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First of all: sorry for my negativity and for that I've brought down your positivity in the past.
I know many of you are annoyed by my constant blabber and negativity. Understandable. Because I am probably the most negative person you could ever meet right now. I would like this topic to be the last I start here for a while. As some of you probably know I went through serious suffering. Hit rock bottom many times. Not as hard as this time though. 8 years of serious depression had brought me to a place where I am just a shell. Not a functioning human being. I vegetate my life through. I have serious problems. In my personality. The normal state of mind for me is self-pity, depression, negativity. These 8 years have made their toll on me seriously.

I didn't have many relationships before. But I know what real love is. I can love very deeply and I am proud of that. I met a girl in September last year and she quickly grew close to my heart. We had the most amazing time together. We could talk for 16 hours straight and wouldn't even notice. i gradually fell in love with her. Her whole personality. I've used RS/RI and LOA to attract her to me. And it was successful. She got so attracted to me that this tension could be felt in the air around us. I used RS/RI successfully and eventually she wanted to be with me and desired me very much. And even told me that we would be a great couple together. Everything seemed fine.

But in February she had to move away. She got dropped out of University and had to move 80 miles away. But things seemed fine even then. But I was afraid of losing her so I wrote her a message in which I cofessed my love to her. She told me that she was still in love with her ex, but she fell in love with me as well, that she likes me as a partner. She wrote me a card on FB on Valentines day that she misses me and would like to visit me. And a few days later she did. We were together the whole day, but then she had to go back to her city. By that time it seemed that we would get together for sure. But I sensed some resistance on her part because she was still in love with her ex. So out of fear, i wrote to her a message in which I explained that I was unsure, I know that she still loves her Ex and I don't want to be a third wheel and if I cannot make her happy then I should just let her go. She got mad, but eventually we started talking again after a week. But a few days later after that she told me that I was right and she cannot take responsibility for someone else right now because it is unfair to heal by going into a new relationship. So we agreed to stay friends and we talked without problem for a month, in this time she seemed to care about me still and our conversations were still great. And she even mentioned that she isn't ready for a relationship for like 2-3 months. She seemed to be still interested in me.

But as she slowly moved on with her life i was left here disappointed and devastated. I got drunk many times and wrote her messages in which I pleaded, begged, asked for an answer on what I meant to her. She always said that she likes me and respects me. But due to the pressure of my letters and my clingyness she grew distant. I attracted some conversations and a  phone call from her since then, but nothing major. She has fun with other people. There are like 8 people in her life right now who would like to get together with her. And there is someone now with who she seems to be getting along really well. I am kind of afraid that they might get together, because they are a lot like each other.

So here I am right now. Depressed. Devastated and disappointed about myself, my value, and love. But i want her back. Because what we had between us was truly amazing. This level of companionship is truly rare. We are a lot like each other. Share a lot of same interests. Think alike. And even look alike. Our faces are really look alike and our smiles even. I had breakups before as you've probably encountered by my previous posts from a year ago. But I've never felt like this. To me there are no other women. She is the only one I could imagine my life with. I feel that she is my partner. Today I wrote to her that I sorry and I apologize for everything, but I miss her so very much. To which she only replied: "Hy! No problem:)) oh come on! )" So she didn't say she misses me as well. It was just a polite response. ((

I love her. I want to get back together with her and share a wonderful new relationship in which both of us finally can experience true love, happiness and harmony. I am in love with E. And I want her to fall in love with me as well. I want us to be together in a long-term loving relationship.

I sorry for my constant negativity. But I really went through hell in the previous years and it left me completely empty. But I want her back in my life. I want us to be together.

What do you guys suggest? Should I go NC? Do you have any additional advice that are not in the getting your Ex back resource thread? Or recent success stories that are not included there?

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Hi everybody! First of all happy Valentine's day to you all!

