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Messages - Happybeingme
It seems that the level to which you need to detach is different for everyone and their intentions. It might be due to the feelings associated with the intentions specifically. To me, I think that you should do what feels right to you. If you say that becoming "obsessed" with this intention as you did the last one doesn't feel right then don't do it.
"I'm ok with it- just annoyed that I broke my 'no contact'
What is he doing here? Does anyone know? I'll brush it off as a friendly phonecall because I'm on such a positive path- I dont want to fall off course!"
Tulip, I don't think anyone can answer your question about what he is doing. We can't know that for sure, however I don't think you need to ask these quetions and I don't think you should be annoyed at breaking your no contact rule. He contacted you. Don't worry about falling off course of your positive path, just keep doing what you are doing and don't worry about it. Things are looking up for you with or without him so don't worry about it and let it happen.
« on: January 18, 2012, 07:40:08 AM »
Thank you for your reply, I understand and totally agree with you. Like I said I wasn't trying to direct this toward my situation even though I think I do need to be more open to other people. This was being discussed on the other thread and people seemed to get heated about what I thought was a good discussion topic so I wanted to move it to a new thread where anyone that wanted to discuss the topic and openly state their thoughts could do so without angering anyone.
I agree with you that dating others is only good if you are doing it for the right reasons and not an if I do this I will get this result. It can seem strange but it is all part of detaching and isn't the easiest thing. I ask why are we scared of asking for someone better because I have said to others on jere that they should accept the date because maybe they will actually like the new person and then they say the inevitable "but I only want my ex not this new person" I am guilty of the same thinking at times but when I really think about it o have to wonder why? I know I love my ex but what is wrong the idea of "someone better"
« on: January 18, 2012, 06:36:01 AM »
So this topic has been on my mind lately. I am among those that are trying to attract a specific person. I knowit can be done, there are many success stories on here and I have done it in the past, but when I did it I was fully detached and open and interested in other people. It took a while to get there but when I did it happened. Well I have to ask the forum and myself what is so scary about opening yourself up to other people? I have heard before that I should ask for my ex or someone better and I am guilty of thinking "but I only want my ex back not anyone else" however shouldn't we be excited about either outcome? If your car broke down and you were told for the same price I can fix your car or give you a new better car you would not be scared to choose a new better car? Obviously it is not a perfect analogy because people are not cars and are feelings for people are not so interchangeable, but why is the thought of allowing ourselves to be open to see if there is someone who can make us happier than the one we are trying to attract so scary to most of us? I still love my ex with all my heart and I want him back more than anything but if he is the perfect person for me then the universe will bring him but why be scared to be open to other possibilities without the agenda that by doing so I will get my ex back. I state this in the first person because I amm not directing this to anyone in particular and as I stated earlier I know I am guilty of this, but I just want to open up the topic to hear everyones thoughts on the general topic not to talk about specific details of my own story.
Detachment is a really hard concept to understand and to acheive. I have done it before and I still find it hard to do again. I wouldn't worry about it as long as you are happy and going about your day not worrying about it I think you are on a good path.
I do feel like detachment is the reason unconciciously using LOA can be easier than conciously using it.
« on: January 17, 2012, 11:43:26 PM »
"what I am talking about is the feeling i got reading all the above after she said she was going out with someone. it just came across to me as an attack against what she was doing for herself. "
I think you might be reading the posts different than I am as that is not what I got when reading, and not at all what I meant by my post if mine made you feel that way as well. I was more in general saying that dating others is good if and only if it is for the right reasons, if it is for you. In general I read a lot of posts that seem to be well if i do this then so and so will come back. if i date others then i will get the other person back etc. Going out and meeting new people and going on dates is healthy, if you read my full story i actually did attract my ex back before and it was when i was interested in someone else. I think dating others is good to raise your vibration and it can possibly bring that other person back to you, however it should be done because you want to meet others, explore possibilities and do things for yourself, not as a ploy to bring your ex back becaue doing it just to bring them back is usually not going to work becaue you are still attached. I'm not saying this is what AVA was doing, but i was commenting on the topic in general. Since none of us know that much detail about the others life in this forum and we cannot tell what the others are thinking i believe in giving general advice and comments and leaving it up to the spefic person to know what is right for them to do. Please don't get defensive and assume that anyone is attacking anyone else here.
