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Topics - LifeIsGoodToday
« on: May 20, 2013, 10:47:46 AM »
Made a new topic since i didn't get response in the other one. I REALLY need some positive encouragement or advice PLEASE. Yes, I'm not desperate but I am at a loss for what to do here. If ever in my life, i've been at one...this is the time. I'm asking if anyone reads this, please lend some insight. I do my best to help out with situations here where I can relate to situations or offer encouragement. Thank you in advance
I found out tonight after meeting for a 3 hour long talk with her, that yes indeed she is talking to someone. It isn't serious with them, but it is there. I also was told that it just wasn't "there" with her for me. She didn't feel that way about me(romantic I suppose). She thinks we wouldn't be good together. She knows what she wants and I took it that I wasn't what she wanted in a life partner....
Can't say that didn't hurt me, cuz it did! She told me I was her best friend and she loved my friendship and she felt we were closer now than we have ever been, even when dating. We dated a long time. We have been apart for awhile back and forth. But she's always made it clear, she wants friendship and nothing more. She initiated this whole friendship this time. In no time, we were hanging out daily doing EVERYTHING together. Know I know she said she wanted friendship, but I know that people don't always mean what they say either and that feelings change quite rapidly sometimes. She even told me tonight it wouldn't be fair to say that we might one day reignite as a couple b/c that is cruel to tell someone when you don't feel it then and you are pursuing other interests. I agree. She is adamant about remaining friends, good friends, but wants to keep it separate, told me to just pretend it doesn't exist with her and the other girl, pretend it isn't there and wants us to keep on as we have been. She pretty much said she don't think we'll ever be that way again because she doesn't feel that way about me.
And the fact, that when she is done, she's done. She doesn't go back to exes b/c it didn't work out the first time. Then why the hell is she so adamant about telling me she loves me, our friendship, and is upset if I don't want to remain friends? I feel like she is unknowingly trying to force me to be friends, even though part of me wants to.
We have gotten SOOO close and things have been pretty good between us. I felt like this was it! I knew my success story was in the making...then it's like something just pulled the rug right out from under things and now I'm faced with this and some big decisions...it's almost like a cruel joke. I was this close then boom. I'm at a loss for words. I have been so good with this, done things the right way. She just never let the wall down to me. She stated that it was all my fault. That I caused her to stop loving me like that. She had to push all of the love like that for me out of her heart and put the fire out, bc I had hurt her so bad with bad words and made her self esteem low at the end of our relationship. Pretty much made me feel terrible saying all of that bc yes I was mean, but I didn't mean to hurt hurt. I am a loving person, who never meant her harm, and I've shown her that now and how I've grown. But now that I've changed, she never has given me a fighting chance. She just blocks it out, bc she doesn't want that and thinks it will never work out with us as a couple but wants to be best friends...
I just don't know where to go from here, I'm losing faith in the fact that we can attract ppl. I really believed, but if she isn't open to it, how can it be? I saw major signs today and yesterday. I prayed as I was driving yesterday for God to show me the way to turn and something I would definitely recognize as a positive sign. Well a personal sign for a long time has been a certain states license plate(FL), which isn't mine. On my way to an outing, I was driving and an older truck pulled out in front of me, I wasn't paying much attention and had to swerve into another lane. I happen to catch the license plate and it was a florida tag, guess what the first three numbers were? 888...our anniv. is 8/8...then today as I'm driving home, now let me tell you I don't just go looking at every license plate, but I looked and saw that state plate again. At the time, I looked down on my radio and Don't Give Up was on the screen. (Volume was down but it was a song title playing) It's just hard knowing what she has said and what is going on. I feel like I shouldn't give up, but at the same time I wonder what could possibly change her mind if this hasn't?
Please can I get some help here? I will repay the favor. I really need some ppl. I just don't know what to make of it and where to go from here. Thank you.
« on: May 18, 2013, 11:46:15 AM »
Please, I know it's long, I need some guidance, understanding
So a few weeks back, I posted an update. Things have been progressively better over the last few months. We see each other daily, flirt, etc and even she had told me that it was okay to hold onto hope of us together one day, when before she always said never again. I feel like things were progressing definitely. We had so much fun together, movies in bed all the time, dinner, trips out all day - just all kinds of stuff. Making plans to take trips together, etc. Things seemed to be finally coming together. I was more positive and more hopeful and believing. I still had my doubts b/c something is holding her back from going into it with me. She did sweet things for me at times, went out of her way. Things have been so close, but just didn't fully materialize yet. She and I have began to argue more b/c my patience is wearing thin. I question shady friendships of hers with ppl she has dated, yet i truly believe there is nothing there with them. They were short lived r'ships. Anyways, she has said before that it's okay to hope for us together, at the same time it isn't a guarantee and it might not happen. I still remained positive and believing b/c for the first time she said it was okay to feel hopeful, instead of saying it will never happen as she's said in the past.
