I am writing this because I need to vent but would also like some advice... I will try to keep this brief.
I found this forum (such a blessing, thank you!) around a year ago. Like many of you, I was called to it from the experience of me and my love going our separate ways due to him having to go abroad. Many of you might know my story.
ANYWAY, I have had many successes throughout the year, attracting contact from him - I even successfully attracted another specific person... My confidence and belief in LOA was sky-high! I just felt on top of the world and had no doubt that me and my love were meant to be.
Fast forward to now, I look at my reality and it's crushing. I know that I have created all of this and it has made me realise that for some time, the vibrations I have been putting out are low. They are fear-based and fraught with doubt. It's horrible. I feel anxious all the time and my reality is reflecting this back.
So my love is back in the country, we haven't had much contact, we have caught up for one coffee which I thought went well, we have seen each other at a bunch of parties but barely talk. I have even had visions/premonitions that my sister would run in to him and like clockwork - BANG! There he is. It's quite amazing... Partial manifestations perhaps? I have also had many dreams and signs from the Universe that he is coming... I guess at my core was some doubt though because my reality has not changed, if anything it has gotten worse because I have, too.
Well, last night hit rock bottom when a close friend whose opinion I truly value told me that my love has expressed that he doesn't want a relationship with me.
It was my worst fear. She advised that I just close the book on me and him completely, that I deserve better etc. Really painful things to hear, but not surprising if I am to look inside myself and observe my vibrations... Often when I try to visualise us happy together, it feels like there is an evil voice in my head trying to sabotage me.
I know that I am a powerful creator! All of this matches my frequency exactly. I don't know how I became this way after being so happy, perhaps I have been buying into other people's opinions too much...
Anyway - now to my questions - I hope you can help me out with this. I would be so grateful:
Some friends have advised that I have a conversation with him about "us". Not really keen for it to be honest... Especially in light of what I have learnt about LOA. That would be a fear-based conversation, wouldn't it? Would it be better just to do nothing and work on myself and raising my vibration and let the Universe deliver him to me when the time is right??
Has anyone else ever experienced such huge setbacks in vibration after lots of success?
He is back in my city, but we aren't really communicating. I thought that perhaps he is not communicating with me because that is a reflection of me not communicating with him (like attracts like). Would there be any point in warming up towards him or should I just continue with NC?
I keep telling myself that fact that he has apparently said he doesn't want to be with me doesn't mean anything - and if anything, it's because I have been worried that he doesn't want to be with me and BINGO! Look what's landed in my lap...
Please, I really need some encouragement... Am I thinking about this the right way?
I think perhaps my vibration has been confused, like sometimes positive, sometimes negative. I have never really been specific about what I want... A little overwhelmed here.
Any advice would be so greatly appreciated...
Love and light to you all