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Author Topic: Non-LOA chat: are socialites unable to commit?  (Read 1489 times)

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Offline UpLOAding

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Re: Non-LOA chat: are socialites unable to commit?
« Reply #15 on: December 15, 2010, 11:47:02 AM »
Ginny, it is indeed a complex link =)
 
I would go to the extent of saying that, while I can imagine having sex with the woman I Love, I can also imagine not being sexually attracted to her.
In the case of the current woman, whom I am in love with since a year and a half (out of which almost 12 months long-distance now), I think I have very little sexual attraction with respect to other women I know, have known and can know.
(I'm not saying I am sexually repelled by her, but that if I chose whom to love according to my mere sexual chemistry, she would be somewhere deep at the bottom. I could kill myself out of guilt for saying this... but I know that I personally disregard sexual chemistry when chosing to Love)
 
Would you agree that, given such knowledge about my instincts and emotions, it is right that I avoid unnecessary social interaction with other women?
 
Also, yesterday, while thinking about this specific discussion, I was remembering my lifestyle before all these changes. I know for sure that my socializing skills have been a very strong and vital feature for my professional life and personal development, yet I know for sure that it makes me behave like an "adrenaline junkie" with regards to sexual attraction from multiple women.
 
I would like to find a "morally integral" solution to this (=compatible with my ideals), which obviously keeps the relationship and the woman I love priority number one. Yet so far the only practical way I found is to avoid other women, unless they are already my friends, my friends' family and friends or her friends.
 
Would appreciate anyone's advice on this since my job will involve lots of networking...
« Last Edit: December 15, 2010, 11:58:34 AM by UpLOAding »

Offline Ginny

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Re: Non-LOA chat: are socialites unable to commit?
« Reply #16 on: December 15, 2010, 02:58:46 PM »
Would you agree that, given such knowledge about my instincts and emotions, it is right that I avoid unnecessary social interaction with other women?

This isn't meant to be a cop-out, but I couldn't possibly tell you how to live your life. You have to do what feels right for you.

I am trying to see things from your perspective, but I find it difficult to reconcile a belief in an idealized romantic LOVE (ie "the One") with the idea that that sort of love could be diminished by any feelings you might have for anyone else. The situation just doesn't compute for me.

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Offline UpLOAding

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Re: Non-LOA chat: are socialites unable to commit?
« Reply #17 on: December 15, 2010, 06:54:54 PM »
I am trying to see things from your perspective, but I find it difficult to reconcile a belief in an idealized romantic LOVE (ie "the One") with the idea that that sort of love could be diminished by any feelings you might have for anyone else. The situation just doesn't compute for me.

Sorry, I'll explain schematically.

- My Love for Mygirl exists as a result of my beliefs, ideals and faith.
- But I try to love "practically" through dedication and commitment.
(and all other things that involve relationship sacrifices etc.)
- Sexual chemistry towards others doesn't affact my Love for Mygirl.
- But sexual chemistry towards others diminishes my dedication and naturalness to commit.
- That can make my Love for her more like words than action.

I feel sexual chemistry with others whenever I'm the "party animal", or more generally when I interact with women who are more sexually appealing.

Offline Ginny

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Re: Non-LOA chat: are socialites unable to commit?
« Reply #18 on: December 15, 2010, 06:59:14 PM »
- But sexual chemistry towards others diminishes my dedication and naturalness to commit.

Interesting. I think this might be a male thing, it's not a feeling or situation I have ever experienced directly myself.

My previous statement stands - I can't tell you how to live your life, you have to do what feels right for you. I hope you find a path and situation which is compatible with your ideals and values.

Offline UpLOAding

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Re: Non-LOA chat: are socialites unable to commit?
« Reply #19 on: December 15, 2010, 07:38:19 PM »
- But sexual chemistry towards others diminishes my dedication and naturalness to commit.

Interesting. I think this might be a male thing, it's not a feeling or situation I have ever experienced directly myself.

I agree. Have a look at all typical male magazines, or even some of the rhethoric in most male users here. I think that males naturally (i.e. without beliefs, philosophies, ideals, etc.)  are more inclined to be seduced by sexual chemistry.

It creates a perception in the mind that makes him confuse the attraction with love. I can say from experience and what I know about other people that most guys dump their girlfriend because they find someone more sexually appealing... (Males, please give your feedback on this)

I suppose that for you (and other females) it could feel as if you only have sex with the person you Love, and the rest of the day you are constantly courted and given affection etc by other males.
« Last Edit: December 15, 2010, 07:40:36 PM by UpLOAding »

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