Now fast forward to this week. Remember we were hanging out almost daily until the wee hours of the morning, talk all the time, etc. etc. She has remained single. But she also said after a spat, one in which she got angry for me questioning her friends, that she probably could date or talk to someone at some point, and she would prefer i just don't ask questions. I said I already told you I would no longer be around on the same level if that happens. I wouldn't hate her or be angry and would catch up once in awhile, but I would remove myself from a big part of her life. She got upset, and asked why??? why can't we keep it separate, i will still be around with you as much, i would never talk to the new person around you, text them, talk about them, rub it in your face, etc. etc. I repeated what I had already told her, that if that happened we would cross that bridge then, but most likely i'd be gone in the sense that we had been together the last couple months. She didn't understand, but we left it. No sense in arguing right? Anyways, I went over for a movie with her Sunday, on Monday she worked and normally she calls me after work and we talk long. This time I get a brief call with someone calling in and she said she will call me back, she doesn't call...the next day, she and I hang out but their is a lot of tension bc i sense there is something up. I see her again last night, but it was uncomfortable b/c i feel like she is hiding something from me and my thoughts had also turned negative, bc she has been out of her normal character all week. I have asked twice if she is trying to break away from me, if she is okay, if something has happened. she says no. I was informed that beginning this week someone has been posting flirting messages to her on fb. So it seems what i feared is in the works? Everything adds up to she has been talking to this person all week and went to see them tonight and i feel like another night earlier in the week too. Even though she is adamant that she doesn't want a relationship with anyone right now.
I don't understand the situation. Just last week I was on a meet people website chatting some ppl on my phone, my phone was going off alot, i was with her, she kept getting my phone and trying to see who i was talking to, and acting upset about it and even told my friend about it then next day like it really bothered her. Did me doing that cause this to happen with her possibly talking to someone new this week? (I was talking friendly to the ppl btw. I don't want anyone else. My profile clearly states to make friends on there) But why does she care what I am doing if she is doing this? (Although, I am not positive her and this person are dating, but I know it sure seems like it with the fb stuff, and the way she has been all week. Distant, the most unhappy she has been around me since we began talking again.
For those that don't know we dated a long time. We have been split for awhile, but have went through periods of NC and brief contact throughout. I feel spiritually connected to her. I can sense these things about her, without her even telling me. I truly feel like she loves me and part of her desires me, but something is holding her back. My friends tell me that maybe she has some more experiences to face before she can let the wall down to me and realize. She can be quite immature when it comes to emotions and is very reserved with showing her feelings.
I am at a crossroads though of what to do, she isn't aware that I know about this new girl, she told me she was going to hang with friends an hour and half away that she hangs with often. This girl and her have been somewhat friends awhile, but never like that. She lives in the city where she is visiting tonight and I'm sure they are seeing each other b.c of fb. Can't say I'm not a bit disappointed at the moment. I am questioning whether my limiting beliefs attracted this, i have some self doubt and feeling am not good enough at times and fearful. For the most part I haven't worried at all about another person though, until she acted weird.
Did I attract this really? What can I do to fix it? I am not too upset actually, I was earlier, but then I realize this must have happened for a reason, for the good of things and am trying to trust in the universe that everything is working for the good of me and my desires. I don't know if I should maintain contact, b/c she will call. I know that. Even though she isn't calling as much, she will call. What do I say? I can't be too mad right? We weren't dating so. I am just disappointed and feel like the universe or something is teasing and taunting me with my desire...it's like oh it's finally working out, its finally happening, then it's like almost there, then ohhhhh just kidding. Like oh I'm starving I really want that steak, I smell it cooking, I see it, it looks so good. I pick up my knife, pour my steak sauce, and begin to cut into it. I pick up my fork to take that first yummy bite, and someone grabs the plate right out from under me and says "Just Kidding" no steak for you.
Anyone want to help me out here please? I don't understand....
Thank you for reading! I'm so grateful for like-minded ppl in this forum. I have no others to talk to b/c no one I know is familiar with LoA, they don't get it.
« on: April 26, 2013, 02:40:03 AM »
Hi all. Life has been very busy. All around my life things have became so much better than when I first came here. I still read here from time to time but haven't posted in a long time. So I originally came here out of inspiration to attract her back and to get my whole life back on track. I'm not going to give back story, for those who care search my posts you will see. The past is the past, so I leave it there. I do have a few concerns and questions and would generally like advice and input from people familiar with LoA.
So for starters, the last 5 or 6 months have been pretty amazing. We were broke up for a couple of years, but maintained periods of brief contact and NC throughout that time. She came into my life again in a big way 5 or 6 mths ago. We became friends and she knows I have interest and feeling still for her. At the time of becoming friendly again, she told me she wants to be friends, not date, but that if it is meant to happen with us, it will.
