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Messages - beautifuldreamer
« on: May 14, 2013, 12:20:23 PM »
I'm not talented enough for the salary I want.
I am talented and I deserve the salary I request.
After a few wonderful months with the guy I was seeing and a few failed attempts to end it between us, he has left the country for a few months. How do I feel? Ecstatic! I kept telling myself he wasn't my guy because why would the universe send me someone who so clearly did not want a relationship? Why would the universe give me someone who had almost everything I wanted except one thing? He couldn't be my guy and I couldn't possibly love him. Right?
He came to say goodbye and we held each other and spoke for a few hours. He told me he would miss me and I said I'd miss him too and then he was gone. I was initially worried that he'd find someone he liked more when he was away, maybe fall in love or decide that he wanted to be with someone else. But suddenly I didn't really care. Not in a SCREW YOU kind of way, but as he told me how another girl was doting on him, all I felt was happiness. I was happy he was being taken care of.
I realized that I was blocking out love by making excuses for why he wasn't right. But I was just afraid of falling for him and getting hurt. I feel so content and happy and alive. I can finally feel free to love him, without expectations of us being together. I'm not trying to attract him to be mine or anything. I am just so happy.
When he comes back I'll only be around for a few weeks before I leave the country again. The truth is I may never see him again and you know what I'm not worried one bit.
« on: May 10, 2013, 04:36:54 AM »
I'll share my story not sure it's a success. I was with a guy, I was totally in love with him. I went away for school for a few months when I came back he was acting distant. Eventually, we had a terrible break-up I was devastated. I remained friends with him, because I was too weak to let him go. I never begged for him or anything, I put my brave face on and said "I can't force anyone to love me". I left all the bawling and mellow drama for my alone time and friends.
A few months later I ran into him with his EX!!! We had been speaking this whole time and he never mentioned he was with anyone. I sort of knew because someone told me, but HE never told me. When I saw them together it was the first time in my life that I was speechless. I acted cool but it tore me up. I asked him later if she was reason he left and he said yes.
I continued a friendship for a whole year, the most depressing year of my life. On the one year anniversary of our break-up I decided SCREW THIS I need to stop pining over this dude.
Four days later I saw he left me a message confessing his love for me. He said he never stopped loving me. HE GAVE ME NO INDICATION HE FELT THIS WAY FOR THE ENTIRE YEAR!
A few months later we were back together. It was rough. I couldn't trust him. All we ever did was argue and have amazing sex lol.
We finally broke up. We still speak from time to time. But I finally got over him.
« on: May 06, 2013, 07:26:17 PM »
i think as we all move thru our journey , if that be wanting our ex's back .. we are growing as people , some ppl who were desperate to get someone back eventually either met someone else or decided they really didnt want their ex back .and some got them back that never tht it wld happen. we will all fig it out at some point .. i have been here over 2 yrs ... my desire has never changed .. although i have changed how i want it to happen at first i wld have taken him back under any circumstance then i realized i didnt want it like it used to be .. so i asked for it to come when it was right when we were both ready ... it is all coming together .. everyones circumstances are different ..
I'm not judging anyone or telling anyone how to move through their process. I'm simply introducing a new way of thinking about love and thinking about ourselves. I find it less painful when I treat myself with love and make choices like that. It's easier for me to say well hey John is pretty great but he's emotionally unavailable and play games. Now because of how I feel about myself I can accept that John in his current state is not for me because it would not be a healthy love. If I find I still want John I can question what would make me want someone I know can't fill my needs right now, is it because I don't deserve it? Do I not love me enough?
Not everyone here will be at this point I can respect that. But in my darkest days when someone told me the same thing it brought me some clarity.
« on: May 06, 2013, 05:29:27 PM »
I just wanted us to see how we put these people on a pedestal for simply existing. We require nothing of them to actually feel love for them. But we break our backs proving things to them. If we love ourselves enough we would realize that we didn't have to prove anything to anyone just like we don't require them to prove anything to us.
We need to love ourselves first and give ourselves the kind of selfless love we give others. The way we act sometimes makes me we think we're all guilty of thinking someone else is more worthy than us.
