Not on facebook anymore

[JustForToday]

oh ok, didnt know that lilly.

while i understand that some really needs a break from all when they are really low, i think its the best to just unfriend them and dont share any updates and the way round.

[tereza]

Deactivating your account feels like a tactic to provoke a reaction from him and make him wonder what you are up to but what you are doing in the end is punishing yourself and cutting yourself from everyone else.

I see what you're saying, but it really depends on the person. I deactivated Facebook last year partially because of that guy I liked, but also because it just had no real value to me. I feel lighter without it and I don't miss the "friends" I had on there because the people that are close to me have my phone number, email and know how to get in touch with me.

For some people their lives are tightly interwoven with their ex. Like they share the same social circles and it's inevitable that photos and news of the ex will appear in their feed even though they're blocked. It's just easier to deactivate the account than go and block friends that are connected to the ex.

Also, blocking a person can seem like a tactic to provoke a reaction too. People are just always going to feel bothered when they've been blocked or un-friended. But I think that a person shouldn't really concern themselves with how their ex is going to feel, they should be more concerned about doing things to make themselves feel better. So if distancing themselves from their exes will help them get over the feelings, that's great.

[lovebird]

I absolutely do not want any reaction from him, not do I believe that I can provoke a reaction from him by deactivating. That is NOT what I'm after, seriously. I just want him out of my head. If you had asked me two months ago, maybe I would have said yes, but now I'm through with that. I'm just done with fb for a while, and it is far easier to stay deactivated than being in and try to discipline myself from going on his profile. We also have quite a few common friends, and that means I get to see too much anyway, even if I unfriend him. Whether I'm on fb or not it's not the end of the world? I was on too much anyway, checking this and checking that, did someone reply, like, what to post, say, mean, whatever? It's not only about him, but also what a time-thief fb can be sometimes, specially when I need the time and energy elsewhere.

I really don't mean to come off as angry, bitter or anything like that, but like tereza says, my family and friends know how to find me, the other 450+ people won't notice I'm gone anyway Not in a long time, if at all. The only strategy I have in this case is to protect myself for a while, not to punish anyone. If I get some peace, some good times, get my life in order then I have achieved much.

[lilly]

I agree with you Tereza, it really comes down to the use you make of Facebook. I have travelled quite a bit and lived abroad as well and therefore I have friends with which it is easier to stay in touch with through Facebook and so cutting myself from them just for one person would be quite unfair.
I personally do not think blocking the person is a tactic of sorts however, I think if you've been hurt it is a normal and a healthy reaction to want to stay away from them for a while and it is only affecting the person who has hurt you contrary to deactivating the whole account.

@Islangirl, I wasn't being critical of your choice as I don't know what use of Facebook you make in the first place. I was merely emphasizing on how unfair it would be for the other friends ( as well as yourself) you may have on Facebook and who would like to stay in touch with you just for that one person who hurt you. ( Besides I was initially answering a quote from Forever1....)

Deactivating your account feels like a tactic to provoke a reaction from him and make him wonder what you are up to but what you are doing in the end is punishing yourself and cutting yourself from everyone else.

I see what you're saying, but it really depends on the person. I deactivated Facebook last year partially because of that guy I liked, but also because it just had no real value to me. I feel lighter without it and I don't miss the "friends" I had on there because the people that are close to me have my phone number, email and know how to get in touch with me.

For some people their lives are tightly interwoven with their ex. Like they share the same social circles and it's inevitable that photos and news of the ex will appear in their feed even though they're blocked. It's just easier to deactivate the account than go and block friends that are connected to the ex.

Also, blocking a person can seem like a tactic to provoke a reaction too. People are just always going to feel bothered when they've been blocked or un-friended. But I think that a person shouldn't really concern themselves with how their ex is going to feel, they should be more concerned about doing things to make themselves feel better. So if distancing themselves from their exes will help them get over the feelings, that's great.

[lovebird]

It's ok Lilly, I really do appreciate your opinions Or I wouldn't have posted here at all LOL. About fb being a great place to keep in touch with people, you're absolutely right.  I have reunited with people I haven't seen in 20-30 years there, and it's so much FUN! I couldn't have done that without facebook, seriously. No worries, I will be back, but for now, -I'm gone fishing!!

[lovebird]

Good vibe song after bad breakups! So now when I'm gone fishing I listen to this!

Sara Bareilles - Gonna Get Over You

Oh, I also dance like this in grocery stores

[lovebird]

So now a week has passed without facebook, and it feels pretty good so far. I still think of him sometimes but try to push the thoughts away, and get busy elsewhere. Anyway it's not the emotional rollercoaster it used to be. It doesn't feel as suffocating, and my thoughts are more detached in my daily life and I mostly feel better about myself. I walk/run, meditate, and practice self-love the best I can!

But, at night I dream of him, almost every night! I dream that I read long letters from him, I even remember the words when I wake up. And I dream that he touches me, and that he is very insistent, and as I dream it feels quite reassuring, and I feel loved. And it feels so real I almost believe it. But then I wake up and have trouble sleeping again....so what to do about this? It tells me how preoccupied my mind is, and has been with this guy, but now I find that letting go is hard when those dreams come all the time, as they get under my skin. Usually I manage to shake it off during the day, but it can take time. I appreciate any thoughts from you

[JustForToday]

hey irene,

its so good that you do all those things for yourself 

i think by having those dreams, your subconscious is working through the letting- go- process. is it the first time you deactivated your FB?

keep it up girl- i am proud of you