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Topics - MinDiddy
« on: June 01, 2011, 12:36:09 AM »
Some of you that have been on this forum within the last 6 months at least, have seen some of my posts and read about my situation. A lot of times I visit this forum to lift my spirits when my fear and doubt begin to creep in and take my vibrations down. I am here to report that after a year of being split up from the love of my life ... he is finally making his way back into my arms!!!!!!
I cannot even begin to express how GRATEFUL that I am. It has been a rough emotional roller coaster and the one thing that has helped me through this time was mainly using the LOA to bring him back to me... I also consulted this forum several times.
I would say that over the last 3 months he has slowly started to show signs of interest in getting back with me... and I have done my best to keep up vibrations and confidence in our love and stayed strong and independent throughout this time.
He came over Sunday night .. we had homemade sushi and drank wine and had a really nice time. We laughed and teased and it was great! Then at the end of the night he had decided that he wanted to stay over. He fell asleep immediately and in the middle of the night he woke up and for some reason could not sleep. He was restless for 2 hours then decided to go home. The next morning he text me to call him. I was nervous... I called and he paused ... and he said that there were a few things that he wanted to talk to me about. I said ok .... in crazy anticipation. He proceeded to tell me all these wonderful amazing things! He told me how much he appreciated me and everything that I have ever done for him. How he is so happy that I have been taking care of myself. That he feels like he has made a positive impact on my life and he's so proud of me. That he has been thinking about our relationship and why he thought it hadn't worked. That he said he never wanted me to change "for him" but for myself and that he was so happy that he could see that I had. That he felt that we learned so much and grew so much from our relationship ... he went on and on .. and I just let him speak.... meanwhile I was crying... grateful tears... tears of joy... tears of past pain .. tears of relief... tears of hoping and wishing and praying for this for over a year.
All I have ever wanted was for him to appreciate me and the fact that he was man enough to tell me was amazing! The only thing was that I was waiting for the "but" or the other shoe to drop or something .. like almost it was too good to be true. He didn't say that he loved me he didn't talk about wanting to get back together ... but he did express deep emotional thoughts with me. This is very uncharacteristic of him and a complete shock to me.
When I hung up I can't explain how I felt. I was crying still .. crying crying .....I know I should have had pure joy .. but I was happy and sad at the same time. I was super emotional. I was confused. But most of all I was so very grateful.
He came to a family Memorial Day BBQ and then he left to go to another party. Then he text me and asked me how the party I was at was going. He then called me in the middle of the night and showed up at my house. I had fallen asleep and woke up to him in my room. I could not have wished for anything better! The man that I love with my entire heart and soul was standing there in my room!! He got into bed and there we slept .. for the second night in a row. CRAZY! And I cried again ... tears of joy and immense gratitude!
What we are as of this moment .. I have no idea .. I'm not going to ask. I am going to try my best to have no expectations... to be in the here and the now .. to take every day as a blessing and as it comes. I am here to tell everyone on this forum that is feeling helpless and lost and upset and desperate and unsure and out of control that LOA does work and it will!!!! It is working for me as we speak and I am eternally grateful for all the wonderful and amazing things that are happening!
I promise to keep you all updated .... Thank you to everyone who ever read any of my posts and cheered me on ... it was needed and it worked wonders .... THANK YOU THANK YOU an million and ten times over!!!
LOA and the power of love is amazing! Stick with it guys!!! Your love will return!! I'm living proof! =)
« on: April 05, 2011, 05:27:36 AM »
Today would have been our 2 year anniversary. I'm trying to remain strong and positive, but I can't help but feel a bit on the sad side today.
We had talked on the phone two days prior and everything was ok. I let him lead the conversation and he asked all about my family and then he proceeded to tell me about his life and some work situation that we was going through. I was so happy and grateful to be able to talk to him and it be civil and nice and he shared parts of his life with me, which for him is a big deal because he's not much of a talker and he doesn't share personal info easily.
I saw him yesterday at an event of a club that we are mutually in. It was ok, but we don't really get to socialize with each other, because due to club rules we are not supposed to be together. Therefore it is difficult to act "normal" at these events. He said hi to me, but he never hugged me. Every time I would walk somewhere near where he was, he would stay a few minutes, then we would move to another place not near me. It bothers me and makes me questions his feelings. There are times when I have faith and I am so confident in our love. Then there are times when I get nervous and let doubt creep in.
