Author Topic: confused!!!! bad bad day.... first day back at work:( (Read 416 times)

crazysoul · « **on:** February 08, 2012, 09:32:50 PM »

hey there...

i dont know if you know my story, some of you do and some not of course.
short version- my absolutely best best friend i have ever had in my life, died in dec within 10 days. cancer of course. that hit me big big time, i cant even explain what it did to me. since i had never have a simple life, which i attracted of course, that was deadend for me. the ONLY person i had to trust, no family, nothing.
on top many other things like attracting men into your life which didnt treat you right... etc.... complete bad circle.
anyway.... got big depressions and thoughts of suicide, didnt want anymore. was way too hard for me. so i got a sick report from my doc. i was really sick over weeks until the universe or god showed me this place here and reminded me strongly to follow the law of attraction which i had done many years ago but stopped and so on.

so, since i am here, i feel soooo strong and full of positivity, no tears, just a few bad moments. it changed my life for the good and i am thankful for everything i am blessed with, cause even i could find something positive, that was never in my life before.
ok...
today it was my first day back at work. i was really strong and proud to show a melanie who was comletely changed. big big smile and happiness in my face.
we have a few workmates though which are really mean,only 4. i dont care about them cause i know them for years now, but that hit me deep in my heart again.
they treated me like i was invisable.... i said good morning- nothing back, they ignored me really bad- instead of asking how i am cause they know what happened to me and some even knew my friend. wasnt really nice. but i tried to stay strong.

i am working at the airport and we have many different tasks to do while working--- like sit at this counter 24 min then go to this gate, then do this and this.
today it happened that i missed one task--- a workmate, to whom i barely talk too.... came into the break room and shouted at me.... i told him that it wasnt on purpose and he was just talking BS to me. really really bad stuff he put on me.

ok...
my next task was with one of those "nice" workmates.... and she came late, so i had to do all things alone and i know that there was nothing to do at the counter, empty, no passenger at all. and i was alone at the gate, trying hard to do things right at my first day.... but she let me down. didnt talk to me at all and didnt work the way she is supposed to.

i felt mobbed and i am right, it should be a punishment for me cause i was sick that long, but they have no clue at all. i was more than sick

i talked to the lady who is responsible for the shifts. and she said thats not good what they are doing and go and tell someone. i said no. i will just ignore it, but with tears in my eyes. now she is trying to give me other shifts that i dont need to see them anymore for now. they are awful, not only to me, but this time i am the perfect victim.

yeah suddenly all of my good vibes were and are still a bit gone.... tried to get them back and prayed not to take their negativity on me.
i couldnt wait to come home, i slept only 1 hour last night and it was a long shift today. too ong for the first after weeks in my opinion.
came home..... my internetstick didnt work anymore. oh no.the stick could not be found. i am sure there is something broken inside so i tried to push it a bit or pull. i got scared cause this is the place where i can relax and be happy and get positive vibes. panicing almost

i got it working again, but quite shocked, cause right now i dont have money to buy a new one.... OMG.....
now i feel like sponge, not worth anything and being just a silly crazy girl....
i know its not true, but this feeling is there again.

why did i attract that? i was so happy when i got there and nice workmates were so happy to see me again.... but what the hell did i manifested?
i am not willing anymore to surround me with mean persons, whoever they might be.
it was terrible for me, was like falling back into the bad hole and i dont want to.
only why? cause i am always friendly, i always say hello to anyone etc... you will rarely find me when i am not nice. made good affirmations when i got to work and was so sure about having a great day..... and now?
i know i will be good again but scared a bit, since i am shifting now in 2 jobs, which i need cause money is low in the first, i have no other choice.
but till sunday i will work every day, long as well.... i cant even think about that and its a pretty hard start for me.
dont wanna lose my track. i will come here as often as i can.... can only feel good vibes here and i need that.

when i came home though, i had a small package in my letterbox- i never get packages so hm?
i opened it and it was sent my a really nice and good girl from my work, and the only one who asked after me by sending messages on FB each day, just to see how i was.
inside were a small letter, that she is sooo happy that things are going good for me again and a letter inside with a lot of hearts and all. then she said.- if you are feeling down for some reason- here is a chocolate for you. she knows i need choci when i am down.
but that made me cry, it was heaven sent. she could also leave it at work for me, she is too sweet. sign from heaven i think. thats what i needed.

sorry it was a long long story, no way to keep it short

i am soooo thankful for this place here, for ALL members and i want to thank you as well for always being there for anyone to help out or support.

thank you for reading...... love you all!!!!!

plz ignore any misspelling, i am so done... puh

melanie.... and i already feel some kind of release to have spoken that out

Stefzilla · « **Reply #1 on:** February 08, 2012, 10:45:57 PM »

I know its hard. I find myself feeling great for days and days then something happens, doesnt even have to be big and my whole world feels like its falling apart. I start looking at all the things i am doing, and what im doing on here, and think to myself it makes no sense. But then something happens to say cheer up, things are ok.

crazysoul · « **Reply #2 on:** February 08, 2012, 11:40:17 PM »

thank you stefzilla

today it was just too many things which made me feel like being nothing here in this world and the first day i had tears in my eyes again.
i wonder why i atrracted this shit?

