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Topics - 2thetop
« on: October 02, 2012, 10:51:33 AM »
First and fore most.....thanks for takin a look. For those that know me they know what to expect here.......a very long post lol. let me start this off by saying. i am not sad, depressed or any of that. more looking for others input. im trying to figure this all out here. i probably shouldnt, but i feel the need for future refrence for myself and others.
so here we go.....strap in, grab some popcorn and enjoy the show
so those that know me know i went through break up that crushed me. about january this year, i jumped into a chat room that me and the woman i had orignally posted about had met in. i had stayed out of there for years. long before the break up.
well i ran into someone that actually ended up seeking me out. wanted to talk again and it kinda went from there. we were on the phone from sun up to sun down and beyond for about 4 months solid. we fell asleep on the phone together, woke up on the phone together and so on. so, this other guy came into the picture. from the same chat room. mind you i had been chatting in that room for 10 plus years, made some friends and some enemies. this guy was an enemy. which makes this that much funnier. i didnt pay much attention to him at first until i jumped in the room, aparently at the right time and saw her flirting with this guy. probably bugged me cuz it was him more then anything. i didnt say much, until it continuned. i brought it up and she said she wasnt interested in him and was messing with people in the room making a big deal about it. so i brushed it off, however, my gut didnt.
so all the sudden she put up a wall and created space about a month after that. we got into it, i brought that guy up and ofcourse she blew it off. a few of my friends clued me into things and their lil flirt sessions happened frequently. so we didnt talk for a few weeks. i believe it was previous to this i asked for a sign about this girl and got one. during the time butterflies were a thing discussed here and so i asked for a yellow and black one and a few basically smacked me in the face a few days later. however, i didnt call, i didnt do anything but let it be with her after we got into it. a few weeks later she calls me. we start talking again. but shes very distant. doesnt say too much this time and our convos are short. well she lived in another state at the time. so i just went with the flow of things and talked to her when i could. pretty much kept the convos short unless i felt as if her wall was slightly lowered.
so time moves on and i recently moved to the same state shes in. no, not for her. my daughter lives here and after my daughter ended up in the hospital i sold my business and moved here. so since i moved here in july, i have seen this woman just about every other weekend. the last month or so shes been severly distant. shell call me when things come up and she needs to talk. she often ignores my phone calls, never returns a text. now im cutting this part short so i will respond to this more in the responses to the post or possiblly below. who knows whats gonna come out next...
so a lil history about this woman. she has been split up from her now 3rd husband since about november. he did some stuff that just flipped a switch for her. her mother died about the same time. during which he did one of the things she didnt like. the night her mom died was his birthday and he made a comment about her not doing anything for his birthday. i guess he also treated her kids like crap.
more history. she was married to two other guys. she had a kid with both. one she was with since highschool and one for a while after the first one. aparently both, as well as the third, were very controlling and jealous. i can see how someone would get jealous these days because she has a lot of guy friends shes on the phone with. which leads me to what caused this current situation.
so......she has still been taling to that other guy from the chat room. she even flew out to california to see him. called me while she was there to complain to me about him. i got a lil irratated with her about it and told her not to call me until she gets home and to enjoy her time. i was annoyed because she called me to complain about him. i just wanted her to enjoy her stay in california. she had told me she was flying out, i was still in california at the time. so. she constantly told me they were just real good friends. but heres the thing that ate at me. im not a jealous person. im not controlling. she would talk to every other guy friend she has in front of me. i never reacted it never bugged me. but, when she would talk to him she would walk away. when she would pm him on messanger on her phone, she would hold it close like she was hidking it. mind you, and i tried to explain this to her, it wasnt who she was talking to, it was the fact she was hiding it. that got to me. if theyre just friends why hide it. she would always be frustrated after the convos. we were in the car once and she just mumbled drama after pming him. i asked what? she said nothing not you. that was our last weekend actually. i had pretty much figured i wouldnt be back to visit her.