A few wonderful things have happened tho, one, there was a problem with my ATM card yesterday and I walked up to him to hell him and he immediately offered to help me. He also called me later to make sure that everything was straightened out and ok. Then later that night I text him and asked if he was busy later ... with no response from him ... then I test him and said that today would have been out 2 year anniversary. I definitely did not expect a response from him, because generally when it has some sort of emotion attached to the message he tends to shy away and back off from me. But then I text and asked if he wanted to come over and hang out with me and my roommates and to please respond yes or no even if his answer is no. And he actually called me!!?? I was shocked! He called and told me all about what he was doing and no he could call... but he called! And he didn't shy away from me. THANK THE UNIVERSE!
And for those of me that know my history and story I have a thing with manifesting pennies .... I have manifested 29 pennies since him and I broke up. I ask the Universe to please send me a penny in my path when I'm feeling doubt or fear .. I ask the Universe to please send me pennies .. that I am so happy and grateful for the pennies that I find in my path to remind me that I am on the right track with my love and that everything I want is coming to me. Well , yesterday while he was there with me, I walked into the bathroom and I just started thinking about how he was there and he wasn't really going out of his way to talk to me, but I did notice him looking at me .. I caught him a few times lol ... and I said to myself ... I haven't really asked for a penny in a few days .. maybe a penny would help me to feel better ... then the most amazing thing happened ... just like many of the other times before .. I walked out of the bathroom and on the floor was my penny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I guess I am having faith that what I want is just around the corner. I just need to keep up my affirmations. Any words of encouragement??
« on: January 11, 2011, 05:30:26 AM »
Some of you know my story.. some of you may not. My ex of 6 months and I still talk but I have tried my "no contact" It actually really helped .. but as of late here has been the situation...
I have been hoping, wishing, preying that my ex and I would be back together b my 30th B Day since our split. Well on the week of my B day he found out that some mutual friends were going to celebrate my b day. He called me to say that he would have a meeting, and he seemed concerned that I may be upset that he would miss it. I told him that I didn't mind if he missed that, that to me it was much more important that he take me out on his own and or come with me when my family took me out to dinner to celebrate. He seemed relieved and said that he was ok with that. In the middle of the night around 2:30 am .. it was officially my bday .. and he text me "Happy Birthday" I didn't text back cause I was asleep. He then called me in the morning and woke me up .. singing to me "Happy Birthday to (my endearment which I never loved lol "Ugly") When he used the endearment he had for me it made me truly happy and smile and be so grateful that this man that I adore and love with every atom in my soul took the time to call me and sing happy b day to me. He proceeded to have a nice conversation with me . and we discussed going out to dinner, the two of us that night. He called me later in the day to see how my day was going. But we were both working and never ended up going out. He told me he had been invited to go snowboarding with friends for the weekend and would be going out of town. I said with a quiet disappointed voice ... I guess you will be missing X Mas Eve dinner then? And he says Oh ya! I forgot! I'm sorry... But I really want to go with them... then he said do you want to come?? Of course I wanted to, but really? After 6 months of breaking up and not even a meal out once, he invited me out of pitty on a weekend with people I didn't know? Random... anyway .. he left... I couldn't go and Im not sure if he was even serious about me going anyway. He said to make it up to me that he would take me to dinner Monday when he returned into town. I agreed that that would be ok.
Monday came .. I waited all day for him to initiate dinner plans. I'm trying so hard to give him the benefit of the doubt... So 3 pm came no word from him. I text him " I have my dentist apt at this time and then I will be free for dinner what time were you thinking" ... well after 7 comes and goes ... 4 hrs pass and he texts "I'm still in la" That's it.... so I say nothing .... he never called or text back ... he called 2 days later and I didn't answer. I just am so angry and I just don't know what to say. I'm very hurt and disappointed. New Years Eve came and went .. no word from him .. his sister text me .. but not him. New years Day I receive a generic flashing Happy New Year picture ... I waited a bit and text back ... "thank you... same to you" he then texts me " I was so wasted last night" WTH is that?! I just am beyond words.. why text that? What does that mean? Is that an excuse as to why he didn't wish me a happy new year sooner? I just don't know...
