Would appreciate your feedback (long, but entertaining)

[UpLOAding]

Good day to everyone!! Have been away for some time for stressful work and holiday preparations. I will answer to all your Private Messages once I've settled a bit, I promise...

The time away from all discussions also gave me some "me-time" to separate the facts from the thousands of over-positive and over-negative discussions. This reminded me that also professional psychologists and counselors are often affected by listening and sharing advice to negative stories, and therefore need to have some "time away". Just shared this to suggest whether it may help you as well?
It is very, very, very important to disconnect from the experiences of others and focus on our specific life and reality, since without doing so we are probably not even our individual selves anymore...

A free an more lucid mind made me think about all my recent and previous experiences with LOA and led me to two alternative conclusions:

1. LOA, used in its pure form, is perfect, and if used consistently (see my post about "50% vs 100% belief" and so on), it can attract a n y t h i n g. And there is absolutely no need (and no use) to be "realistic", since you keep creating your reality, even though it takes time and effort.

2. In my specific case, I already have strong foundations (both within me and in my relationship with her), which allow me to tailor LOA to my specific situation in a productive and realistic way, instead of obsessing.

In either case, I just wanted to hear what the "realists" here (especially those who think you can't attract a specific person) think about my story, and what they think might be the reason for which each time I attain a peak of belief (100% belief, 0% doubt, + "inspired action") I always get a perfectly correlated positive result. I am asking out of mere open-mindedness, and also to have a non-LOA answer for all my friends wondering what I am doing...

Just to summarize my story:
I met my best friend Natasha through Rob, who introduced her to me as his girlfriend and asked me to host her for some time while she was in my country. We instantly connected, but she was clearly making advances (including physical) on me which I rejected because of Rob.
I still spent at least 7 hours a day with Natasha since I really considered her my little sister, and she often joked - with tears - that we are "husband and wife".
(I later discovered that she had told this to her friends as well)
Rob (who is from another country) came to mine and stayed a few days with her, but one day, while the three of us were walking, she stopped and thanked him for introducing me to her, openly telling that I am the greatest treasure of her life. I quietly distanced myself after that and she started crying. That night they were both at my place and I heard them being intimate...
After Rob left, I asked her about their relationship and this is what she told me:"NO, he has no right to call me his girlfriend. We just had a fling, that's all. And I will stop this when I get into a serious relationship." And cried after that.
I was confused at that moment, since I liked her but rejected her because of Rob...
Still, I continued to treat her as my best friend and sister, and we did almost everything together. She kept dating other guys, though quite often she made explicit non-funny references about us two being a couple. She was very jealous when I spoke to other girls.
Still I wasn't confident or trusting enough to ask her out in a "more than friendship"-way, especially because she kept seeing Rob. Yet, I increasingly saw our friendship as love.
This went on for a few months (including an episode in which we were lying on her bed and she told me "I feel cold" and I covered her with all my sheets........................), after which she returned to her country. She warned me with big farewells, saying we might never see each other again, and stuff like that, but we ended up calling each other, sending sms and chatting almost every day.
I would say that even though we never directly spoke about the two of us, she was romantic with me. One quite strong thing she told me was:"I will give you my heart whenever you need it." I didn't reply to that.
In this period, I did some serious mistakes. I promised to visit her very soon, but always had a reason to not go, and kept postponing. She sounded very hurt on the phone, sometimes disappeared from the chat, and so on... I also think I might have fuelled her hopes by telling I was planning to study at her university. But my greatest mistake was that since February I have not been honest with her about my career progress. I often inflated my success and tried to act cool.
Still, I was patient and by that time I had started using LOA. I think it was with the encouragement of LOA that I still hoped something would happen between us despite the distance and other obstacles.
Each time I did an inspired action, her feedback was immediately positive. The biggest conclusion I ever reached until Day X was "Do with love, give your heart out, no matter what you get in return". But I always got great things in return, from her.
During the 2 months before I visited her, things were going really great, and by the sound of her, she seemed to be ready to be in a relationship with me.
But then some of my advisor-friends changed (because of their own personal lives, too) and thereby I also changed. They told me to focus more on sex, since that might be the decisive action that will make us a couple. But I always believed in "no sex before marriage", so I had a lot of confusion, and thought that she might not want me for that specific reason.
Anyway, this summer I finally accepted her invitation and went to her place for about 2 weeks. I told myself that, before anything, we needed to discuss a few things to rebuild trust, so I started by telling that I wasn't admitted to her university. She almost cried, so I didn't continue.
A few days later I rushed and told her I loved her, and that I had been lieing to her about my career success in the past months, but at the same time I was so angry and impatient that I started speaking bad about Rob and "promiscuous people like him". I think I did it to vent out. I also told her about all the bad things Rob did while she was away (e.g. trying to date my other female friends, talking bad about Natasha, and maybe even using viruses to enter her computer), and that made her cry.
She first started defending him and "that lifestyle", and then said she doesn't love me. I wasn't affected by that (thanks to LOA), and the next day we spoke a lot. We shared our views about love and her eyes were literally glowing when I told her I liked her since the beginning, but that I also loved our friendship and that for me it is as worth as love itself. She also said that friendship can become love.
And now comes a detail that caused a lot of disagreement between me and my adviser-friends: Even if she said she didn't love me, after our long conversation she was again just like in the very beginning. The rest of my holiday at her place, she was with me like "husband and wife" again. We spent much time together and there were moments in which it really seemed as if she was trying to make physical advances but was fighting hard against it. Yes, that's how I can say with all my objective lucidity: she was fighting against loving me. Yet she was showing deep concern and affection, trying to help me with everything, almost trying to be my "little slave".
After I returned home, she almost sounded needy, sending me lots of text messages and saying she thinks about me, etc. until... ALL OF A SUDDEN, she became cold again (in the same way she did when I disapponted her by telling I could not visit her anymore).
Now please consider this: her "ALL OF A SUDDEN" change happened immediately after I started speaking about my holiday with my advisor-friends and they started telling me "She doesn't love you. Game over. We told you to f*ck her etc". and that discouraged me. This was in the end of summer 2010.
Since that period, there have been many ups and downs, and personally I feel they were very much related to the way I used LOA (50% vs 100%). However, even in peiods where my faith and belief was only 50%, I always put my personal effort to be helpful to her whenever she needed my help (related to her own studies and extracurricular projects).
So I have always openly shown my care and concern for her.