now. i tried to bring things up to her. but she goes from zero to a hundred and calls me jealous and asks why she has to explain and all that good stuff. i try to explain why i am feelign the way i am and she jsut continues to snap and twists things. so we got into it bad over the phone. well wait lets rewind. i saw her messaging someone about her moving to california in december. so that ate at me. and when i say i saw it it was because she was on the bed on her laptop in a hotel room we got when we went outta town the last weekend together. it was in line of site of the tv and i looked down it caught my eye and i naturally fallowed the convo. i didnt bring it up till i left and got home.
so shit hit the fan and we got into it bad. i got a lil drunk and went into the chat room to get a hold of one of his friends to make sure he knew about me, because knowing the guy, i dobut he did. hes a dick, but he wouldnt want anything with someone playing him or someoen else. so i ended up going off about it in the chat room...ya bad move. then me and her got into on the phone more then once. i called to apoligize today and she has a tude. called me a stalker after i say bye and go to hang up. it was like she was instigating a fight. she didnt wanna hear anythign i said and looks at all of this as if its my fault.
k im gonna stop there. i know i rambled a lot......so if anyone needs clarifiying just ask.
im more interested in whats up with her.......mind you theres personal stuff that has happened to her in the last month that i havent brought up. but just know its painful stuff that would cause any parent anger. but i would like some input from what ive typed....like i said...ask any questions and ill give info where i can
after i called to apoligize today, i deleted all contact info for her. dont remember her number by heart. deleted her sn and any history of it. so at this point i dont plan on contacting her. i care for her deeply, but things will take their course and if anything is ment to be of it, shell have to call and recognize what she did and apoligize.
if you made it to the end of this.....congrats.....and blink now
« on: July 02, 2012, 07:35:49 AM »
HELLO!!!! just wanted to say hi to everyone. been a bit since ive been in here. hope everything is going well with everyone and you are all manifesting what you desire.
« on: January 12, 2012, 11:20:16 AM »
Soooo. I gots me a kitten a few weeks back or so. He, like most kittens, has severe mental issues. I am certain he has a stash of hi sugar, high caffine producst some where in this house. However.
I close my hall way door way when my heaters on to keep the hot air in my living room. My kitten fallows me all over. Except for when im going from my room to the living room and want to close the door behind me. He then sits and waits in the room and will peek out from behind stuff when i walk back in there, call him and tell him to come. Of which i would like to say he normally does come when i tell him to come.
So, I have noticed, that much like what we want to come to us in life. This kitten just sits there and stares at me when i am attached to him fallowing me out. I stand at the door and call him hell just peek around my room door and watch me. EVERY time i walk away from the door and dont worry about it he comes.
Just thought id post this cuz it humored me when i thought about how much that is like attracting my new customers or just about anything else ive attracted.
« on: December 31, 2011, 07:40:46 AM »
hey all check out what this guy says at 1:38 and again at 2:54 and keep it in mind the next time youre hurting..
that one hahaha sry i was sending it in a few emails at the same time
« on: December 22, 2011, 10:40:15 PM »
I decided to write a lil something because I see so many posts right now where people are worried about not being able to feel gratitude, happiness and all the good feelings were told we need to feel to manifest.
Its pretty amazing the days where everything is clicking isnt it? Everything is flowing in the direction you want it to. Youre happy, youre feeling good and you hardly think about your ex. When you do it makes you happy. Then like a wet hand in the snow it slaps you. You start having doubt, negative thoughts of your ex, negative thoughts of your future and it seems like everything you want has just slipped away. Nothing has changed, theres been nothing or no reason for this.
So you freak. Why am I feeling this way? Why cant I feel gratitude or happiness. Why isnt my ex back with me? Why is this feeling getting worse and worse instead of better?
Well, I have done a lil thought, as I have gone through this more then once. Its a cycle you have to get yourself out of. The universe will keep you in that endless loop until you learn what it is you need to learn. So what is it you need to learn? Well, I cant speak for your exact experience, but I will let you know what I have learned. Maybe that will help.
I kept going through that constant cycle. I also noticed the cycle got worse and worse. Every time I went through a down phase it got worse and worse. More doubt about everything. More pain about everything. More guilt about everything. Then I would go through a good phase. And it would be great. No doubt. No pain. No guilt. Then repeat. I felt I was failing at this whole thing.