So we have a discussion .. a frank discussion ... I'm upset and he is being very straight forward with me. I told him that when he ignores me and doesn't text me back that I do not matter to him. I said it hurts me. I'm trying so hard to improve myself and make things better and he still acts the same. He tells me .. he is not in love with me ... he loves me ... he always will but if he was "in love with me then we would be together' UGH! I cannot even tell you what I have been going through.... So anyway.. he says that he would like to sit down with me within the next two days .. and he would let me know when .... guess what .. the days pass and I barely hear from him. He finally texts me Sat? and that he wants to take me to lunch for my b day.... Friday night I agree say great just let me know when and where ... Saturday comes ... NOTHING. No call, no text ..... Sunday .. NO call No Text .... today ... NOTHING.
What do I do people? I know that this isn't really LOA But what should I do here??? I am trying to pull back .. because every single relationship book I read says that men respond to distance ... I don't want o nag him, or annoy him, but him standing me up is disrespectful and disappointing and it hurts me so much, especially because he just didn't have the courtesy to call and reschedule. So I'm waiting ... waiting for him to say something .... is this what I should be doing? I'm at a loss...
« on: November 16, 2010, 12:42:12 AM »
I was hoping I could write about my predicament on this forum and see if you wise people could offer me some advice and or encouragement in this given situation.
As some of you may already have read, my ex and I have been split for 5 about 5 months now. It has had its up and downs. He has for the most part acted in ways that help me to still believe in our future together. I practice LOA everyday in order to bring us together again. Recently. we slept together and I was regretful, but I tried to be positive and then to my surprise he has not disappeared and he has actually communicated with me since, which is great news!
My predicament is this... one the holiday season. I have not told my family that we have split up. I have explained this on a previous post, but it was a life changing/ very difficult thing for me to do to introduce him to my family. But I did do it, and it worked out better than I ever would have imagined it to. So that is why I haven't told them we split, because I was too happy and grateful for them accepting him into our family and accepting our happiness together as a couple. I do not want my family's opinion of him to change... and I still believe that we will get back together, so I have not told them that we split. I'm worried about Thanksgiving and him not coming and then Christmas dinner and him not showing.
The other problem and biggest issue for me, is my 30th Birthday is coming, Dec 23 and my family wanted to throw me a party. My problem is what if my ex does not show? I'm feeling anxiety already about it. My mom wants to throw the party on New Years Eve. At first I was thinking that would be great because it would serve two purposes, one we would be celebrating my birthday and two my ex would be there for both my B Day party and New Years. If my ex didn't show it would not only be heart crushing to me, but also embarrassing in front of my entire extended family and friends, when the man that everyone believes to be my Boyfriend is not present.
What does everyone think about this? It wouldn't be such a big deal, but I haven't had a legitimate Birthday party since I was 10 years old and my mom was very excited to try to throw a party for me. But honestly, if my ex wasn't there .., I wouldn't have fun anyway.. I would just be sad. He came to my little cousin's 1st Birthday party last month .. and I joked that he better come to mine .. but is that too much pressure?
I have to commit to a party or not because my family wants to begin planning and sending invites etc. So I need to come to a conclusion. Should I be open with my ex? Tell him my family doesn't know? I just want him to come to my party because he wants to come, not because he feels obligated and has to bail me out.
Help me guys! What should I do?
« on: November 09, 2010, 08:56:44 AM »
So today I'm feeling I'm not sure how... happy would not really work as an adjective for right now.
Let me explain why ...
Yesterday, I went to my Social Club's mandatory meeting and my Joe was there. We were fine seeing each other and I spent most of the day doing my own thing, while he seemed to try to avoid me, but that could just be my paranoia.
At the end of the day we all went to a restaurant where I sort of positioned myself near him at a table. Toward the end of the evening most people went home and he was going to stay with some other people, so I asked if he would mind if I stayed to hang out as well... he said he didn't mind.
(for those thinking this is TMI .. you do not have to read on, but I may be sharing too much here lol)
At the end of the night I lingered a little with him there and as I walked him to his motorcycle ..He complimented me on my appearance ( I have been working out and dieting) he told me I looked good and he was proud of me. We chatted a bit and I guess he had text me "I'm horny" and when I didn't see the text he said it to me. I said "well if you haven't sought that elsewhere it would make sense, it has been awhile" He said "do you want to come to my house?" I said I would LOVE to but I just don't know if that would be a smart idea for me considering my feelings. He said "well if its stresses you out, just go home then" and I hemmed and hawed .. cause of course I want to .. but I want to because I love him and want him etc.. for him it was probably to fill a physical need and that may be all. Anyway .. I ended up going to his house...