Well, we have became really, really close. We talk everyday, see each other almost every single day. She invites me to her family, etc. She is single and has remained that the whole time. We act like a couple and everyone thinks we are back together by our actions. She acts jealous of other ppl, questions who, what, and when, etc. When we bicker, we fight like a couple. We buy groceries together, cook together, watch movies until wee morning hours in bed together. We poke and play fight like we used to, tickle each other, etc. We have so much fun and get a long so great now.
Now to this part...There has been no physical action at all. No cuddling, (I massage her back etc. sometimes) no kissing, intimacy at all. We had an argument last week and ended up talking about some stuff. She said just b/c we got so comfortable around each other doesn't mean she wants to date me. She STILL wants to be friends...she knows how i feel. She said it is fine to feel that way and hope for us to work it out and want that, but, also I should keep in my mind that it might not happen with us and her mindset is still the same, she wants only friendship, not relationship but it's okay if I want it just to not expect it. For me to bear in mind that it might not happen (relationship) with us. Then I asked why if we are so good together now, we are always together, get along great, have so much fun, does she not think about or consider getting together. She said she just doesn't think we are good like that. That I get too jealous and that "it's not there". Then she told me I promise if I change my mind, I will let you know.
I just don't understand. I have been pretty optimistic, I know I've been jealous at times and accused, etc. Not too often though. For the most part we get a long great and we are seriously together all the damn time. I thought finally things are working out for us, then this...the one positive thing, she used to always say I will never get back with you, stop hoping it will happen cause it wont. Well know she said that it's okay to hope and want that, just know it might not happen either. We are on good terms still. It's like okay, it's working out, yeah happy happy, then slap, ohhhh just kidding it's really not. She really acts like we are more than friends minus the intimacy, that is really all that has been missing other than verbally committing. Am I just unattractive and ugly? Is the saying it's just not there, but I love you. Does that equal I'm not physically interested in you but I want to be with you 24/7 and act like a couple but not have be intimate? That's what it seems to me.
Honestly love is friendship on fire and the only thing I feel is missing with us is intimacy and could it be that she lacks attraction like that to me? Even though she pokes, tickles, cuts up, etc and flirts all the damn time?
Anyone who would offer encouragement, helping me understand, etc. I would greatly appreciate it.
Thank you and love to all.
« on: January 06, 2013, 12:48:35 PM »
Hey all. I hope everyone had awesome holidays and that 2013 brings each of you everything that you truly desire.
I haven't posted much lately in terms of myself but I'd like to share the success that I have had with LoA and also in turn get some input from you awesome people in regards to a couple of things.
So for those of you that don't know my whole story, to make a long story short. My love and I split 3 years ago. I did all those horrible things that we sometimes do when we lose our loves, have been blocked, then unblocked, went through NC to contact, back to NC, etc. etc. In the last probably 5 months, we began to get closer and closer and have continued on that path. Throughout this time I guess our "label" would be friends.(Even though it feels like more) I have successfully attracted her back into my life, although I will admit, it isn't the way exactly that I want her or feel that it should be.
Throughout this period, we have gotten so much closer. We spend a lot of time together. We see each other almost daily. Normally we go shop, eat dinner, she has me over to hang out or play xbox, etc. The holidays were good too. I even got to spend the latter part(after family time) at her house until the early hours of the morning just hanging out, gave her gift, and watching movies. I have been so grateful for this time together. We have gotten along better than ever. Laughing, playing, etc. At least twice a week I go over and we end up getting lost in time hanging out and I don't leave till 3 a.m. I just dropped her off from going to dinner and a movie and she thanked me and said she had fun, but was a bit rushy to get out of the car so I didn't get to properly tell her the same and goodbye. I called though to tell her thanks and I had a great time and she said I was rude because I didn't properly respond, but she got out of the car so quickly that I didn't have time. Also, she was going to a friends house to hang out afterwards so I assumed that's why she was so quiet on the ride home and hurried to get out of the car because she thinks I have a problem with this friend or her hanging out with anyone else for that matter. I don't have a problem with that part though actually, it's the way she acts towards me, or maybe that I am perceiving her to act, that get's me upset. I feel like she ignores me somewhat or is more interested.
I have had jealousy problems in the past, I'm not to proud to admit my faults, and I am somewhat jealous even though I don't want to be, honestly. That's one area where I need input from you guys. What do you do to prevent yourself from being jealous? I also got upset that she went out of town with some other friends for new years and didn't ask to spend it with me. I know there isn't anything wrong with having friends and she and I aren't together or dating, even though we spend every day together almost, so it's not like i should expect her to, just was down that she didn't think of spending it with me I guess. I feel like I'm being a baby in that aspect and this is something that I really want to change in myself. This was somewhat of a problem in our relationship before. She felt she couldn't have friends or do things with them without me because I would get upset. So this is an issue that I want to resolve in myself for my own happiness as well and before it gets out of hand with her as well.
