therapy

[Ginny]

I wonder about it, because I see people recommend it from time to time. I know it's hugely popular, and sort of a "given" that it helps, but I really don't see the evidence for it. I come from a highly dysfunctional family, and most of them have been in therapy (for decades), and I don't see that they are any happier or better adjusted as a result (just the opposite actually). And I know that people who've been in it will defend it, but still I wonder, where is the objective evidence that it's good and useful?

Now, from an LOA perspective, I also wonder if dwelling on and analysing past hurts actually helps to resolve or let go of them or just reinforces them and brings more of the same? (I know, I know - people will say that the point of therapy is that it helps you to let go - but from everyone I've observed, I really don't see the evidence that it does)

I had the sort of childhood that most people (at least in the West) would tell you that you cannot recover from without therapy. I actually had a friend once say to me "It's a miracle that you aren't a crack addicted prostitute" (he said this with best intentions ). And yet, except for severe depression, which I know feel I am overcoming (largely due to discovering LOA actually), I am not what most people would describe as dysfunctional - I've been highly successful in both my personal and professional life. Other family members - some of them have been in therapy for over 30 years, and they are still basket cases (I'm talking serious serious mental illness).

It is just something I wonder about, when I see a knee-jerk reaction of someone advising therapy for another. I think it's possible that it can help, but it depends on so many factors (getting the right therapist for one thing - because they are only human too, and have their own problems and prejudices) that I actually, hand on heart, think it is more likely to harm.

[Vicki Christina]

Ginny, I think therapy can be a good thing.  Some people resist changes even in therapy just like we often resist allowing in LOA.  Of course some therapists are better than others.   The form of therapy called cognitive therapy is about changing thoughts....  Sounds similar to some of our LOA work. 

[Detached&Allowing]

I agree with Vicki.  However it depends on the individual.  I, too, had a childhood that could have lead to a very unsuccessful adulthood but it didn't.  I didn't choose therapy b/c I had a pretty good support system.  People I could talk to and figure things out. 

I don't believe that you go to therapy to dwell.  There are some good therapists out there who will walk you through your feelings.  Sometimes we feel things and aren't sure why.  The "talking" aspect helps us sort our thoughts and determine what is truly upsetting and why. 

There is a movie called Letting Go.  The host is a therapist. He gives us tools to help us work through issues and release negative feelings.  It's good.  Only $4.95 to watch online.  www.lettinggo.tv

Therapy only helps people who want to be helped.  If one is forced, it usually doesn't work out well. 

[Ginny]

I just have reservations when I see people recommending it. And very often people who recommend it, have never actually been in it themselves - so I wonder why they're so convinced it's helpful?
 
My mother went through extensive therapy, through her own choice. She's never been without a therapist as long as I've known her. And she is still manipulative, deluded and extremely unhappy. My sister is just the same - 30 years of therapy, through her own choice, and - much as I love her, she is absolutely bonkers, and a very very unhappy woman. Both went to marriage counsellors, both got divorced after marriage counselling. My other sister also went to marriage counselling and also got divorced. My brother has been in extensive therapy - granted, he didn't want it, but he did see many many professionals - and he is certifiable, the kind of insane you normally only see in films.
 
The only people I've ever seen "helped" by therapy are those who were relatively normal to begin with. And in their cases, I have to wonder if they were okay despite the therapy, rather than because of it.
 
I know it's not a popular opinion. I would just like people to think twice though, before recommending therapy for everyone who has emotional issues. It definitely isn't for everyone. It seems to be one of those things we accept, like the way they accepted that leeches were good medical treatment in the dark ages.

[Detached&Allowing]

I definitely understand where you are coming from.  I recommend it to people in this forum who fail to do the exercises we suggest.  They come and complain, not understanding what they are doing wrong.  We explain to them over and over but they don't do it. 

I have seen therapy work for MANY people close to me.  Your family members are probably going to people who buy into their BS and just take their money.  A good therapist won't buy into anything, call you on your BS and really make an effort to help you improve on your challenged areas.

[Ginny]

If it works for some people (or at least, doesn't cause harm) that's great - but I do think it can actually cause harm in some cases (with my mother, for example - you are quite right I think - she seems to have found a succession of therapists who taught her ways to justify her behaviour, rather than how to be a responsible adult).

If you think about it - say you want to learn to ski - you find an expert skier to teach you. You want to learn to play piano, you find an accomplished pianist. You want to learn French, you find someone who is fluent in French. And so on. But how do you find someone to help you solve your life problems? Do you find someone who's sorted out their own problems? And how do you even assess that? I think (on the basis of what I've seen through my family) there are a lot of froot loops out there calling themselves therapists. They may have umpteen qualifications (or not) - but none of that really tells you whether or not they have the empathy, insight and good sense to be able to give you some insight into your own growth and development. And sometimes they can inflict (inadvertently or not) poisonous ideas.

It's more insidious with therapy. If you went to a crap ski instructor, it'll be obvious if the guy can't ski or doesn't know how to teach. But if you go to a crap therapist (and again, through what I've seen with my family, there are plenty of them) how do you know? Almost by definition, you see them when you are emotionally vulnerable. And who defines what improvement is? My sister, again, seems to think she is comparatively emotionally healthy now - but any outside observer can see she is deeply deeply neurotic and very needy.

I'm sure it can help if you are lucky enough to find a good one. Then again, it can help if you are lucky enough to have a good and sensible friend (or friends) to act as a sounding board. I just wish people would exercise a bit more caution, and not think it's always necessarily a good thing, and that anyone (or even the majority) of people who put a placard outside their door is necessarily fit to help you with your life issues.

[Detached&Allowing]

I am right there with you.  The way you find a good therapist is by referral.  Someone who has been to a good one.  Like I said, the "good" ones, call you on your BS. Doesn't sound like your mom or sister go to a good one. 

I have found therapists become therapists b/c they can't deal/resolve their own problems and aren't willing to take the advice of others so they give it. The good ones will often go to their own therapists, learn from them and share what they have learned. 

In the end you have to do what is best for you.