I've been down before. Many times. I've been suicidal many times. And right now i am going through hard times all over again. I had just gotten over my ex and bam i met another girl with who i've experienced the very same breakup pattern. I've confessed my love to her a few days ago she said that she liked me too as a man as a partner and that she is confused. She has been avoiding me for a few days now. I realized that i should just let go of everything now. Just no more life changing plans for a while. No more looking for love... This morning i saw the sun come up. Maybe i never saw it this way before. I felt something that was an alien emotion for me most of my life. Gratitude. I am grateful that i've met both of these girls. It is the second Valentine's day that i spend alone. And for some strange reason i feel grateful. I feel hope.

Yesterday i went out to drink myself silly. And a homeless guy came up to me on the street and asked for a few pennies. I gave him some and we started talking. He has cancer, he is completely alone, and homeless. It felt good that i was actually kept him talking and let him tell me his story. At the end of our conversation i gave him a few more bucks. And it brought tears into his eyes. I couldn't help him. I couldn't cure him. But the fact that i was there for him even for a few minutes made me feel great. If god exists he isn't just. But for a few minutes i was. I helped this poor man. Made his life a bit more bearable and probably showed him after long years how acceptance and love feels. Bad things happen in life... And sometimes there is nothing you can do about it. You can only hold your breath and count to ten. I think i finally let go of my oars. I would like to stay like this for a while. Don't think. Don't suffer. Just be.

I would like to close this post with the following quote from Lion King:

Lion King - What did you do that for - the past can hurt

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My last post was so full of desperation, that right now i cannot even make up my mind to red it again. I want to thank you all for your help, and love. I really needed it and it helped. I no longer think that suicide is an option. I still feel quite miserable but i started to apply the law in the way it is supposed to be applied. I hope life has to offer me more than i can see right now.
 
But i need your opinion on something. Right now i am a university student and i am at Physics. But despite all my effort, i still achieve very bad grades. And i push it to the the very limit. I amd starting to realise that i have no place here. Yesterday i got an F from calculus, to which exam i studied a lot. And it is only getting more harder. I was always a people oriented person. I loved literature, and i have a talent in learning languages. So right now i don't know if i can, or want to finish Physics, i am really disappointed about this. I don't even know, whose desire i wanted to fulfill by coming to physics. The moment i got my exam result i had a feeling that i have to finish this course, and re apply to literature. But i am not brave enough to jump into the unknown, and this way i have to skip a year. And i also know my parent's thinking: once you started it. Complete it! And my admission isn't 100% sure. It is as if part of me actually died on that night. Right now i am more clear about what i want, but i doN't know if it's sensible to skip this course, adn change. What do you think?

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During the summer i tried to attract my soulmate. I wrote lists, i meditated, i acted as if i was already with my soul mate. I visualised the two of us together. Well i mainly visualized her looks, and set the intention for her to look like a certain actress. As for personality I only set the intention for us to "be totally alike in personality". Time has passed and i began university.
Today i saw a girl in one of my classes. Who looks at least 90% like the actress i used to visualize as my mate. I checked her facebook profile, and according to that she is a lot, and i mean a lot like me. We like the exact same things. We read the exact same books. We are inspired by the exact same historical characters. It is as if my facebook profile have got stolen by someone, who only changed the profile picture, and the name. It is more than damn scary what you can achieve with LOA, what some simple exercises can manifest.
 
And as for us. I don't really think we are soulmates. I don't feel that vibe. But hell... I got exactly what i have asked for, to such detail that it scares me. It scares me becausa i used to have so negative thinking, i used to be such a negative, broken person, and indeed my life reflected that. Now i am willing, ready, and competent to live my life the way i desire. And this story just made all my doubts about LOA vanished.
 
And for days now i again feel my ex's presence. I feel that our story is not yet finished, and there is much more to come. And i get great signs. In my dreams she used to be distant to me. But for a week now i have been dreaming dreams in which she loves me, in which we are together. And i have a feeling that something great is about to happen. So i hope i can post my ultimate success story here soon.
 
So you all should have faith, for that you are powerful beings who were sent here on this planet to learn, to love, to desire, to gain and grow. Every sensible thing you desire can, and will happen, but let the universe do it's job at finding the best way. If your attitude is good then the outcome doesn't even matter anymore, and that way it will always be good.

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