This is what I feel have been the results of my "100% LOA":
Ever since I found a job that will lead me into her country, to her city and right next to her house, she has been consistently positive. She keeps telling me that she admires me, and from time to time even asks me quite detailed things ("Whom did you talk to yesterday?").
A week ago, we were again on the phone, and I heard her voice for the first time since this summer. She told me she wants to visit me next month. Can you imagine how happy I was?

Yet then, simultaneous to the days in which I was discussing intensively on this forum and some of the most experienced people here started giving up on their "specific persons", it somehow affected my belief. Maybe it got reduced to 80%

On such days, whenever I speak to her my intention is to "check whether she's really really really still interested". And I ask her test questions such as "Since I'll be coming to your city very often, would you like to work as my assistant?"

And - voilą - she tells me she cannot visit me anymore, because of all her study projects. At the same time I was reading more and more negative things on this forum, and that made me "connect" with my experience and - voilą - one day she went away from the chat without saying Goodnight.

So, I have written to you my whole story once again, with details on how LOA's results manifested themselves. Yet I would like to also hear what you think about this from a non-LOA point of view.

How would you define the evolution of our friendship/relationship? And how would you describe her?
A stable good friendship, that might be threatened once again due to my possessiveness?
A disappointed girl who is unstable?

Or is this all simply just because of my shifts between 50%, 80% and 100% LOA?

Please bear in mind that ever since my best adviser-friends changed, I have also changed a bit, spending more time thinking rather than acting, discussing about her instead of talking with her, etc.

I believe in a life without deadlines, and this belief has brought me forward in life, especially to understand my own mistakes. But I also don't want to miss out on potential opportunities or neglect anything that might make things worse.

What do you think? All insights appreciated.

Happy holidays once again!

[stevelewis]

Good to see u back uploading...

What a long story, and TBH didn't know a lot of the bits you put in there, so good for an overview again...

Does she practice LOA (or you tell her that you do?)

