Hello friends,
I would like to thank you all for wisdom and great thoughts.
You picked me up when I felt like crying and being so alone.
I would like to share with you my story, because you're all felt those things and just knowing that, helps me to move forward.
Love of my life and I was in a relationship for 3 years. She was the only person who I loved, and she was living the same thing.
We were so good together, never had a fight or doubts, always trying to be as good as we can. And those were the best days of my life. I was listening to her problems, always being there for her with all of my heart and soul because I knew that I was her little family and shelter.
As the time passed, new activities came into our lives, and those activities meant a lot to her.
She was focused on how to balance everything whats happening, and I felt like she is moving away from me. I felt that in my stomach, my heart was hurting really bad, but I've always been optimist and so I thought, it's ok, tomorrow will be all good. And it was
Little by little my pain transformed into a lot of fights and endless talking but there was no result because we didn't know better.
We started to live individual life in our heads but still we were together and tried to be good one to another... But in spring 2010 I was starting to lose my mind, my emotions started to fade away, my happiness was gone, my life was black and white without any color. It was not good at all. My girlfriend was thinking on another man at that time for 3 mounts which she told me later, but I felt that I was alone in our reality. Slowly I slipped away and I had to be aside and at distance from my love because we didn't see our emotions from all the things that happened in between us. I loved her so much but It hurt to constantly hit the wall of reality.
All I ever wanted was two of us, to live together, to take care of our loving "Buba" the domestic wild cat
To be focused on how to help each other. Those things are still in my mind and that tells me that I still love her.
We were apart for 2-3 months, I went to my parents and she was very vary sad. It has been the hardest part of her life. She plead for me to stay, she wanted to give everything away, she... wanted me by her side. But in my head It was to much of everything, and I wanted just to go on my one for a while which a did.
I met another girl who I never loved or felt anything for her. She was full of positivity and that was what I needed since my live become black and white emotionless place. I needed some positive energy, so I talk to her for some times and i felt better. She developed some emotions for me but I told her that I wasn't able to give anything to anyone back. At that time I hurt her very bad and I saw that it's time to go away before it get's even worse.
I was constantly thinking of my now ex girl and every few days I called her and the conversation was very good. It gave me peace and calmness.
The Summer pasted and I was coming back to the town where my Girl lives. We started to hanging out, do some sports together and started to talk about us, about what and how we feel.. She told me then the sweetest things and melt my heart. The tear was in my eye, I wanted to hold her forever and take a good care of her and us. I never stopped loving her and she gave me a sign that she wanted me by her side. We agreed to be together and to never make the same mistakes we did, and it was blessing at the time.
But I was still in chat contact with the other girl with positive energy and we talk about anything and it was harmless and fun. The conversation was loose which I didn't thing it's a problem at the time. I had strong emotions for my Girl and she was my every thought. Things were getting better between my love and me, but she never couldn't let go the past because she was broken by my actions. We wasn't smart enough to let the past together. I thought that we were on the right road, we went for skiing this winter, I constantly planed a road trip for us, I wonted to go to a little house on the hills for 5 days but she couldn't go.. so the fights started again and she was so sad that she took my role in my black and white sad world.
Now.. The things are reversed. She need's to take time from everything, she found someone else with positive energy. She is doing things for herself. She told me that we need to be adults since we work together on the same project. And I sad ok, so I get to see her once a week on that project we have and we're getting along fine, but hurts a lot if any emotion are coming to show. She doesn't want emotions for me, or anything from me. Without me she has a peace and that is what she always wanted.. a peace.
I was in the same state as she is today.. I know what she feels and I now that we can be happy, only if she let's me to show her my love and pure intentions.
Broken by the facts and emotions that were running wild in my heart and mind..
I started to read your stories and did affirmations, visualizations and started to generate positive thoughts.
I have 3 thought and visualizations that is with me all day every day and if I may I would like to write them down
The first of them is connected to my breathing.. When I inhale the air she kisses me, and when I exhale she is doing the things what she loves. This is important because I realized what will bringing us happiness
The second thing is we are walking and holding hands. At that moment I turn to her and give her a big hug and tell her something beautiful because she deserved every lovely word from me.
The Third thought and visualization is us lying on the bed looking at each other in silence. Then I'm slowly moving her hair from her soft face and in our eyes we have stars because we've realized what we've could have lost.
Every time that I feel alone (which is pretty often) I start to visualize those three things and in every breath that I inhale I see her face and I feel her kiss.. and by the time a get to the us lying in the bed... I have a smile on my face and I feel happy and sad at the same time, but happiness is powerful because I know that she still loves me, and we'll be together again with our Domestic Wild cat who is and now next to me
All I want is to show her that I have learned something thanks to her and you friends. She told me about you
And I'm thankful for that. Tomorrow I'll give her a Valentine's day gift and a small Thank you list for every nice think she did and say to me. I'll be waiting for her but I'm sometimes scared of "what if thoughts".. So every time that I have
thoughts I come to this forum and you remind me every time of LOA and the peace inside me...
If you have some advice or encourage word please do write it down, for me and for all of us
Once again thanks for that and I love you
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