There isn't anything "physical" going on with us and no blatant signs from her that she is interested in that or dating me, etc. I feel slowly that she is letting walls down, but I admit I'm a bit discouraged because things aren't happening faster. I didn't really notice lack much before, but lately I'm noticing it, even though we are spending more time, she is contacting me, inviting me out, etc. She got jealous when I went out for lunch with an old friend and kept saying it was a date, then she questions who calls me, who I'm texting, etc. I have let myself get into a confusion I think. We have bickered a lot this week. (none much before actually) I think because there is a lot of passion between us. I feel like her actions at times speak a long the lines of her wanting to date me, but she has told me in the past, she wanted friendship. I know that some may disagree with being so close to someone you want to date, but I feel this is the correct route to take for the both of us. I just want to stop myself from getting upset and noticing lack because I know that will hinder my progress. I don't want to fight with her at all. I want to show her how amazing it will be with us and that past issues won't reoccur. If she would only take the step to date me and let me.
So far things have been on her terms. I want her to make the move to take things further. I feel that's appropriate. I just want to find a way to not notice that she hasn't made the move yet, or that it isn't here yet. I feel so close to a complete success. This time with her has been absolutely amazing and we have really gotten to know each other better. I am truly grateful for this, all of it. I respect the fact that this is the way it is supposed to happen. I can say that I have been in the vortex as well for a period of time, even though I feel I've slipped out this week. I want back in, but at this point, am having a bit of trouble on my own to get back, which is why I'm posting this. I feel insecure that she doesn't want me like I want her. That's another part of the problem.
Seriously, this time with her has been amazing. I've realized even more just how amazing she is, and all of those reasons that I love her and more have flooded over me. She has been so sweet and caring at times and it feels amazing. I just want to give her a great relationship and so much love. She makes me
sooo much. Getting to spend several hours a day with the person that you love and thought you would not get to again, wow it's felt sooo great. I truly love her and know that she cares too. Even though she might not admit it or show it in blatant ways. People who are just "friends" don't spend that much time together just doing whatever.
Anyways, what do you guys think? I think I need some encouragement maybe. What can I do to stop the focus on lack and get into the having it now "feeling" and back into my wonderful vortex? I have been so successful already with this.
Also I have attracted a huge money amount last month. It was pretty much unexpected and came at just the right time. I also attracted more hours at work and stability. I have felt so great, why is this stalling and I feel that things aren't happening fast enough with her?
Thank you all. So grateful to have such an amazing support here. :*
« on: November 18, 2012, 03:19:37 AM »
So I'm going to make this as short as possible. I think really maybe I just need some encouragement or advice. (No one that I personally know, knows anything about LoA, and tend to be pretty negative people.)
So long story short, she and I had been broken up for quite a while(years). I've always felt that she would be back, even before finding out about LoA, etc. and beginning to use it to my advantage. Well this past summer, she really came back into my life in a big way. We began chatting on the phone often, then we began seeing each other on a pretty regular basis and talking to each other everyday. So these last two weeks, we have pretty much seen each other 5 of 7 days of the week. The vibes that I get from her at times are good but then she goes cold sometimes and I feel tension. I can't read this girl for anything. Lol. She knows how I feel about her. We get along well and have a great time together. She questions when someone calls me and then seems like it bothers her if I don't tell who it was or what they wanted. If I'm out late, like after dropping her off, she questions where I was going, etc. Mixed signals. I've somewhat tried making some subtle moves but didn't feel it was appropriate at the time so I didn't. I'm not one to try to be pushy or whatever. Anyways yesterday, I intended that I wanted her to invite me in her house after we went out together. Well, guess what, she did. Although I will admit, it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. We did end up watching a movie together. I don't get it. What is the Universe doing lol. Is this part of the process of things unfolding? Is this the "echo" Bashar talks about? Or something else? So far, I've done pretty well ignoring the current now and focusing on the vortex now. My mood is still good.
I'm going to be honest, things are like we are in a relationship together. We spend so much time together either on the phone or together. She hugs me, kisses me, shows me affection - physically and emotionally.
I've came so far. All of you lovely people have been a blessing. I've learned to love like I never have, and love myself in a manner never before.
I'm just looking for some positive enforcements, advice, good vibes sent.
Edited the title and took out some negative thoughts and statements.
