My dear forum friends and readers,
I want to write to you about something different from the usual,
and I write to you with from a very relaxed state of mind.
Out of pure serenity, and without thoughts about anything.
A few days ago, one of you wrote me a very kind PM with some advice.
One little phrase caught my attention.
It was a remark about something I had done; and I perfectly "found myself again" in that description.
It reminded me of what I consider to be a trait of my personality and something that, over time,
has developed to become an important "objective" or "mission" in my life, daily and long term.
I want to write about it not because I know you enjoy reading my long posts

but because I think it gives an important characterization of my life goals, of what I want in this life.
Why I tell you about it?
Not because I want to show I am right or better.
Not because I want to criticize anyone, or cause even more controversy.
But simply to explain my desires, so that you might also understand more clearly
why I react in certain ways sometimes on this forum; and so that you might understand better
what I want and, perhaps (if this is not too demanding!) bear this in mind when advising me about relationships, especially in my current situation.
Using everyday words, I simply want communicate "
what makes me happy"

The remark was that I actively look to solving controversy and conflicts.
This is because I really fought (verbally) with a guy in a moment of impatience,
and attacked him with quite harsh words for that situation,
yet I soon managed to turn the situation around because I had that great sense of urgency
to make things better again, to solve what I had done, to bridge the gap I had created.
Not only did I manage to reconcile with him, but we also became friends;
indeed, we kept inviting each other quite often after that.
But it was truly not easy to do so, and many of my own friends wouldn't have felt the need to reconcile.
This is one of the things that I mean by being religious and value-oriented.
By religious I don't mean [only] having faith that something will happen,
but it's about
behaving in a way that will lead to the world I dream of,
a world of peace and serenity between people with differences.
I think the effort and energy (I could have minded my own business rather than go out partying with him)
I invested into resolving the situation with that guy alone gave me deep happiness.
But the story goes back to many years.
To sum up, I grew up in a country different from my parents' and as a child I faced a huge amount of
prejudice-driven discrimination. I lived racism from my school-mates, and I suffered a lot for it.
But unlike many others (not most, but many), throughout the years I understood the differences,
and some of the guys who used to beat me up started becoming friendly.
I think those were just the first steps that helped me become able to create friendship with people who can be totally different from me.
Currently, my best male friend since over 10 years is actually a firm racist.
He is against people of my ethnic background living in his country,
but still he considers me (as an individual, Chris) as his best friend,
we have helped each other and still we do.
I rarely notice this thing as we interact so frequently, but yes,
there are really some extreme differences in value and lifestyle between me and my best friends.
In a similar way, I have felt that if it is possible to build such great bonds across different cultures,
it shouldn't be impossible, with some effort, to create the greatest of all unions across the largest of all differences.
I am speaking of love, as in a relationship between man and woman.
There are many inter-cultural and inter-national as well as inter-faith couples,
but somehow I feel these are few cases in which there was first difference (as in conflict!) and then love.
This is a little anecdote, a window to why I do not stop in front of conflict, in front of differences.
I have yet to see whether this dream will come true (maybe for some it has), but for the sake of
my life history I do not see a reason why give up / move on / change person / etc. just because
we might be "incompatible" at the beginning.
I try to bridge where there are difference, understand where there is misunderstanding, and compromise in serenity.
I feel no greater happiness than when giving part of me to someone else for the sake of friendship/love.
I hope at least some of you understand.
I say all this with serenity and peace of mind
