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I think we totally underestimate the importance of forgiveness and the impact it has on US. I do think its something we should do more of. The idea that not forgiving is only affecting us is so true - we dwell on what we perceive has been done to us and go over it reliving it and giving it life and attracting more of it. The other (unforgiving) person is generally oblivious and goes along merrily living their life not dwelling on what happened.

Re your specific situation - other than being a horrible person is there any reason his sister might have interfered? Maybe she thought she was acting for the best, saving him hurt or some other noble reason. If she is just horrible then forgive her anyway because you're better than that. Also if you're to get back together then you're going to have to deal with her and you'll find it easier if you've let the past go already.

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I wouldn't contact him about it AT ALL. As far as I'm aware you've only just regained contact at your instigation and now you've added him on fb. Now you want to interrogate him about differnt girls - ok you might dress it up and just ask joking who she is etc but make no mistake you and he will know you want to know and it will look needy and desperate!

Let him do some of the leg work now and contact you. Stop stalking his fb - reading everything other people write its not healthy and no good will come of it.

The more you talk and think in such dramatic terms ( you're going to collapse ) etc the more you will attract.

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 "one day I moved on,I have no feelings what so ever for him,why didn't he come back?Due to LAW he should have come back after I stopped loving him, but actually he never."

There's your answer in your own words. You moved on and no feelings for him is different to letting go / detaching where you've let go of desperation but still retain the desire.

You're misinterpreting the law to suggest he should come back after you stopped loving him. That is not how it works otherwise we'd all be over run with exes we don't want.

Loa is about attracting what you focus on and letting go of resistance not stopping loving someone.

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What you resist persists. As Ginny ( I think) pointed out you have the option to log and not log in again. You had the option to email Ankur and ask him to delete your account. I get the impression as I often do when people post I'm leaving, how do I leave, types of threads that what you actually wanted was someone to ask you why so you could express your opinion about the number of ex threads there are.

People join this forum at various stages in their loa journey and I've found that the topics are cyclical ex threads are always popular as is , money, work, health and rs. Yes people could read all the threads before asking a question but as with most things people believe their situation is somehow unique and different and they feel it warrants a new post. As people learn more, they tend to ask less questions, offer more advice and then either just read or leave and the whole things starts all over again and newer members become older members.

Remember you were where some of the most desperate people are now and you wanted help and advice and support and just because something seems obvious to one person it isn't necessarily to someone else.  Yeah 10 threads on rs or someone's ex isn't the most exciting thing in the world but its important to them and you have a choice to not read it or having read it, not contribute to it.

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Have you rang them and asked them? I'd ring and say you attended an interview and were told that you would here and haven't. Ask them if they've made a decision yet ( it maybe that the person who is making it has had other things to do- they're clearly not desperate for someone to start so they may just have been delayed) if they have given it someone else ask them for feedback on your interview and what you could have done to improve your chances. Ask them if they'd keep your info on file and keep you in mind if something else comes up. Until you've been given a definite no, you don't know you haven't got it.

I rang about a job years ago that sounded perfect for me and the salary was great. When I rang the woman told me it had gone and the ad should have been taken out. Anyway we chatted for a bit and I said how disappointed I was but could I send my CV etc and for them to keep me in mind, she said yes. A couple of weeks later, she phoned me to invite me to interview as the previous candidate had had some family issues and decided to move back to her hometown. I went in and got it. They didn't advertise the post - they had really decided to give it to me from my cv and phone call - if I hadn't interviewed well or had found something in the meantime then they were going to advertise.

You don't know what the situation is yet.

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Derren Brown, Russell Brand, Spike Milligan

And on an other evening John Lennon, Harper Lee and Martin Luther King

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well then take the advice you gave to your friend and apply it to your own situation.

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@ Salt, I think the thread you were looking for was the one about being too much of a wanker!

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Well you got everything you asked for - his friendship, his sweet comments and contact. If its important to you that he apologises - then set that as an intention. You had a lot going on before and maybe either you forgot to ask for his apology or you didn't recognise then that his apologising would be important to you. But there's nothing to stop you asking for and setting that intention now - recognising and asking for what we want is constantly evolving.