« on: October 26, 2012, 12:06:28 PM »
I came across this earlier and it really resonated with me. Thought I'd share it with you guys. Some of you have probably heard it, but maybe it will help others like it's helped me. It really hit me about trying to fix your relationships outside of the vortex. And the part of "If you were in the vortex and giving so much love you would not be noticing it not coming back" - so true. The part about steps we go through when we are outside the vortex and how they spiral out of control into a big mess which keeps us out of the vortex and keeps activating what we don't want, meanwhile the vortex is spinning with the incredible relationship we want, but we are so focused on the mess that is going on outside the vortex that we are holding ourselves outside the vortex..which is where letting go and ignoring the now reality comes in. Everything we truly want is already there! We just have to let go and ignore these things and get in the vortex. Loving our self and aligning ourselves with who we truly are. The part that really got to me was around the 7 minute mark. She was talking about the person that harasses and causes us to expand and put this great improved relationship into the vortex. Then we use this same person not to take the expansion. We then use them as an excuse to keep us out of the vortex. Wow...that made so much sense to me in my situation. It's not about what anyone else is doing right now, what's going on outside the vortex. We have to ignore it, get into the vortex, and stay there. Every person has the potential to be so horrible that we want to kill them or so wonderful that we want to be with them forever. The part they are showing us is the part that is active in us. When we get into the vortex, we find our wonderful relationship that we want with them! http://www.youtube.com/v/rCjsgNWVJQQ
« on: October 24, 2012, 03:58:07 AM »
« on: September 10, 2012, 02:35:43 PM »
« on: April 21, 2012, 12:04:00 PM »
So....lately I'm doing really well. Today though, for some reason, I chalk it up to PMS(Sorry guys!) I am just in a funk mood. I've told myself all day, stopped the negative thoughts, turned them around, and so forth but I just keep coming up with more stuff. My ex is an attractive person, the people she's dated since me have been slimmer, etc. since we broke up. Well I'm a bigger girl. I have some weight I need to lose, a good bit actually. I am catching myself feeling inferior like that she wouldn't choose me because she has dated these that are slimmer and just to say overweight is not attractive...just saying. I've been struggling with dieting and losing the weight and it's got me thinking why would someone want an overweight person when they can have someone slimmer, more attractive, or whatever. I'm not saying I'm not attractive. I am beautiful, but honestly to me, there is nothing beautiful about my weight and that's me saying it. I tell myself we were together for 3 years plus before and I was a big girl then so what's different now. Well then she was younger, less dating, etc.
It's been 2 years since we broke up officially, we've kept in contact since. Although lately for the last 6 or so months the contact drastically dropped, mostly because I asked for it to stop because of some unfortunate events I decided I didn't want it the way it was going. I don't contact her, she always calls me. Just randomly for no reason she'll call and sometimes our convos are brief, at other times we talk for hours. I question whether their is any desire on her end at all, but then I think she calls me still, even when she was dating others, and never really has a reason, just to chat or whatever so maybe their is still something there. We don't talk about us and getting back or anything like that. But last time I talked to her she said that I could text her anytime and if she wasn't with her gf she would call or if she could talk that she would and she just kept on saying ANYTIME you want to talk call me, I don't care if you are just bored, or if you are depressed, need someone to talk to or whatever, call. Well for me it's just a respect thing, she was dating someone I'm not going to be the ex that calls when they are out together or whatever but if she calls me and I'm free I'll answer.
Yesterday I was driving home and passed a public store and thought I saw her there, so I texted her, first time I've been the one making contact in months, and said hello and asked if that was her I saw(because last time we talked we mentioned seeing each other, as we haven't in several months, and she said to come in her work sometime, so if it was her I was going to ask if I could come back by to say hi). Well she never responded to my text and it really kinda bugged me but I'm trying not to play into it too much.
Before that I had heard from her, she called me twice, a couple of days ago and our convos were just chit chat and brief and it ended with her saying she was going to call me later, which she didn't do that either. I've been told that her and the girl she was seeing split up last week. She's called a couple of times since, once at 1 am last weekend which I didn't hear because I was in the club.
I've been going out, doing me and really learning to love myself. I just finished my first semester of college and started a new job a few weeks ago which I really enjoy. I have pretty much overall been generally happy. I have some issues that I still need to resolve with myself and am working those out. (Some of those were issues that tore our rship apart btw)
I don't post much anymore like this, I generally come on here to help others as I feel it helps me to stay on good course. This time though I just want to throw this out there and see what some of you think, get some advice, and so forth. I think it helps sometimes to let people on the outside help because sometimes when you are in a situation you get so wrapped that you might miss something or etc. I really appreciate you reading this. I love this forum and the people in it so much, so many people full of love and helping each other a long the way to reaching our full potential and desires and bettering ourselves in the process.
Love you all!!
« on: April 10, 2012, 12:52:58 PM »
Not sure if this is the correct place for this, didn't see a forum for health issues.
