of any change you have to do in your life, if it's for the best. Lots of love, and hope this helps ^^ 

[daydreambeliever25]

Thank you for the reply.

This is 7 years now and now that I think about it I have always been way too focused on him. When I look back I see a pattern of when I was focusing on me that he is the one in love with me. Its like a Cat and mouse thing. I think Im scared of losing him and sending pressure and exactly how you say it "love that requires a response". No, I do not think this is love so Im not really showing love maybe by doing this. I want it now kinda of thing but maybe I need to chill out. I have started focusing more on myself. Before I used spend too much time chasing him and focusing on him but Im gradually doing things like gym and fitness classes etc to focus on something else.  So I will try to do more for myself like this.

He is very confused alright and I think I probably make him more confused with my needy attitude, i come across obsessed at times but think mostly when im feeling the fear of losing him..which is negative thoughts again obviously.

"he feels something strong about you, but he needs some time to put in order his thoughts and feelings towards you" He has often said this and i dont know why i try to rush it out of him.

[marioska]

Well, that's ok! I'm glad it has helped you. At least, when you write or talk about the things that you worry about, you put your thoughts and feelings in order and you begin to see clearly. Another thing that I wanted you to think about is, what do you want righ now the most, a relationship in general, or his love? Because if you want a relationship and right now he doesn't, maybe you should try to forget him. But if you want him, you won't care about waiting, because you feel real love for this person. Do you understand this point of view? Of course, I'm not trying that you do something you don't want to do, just think about it, without fear, thinking about what's the best for you. Remember that you're the only one that takes your decisions Lots of love! 

[daydreambeliever25]

No You are right I want his love for me to come back. The wanting him right now is like just the fear of losing him. I suppose I need to start believing that he loves me. Its not the relationship. I want his love and the relationship will follow with that..and everything else. Love is more important to me.

How could I start this process......

Thanks for your reply

[marioska]

You're welcome! I'm glad to be helpful. I think this thread can help you in some ways: http://www.powerlawofattraction.com/forum/law-of-attraction-for-relationship-6/detachment-and-relationships-)/ And if you have any doubt, problem, fear... anything, remember that you can count on me! Love ^^