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Topics - malicexmirage
it was actually just a short question but since it was sugested to make a thread, i think some people could relate too. well i've been studying/using LOA for quite a while,.late in the noon i'll be taking my flight to california for a job offer, my father was against it before, (and most of the time he does the dictating what to do,i felt so wrong everytime esp when i took this course i extremely didn't like,the opposite of what i want, i do it for him to get satisfied.. i was messed up up until i knew of LOA) until we talked and explained to him how much i needed trust in making decisions,. I felt it was something to decide on my own since it's how i want to live without regrets,i may fail but i knew long before there's now such word in my dictionary to fail because the only path for me is to succeed in what i do.. but my father thinks something bad will happen to me there & everytime i decide on my own,.and it seems he doesn't have trust on what I've always believed in, i've been a positivist since then,..whenever i see/hear his reactions like that it makes me feel weaker & more dependent on him w/c contradicts my independent nature,.i've been struggling that I know this isn't me but i was being hypocrite to myself and i didn't like it (btw, me & my father just met now,i didn't grew up w/ him two decades & 2 years ago) you see, even though im a positivist/optimist, there's just the times where you are being knocked by that negativism from them & it's kind of creating abit of anger when you know you can and you are not being trusted upon. thus, making me a headlines to the rest of the family that i am stubborn...i want you to be honest with this, i've asked this before to a friend, what is the difference between being stubborn and believing what you feel believing and doing what you want? it kind of overlaps in my opinion. where the 'stubborn' is the negative catchphrase you get from a prejudiced person, and the latter rest is from yourself.....any suggestions with regards to those people who doesn't trust/believe in you while you are struggling hard to beat with your optimism? honestly, moving away from that kind of environment is one of the ways, one reason why i am moving out of state and away from him even though he's my bloodfather
« on: February 26, 2012, 09:25:23 AM »
so recently, [and while at the middle of reading a self-help book 'You can heal your life' w/ very good affirmations/gratifications & exercises inside] with those affirmations i try to speak to myself, I find it so easy for me to do most of it,. just like a mirror exercise where I tell myself "I love you" with sincere eyes, it makes me laugh because I look like lesbian lookin at myself LOL!! haha!,. and also those affirmations, ambitious ones, i can just blurt out what i want to say so easily,.though at times i feel energized with some of the statements, most of the time i just feel plain/nothing at all..and probably if a person who's very much bothered by a problem they would even cry/feel helpless/or even get angry at what they're about to do.. what i'm trying to say is, am i at a certain stage where I slowly accept things that surround me & me for being me? and while recovering and still overcoming obstacles from this past (the time i broke up w/ my ex) w/c is a part of that dreadful journey i am committed to end within myself? or is it something else that you could describe from this text? how would you make it to get to that kind of feeling where you ultimately feel the very good vibes while saying it? because it seems like I'm in the plain/default state of attracting
« on: February 24, 2012, 10:42:01 AM »
did anyone tried putting a certain person on your vision board? any success yet? haha! im curious, because I just had the idea of putting my former bf's face on it or someone too good to be true and i'm excited to make my own board too
« on: February 23, 2012, 09:15:21 PM »
i don't actually know where should i put this so i'll let the authorities do the work where I am only going to let this posted for a certain time i can't afford to disclose that much as this is part of my life,.just sharing.
okay so here's my part,...by 'twisted' i mean very complicated situation to explain,. well I am living at my father's family, i.e. my stepmom & stepsister, and it's been a harsh battle for me to live w/ them coz 1)we are like stranger to each other, 2)we didn't live together since i was born, 3)i can feel the pressure/negative air (silent treatment is the worst you don't know what they're thinking) they're emitting and it's leaving me such emotional baggage.
i don't see/remember anything that i did to make them hate me, so far from what i understood as i put my shoes in theirs, i just thought it must've been hard for them too to accept someone from my dad's mistakes. the first time i came here i felt like i was the baddest person in the house and every 'single' & littlest thing was because of me etc etc. i moved out around the 5th month the time i found a job & started being semi-independent. I came back when i quit my job for my licensure exams & a good job offer in another state that's convenient for me to study & earn as well without that much physical stress.. Back then, I had decided to talk to my step mom when I feel that I was at fault etc and I was literally crying like everyday, i sent her a message & there the smooth talk began, im glad that the conversation went well & we came to understood each other at least (time passed and there's still that negative air but i just thought of it as she's still probably having a hard time w/ me but at least we're interacting so i just leave it like that)...