So doing what I do, I searched. I literally dropped to my knees at one point to ask for guidance, the pain just got that intense. Soon after I ran across a book. Soon after that, another book. So i read. In both books I noticed how much mind set once again played a part. It also hit me. All these feelings, are natural. However you want to look at it, if we were created by god, or made from the big bang theory, we have a range of emotions. These emotions play their roll. We are taught through various social programing through the years that some of these feelings arent good to feel. So what happens? We shove em down. Bury them under the mud.
After years of doing this, how much stuff do you think is buried in the mud? What is going on here is simple, so simple we over look it. Before we started on this journey most of us were like a stagnant river. We decided to take this lil journey and basically released the damn. What happens when fresh clean water runs over the loose mud you have been burring everything under? It all slowly gets washed away and guess what, everything youve buried starts to come out. Some stuff is deeper then others.
So what does it all mean? It means you will feel bad, you will feel like crap and you will have doubts. Its natural. DONT fight it. That doesnt mean let yourself get wrapped up in the emotions and let them run your life. However, dont notice theyre coming up and try to bury them down further. When you do this, it adds to the next level of stuff you need to clear out, the feelings get more intense. Thats how I got caught up in the cycle. I was going through emotional hell for a few months off and on until it clicked. Dont fight it. Let the feelings come, feel them and release them Heres the hard one. Be thankful for everyone of those feelings. Why? If it wasnt for those feelings you wouldnt know where to go. Which direction is right and which one is destruction.
Does it get better? You bet! The most important thing I have found to remember is we are human. We arent robots. You wont program yourself to feel good all the time. I know someone might say, well what about monks who meditate or what about this guru or that. Heres the thing, they all feel down times. They have just cleared the mud out and they dont bury it. They focus on it, figure out why, learn how to adjust or avoid what caused it and then focus on the positive.
Since I started letting my system purge and not fight it, I have been feeling my girl more and more every day. If its not her, then im going crazy. And honestly I like it, so its fine by me
. So please, dont worry yourself when you feel bad. Ask what it is you can learn from every feeling and thought. If you do that and give gratitude for learning, you will find what you need and everything will smooth out.
Hope that helps someone out there.......sorry if it was a bit long
« on: December 21, 2011, 05:01:31 AM »
So, with winter here business is slow for the pool service industry. i had a few customers shut down that i didnt expect and it has made things tight. in the past i would over stress and freak out about it. this time it wasnt gonna happen. i decided to give thanks for what i have and whats coming. put out there what i needed and let it be and went on enjoying things.
well just as all my bills are due i get a new customer. this customer needs a clean up. sweet! puts me a bit closer to where i need for money. well i start the clean-up and bam, new equipment is needed. this puts me over what i needed for money! i say thanks and roll on with my day. a few days later, bam, another call for a new customer. sweet. i give thanks and roll on. i need a sawzall for my equipment replacement, i start looking around for one but hesitate as i dont really want to spend the money for another one yet and started toying with the idea of hand cutting everything. i go visit my buddy, he gives me a 24v cordless kit which includes a drill, sawzall, circular saw 4 batteries and a flashlight. the sawzall only needs a 10 dollar piece that broke. i give thanks and roll on with my life. not only that, but he gave me some cash that he owed me and a bracelet (made outta paracord) that i have been wanting for a while........never told him about it
point of the story..........be happy for what you have, be happy about what is coming, give thanks for everything, even the bad stuff and just roll on
« on: December 16, 2011, 09:12:15 PM »
I have been doing a lil thinking on signs. I was wondering if those that have asked for signs, weather you received them or not, if you could tell me what your belief system is as far as things like miracles. or better yet what your beliefs have been your whole life. do miracles happen? have you believed or not believed your whole life that you get signs from god/the universe? or is it something you starting working with just in learning about the law of attraction......
NOTE: there is no wrong answer. i am asking for information purposes as i try to unlock more doors in my brain
« on: December 14, 2011, 10:26:55 PM »
Admin you can delete this or move this if you would like. I wont be offended.
I wanted to post this up for the person or persons that come here to interrupt and try to poison the members of this forum with their negative responses.