I have suffered panic attacks/anxiety for the last 9 years. They got manageable for about the past 4 years but never completely vanished. Lately, in the last month, they have come on with a vengeance worse than I can remember. In turn though in those 4 years that I "thought" I was healed I had instead shifted to using food to treat my anxiousness. I was on meds but stopped them last year as I feel that with behavior changes and interpretation and fixing the beliefs associated with them that is the way to truly overcome them. Medication is great for the beginning if they are severe and I do have calming meds that I take as needed. My desire is to be healed in and of myself of these issues with anxiety that I have faced and to be free of medication and the eating disorder that I have acquired. Also to lose the weight I have put on which is significant. I am getting professional help, but surely I can use the LoA to turn this around and heal from my center and return to my healthy emotional and physical state. And to get back the person I used to be that I know is still there deep down. Has anyone had experience with panic attacks and or anxiety and used LoA to attract a healthy panic/anxiety free you? If so what strategies did you take? And I ask that you send prayers and positive vibes as I take this journey and overcome and heal. Thank you.
« on: April 02, 2012, 03:17:45 PM »
Okay so would like opinions and input on this question. If you have "let go" would you still be affirming, visualizing, scripting, or whatever it is you do. I guess what I am asking is, if you are doing the above things, does that mean that you are still too attached to the outcome? For me doing these things makes me feel good and def raises my vibration. I know that at one point. I wrote in a daily journal as if we are together now. I have stopped doing so much of this in the past couple of months, but lately I have wanted to start again...the writing. What are your opinions?
« on: March 13, 2012, 02:01:28 PM »
So since my last update my energy has really shifted. I once suffered from panic/anxiety attacks and depression, well they have been back in full swing the last week. I haven't been feeling so good about myself lately. I've been really down about attracting her back.
Back in January, she had messaged me and then ended up calling and we talked for several hours one night. After that she would call every few days just to chat, small talk, no serious talk about us or anything. Prior to her messaging me we had been no contact for almost 3 months. She is with someone else right now, they've been together for about 5 or 6 months. She was calling pretty much a couple or so times a week, then now the last time I've spoke to her was two weeks ago. And the last couple of calls were really odd, she would call just to say like hey what are you doing, well i'm pulling up at so and so, so I will call you later. They were very brief and I often hung up wondering why she called to begin with if she didn't have time to talk or whatever but I went with it.
Now rewind to about a week before those last couple of weird brief calls, I had sent her a card for her birthday in the mail along with some cash for her bday. She called me the day she received it and It just so happens the day she got it in the mail, her gf happened to be with her while she got it, so of course her gf asked what it was, who it was from, etc. and her gf told her she needed to send the cash back or she'd lose her, but my ex said that she told her she wasn't sending it back and I think they got into an argument over it but my ex told her she was going to call me and thank me for the card. Her gf also did not and I guess still doesn't know that we had been talking again, that she had been calling me. I'm saying that because my ex asked me not to say anything about her calling and us talking, to anyone, because she didn't want drama and neither did I. Our talks had been harmless, no flirting or even talk of getting back, etc.
I have my good moments, where I just have that "know" then I have these moments where I question. Another thing, I struggle with a food addiction and it caused me to gain ALOT of weight and when I compare myself to these other girls, I feel like yeah right why would she choose me...I am overcoming my addiction at the moment, which I think is why my anxiety attacks are back. But then also, a part of me knows that I'm a good catch and that it doesn't matter. To add, we broke up because of my addiction to food and depression caused my addiction to grow and she said I was sinking and she had tried to help me so much and felt she was being drug down because I wouldn't accept the help or get help. At that time, I didn't realize I had a problem. I've since realized that I do and have really been making changes, good ones, it's just a slow road but I'm getting there. I really believe she lost her attraction to me, she didn't fall out of love, she never told me that and I feel that she does still love me. The physical attraction was lost because let's just say to put it nicely, I stopped caring about the way I looked, never got ready, would go out of the house rarely and when I did, wouldn't care what my hair or clothes looked like, etc. We've been officially broken up for a lil over 2 years now. Since breaking up, we've always talked and I have been close a couple of times to getting her back.
I have had a couple of things happen that were odd to me, I could just be reaching, in the last week. I was returning from a business trip last week and stopped at a convenience store and looked at the sign to notice it was my ex's name mart and parked under the sign was the exact vehicle she drives. Then yesterday morning I woke up to a notification on my phone from a dating website with a msg from someone with my ex's name spelled just like hers, but it wasn't her. So Idk if these were signs, coincidences, or what they mean?