I think in all of that, you've not struck up the courage to GO FOR IT (inspired action), whatever you want to call it. But I (like you), don't have deadlines, take things slowly at times. I personally also try very much NOT to over analyse things. You are asking for analysis here, when all we see are your words, but not witnessed the actions, and relationship you two have had.

I don't think it's stable friendship, as theres been secrets, and holding back, true good friends would share everything. I'm not saying this is a bad thing. I am actually confident that BOTH of you have fear! You have had fear by not pursuing things, and her also by holding back.

The whole story seems like you both are holding back, whether this be due to Rob (where does he fit in now?), fear, distance, friends/family...

From what you have written there is definitely something there, and someone needs to do more actions!

Hope that makes sense, and answers some of your questions...

Steve x

[UpLOAding]

@stevelewis
 
Thank you for your swift answer Steve.
 
She doesn't use LOA, but she is extremely intelligent.
 
As mentioned in older posts, I must work on the "dark sides" of me: my jealousy, possessiveness and sometimes also being judgmental towards promiscuous people Indeed what I feel is that I may have indirectly criticised her and hurt her by criticising Rob (since she also had a fling and dated other guys.). I was extremely spiteful and pathetically angry when I spoke to her against promiscuity on that day when I vented out everything.
 
About two months ago I wrote a long e-mail to Rob apologising for having bad-mouthed him but received no reply for him. Overall, she was much better with me in the past weeks except for the past days (where I really feel it was LOA in action since I was becoming stressful etc).
 
Yes, you're right, and I have rarely thought about it: she fears telling me certain things maybe because she doesn't want to hurt me, or because she fears being judged by me. She seems to be less open than at the beginning, more strategic but still thinking about me. At the very beginning (while she lived in my country) she would openly tell me "Oh, I'm having a date with this guy", whereas now she never mentions such details.
A normal good friend (by which I mean "just friends") would tell that openly, right? And even if she wanted to commit to someone else, she would tell that, right?
 
My current plan is very long-term oriented, i.e. to keep my promises this time instead of disappointing her again (keeping up good work, enabling myself to travel more often to her, finishing studies and other things that will re-assure her that I truly can move to live with her), trying not to lie to her about myself, not to exaggerage my successes and be modest.
 
What I am still unsure about is whether I should be more "sexy" or not, and follow my friend's advice of making use of the difference in our gender... she's a woman, I'm a man, and stuff like that...  More specifically, I am still a bit unsure whether it might be better to depart from my "pre-relationship commitment" ideology (which I stick to because I believe in it, it is part of my individuality) and behave like the stereotypical "single man", like magdog sometimes suggests (flirting with other women in the meantime), try to make her a bit jealous, and perhaps make her decide more quickly.
However, if I started doing like this, it would be a major change in my personality/individuality and I don't know whether Natasha would take such behavior like other women (since she has already been jealous of me in the past).

Actually, I feel I should not do that, but just asking for approval/confirmation

[tereza]

Wow! I'm so glad you posted this as this  relates somewhat to what I'm going through right now.

When quite a few forum members were "letting go", I like you, started to feel my faith waver. Actually, I don't know if it was my faith wavering, since it's already embedded in my mind that I love my friend and that he loves me. What started to happen was that my desire started to change.

See my story/plan for my relationship was:

1. Make X amount of money a month.
2. Move to Y place.
3. Contact "friend"
4. Ask to meet up with "friend"
5. Have amazing time together

And so far goals 2 and 3 have been accomplished without needing goal 1 (which is something I thought I needed and would still like to have) and surprisingly he contacted me.  Goal 4 is where I feel my desires changing. In the past, I would've been fine asking him to meet up with me.  I imagined living closer to him than I do now and that the invite would be easy and friendly.  But after reading the "letting go" threads, I find that I'd much rather my friend come to me this time and I want him to ask to meet up.  And it's funny because recently he mentioned some plans he had and said that I was welcome to join him.  In the past I would've jumped at the opportunity and drove those many hours to spend time with him.  But I turned him down because that's no longer what I wanted.  I still love him, I would just like him to come to me for a change.