I want to say that I do feel bad for the hell you feel inside. For someone to try and inflict any type of pain, emotional, or physical upon anyone shows there is a great deal of pain within you. It also shows a great deal of weakness to not fight the hell you feel inside. I would like to let you know that when you are ready to talk, our members are here to help.
I would also like to let you know something else. While you may be weak, our members are not. While you may not know how to support someone in a positive manner, our members do. You may effect someone for a few minutes, but just know that it will not last more then that.
While your thoughts, and your opinions are as significant as a grain of sand in the ocean. I would like to thank you for expressing them here. The constant dribble that you type only strengthens those that need it. You are a tool from the universe for our benifit. In the long run you stand alone and have no bearing on others here. Your tortured soul will continue to be tortured until you face your own demons. Our members are facing them and removing them. I wish you the best in doing the same.
I understand that its hard to face feeling good. Especially when there is so much hell inside of you. Yes you may laugh at this and say, "I am just doing this for fun, its not serious." The problem is, a great deal of us here understand the mind and how it works. When you post comments on others posts in a negative manner, it shows the weakness and fear deep inside of you. It shows the demons that haunt you when you close your eyes. I would suggest, as someone who has been there, that you seek out help. If you would like, there are many members here that can point you in the right direction. However, please note that the only person you are really effecting in the long run is yourself.
You dont need to believe in what is said on these forums. No matter what you believe, in your core, you know that evil gets evil and good gets good. That is enough. I hope for your sakes, that you take in and understand what is being said here on these forums. It will keep you from a life of hell. What you want to live and be like is on you though. I hope for nothing more then you to gain knowledge while you are here, and for your life to be fruitful and happy.
And if you made it this far spammers, then youre more interested in this stuff that you want to admit.
To our members: I would like to suggest that when these people spam, do nothing more then report them to Ankur. Do not feed into their negative energy by being negative back. They are reading and learning too, theyre just afraid and hiding behind fear. Ignore them or thank them for their opinions. They just continue to help us grow and learn unconditional love.
« on: December 08, 2011, 09:44:18 PM »
this is a video i watch at least a few times a week. listen to the words. especially at 5 mins on and think about what hes saying. This can probably be put into another section......but those here need a lil more motivation so im posting it here
« on: November 22, 2011, 02:18:41 AM »
so. let me start off by telling all of you thank you for your thoughts and prayers for my friend. he was removed off of life support yesterday afternoon and passed away at 12:30am. he was very relaxed and at peace.
Its interesting. In every situation there is always something positive. for the last 3 weeks, i have met some amazing people that i wouldnt have met otherwise. people that i now consider very close friends. the last two days have been one heck of a ride to say the least.
The woman i dated 10 years ago flew into town to see him a few days back. I had repressed everything about her through the years. my friend davids daughter, my ex gf, and me we really close friends. me and my ex were together 24/7 from day 1 on. you couldnt keep us a part. we did everything short of going to the bathroom together lol. to be honest she has been to california a few times. the first fews after i avoided going to visit for personal reasons. when we split up it was just because she was home sick and wanted to be back at home with her family. there was never a bad day in a lil over a year for us. every second of every day with her was magical. well she is soon to be married and has a kid. i am happy to see her happy. it warmed my heart
however, it was very interesting. despite her current situation after we sat down and talked for about an hour, catching up and me telling her she doesnt have to say sorry for anything over and over, we once again were together non stop. i could feel the love from her so intense and strong i couldnt stop smiling. even after she got back on the plane last night. even after we got the news that david passed away. i couldnt stop smiling and crying at the same time lol. it was amazing. we fell right back into eachother. i had to pull back at one point because i could actually sense her questioning her current life and thinking about us. ya sounds weird and kinda weirded me out a bit. dont get me wrong i was still by her side but TRIED to curb the energy we were both feeding off of from each other.
she touched me in a very special way. even when we sat down and talked. she let me know i am the reason california is a special place to her. that felt so good i cant eve nput it into words. dont get me wrong. she is engaged and i wouldnt make a move for all the gold in the world. i wouldnt do that to her. ya, i still love her very much. i didnt realize it until i saw her. i told her when we talked what she ment to me and that i was very happy that she has found someoen to start a family with.