When I got there I asked if he would be upset if I said I just wanted to lay there with him? He said he was fine with that and whatever I felt comfortable with. Of course I saw no signs of women around his home, a definite plus! We laid together in bed and he cuddled with me.. and I asked him a few questions and I'm proud of myself that I did not get emotional (A great achievement!) I explained to him more why me having sex with him would mean much more to me than just sex and I asked him sort of where he stood on the matter. I said that I was "emotionally attached to him" and sex is an extension of that. I asked him if he was emotionally attached to me... he said that he wasn't an "emotional guy" I said I know that! That's not what I meant... I said "I', asking if you still love me" and he said "I will always love you Mindy." Then I asked him about us.. I said Are we not together because its too much for you and you're not ready for that or because you feel that there is someone else out there that may be a better match for you?" He said "I'm not ready" This was satisfying to me .. because this I think confirmed what I believe .. that he does love me and I'm more like the marrying kind .. he maybe our relationship scared him ... he just still is afraid of real real commitment ... I wanted to ask if he thought he ever would be.. but I didn't want to push my luck... I figured he was being honest with me and open and that I am SO grateful for. So basically he said that he respected my decision to not sleep with him and that he understood and that he was proud of me .. blah ... then as I went to leave he initiated with me ... so I had sex with him ... not the perfect picture of will power here ... was this a HUGE step backwards for me?
Or was he conversation that we had prior a good thing so it balances out?
After we slept together in the bed but I was having a trouble sleeping .. probably feeling guilt to myself for giving in and sleeping with him .. worrying .. I don't know it was making me nauseous (I get anxiety easily) I got up to leave him and he walked me to the door .. he hugged me goodbye and kissed me on my neck .. he asked me to text when I got home so he knew I arrived safely. I did, but he was probably sound asleep and never texted back.
This morning I text him to let him know that I had not won the office football pool he helped me with and then a half hour later he text back but it was very brief to the point nothing extra.
I'm afraid he will pull away now... I know I need to stay positive ... but I feel like he's not ready yet .. and it seems like he is adamant about us remaining apart at least for the time being ...
Can anyone offer their opinion of these events? What should I do now? I'm thinking hold back .. don't smother with contact .. try to remain cool ... and hopefully he will come to me ..... help please wise LOA practicers .. I need some advice and support.. I'm feeling a bit shaky and a little defeated at this point ...
« on: October 23, 2010, 05:41:34 AM »
I decided to try this for fun.. I often go to the Seceret website and play the memory game to see where I am, and often the answer that I get does go along with what I am feeling or if I am doubting.
So I tried a Tarot Reading online .. I got these answers:
Card 1 (The Sun) : How you feel about yourself now ╗
You are feeling abundant happy and joyful - if you don't, be assured that you are about to enter a period of success and fulfillment. This is a time of pleasure, vitality and good health, travel and holidays to be enjoyed. Good news around children or the conception or birth of a longed-for baby. The Sun heralds an ending to difficulties and a time to celebrate with friends and loved ones.
Card 2 (Justice) : What you most want at this moment ╗
The cards suggest that what you most want at this time is for a fair and right outcome whether it concerns relationships or business affairs. You feel that you are in the right and that any decision or agreement to be made should be in your favour.
Card 3 (The Chariot) : Your fears ╗
The word failure isn't in your vocabulary. You are worried things are more of a struggle than you expected, with more delays and frustrations. Things aren't going to plan at all, just chill out, calm that mind of yours and you'll find the strength to battle on until you succeed. This is a period of movement and change and conflicts ending in victory.
Card 4 (The Hermit) : What is going for you ╗
You are instinctively taking time to relax and reflect, drawing on your inner strength and wisdom to guide you through these difficult times. Time is a great healer, so if you don't know quite what to do now in time you will. The Hermit signals a warning not to make hasty decisions, and if you have been unwell this is a time for rest and recuperation.