« on: January 17, 2012, 08:02:38 PM »
I kind of agree as well. Really I have mixed feelings about it. I think dating other people can be really good and really healthy when you are ready. however, I don't think it is ok to go into it thinking "if I date others then so and so will return" not only is it not fair to the new person, but it is still being attached to your ex and doing things just to make it happen won't work. I think when you are ready you need to be able to go into it with an open mind and think "well lets see what happens, maybe i will really like this new person if i give them a chance" I'm also thinking of dating again. I'm not actively searching right now but if the opportunity came up i would like to think i would take it just to see what else is out there. it doesn't mean that i don't still want matt but it is about not putting your life on hold until it happens and moving forward with or without them.
« on: January 14, 2012, 10:20:50 PM »
It sounds like things are going in a really good direction for you. I know you wish he had not done that and it's even worse that he lied but you were not truthful either. On top of that you were broken up at the time it happened so he was free to do what he wanted. I'm not trying to be rude, I'm trying to make you look at it from another perspective because you can either look past this and leave it in the past and move forward with the person you love or you can dwell on it and let it effect your happiness. I was in a very similar predicament before where me and my bf broke up for 2 years he had dated someone else and lied about it when I asked. When I found out he also said that he didn't want to tell me cuz he didn't want to hurt me and it meant nothing to him. I chose to concentrate on us instead of the past and we got back together. Move forward and don't dwell on the past.
« on: January 14, 2012, 03:34:14 AM »
Agreed you did the right thing, it can be hard to resist the temtation but by looking at her page you were giving her andhim your energy which is not what you want.
I also have to agree with the facebook postings being more of a mask for people insecure in their relationships or who just want people to think everything is great. I know couples who post annoying cheesy lovey dovey stuff all the time, but privately they have really big issues. My thoughts are that if you really love someone and everything is great, why do you need the world to see it on a facebook post, instead you would tell the person how much you love and appreciate them in person, a phone call, a text, or even a privatemessage on facebook if that is how you want to communicate. so posting things on facebook like that can really just be a sign that things are not going so well, but you want the world to think differently they are not truly for the person whose wall you are posting on. sorry for the rant about facebook.
« on: January 12, 2012, 09:06:28 PM »
I don't think there is an answer to that. Some would say attracting someone new is easier because you are not attached as much to the outcome, however some would say attracting an ex back is easier because they already had interest in you so it is easier to respark. In general I don't think one is easier than the other, it depends on the person, their mind frame, and the universe.
« on: January 12, 2012, 07:52:40 PM »
I wouldn't do anything just keep on doing what you are doing and working on you. In my opinion, not fact just my opinion, it seems that a lot of times when people are drunk they tend to say truths that they can't or don't want to say when they are sober. Either because they are scared to say them, they are hiding their feelings or another reason, but when you drink you can sometimes lose control of your emotions in that way. I know its hard because you want him to say those things sober and stick to them, but be happy that you got him to say his true feelings at all and know that is how he really feels deep down. He might not be ready to admit them sober just yet, but I think this is a sign of things to come.
« on: January 11, 2012, 12:01:11 AM »
Thank you everyone for the positive thoughts today
« on: January 07, 2012, 11:53:51 PM »
Ellebelle please don't feel ashamed we have all been there. If you have an off day just recognize it feel your feelings and then try to release them somehow. Making yourself feel bad because you are feeling sad willake it worse. It sounds like you are making great progress already and you should be proud of that. I know you miss him a lot today but possibly today isn't the best time for you to talk to him if you are feeling so off. Try to do other things for yourself today and tomorrow will be better
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