I am taking this as a sign of sorts. more the fact that we connected again like that. it tells me my heart is open to love again. it tells me that my vibration is attracted love again. god it was wonderful seeing her again. the great thing is, is she will be back next week and well have more time to hang and catch up. it also helped me really realize that i am a good enough guy that 9 years later, with no communication between the two of us, this woman still loved me. it further raised my confidence about the woman i want to attract back. it made me realize the above, and since seeing her i havent stopped smiling.
i just wanted to share this. its been on my mind and ive been, umm for lack of a better word trippin on it all day and night. my head has been spinning in a good way as i travel from thoughts of my friend, to both the woman i have loved like no other. sorry if non of this stuff makes sense or is choppy. i slept 3 hours last night and 2 the night before, if that.
anywho just wanted to share. thank you all once again.
« on: November 06, 2011, 07:11:13 AM »
I would feel guilty if i didnt tap every resource here. A very good friend of mine is in the hospital. He has been there for a lil ove ra week now and has not been concoious. he was coming to yesterday and something took a turn for the worse last night. the dr said that most people dont come back from where hes at. i say hog wash with that bs and anything is possible. i am here to ask you all if you would pray for him and send him any healing thought you can. his name is david crocket. yes ive messed with ihm a few times about that name. any ways, i am on my way to see him right now for the first time. i will be focusing and meditating on his perfect self as much as i can while i am there. if you can please do the same
the power of thought is amazing. it would be awesome to see it work once again in this situation. thank you all in advance. much love to you all and many blessings.
« on: November 04, 2011, 12:30:57 AM »
funny......we were just talking about all this and here i am. so i labeled as it is so as not to drag anyone down. this is just me venting in a large way.
so to catch a few of you up on things. i have set a goal for myself of 5k a month income. my business is not doing this. i have now started my third year of business. god it seems like longer. sooooooooo. i have sought out another job. i feel or felt as though my lack of steady good income was a major stress in my previous relationship. i have felt as though i need to make more money to be able to get her back. yes i know this is a belief and if i was to cancel that belief out it would have no bearing on getting her back. however, i am sick of not having money. i am sick of struggling and i am sick of not being able to do anything and being stuck at home, in a town i know nobody, and with no way to meet anyone.
i have been doing all the regular stuff to attract the money i am looking for. i responded to an ad that stood out at me. maybe it was the money mentioned int he ad. i sent my resume in, got a phone interview that day, and a face to face the next and hired on the spot. i looked over some of the offices numbers. guys are making 10k plus a month. the guy that hired me make 27k last week alone. i am having to get licensed within 7 days of my hire date. i have been studying for the most part non stop. i slept only 3 hrs last night. today i have to go in for a meeting at 1:45 and get up infront of the team and talk about whatever. probably the usual tell them about myself stuff.
well it seems as if my self destructive side came out. yesterday when i got home, all i wanted to do was call her. i was so pumped up. i want to share this with her, but i cant. for the first time since the break up, i slept alone in my bed last night. i have slept there when my daughter visited a few months back because she came out to the living room and wanted to sleep in my bed with me. i could not sleep. all night i had dreams of her, i felt her next me. i rolled over to hold her, i opened my eyes to see her beautiful face as she slept like i often did. i heard her telling me she was hot as she often did when we cuddled in our sleep. i miss her a lot right now. to be honest the only thing today that has relaxed me a bit was seeing katies post.
i am scared shitless right now. a part of me feels like i am giving up on myself. chances are i wont be able to maintain this and my business. i am worried that i am going to screw up this new job. the info is hard and i only have till the 9th to memorize a ton of stuff. i really want to hold her right now and feel that comfort for just a minute. i want to hear her tell me everything will be fine and i will can do it. through out the morning, i have done everything i know of to rectify this. part of me posting this is to let it work through my system. the other part is to be able to read the beautiful words that i know the members here will give me.
my soul is hurting right now. i dont know how to stop this except to let it just happen. never in my life did i think someone could impact me like this outside of my daughter.