The High Priestess
Card 5 (The High Priestess) : What is going against you ╗
Insecurity is a devil that taunts us but only if we listen to that 'doubting Thomas' we all have in our heads. Ignore it. What do your instincts tell you? Perhaps you don't like what they say? Well you could always go against your instincts, but we all know what that leads to don't we!
Card 6 (The Star) : Outcome ╗
This is a time of good luck and fortune, perhaps after a period of struggle and heartache. Good health, possibly after a time of illness, and good fortune that will give you a new zest of life. If considering a new love affair, new job or career, or travel, then go for it. You may also receive a gift or gifts!
I would say that this was pretty accurate and I will definitely be visiting this site again for inspiration.
As far as me and my situation go ... I broke down and asked him to help me pick picks for our football pool and he immediately text back! SCORE! He asked me to email him the info. Then I never heard back so I decided I would call this morning.. and I must have called at a perfect time (Thank you Universe!) because he picked up right away and said good morning .. it was an odd conversation at first but it got better. Said he would call later to help me when he wasn't busy and he said "The party is tomorrow right?" And I was secretly excited he asked me because I wanted to remind him without being naggy ... so he asked me what to get for the b day girl and I take it that he is serious about attending. Which is pretty amazing! I mean a big family gathering ... and I'm excited a lil nervous but mainly VERY excited!
I also had a dream also had a dream last night that he was in and he had a son / boy with him that I hadn't seen. And he told me in his dream that he was going to be around much more soon. I didn't recognize the boy, but I did try to visualize before bed last night of him coming to my house with the lilies that he knows that I love and telling me he loves me and wants to be with me again. Then him proposing and us getting married and having our first child .. a boy ... maybe that was the boy in my dream? I dunno but its all very exciting and inspiring and I am so very joyful and happy today!
He did call me back to give me the football picks just in time like I asked and he was cheerful and silly and we teased each other, and he apologized for not calling sooner but he had been busy today.... and he ended the conversation with ok I have to go but I will call you from my next destination ... he hasn't called but I'm not giving up and I know that good things are happening and are going to happen!
THANK YOU to the Universe and all of you for your support! If what I want to happen happens and tomorrow is the new beginning of starting our friendship leading into our relationship somewhere down the road it would be amazing. I'm taking it one day at a time, and decided to be grateful for every single experience and moment!
« on: October 14, 2010, 02:17:38 AM »
It has been 4 month since my boyfriend ended our relationship. The first month was terrible. I was depressed, lonely and felt so helpless and sad. Then my cousin introduced me to The Secret and the LOA.
It really really helped my outlook. Helped me to raise my spirits. Taught me to make myself happy. I have always felt that this man and I were supposed to be with each other. I have never loved as hard or as much with anyone else in my life. He showed me a love that was so amazing and I never knew how good true love really felt until this man entered my life.
Anyway ... so after the first month of not much contact ... he reached out and we hung out, spent the night together etc... I thought it was possibly the beginning of us getting back on the road to recovery. But the following 3 months after were up and down. I waited for him to contact me, but once he did the floodgates opened and I pushed to see him. I tried to practice the LOA but I don't think I really did what I should have been doing. For some reason, probably his mixed signals and behavior .. I could not LET GO. I fought to keep our relationship and it took a lot out of me.
So on the beginning of month 4 I text him that I loved him and missed him.... no response .... a few days later I felt that he was brushing me off... and I asked him ... "did it make you uncomfortable when I said that I missed you and loved you?" he immediately responded with "no." Then I asked "is it ok that I said it?" and about a half hour went by and he said "I don't want to tell you no, but please don't." This was CRUSHING to my spirits. This was like my worst nightmare. I asked him to tell me where he stood... what he wanted ... and he responded with "We will always be friends, but I'm moving on." Not what I wanted to hear obviously.
See he had become not very respectful of me .. and I get it I was needy and probably seemed desperate to get our relationship back and I can see how that was not attractive. I was still living my life for him and not for me. So from that day on I decided that if I really wanted the LOA to work for me, if I wanted us to reconcile and be back together but in a healthy way. Then I finally would really have to give him the space that he requested 4 months ago. He said he's moving on and in my own way I need to as well. Live life for me. make myself happy. Value myself. And hope and believe that if we are meant to be like I believe that we are, then sometime down the road we will back together healthier and stronger than ever. So my plan was to leave him alone.. completely... no contact.... I have not been able to achieve this goal in the past so I decided to make a small goal for myself and say that I was going to give it a month of no contact to start with.