Stefzilla · « **Reply #3 on:** February 09, 2012, 12:03:49 AM »

They look at you taking time off like a vacation while they had to work, so they feel like they got the short end of the stick. I know its stupid but people look at it that way, even though you had more than good enough reason not to be there.

I had a boss that would yell, swear and make me look stupid and small every chance he had. I finished university a year ahead of my class with great marks, but then i got that job and i never felt more stupid in my life. Looking back at it i should have done things differently, i should have just enjoyed my work and not cared what he had to say.

Best thing to do is smile, dont let it get to you, and you will see all of them will start changing or leaving you alone. If you let this continue to make you upset it will only make everything worse.

crazysoul · « **Reply #4 on:** February 09, 2012, 12:17:40 AM »

yeah, i know them already, not the best hearts out there so to say....
but today it upsets me and i was angry about myself that i reacted inside, cause obviously they have a problem and not me!!!
was just afraid falling back and get negative again.... thats all......

never ever want to go back there where i came from.
but being on here just one 1 hour raises me up and i am glad to be here.

thank you for your concern stefzilla:)
do you still use the electric thing?
if yes, do you have updates?

Stefzilla · « **Reply #5 on:** February 09, 2012, 12:22:35 AM »

I did another one last night before bed, and it was really good. Lasted about 25 minutes, and i was really feeling relaxed. I find once you are relaxed and get a idea in your head just run with it, and more things will start showing up.

I also started to write down 15 affirmations a day, from the link you wrote down, and its really making me feel much better.

crazysoul · « **Reply #6 on:** February 09, 2012, 01:57:16 AM »

GODS MESSAGE FOR ME ON FB

On this day of your life, Melanie, we believe God wants you to know ... that every little part of you is magical. Yes, even the parts that hurt, even the ones that are feeling disease right now. It's alright to love what is in pain. More than alright, that's exactly where your love is needed the most. So why not touch that part that hurts and smile at it, at yourself through it, and whisper: ''I love you.''

HITS THE NAIL

Queen Of Light · « **Reply #7 on:** February 09, 2012, 04:56:09 AM »

I'm sorry to hear you had such a bad day Crazysoul. You are such a positive force on this board and I can see how positive and happy you've been from your posts on here. It is confusing why there was so much negativity today. My last 2 days were like that as well and I was saying to myself - just like you - "why am I attracting so much negativity when I've been in such an amazing place with the LOA?" I guess it's just up to us to stay strong and keep believing and knowing things will not always be like this. One of my favorite quotes is this is just our current reality. It's not our future. Luckily we have the power to create our future. That's what keeps me going.

But I was very happy to read that your day ended in a happy & positive way!

tereza · « **Reply #8 on:** February 09, 2012, 08:50:36 AM »

Hey Crazysoul, sorry to hear that you had such a bad day at work today, but I'm glad that you found such a great message.
Anyway, I'm not sure why today was the way it was, but I'm sure it'll get better.

ImMarkBsWife · « **Reply #9 on:** February 09, 2012, 09:59:36 AM »

Melanie,

I am so sorry to hear about your friend, devastating loss..i lost my father the same way 5 years ago.

You are such an amazing person and have so much going for you in your life..stay positive..i know its easier said then done, we have all been there. But you have a new found strength now and you are more powerful and more resilient then anyone or anything that tries to knock you down.

Please remember that..always.