my nerves are getting the best of me. i am stressing about knowing all this info. right now, i feel as if i am under attack. like i just let the weakness in my armor be exposed and it is now being taken advantage of. i spiritual attacks too well, and this is one. my fear of failure is coming out. the fear that this can lead to another failure. the fear that everyone is waiting for me to fall yet again, including her. i think that hurts the most. i know these are thoughts and not actuality because i have no way to know for sure what her or anyone else is thinking. on top of that, my daughter comes to visit for a week in a few weeks. i have to tell my new job i have to take that week off. i am very worried this wont go over too well. this is a high stake, fast paced sales enviroment. one i thrive in, but one that is not usually open for personal time in my experience.
well......i feel slightly better at the end of this. what will be will be. i hope this didnt drag anyone down, and if you got this far......well give yourself a pat on the back and a hug yourself for me
« on: November 01, 2011, 01:17:06 AM »
are truly amazing people. I know i can not say anything that hasnt been said before. However, ill give it a shot
all of you here, speak to the fact that there are still people in this world with hearts of gold. you all should take a second, actually take a minute, to pat yourselves on the back. Why? not only has everyone here gone through some serious transformations, but during a time of life, that for many of us, is a nerve racking time, you have taken time out of your day to wish someone that you have never met face to face well wishes. a long with that, you take the time to respond to those that are where you werent not so long ago.
this is love. love for yourself and fellow man. the love we show for each other, is love that we are attracting to us every second of the day. for some of us this journey has been a rocky one that has worn us down farther then we could ever imagine. for some of us this journey will lead us to cross paths with the ones we are wanting to attract back. for some of us this journey will take us another path to find someone better then we thought we would. for all of us, this journey will lead to success.
love yourselves. be easy on yourselves. enjoy every second of every day. continue to be blessed and continue to bless those your paths cross.
to all of our successes now and in the time to come.
« on: October 31, 2011, 12:07:14 PM »
k well i wasnt sure if i wanted to post this....but she sent me this earlier and ill just leave it to her words instead of mine...i just found out another friend of mine is in the hospital and may not make it thorugh the night so my brain is on over load right now.
katie needs our thoughts and prayers. please when you see the blue sky, think of her and pray.
thank you all and many blessings to everyone
Hello you "annoying American" LOL
I can only use my phone from time to time and it's frustrating. This morning I was able to log in to the forum for a couple of minutes with this very much despised crapberry but I cant reply to any threads at all and didn't have enough time to read much. Sure miss my Iphone !!!!!!!
I have no idea how long I'll be staying here - been here 2 weeks and I'm slowly losing my mind. It's sooooo depressing. Havent had any food at all since october 18 they are "feeding" me through IV bags hooked up in my neck :-( in the jugular artery. Lost alot of weight of course but the hunger is nothing compared to thirst.
The pain is so bad I cant concentrate on feeling better or feeling good or even repeating I am healthy mantras. I just want to go home but each time they say we think you"ll be discharged soon something goes wrong....... I hope you're okay and the forum members too, tell everyone I miss them and please pray for me. If you think it's a good idea you can copy and paste this on the forum - I'm too weak to think .......so I dunno if what I'm writing is too depressing/negative or not. xoxoxoxo
« on: October 28, 2011, 08:33:40 PM »
I have received a few emails over the last week asking if i can contact Katie. Just a heads up for everyone. right now they arent allowing her to have her phone and there is no wifi. I wish i had a way to stay in regular contact with her, but unfortunately i dont.
I do however have a request. I may get a lil flake for this. Katie will probably wanna kick my butt, but im gonna ask anyways. For now, please put emailing katie with any "problems" for now. I am sure she will want to catch up with everyone as soon as shes able to. Right now its important for her to focus on healing and getting better. She has a huge heart and loves everyone here with all of it. I know that she would love to answer. I know also she would answer no matter the situation shes in. Please if you will email her, send her your love, your well wishes and get well soons. However, the personal, relationship issues can wait. I think she deserves to heal in peace.
I hope nobody takes this the wrong way. I know she is a confidant for a few people here, myself included. I personally have nobody else to discuss whats going on with except her, even outside of the forums. So trust me, i know you wanna get it out. She will answer ASAP.
Much love and many blessings to you all
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