I am not sure what to make of all of this. I have felt like messaging her on fb with something like miss your face, hope your doing well, haven't heard from you in a bit...but I think that sounds attached or like I'm waiting or expecting her to call. So I'm not sure if that's a good idea. Part of me just wants to ride it out and wait for her to call me or reach out, if she even will. I probably shouldn't be feeling so negative. I'd appreciate any thoughts, advice, or encouragement as I'm at a point that I could really use some. I haven't been on here much lately because I was really busy, and I felt that to be detached it was best to try not to talk about it much, but I really need to talk to someone and i try not to discuss it with people anymore. All I know is this, I love her and want her back. I took her and our relationship for granted in the past. I messed up. Yes I do regret it because she is amazing. She has told me since we split one more than one occasion that if I hadn't have messed things up that she'd be living with me or with me or that I'd be with her, etc. Although it's been quite some time since she's said anything like that. Then she's also told me she'd never date me again or be with me again, etc. when I pushed to try to get back together, that she was scared it would end up like before, etc. That it was too big of a risk of her being that unhappy again to get back, etc.
All I know is that words cant describe the feeling I get just talking to her, the smile on my face when I see her, or the butterflies in my stomach when I think of her. I know that our new relationship will be stronger and healthier and happy...if she would just give it a chance.
I know this was long, pretty negative, but I feel I really just needed to lay it all out, vent it out, and hopefully get some feedback from you guys here and your takes/opinions and some suggestions and advice on what to do with this. I feel like I've taken 5 steps backwards, but I really needed to get it out and get some others' perspectives.
Thank you for reading this!
« on: February 23, 2012, 03:25:40 PM »
Multi-part question here:
So I've been thinking. If like attracts like and so forth; You and your desire come together when you are vibrationally matched? Correct? So say if you are attracting a specific person. Okay you want and desire this person so that is your vibration, but say the other person does not want you, they are with someone else would, etc. Wouldn't our vibrations be different thus it would equal me not attracting her?
This person is my ex of course, which I feel really strongly that is the one for me. I know there is love between us.
If this is indeed the case, how would one go about matching vibrations, influencing the other persons' vibration, etc.? Is there anything I could do myself? Also as far as affirmations how would I approach wanting the rship with the other person to end and a beginning of a rship to start between myself and my ex? I always pray and affirm and give thanks that all people and obstacles are gone and that a spark and attraction for me is ignited within my ex. I'm not so sure though if this is contradictory to the process.
I would greatly appreciate anyone to answer or offer any advice. I have been doing rather well, and there have been some definite improvements.
« on: January 19, 2012, 10:48:13 AM »
Okay so any advice or help is greatly appreciated and I thank you in advance to anyone who will help me out here.
So, we've been apart for 2 years now and no contact for 2 months. Of course just like the rest of you I feel she is my soulmate, the one for me, we could be great if she gave us a 2nd chance, love her deeply, etc etc. I won't get into all the details b/c some of you have probably read my story and that's not the point of this post.
I am having some issues with trust and truly believing I "think". Okay so I've always, since we split, felt that we would be together again some day and give our rship a 2nd chance. Deep down I've always had that nagging feeling. For the last few months, I've been doing pretty good with things. I really felt like I was beginning to become detached, although not fully "let go". Now here is where I'm struggling. Lately, there's ALSO a nagging feeling, when I think of it, that she will never give it another chance, that she has completely moved on, isn't interested in me at all, is over me, and maybe never cared like she has said and acted before. I know it's not important the details of how, why, and when, but my mind can't help but wonder "at times".
She has been through about 5 or 6 rships with other people since we split. She admitted she only got into the first one after us, to get over me, or else she would have ran right back to me. So far, they've not worked out and any of them haven't lasted more than a few months. A friend told me a couple of days ago the new girl(they been together for about 3 months) and her seem to be having problems already. We have a few mutual friends.
So anyways, I'm trying to figure out why and where this feeling of her never giving another chance and being completely uninterested in me is coming from, and I guess b/c I am not seeing progress. As it appears, she isn't interested in me at all, HAS moved on, and doesn't even give me a thought anymore. I feel like it's hard to trust and believe if things are looking so dim, so to speak. I feel at times, like I'm convincing myself to believe something that is a fairy tale or will not happen. Almost feel like a fool for believing it can work out and I will get my desire to be together again with her. Almost like I'm forcing myself at times to believe something that I don't think will happen. Like I'll do so good and stay high vibe and really feel it. Then at times it's like I'll feel or say to myself I know you love me "so and so" and I know you are on my way to me, and then I'm like you fool she ain't coming back, etc. I'm trying to remain positive and keep trying to change these negative thoughts and feelings into the positive ones that support my desire. I just feel like I'm battling myself at the moment and I was doing so well with not obsessing, etc. Now I feel I'm back to questioning, and I know this isn't a good thing.