the other prob is my stepsister she's a teenager & i can feel how she doesn't like me, she was nice to every single person in my side of family circle (well & its since she doesn't interact that much),.sometimes i will just hear her swearing from nowhere etc or notice her slam things, at first i felt something like i assumed she hated me for my existence..(and i could remember a conversation w/ my dad before that i told him then i shouldn't have been born if it goes like this), but I kept myself calm I just tell myself (&eventhough it's what u call defense mechanism by rationalizing) that she's at the stage of her life where's she's rebellious,that i am the older sister & i can understand her why it's like that, back in my mind i was hoping(at least show some respect), i could reflect myself to her & told myself (ah so that's how adults felt when I was also being a bitch back then! haha),.in actuallity, even though i told myself that it leaves me so much emotional pressure&heaviness that feeling where you are not wanted in that house, afterall, i'm human who has emotions. just by writing this line, i got another affirmation that "I'm glad to be human and alive!". sometimes when i do things i just treat this as my home (well it's a home anyway my father is the one who brought me here), & sometimes I overlook things or pretty much gotten used to it & tried my best to think of them as family until now,. what happened last night (at the middle of my LOA training) she got so mad & i could hear her swearing, i know i did something but I know i was gonna do something to make it the way it was since im going back to that place anyway, it's not like i do it everyday so i thought (why notice & get angry at such things that rarely happens) and i just treat it as "Meh~ forget it she's having an outburst",.when i came back to that place i saw a notice on the wall "Don't blablabla~~" & i felt like "Ohkay~...that is some....authority going on" I totally know that they have much right on most things but I believe I also have the same rights as I am a product of sin and it's not like I told my dad to "Hey! make me w/ my mom! let me be born in this world & make mess to your life!" I didn't ask my dad to make me alive,they made me...by accident lol. but w/ that happened i thought "what a simple thing to get angry at & it's not like I always do those things more than once or twice or whatever, can't she just calm down and make her life happier?" as I was thinking i felt this heavy burden on my chest & I immediately did EFT to let it go it's just a small blah, but still i felt like i was acting to "Don't do this don't do that, don't touch that and that" it's hard to move in such a controlled environment & im glad i made decisions like moving away even though my dad doesn't like it so much to point that most of the time he gets angry at every decision i make because his is always right, he is older, he has more experience whatsoever., i don't actually believe in that crap, what I only believe is that it's not making me happy and from now on I will be the creator of my life, "You just sit down & watch & if needed give out opinions so i could make proper decisions, afterall, i am the creator of my life". ah! there's just so much going on, so here's a gist of what im currently having,. since I'm leaving the house around next week, I plan to give my sister a gift 4 his graduation & to have a talk, I haven't talked to her properly so I'm gonna initiate it if she can't, I think that is needed even though if she may not like it..
so people of LOA, what d you think? how can I apply LOA in this situation?
« on: February 21, 2012, 10:11:05 PM »
i just want to share to you some treasures i found, maybe some of you knew already about this, and some who haven't yet try check this out. i've been playing these for maybe around 3?-4 days now and i kind of feel that good vibes/goosebumps everytime i play these.
im also working on my LOA for self-improvement & lovelife etc. and it helps me to be positive everytime & not fall of the track.
RaMaDaSa Love Vibration Mantra - this one is a very very good one i recommend. love vibration to fill & overflow to yourself & to your loved one
LOA Visualization/positive affirmation
and go to http://www.thesecret.tv/secret-to-you/
these are something you can play on everyday & download.
« on: February 21, 2012, 11:15:53 AM »
well, i've known LOA for years, the first time i encountered about it was while reading the secret and didn't even realize that it was actually LOA since i was just borrowing the book from my sister. I believed in that booked and so somehow started to apply that 'positivism', well with that, some parts actually did,.just like how i wished for something ambitiously when I was still a student telling my siblings *you'll see, someday i'm going to have this & that etc* slowly those things i wanted were manifesting bit by bit up to the point i graduated & got my prof. license..then dramatic shifting of environment, i left the country & moved to a new place, everything is new,encoutered alot etc etc..i had a rough journey within that 2 years until up to this time,.it was then i got hooked at LOA when my psychic recommended me reading couple of books in order, it was because of my anxieties&being worry-some to my ex, so far I finished reading 1 book and reading my 2nd one and it feels like im enlightened.
my ex & I, well,. we were only 6mos but it felt like I just had a veeery long time with him being so happy together,.until we broke up last july-august2010,we had a terrible break-up, in summary i was so needy & clingy on to him that my pride was 6feet under,.i found myself that i was actually disrespecting his freewill of not wanting to talk to me, instead i tried my best to as much as possible stay in contact, once every 2 weeks,then every month, until came december decidded to send him present,.last conversation was just this end of january,.and i told him my feelings,. but it just mde him go further away from me,. he was not so comfortable,. later it came to my senses I felt like I kind of feel sorry for him for what I've been doing to him to make him feel like that etc. we're friends but he immediately told me we're not gonna be as close as I thought to be, he wasn't ready to deal with it just yet, he probably has another problem he's dealing with at the current, and so as I and told myself I should deal w/ my problems first & find ways to slutions. and so I decided to leave it at that for the moment,. I just had this very very strong feeling that he is the one, my soulmate, so i stumbled upon this forum and i read every post related to getting a certain one back,..to sum it all up,. it is me who i need to deal with first,.i decided i want to make myself better, love myself better, & get back on track just like that day my ex & i first met,.I only wished for happiness & peace of heart, and so to make it, i've been doing yoga for a week now whenever i have time to do so, i've been wishlisting every self-help book/sites i want to read, it's been so helpful.
my progress? right now i feel lighter than depressed, I surrendered myself to what I really wanted & shouted it to the universe thru my thoughts. I am motivated to do everything i could to love myself, until it overflows, until i am ready to offer my overflowing love to my special someone. truthfully i didn't set a time for every wish i make, i don't want to dissapoint myself either, though speed is good, & i believe universe loves speed (-from secret movie) I just told myself, I have it already, only stored in a different time which is the future, and i believe everything will be all right if i believe what I want to believe.
just what whitney houston said: "learning to love yoursef is the greatest love of all" - ( this, I consider it as a sign I heard this yesterday while i was learning how should i start to love oneself applying LOA )
and so,...we'll see how my life (& especially lovelife) will go..
sorry for late intro i was all too impatient with my query haha! but I would like to intro, you can call me malice
I'm not actually new to LOA but it was just recently until I realized it was LOA I was reading long time ago,
been watching & reading everything I need to know about LOA to successfully apply it and I do believe it works.
this is my recent post if anyone could help me out
thank you very much!
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