Author Topic: I need help! Scream of soul,.. I want to return back to myself! (Read 1430 times)

Tabuka · « **on:** October 31, 2011, 02:29:44 PM »

5-6 years ago I had a bad experience with insomnia and I was a beautiful slim girl, and my parents called for a bad doc, who prescribed me medications, which I did NOT want to take. But they forced me, the antidepressants with huge doses and other shit.. I was so angry, but they controlled all pills for I swallow, and I then I became ill and gain weight (although before i was skinny normally due to nature and healthy! except for insomnia), and they forced and then I have bad problems with period and then they took me to gynecologist, they proscribed other pills, and forced me to take them so period came, and so on, then there was a bad withdrawal, I felt much worse after stopping anti-depressants, doc prescribed me too much pills, to take, paroxetine, neuleptil (periciazin), perphenazine, venlafaxine, paliperidone, onlazapine, chlorprotixen, chlorpromazine, wellbutrin and so on, I reALLY FOUND out I have a problem with withdrawing, I cried too much, my weight was gaining by the way with these pills.. one day I realized that it is enough, I just threw them in the garbage, doc was very angry, but he wanted to prescribe more, and tranqillizators, and else, and parents wanted me to take all pills doc prescribe. My brother also controlled me. I became a vegetable, with no senses, with no libido, weight problems, health problems, and also feeling so depressed about ALL THAT STUFF I wrote, thinking about it over and over again! I don't know how to return to myself? When I was before... I really think it was a punishment from some forces, because firstly I said to doc, that I refuse to take antidepressants (to start), but he said YOU HAVE TO! YOU MUST! and parents and brother just controlled every single tablet for swallowing, and that was terrible

I was so depressed about this, but could not do anything, and in some day I did not care for eating pills, cause they cause the feeling of "indiffirence" for doing anything, like I don't care, I feeel nothing! Just wanna sleep all time, and do nothing! That's so terrible! I need a coach to help me!

angel_star · « **Reply #1 on:** October 31, 2011, 04:36:23 PM »

Dear Tabuka, I am very sorry to hear about your problems. Be assured that you'll have the support of our forum members whenever you need it. Just to let you know, a few years back I was in a similar situation as you are in. I was forcibly taken to many psychiatrists and was forcibly fed medicines though I clearly did not need them. All my protests were futile. But now thats all in the past. After I came to know about Law of Attraction, I could really turn around the depression and emerge as a positive person again. So its possible to raise above the pain and turn things around for good. But before suggesting any LOA related stuff, I would like to know a few things just to know the details. How is your health now? How is your family with you? Given a choice, would you like to consult a counselor who can talk to you and your family and suggest suitable solutions without prescribing 'medicines' as such?

Tabuka · « **Reply #2 on:** October 31, 2011, 06:03:54 PM »

Hi angel_star! Thank you for your post, I know it is terrible to be fed by medicine by force. Yes, I know this is in the past, but were you addicted to some meds? I really was, because when the stopped it, I began to gag reflex, and a very bad appetite, and axiety. So this was not the end, they prescribed more and more... I had these problems before and my appetite was ok, I could eat most of foods, I was healthy. And after the withdrawal I could not eat anything except drinking soup (on chicken boil), and drink only milk-products. What is liquid. I was complainig always to doc about bad appetite and he proscribed me bad meds for (mental-ill people), and I was not mental ill, i had only bad appetite from withdrawal from anti-depressant pills. And these neuroleptics did not help at all, but he said stay on them, and health became worse. anyway I struggled very much with my bad appetite all time after withdrawal...
So I wish to receive stable appetite and a good nap at night, which is unstable too. My family, well they forced me to take all these pills, so they can;t help, than to bring to other doctors, or this doctor to complain for money, and this will not help, unless to take another anti-depressant tablets... Well and you know, I can't tell about this to anyone in here, because people here think that I am taking narcotics and they just ran away from me... and this made me more sad, and I went to other doctors and other.. and they really don't know what to do, only to eat anti-depressants for appetite, cause nothing else helped. I don't take them now, but I think my life is lost..
Because I have had gypoglemic attacks, and my doc did not say that I have them, I just found out with another docs who suggested to buy the device that measures sugar.. and I measured and it was very low when I had an attack, but with no appetite, if you don't eat some doc say you can go to coma. So the only way to cure this is to eat! But if you can't eat, you have to take antidepressants... So I am so sorry that doctor forced you to take pills too, I know it is terrible, to sign up for that

I feel bad because of these stuff, my appetite was ruined but those pills, which I really did not want to take, but was forced to take... and I am tired of suffering..

