I'm very very new to LOA. Admittedly, I came across this inspiring forum since I was needy and desperate.
My ex broke up with me 2 months ago.
We were studying abroad together. Our relationship was perfect.
Unfortunately, he graduated and went back to his home country. He had never been in a serious relationship before, needless to mention LDR but he was somehow willing to give it a try.
Our first goodbye was worse than expected. He literally broke down crying at the airport. To be honest, I had never seen a guy crying that much before in my life. A month later, I went back to my country on vacation and he came to visit me. That was in early March. We had planned to meet again in August.
He cried all night before his leaving and our second goodbye was far worse than the first one. (I guess it was because we knew we wouldn't be able to meet for a long time)
One or two weeks later, he told me it got all harder for him. He couldn't concentrate on work, couldn't fall asleep, woke up unmotivated and even when his whole family was having fun convo, he looked out the window thinking of me. He said he never thought LDR would be this hard but I cheered him up and he felt better (but just for a while)
Almost a month passed, he called me crying. He said he loved me but he missed me too much. He had never felt as good as when he was with me but when we were not together, it was unbearable. He said he would be more than happy to be friends but if I didn't want to he'd expect my decision.
I was so needy during the first month. I did everything I shouldn't have done; hurting him, begging him, acting cold, acting desperate, etc. On the day we broke up he said we could still meet in Aug but few weeks later when I decided to go see him in August he said it wasn't a good idea and that he wasn't ready to meet up 'cause there were too many emotions invested in this when things were different. I could sense he was still in pain and not over me. I decided to stop contacting him. I did it for a whole month. He also disappeared and was never online. I think it was because he was afraid that meeting up would hurt both of us again.
I tried to go out, do things I like. focus more on myself, have fun with people and not think about him all the time.
I became a lot better. Sometimes I think there's no way we'll get back together again but I really don't know why deep down I do feel we are not over. I do believe he's the one and no matter what obstacle we have, we will overcome all one day. People tell me to give up and that we have no future together but still I can't get rid of that feeling inside.
My big change was the shift from thinking of him and crying to thinking of him and smiling feeling overwhelmed.
Last week, I decided to text him. He didn't reply and yesterday I wrote him again just saying I hope we could be friends again. He wrote back saying he had been doing fine ending with a simple and common 'and you?' so I texted back saying I was great and I ended the conversation but I might write him again soon if I feel like.
He is a really good person. He loved me sincerely and he broke up with me because the waiting and insecurity had become too much. Some people told me he was selfish and didn't love me enough and that he was a p*ssy, a weakling and he didn't deserve me bla bla bla.... But I know he's not a jerk. Am I blind or defending him too much? I just feel like it was understandable and he had no bad intention.
I still don't know what to do next simply because I don't totally understand how LOA works.
Have I been doing right? Frankly, now I'm not desperate 'cause I, without any concrete reasons or proofs, know we will get back together again one day and that I am the one he has been in love with.
Here are my questions...
1) Have I already got through the letting go and detachment process? I still love him and want him back. Sometimes I catch myself thinking about him about our good old times and I'm happy. I really consider myself lucky to once have him in my life. I'm not particularly looking for anyone but I'm ready to move on with someone new though for me he's still an ideal bf.
2) I'm planning to stick with my plan for August which is to travel in Europe and I'm still planning to go visit his country. I think I might just write him an e-mail saying I'll be there and that we can lunch if he wants to. I'm not expecting anything here. Is this breaking the letting-go rule?
3) What exactly is letting go? Am I supposed to stop contacting him or thinking about him?
4) How do I visualize things? Does it mean believing we will get back together one day? I mean, not being needy, living my life and not thinking too much about it BECAUSE there's no need to, we will get back together someday! Is that it?
5) Am I supposed to write down things like 'I'm so happy we get back together.' and say it out?
Sorry for the long story and being dumb.
Looking forward to your kind help