Well done on everything you have attracted - you've done amazingly well.

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Hi, I'm not sure why he is blowing hot and cold or why he has dropped out of sight when thngs were going well. I think he will be back in touch and when he does he needs to explain why he did this. There's a tendency that you will be so grateful that he's got in touch that you let it slide - I think he needs to explain - it's rude if nothing else and you'd expect a reason to be given by anyone else.

As for his dad - hmmm I suspect it's not his dad and is him using his dad's account to see how the land lies with you after his big disappearing act. I maybe wrong but as you've never spoken to or heard from him previously I think this is unlikely to be him.

I would just be a little less quick off the Mark and let him do more of the work.

Not very loa type advice.

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Glad to hear youve had so many great manifestations. Happy Birthday. Xxx

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I'd do what I'm doing now and be paid more for it and maybe on a part time basis. The rest of the time I'd dish out cash through some wealthy philanthropic enterprise to enable equality of opportunity to people who can't afford the things they need or want.

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It sounds to me like you're on his mind. He's not got any reason to text you other than because you're on his mind.

I dont think it was irony that he contacted you when you gave up - I think it was because your giving up was detachment.

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You need to be clear in your own mind what you want before you can expect him to be attracted. I personally don't think there's anything wrong with you sleeping with him IF you're ok with it but it sounds like you're doing it for the wrong reasons ie it keeps a connection to him. If you can do it and be happy with the way things are then I'd say continue - if it's making you insecure then id say take it off the table.

He needs to get over his issues - and either not forgive you and stop having sex with you and making snide comments or forgive and forget. You need to properly forgive yourself. If you do that, you won't feel the need to constantly be making it up to him and tolerating things that you're not happy with.

If it were me, I would write a letter (he can't interrupt ) and properly apologise for whatever it is you did (not make excuses or try to explain ) you also need to properly forgive yourself and accept that we all make mistakes. I would tell him exactly what it is you want - a new relationship with him and that you hope this is what he wants too but that's up to him. If he doesn't want that and you are prepared to stay friends ( and not use being friends as a way of moving back into a relationship) you could offer him friends as an option. If he doesn't want to be in a relationship , you have to decide whether you can let him go, this compromising yourself to keep something isn't healthy for either of you.

If he decides he doesn't want a relationship then let him go and do the rest of the 'work' at energy level - eg work on yourself and forgiving yourself, meditate(for you) send him love and forgiveness and visualise the new relationship you want with him.

Nc isn't meant to be a tool to manipulate someone - it's meant to help you both heal. It's for you and not to make him miss you ( although that might happen) ive tried using none contact myself for the wrong reasons - use it when you know it's the best thing for you and not to get what you want.

You mention all the things he did for you - and maybe you could concentrate on being grateful for all the things he did and all the things he will do in the future.

I think you can have him back and you can have what you want but you need to get away from the roles of him as a bitter victim and you trying to make it up to him. I'm sure he is / was genuinely hurt but he also sounds a bit like he is enjoying the reversal of attitude.

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I get where you're coming from and although I can see why it's generally better to be doing it for yourself - doing it for any reason is better than not doing it at all. I think one thing can lead to another and maybe your motivation can change over time.

Someone I knew split from her ex and she was gutted - he cheated on her.  when he left she was on a mission to get him back. she started going to the gym, she lost a ton of weight - cut and changed the colour of her hair - took up a hobby, was forced to take on a second job, met new people through this, she was forced through circumstances to do things she hadn't done before because they'd been together a long time. It worked, he gradually started paying more and more attention to her and eventually admitted he wanted to come back , he missed her, missed the life they had, missed all she did for him. All the things she did had worked - but by then she realised she didn't want him back and whilst she started out doing it for him, it evolved into being her finding herself.

I'm not saying that's what will happen for you but if it gets you out of bed and moving - it's got to be a good thing.

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