God Bless!

crazysoul · « **Reply #10 on:** February 09, 2012, 01:12:14 PM »

you are all too sweet, thanks soooo much.

thanks queenlight for reminding me that it is NOW, things i attracted in the past and NOT my future, which i am creating right now.

thanks for telling me i am a great person.... needed that!

i wont concentrate on them anymore- waste of time- waste of my energy and they are not worth it. pour souls which are trying to pull anyone down. it will come back to them....

i am glad to be here and today i am not getting to see them- i am in the late shift

which is surrounded by nice workmates

thank you for uplifting me, you are soooooo sweet and love you all!!!!!

b happy · « **Reply #11 on:** February 10, 2012, 01:19:13 AM »

Sorry to hear about your loss and difficult return to work. I've copied and pasted most of this reply from one I wrote to cohndong earlier but added a some neew stuff in for you. I'm new to the forum but I have been working on how to be positive for over a year and a half (after the random brutal murder of my 8 year old nephew while he was riding bikes at a country club with his mother twin and older brother). It takes time to deal with a sudden devestating loss your life is irreversibly changed by it. mine was changed on june 10, 2010. It also takes time to release the negative emotions associated with it. Some days the thing I'm thankful for and amazed at is that none of us have committed suicide and ironically that gratitude and thinking that if I did then we wouldn't have that to be thankful for is what keeps me going some days. There are many people that don't understand the time it takes to heal from these tragedies and all you can do is be thankful that they don't understand.
When I returned back to work about 6 weeks after the murder I still had some bad days where I would hide under my desk and fall apart and have to call one of my sisters or a close friend for a lifeline. Everyone I worked with knew my situation (it had had to be announced so no one would inadvertently release a phone # or address to the media) which was good but made some things more difficult. Some coworkers avoided me or were now more brusque when we were working together. This upset me at first, then I discovered many of them felt they no longer knew how to talk to me or "deal with me and the situation". This realization meant these were there problems to deal with not mine. Having experienced this it makes me think that your coworkers may be feeling the same way. Because your situation brings up their fear of loss and illness so They want to be supportive of you (even the mean ones) but don't know how. Since they don't know how they get frustrated and they wrongly interpret this frustration as being frustrated with you, therefore they take it out on you. Or they avoid you in an effort to avoid their own fears.
When I'm having a bad day I try to remeber it's natural to have feelings of sadness and negativity just don't wallow in them. Here are some strategys I employ to uplift my spirits the first comes from my 96 yr old grandmother- try to do something nice for someone everyday and hope that it's enough. This doesn't have to be anything bigjust something like maybe bringing their garbage can in from the street on trash day. The next is to read through your gratitude journal mine lists the big things like friends and family to the little things like ice, Diet Dr Pepper (my caffine addiction), insulation, toilet paper, ect. I alsohave a gratitude shell attached to my key chain (similiar to the gratitude stones discussed in the secret) I use it to remind me to be thankful whenever I notice it. If these don't help me and I can't get out of my sadness I talk to someone about what I'm feeling. I know it's counterintuitive to LOA to talk about negative feelings but it's extremely important for you to release them and not let them build. Plus when your done you can write it in your gratitude journal (I'm so happy and grateful I can talk to x about my feelings and release them) Gradually it will get easier to flip negatives to positives. If you still have sadness or grief it's OK don't add feeling guilty about having these emotions to the negative mix, simply experience the emotions and then be grateful that this experience has equipped you with the capacity to more fully embrace the joys and positives life is giving you.

crazysoul · « **Reply #12 on:** February 10, 2012, 01:33:10 AM »

B HAPPY, thank you for your kindness and help.

and welcome to the forum, glad youre here!
my day at work today was just the other way round, they just cant top my positive attitude

cause i smile big time and they are not able to pull me down.... well not yesterday but from now on. i keep distance to people like that.
and really believe me- they are negative- always- to passengers, to workmates- i am not the only one... so its common for them. but i dont care, as said already it will turn back to them by loa

i read somewhere.... REVENGE? haha, i am too lazy for that.... the universe will manage that

so i stayed positive and got compliments that much, how positive i look and one workmate even asked me- whats your secret? how could you do it.... haha
and that i would look so good etc...... they cant top it.... and no one can for all of us, cause love is the greatest power here on earth.

so i am glad about my day and happyl!!!!!

but thank you soooooo much b happy..... great name btw

karaheissman · « **Reply #13 on:** February 22, 2012, 06:30:29 PM »

I admire you for being so brave. It is great that you are so motivated to stay positive at all times--always looking on the bright side and shunning negative emotions out. Yes, I totally agree that you, stay away from those people who are making you feel bad, you are certainly not going to get anything from them. Keep on treating them nicely even if they do or say things that may make you feel bad—this will help you attract positive karma. Always keep yourself surrounded with positive energy from positive and supportive people and maintain that unbreakable spirit.

crazysoul · « **Reply #14 on:** February 22, 2012, 06:39:51 PM »

karaheissman- thank you so much for your concern

and welcome here!!!

well, its over already, i ignore them and just feeling for them for having such bad thoughts and actions.... will just make them unhappy in life.
i know who i am and i dont do any harm to them, so how can i be wrong or taking their problems on me?