Why do we do this to ourselves? Why can't I just go a long with my good mood and high vibrations? Why do I fall into this negative place or whatever? Because really I can also turn it around and say well things are maybe falling apart with the other girl, so that she and I can come back together...I have been asking and affirming that all distractions between us and all walls be removed...so this girl would have to be removed from the picture. I have had that thought too. But then I will think nah, she will just move on to someone else other than turn her focus and attraction back to me. Why if she's been through that many ppl and it's been two years, I say to myself "what makes you think she all of a sudden will be interested in you again"
What do I do when the physical things I am seeing are easier to believe than the one I am trying to attract and believe in? Is this normal what I'm going through? How do you keep strong belief in your desires, when you have no evidence or physical proof that they are coming? What do you do with these negative thoughts and have any of you experienced similar things? Does this mean she and I aren't meant to be? I'm so confused.
Gosh, I know that I am killing myself. Someone help. I don't want this to spiral out of control. I know I have to nip it now. Any advice, insight, lectures, whatever you have to offer, on my situation and my current thinking is greatly appreciated. I am so thankful to this forum and the wonderful advice I have gotten and know that I will receive from truly amazing, loving people.
« on: January 03, 2012, 09:25:55 AM »
Just need to vent and maybe hear some of your thoughts on a situation like this...maybe some encouragement? Maybe something I'm not seeing?
I have been feeling pretty good lately. I definitely see that I am letting go. I still think of her daily but it isn't the same kind as before. I don't cry or become sad when I think of her, it's more of a smile inside or I'll think well this is something she would like or enjoy, or I wish she were here or I could call her and tell her about so and so. But for whatever reasons the last couple of days I have been missing her a little more than usual and feeling more negative than usual.
As of right now, she is in a relationship with someone else, going on 3 months now. This is the longest we haven't spoken since we broke up. She has never went this long without texting or calling me. I haven't talked to her since I asked her not to contact me when I found out she was seeing the girl she is with now, whom I introduced her to, she was a friend of a friend of mine and actually wanted to date me earlier on last year but I wasn't interested in her, which was early October. We were talking pretty much daily before all of this and seeing each other pretty much weekly. I did run into her mid November at a public place and wasn't going to talk to her but she persisted and we ended up talking for an hourish. I thought it ended on a good note, both of us saying we have each others numbers, call if we needed each other. I had msged her a couple weeks later asking for a phone number of a relative of hers because I needed to contact them about something and she never responded to me and ignored my texts. Then I found out a couple of weeks ago her old cell phone was shut off b/c she couldnt pay her bill and she has a new number, which I don't have.
So I guess I'm feeling negative for a few reasons.
1) Because it's been 3 months since she contacted me or we've talked(other than running into her at the store) I have mixed feelings on this. In ways I feel it's good, because it's really helped me in letting go and also because I think we both needed the time away seeing as we never did that when we broke up, we remained talking other than for one period of 30 days we didn't speak. I think it's good because when the time comes that we come in contact again we will really be starting over, which is what we needed and this time apart helps to forgive and let go of the past hurts and mistakes and see them in a more pure love light. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Now for the ways it scares me, it scares me that since she has been this long without contacting me, maybe she never will or that she is totally okay and doesn't miss me a bit. That she has really moved on forever and forgotten me, etc. Now any other person she's dated or talked to other than this girl, we still remained talking and friends. This one, there's been no contact. Idk if it's because the girl she is dating and my good friend are best friends and my ex is afraid if she did talk to me it would get back to her gf because of our mutual friend or what.
2) Her and her gf. I don't really know how to handle this part. She's dated others and yes it bothered me but not like this, maybe because she has gone from my life pretty much in this one, idk. But how do those of you relate and feel when the person you love is with someone else. I mean the whole not knowing how things are between them. Are they gonna be together forever, when will it end? Will she end it with her and realize what she had in me and come back? Those are the questions that I've been facing the last couple days, I've had my days like this before but for the most part, I've always told myself, well this is something she needs to experience and go through to make her into the person she needs to be and it's a process that is only going to make she and I happier and a process that will help her to realize her true love for me and that I am the one, etc. Now what I mean? That's how I handle it mostly but just having a hard time shaking these negative feelings the last couple of days. Maybe because logically on paper the odds don't "look" too good. It doesn't look at all as she cares or that she will come back, etc. She appears so happy with someone else and hasn't bothered to contact me or ask about me. Also it worried me when she changed phones, now if I wanted to contact her guess I'd have to find her number.
I know these feelings are not good and it's not good to dwell on them and I'm trying to just let them pass. Logically it might appear this way but inside my gut has always told me she would be back. It's like a vicious cycle or battle between what I feel is right and what appears to be right if you get what I'm saying. Inside I've always felt we weren't through. That we would be together again and be a great couple. That she really truly loves me so much and just wanted me to grow up and change my ways into a better person for myself and us and to love myself. I do have my days though and sorry for a negative post.
Love love love to all
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