angel_star · « **Reply #3 on:** November 01, 2011, 11:51:48 AM »

Hey dear Tabuka. Now I understand your situation better. My prayers are with you always and be assured that you'll get back your great life very soon. I have a few LOA suggestions for you. But telling you a 100 things to do right now can be overwhelming to you and can cause more confusion. So I prefer going step by step. And the most important first step to be taken is 'forgiveness'. You have to forgive yourself, your family, all those doctors, all the stressful things that happened to you. Forgiveness is the best and the fastest cure. Nothing heals like forgiveness. So please, for your own good, forgive. You may not hold any grudge or anger about anyone consciously but deep down you seem to have resentment. But its natural to feel that way considering what you have gone through. When we are resentful about others, we become resentful sbout ourselves as well. I sense that you are feeling irritated about yourself as well because you are feeling helpless. So its time to forgive and smile. Self-forgiveness is the best cure

To begin with, relax and breathe deeply. Feel as relaxed as you can. Take a sheet of paper and write down about all the negative feelings you have. For example, you may write 'I feel helpless' 'I feel angry' 'I hate those pills' etc. Just pour down your heart onto that paper. Once you are done with this, keep it aside and slowly repeat to yourself:
I HAVE to forgive myself
I HAVE to forgive my family
I HAVE to forgive the doctors
I HAVE to forgive all the people who hurt me (You can name each one of them if it makes you feel better and clear)

Repeat them until you feel more relaxed than before. Next progress to:
I CAN forgive myself
I CAN forgive my family
I CAN forgive the doctors
I CAN forgive all the people who hurt me

Repeat them until you get to an even better feeling and then proceed to:
I am forgiving myself RIGHT NOW
I am forgiving my family RIGHT NOW
I am forgiving my doctors RIGHT NOW
I am forgiving all the people who hurt me RIGHT NOW

Repeat them until you feel convinced that you are really able to forgive everyone. Say it as long as you feel the need. Once you feel much much better, start saying:
I HAVE forgiven everyone including myself.
I AM forgiveness, I AM forgiveness...say the last statement for as long as you can. Feel relaxed and light. Take the weight off your chest.

Now take the sheet of paper with the list of negative feelings and tear it or burn it. Promise yourself that all your negative feelings are burning/tearing down along with that paper and they'll never again affect you.

Practice the affirmations for a couple of days and you should see some positive changes in yourself as well as in your surroundings. Come back and let me know how it went. Based on your progress, we can proceed further and you can create the life of your dreams very easily

I AM LOVE! · « **Reply #4 on:** November 01, 2011, 12:39:28 PM »

Awesome eply Angel_Star
You are truly an angel!

angel_star · « **Reply #5 on:** November 01, 2011, 02:11:03 PM »

Thank you so very much Bal

LifeAttraction90 · « **Reply #6 on:** November 01, 2011, 02:20:07 PM »

Exactly what I would do ! Genius ---> Angel_star : D

Tabuka · « **Reply #7 on:** November 01, 2011, 03:13:31 PM »

Thank you Angel_star!
I will follow your instruction.
Although I know it is quite difficult to forgive the doctor, because he ruined much health in me (ruined stomach, appetite, weight, teeth ruined almost completely, troubles with hair, depression), I can't foget that, cause I had my own healthy teeth before these meds and now I had to place new teeth, which was very depressing... This doc never said about these side effects on that meds, he just said to throw away the instructions to my relatives so I could not read about them... And I am not old, I am quite young, and I have these problems already from pills. I wish I never began to take them.. but this was not my choice

But I will try to forgive him, although it would be very hard.. I know. And he is still calling me from time to time and asking to come, and all does for getting money... he does not care for health at all! And I asked other people who went to this doctor they say its a terrible doctor, he gains money and does not help, but makes even worse, and they say he is a really bad person.. he does not care for people's health.

Anyway I do not know how to forgive him, and only him, cause he made so much damage to my body and health, that I can only cry days and nights... feeling helpless to change anything. I cannot regrow new teeth, only put implants at stomatologist, that makes me depressed...
and I don't know about other stuff... my friend also has 4 implanted teeth in the up front! Also from these medications.. they affect the cavity, because of the changes in the saliva.

Thank you very much! I will follow and tell.

angel_star · « **Reply #8 on:** November 01, 2011, 04:17:32 PM »

Yes Tabuka I can imagine how much you have suffered. Its hard to forgive the doctor who has harmed you so much. But if you do not forgive him, you'll cause more harm to yourself and not to him. Forgive him for your own good. For your own peace and happiness. Don't worry about your physical health now. First heal yourself emotionally and find peace. Physical healing will follow. Once you are happy and you have faith, physical healing becomes very easy.