« on: May 06, 2013, 09:01:46 AM »
Yeah I know Calm. But knowing what I learned from then is what made it easier to let go of someone I was involved with recently. In the past when I was in the same situation I felt devastated. Now this time around I was able to take what I learned here and from the past and feel only teeny amount of hurt.
I just wanted to put another way of looking at things
« on: May 06, 2013, 08:24:01 AM »
Reading many stories here and I can say I've wanted an ex back. Pined over him for a year remained his friend even when it hurt because being away hurt more. I look back and I don't recognize that girl anymore but I see her in so many posts here. Why is it when someone has decided you aren't the right person for them we think we know better than them so we have to SHOW them that they want us? If we love them shouldn't we just respect their choice and their process, they know themselves better than we ever will. And why would we want someone who doesn't love us? We love these people regardless of how they treat us, and all they have to do is exist. While we believe we have to jump through three rings of fire for them to decide we are worthy of a one word text. Are we being fair and loving to ourselves?
I'm not saying your ex isn't "The One" but if they are your soulmate why are you worried? They are already yours and will be yours forever. So have fun an start working on attracting all the other things you want. No one is THAT special or worth waiting around for. Time us ticking you can never get this time back.
And that ex I spoke about earlier we went on to get back together several times after. I stopped worrying because no matter how nasty it got we always became friends again, naturally. Now I don't feel those feelings for him but it taught me that nothing is really permanent and most ppl find their way back to you if they care enough. You don't need to convince ppl to want you to be worthwhile
Thank you so much Rodan. Your words truly inspired me. My mother gave me the money to purchase a small laptop and I only have to pay back a small portion. I am so grateful.
Lately I have been finding it hard to be still and wait for my purpose. I remembered a dream I had for an organization to help young women that I wanted to start a year ago that I started working on and I'm seeking advice. I still have no source of income and I have a small debt of around $600 that I would love to pay off because it has been causing me so much anxiety. It doesn't seem like much but when you have very little cash it is like a mountain. There are many blessings I receive everyday and I am so grateful for the support of my family. I just want to be self sufficient and not have to depend on hand outs.
I have started planning a 6mth trip in September to commence research for the organization I want to start. I hope to save enough so I can go and I know I will I just don't know how. I need to practice my allowing. I often imagine myself as strong and independent even when I don't feel like it.
I feel so pressured to find a job to make money but I also know I don't want to be trapped in a 9 to 5. I want time to develop my ideas. I will try meditating tonight. Little by little it's all coming together I have to have hope.
« on: May 05, 2013, 09:03:27 AM »
I recently ended my job and I have been working on figuring out what to do. My mother as much as I love her is frustrating me, reminding me that I need to make money.I KNOW I NEED TO MAKE MONEY. She keeps asking and suggesting and I don't want to work in the field I'm working in and when I tell her that she reminds me I need money like I don't know...sigh
My next frustration is my skin. I have terrible acne and I just gave up. It's annoying when ppl ask me what I'm doing and bake suggestions because I really don't want to try anything else. I'm an adult and I haven't grown out of it. I've tried many things and it hasn't worked. I hate medication and creams so I decided to accept it.
Ihow do I move passed suggestions of others. I just want to be left alone to make my own choices.
I have been doing without a laptop for about 2mths. It's how I make money. I wasn't too worried because I used one provided by my office. I ended up leaving my job two weeks ago with no idea how I'd find the money to get a new machine. I've been taking it easy not thinking about it too much. Even when I was getting bothered about it and being pressured to get a new one so I can start working again. Then one evening I searched online found one at a affordable price and mother is giving me the money. I don't have to pay it back! I pick it up today and I don't have to settle for a model I didn't want. It took two secs to find it so easy!
« on: April 26, 2013, 07:16:34 PM »
Maybe it isn't about settling but more about focusing on the good aspects of a relationship and not expecting your partner to fulfill all your needs. I agree if someone mistreats and abuses you, get out! But I think the post is about accepting the different stages of love.
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