One issue ... him and I are in a social club together. So that means when we have meetings etc I would see him. I have made sure to not attend most events, but did attend one mandatory meeting about a week and a half ago... that was our first time seeing each other in the two weeks of no contact. I tried to avoid eye contact.. he was on the opposite side of the room. I did notice that he started to move directly across from me, probably hoping for eye contact and I still did my best to avoid it. When the meeting ended I immediately got up and went to the restroom and as I walked out and into another room.. he walked out of the door I was trying to walk into and we literally ran into each other. He looked at me and smiled and said "Give me a hug god dammit!" I did but still didn't know what to do. My hands were wet because there were not paper towels so I walked on and he went outside. Soon after he chatted with some other people and left. He did not say goodbye to me.
No contact again... then he got some mail to my house (which is a whole other issue I need to discuss later, he used to live with me and still receives mail at my house) Anyway.. I decided since I knew I would be near his current city that I would bring his mail with me and I would text him to see if he wanted me to drop it in his mailbox. I asked he responded "Please" and I text him after I dropped it off and he never responded back .. no thank you nothing .... I decided not to look at that as a negative thing .. I decided he was probably just busy working and may not have realized that he should have thanked me for going out of my way to do something nice for him, but I did not place blame and I tried to get the negativity out of my head.
Anyway now here I am ... wanting to talk to him so badly.. stopping myself from reaching out and sending as much love and positive energy into the universe as possible. And on Sunday night I asked the universe for him to call me soon. On Monday .. I was on my myspace that I haven't logged into for MONTHS and I was looking at his page that he hasn't logged into for at least a year and I was about to look at some of his pictures to visualize so to speak .. and then he called me!!! I was almost in disbelief ... I had to really say am I awake? Is this real? Well I decided to not answer it. Probably because I was freaking out ... and I really do want him back in my life more than anything, but I need and want him to be ready. He needs to be healthy and wanting to commit, so I decided not to so easily jump on his call. If he really wants something (ie me) than he will work hard to get it and not give up. He did not leave me a message.... that drove me crazy! I then didn't know what he wanted ... but if it was something specific or important he would have left the message to call back.. I can hope and believe that he called just because he happened to be thinking of me and wanted to say hello .. which makes me ecstatic!! So now I'm waiting for him to call again.. after all I am only in my 3rd week of no contact and the month is not up yet.
My dilemma is this.... tonight is an event for our mutual social club. Will he be there for sure ,.. I have no clue ... do I HAVE to go? no .. but I haven't been going because I feel that for him to see me there is like cheating .. I want him to want to see me and make an effort to see me outside of this organization. So the questions is .. do I go to the gym tonight as planned? Or do I go to this causal event where he may be?
It has been 2 days since he called and I did not call back... and have not heard back from him yet .... something is telling me to go ... but I'm not sure what to do at this point.. keep to my no contact rule?
Also .... this was my love horoscope for today .....
You are finding a greater emotional depth arising out of your closest relationships, Capricorn, and this will work very well for you when it comes to love. Whether you are single or attached, you are going to be feeling particularly cared for and needed when it comes to love, and this will remove any feelings of unease you've felt with romance in the past. There is a chance right now for you to understand the relevant parties in your romantic circle a little bit better, and this will enable you to experience bonding moments with exactly the right person. All you need to do to make this work is follow your own oh so powerful intuition, as it is right on the mark as usual.
Please lend any advice you are willing to spare.. THANK YOU and LOVE to you all!!!
« on: October 07, 2010, 06:19:45 AM »
Is going to see a psychic going against the LOA?
I have an appointment on Sat to see a psychic and I am supposed to write down any questions I may have.
I am excited to see if she validates all that I am hoping to receive and have been asking for .. but I'm am a little afraid to hear if there are things that she may say that will be the opposites of what I want.
I am mainly going because of my recent break up with the love of my life.. I have been apply the LOA to my life as much as possible since the split and I truly believe with every part of my being that we are meant to be and will in fact be back together .. hopefully in the near future...
So please any opinions on psychics? Any ideas for questions? I'm a bit nervous ..
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