PS. Does your family know about the bad reputation of this doctor? Why are they not taking any action against him? And why did your relatives throw away the instructions on the medicine just because a doctor said so? How is your relationship with your family? If you answer these questions we'll be able to give you suitable suggestions. That's why I ask...

My prayers are with you...

I AM LOVE! · « **Reply #9 on:** November 01, 2011, 04:48:37 PM »

Tabuka
I second Angel_Star here.Forgiveness is for your own good.You know when we do not forgive someone and hold the anger in our hearts we are acttually doing much harm to us both physically and mentally.The doctor or anyone lese will continue living his life and you will be angry,depressed..so for your own sake..Forgive the doc and yourself too

Set your soul free!And these are not some bookish thing I am talking about.I am saying this because I too have experienced the ill effects of holding grudges.Easier said than done..Dont beat yourself if your inner self wants to take some time in doing that.But I am sure you will because we have so much power within ourselves.All we have to do is to realize this.Angel_star has given you a perfect advise.Follow it!
Also plz let us know the relationship of you with your family.Actually even I cant get why your family or relatives compelled you to take this medicine?
Tabuka all the physical harm is reversible..Dont worry much about it!You will heal and will have or be everything what you want to be!This law is not about relationships or healing or money..Its about living your desired life.Its for holistic bliss!But as of now..Dont stress too much.Follow the advice and be regular on this forum and let us know how things go for you.
We will all be here for you!Anytime and everytime you want us!
Lots of love,blessings and prayers your way.I will do my I am affirmation for you today

Tabuka · « **Reply #10 on:** November 02, 2011, 12:45:58 PM »

Dear angel_star and Bal thank you so much for your messages!
Now I see, why I should forgive that person. I will try to do that and say if I got it.

I felt these days bad, I could not sleep, (my ex kicked me and married another woman), and I was very stressed, and cried a lot and could not get a nap at night. My relatives did not like that, so they asked for a doc to come, so I calm down and start sleep and stop to cry. And doc prescribed very heavy medicines, very bad ones.
My relatives (dad and his new wife) just listened to the doc, by saying he is a specialist and he has a big experience in curing people, you should do what he says! They followed every instructions he told, to throw away the intructions for meds, so I would not know what I am taking and what side effects are. The doc said that I am very hypochondriac (suspisious), and if I read the instructions I would panick about what it is written there. And he did not say about side effects too. He just prescribed and forced to take, and relatives only controlled that I swallow in time, and show them the mouth that it is swallowed.

The reputation of this doc I found out later, by asking other patients, they were very angry on him, because they said he is not a good person, he is just gaining money from his patients, for not helping and proscribing wrong, dangerous meds. And every time you come to him he forces you to go on scale and looks how much each patient weights, because he thinks too much about weight. He is obsessed with being skinny himself, and sits on diets, but his patients gain weight... And he says - that is not because of my medicines, it is because you eat too much breads and food.. But the instructions in the internet told that these medicines cause weight... and he says not. And people say he does not care about health of people. My relatives wanted me to call him on phone any time and complain about everything, not to them, so they will stay calm... so they did it just for being calm for I am ok.. People suggest to run away from this doctor, he is sucks money like a pump from every client, with not giving correct help,... I thought he would destroy me, if I did not know what I was taking, luckily I went to internet and read about that - what is this all stuff he prescribed, cause he said nothing about that! I think he wants people to get addicted on his meds, so they go to him all time and ask for another dosage.. cause they feel bad without meds.

That was really bad, I felt worse with this doctor, I said to relatives that I dont like him, he is not giving correct help, not a single good word for me! Only tablets, tablets, tablets!!! No words! And after these meds I have milk coming from breast and period was over (no more period), and weight gain and hair and teeth damage (break, cavity, and holes) and so and so.. I have a friend who is in the same situation as I am, she has front teeth implants, trouble with hair and no libido, no period, depression about herself being unhappy about all these stuff medicine made to her.

angel_star · « **Reply #11 on:** November 02, 2011, 04:10:52 PM »

Dear Tabuka, I understand your situation a little better now. Okay so let past be past. All you need to do now is reverse the situation and make it more desirable in the PRESENT! You can do it. Just do the forgiveness process and let us know when you feel you have been able to forgive. We can go to the next step from there. Just relax, You'll soon be singing songs of joy