It's somewhat confusing though because I wonder if I was taking inspired action or if I had missed out on an opportunity. Part of me thinks I did the right thing because if I had gone to him, it would've just been a repeat of our old relationship.

As for your situation, I think you did the right thing by not being sexy with her.  I think by not pushing for sex you are being respectful of her and you're giving the chance for the relationship to grow without the confusion that hormones can create.  I think once sex gets into the picture it complicates things. I think your long term plan is good, but I wonder if it would be possible for you to actually transition the relationship from just a platonic friendship to something romantic while you're working on your plan?  I think it seems like the both of you would just like to make out already. 

[stevelewis]

Up, no worries on the response. Been a while since I've participated on the forums, even tho I do hang around here!

Firstly, don't go off and sleep with her, if that's against ur beliefs! I personally don't agree with the wait till marriage thing (I have a child, and never been married!), but if that's your beliefs, then you should stick with them, totally agree with tereza on that one!

I've been a very judgmental person in the past, but my views have relaxed over time, and accept others beliefs which is fine (unless they are malicious and deliberately hurt people!) How old are you out of interest?

You sound like you need to work on a few things, jealousy, etc. I know for a fact that my soul-mate has been with at least one, if not two guys, and is currently dating someone. I was initially jealous, but this is her choice, and we WILL be together one day.

Also I have hidden stuff, but not lied to her when we've been in contact. I would definitely suggest being honest with her (hiding a few things and being secretive is one thing, LYING is another, and destroys the trust!)

You sound like you know what you want, you know what you need to do, so chill and relax into it. Don't go against ur core beliefs, and that will hurt in the long term.

You are not normal 'good friends' as you put it. Get that way. Why have you not taken the risk before to push things a little? You're both scared of something. One thing I've realized over the last year (and the last year has been a very interesting one for me!), is that I find that people get scared of true love, and don't follow their heart, and they WILL regret it. People settle for the easy option, and in the long run this is NOT good.

Well that's my opinion, hope it helps!

Steve!

[loveofabundance]

@Up, I believe it was the shifts in your feelings that caused you to perceive things as either more positive or more negative.  Also, you lied to her, so you probably weren't feeling very good about that.  Now that you've been honest it will be easier for you to move forward with her.  It seems like you both are dancing around the issue and it could be more helpful to be direct.  I don't understand why the two of you are not together if you both like each other.  I agree with Steve that there must be some fears on both of your parts that are delaying that outcome.
 
@Tereza, if you felt that it was best to pass on his invitation, tha it was.  There is no point in second guessing yourself.
 
@Up & Tereza, you shouldn't base your faith and/or desires on other people's actions because everyone is different and different situations call for different measures.  Just follow your hearts and allow others to follow their hearts, too.
 
Letting go of the need for someone isn't the same as giving up on them, by the way.  It's simply a shift in focus and energy.  Manifestation doesn't take tremendous amounts of belief and/or faith.  It's about intention.  Once you put an intention out there, it's coming to you in physical form.
 
I've manifested things that I didn't believe were possible such as growing taller in my late 20's and again in my late 30's.  I had simply wished, a few times, to be taller when I was in high school.  These were fleeting thoughts.  I truly didn't believe it was possible for me to grow taller and forgot all about it.  And now, I'm taller.
 
At 18, I thought it was impossible for me to become an actress because I was too old.  I truly believed this.  At, 30, I played an 18-year old on television.
 
So, in my experience, it really only has to do with the desire and not belief.  While it's true, to a point, that thoughts manifest, it's really feelings that do the manifesting.  It's just that human beings tend to translate our feelings in words, rather than letting them flow freely.  As far as letting go of focusing on another person, for me, it feels wonderful.  It's time for me to direct some loving energy towards myself for a change.

[HelpingitHappen]

Uploading,

I read your stories on 50, 80, 100% beliefs, and in this post noticed that your beliefs moved about that spectrum depending on what other "more experienced" people were doing by 'giving up" on the ones they loved.
It is my belief that none of us "more experienced" people gave up, we merely found a comfort zone that allowed us to move on from the need and desperate want the was haunting our desires.
You seem to me, to be over analyzing the Law of Attraction. It really is very basic in its nature, perfect in it's structure, and it always shows you the correct outcome of your desires.
However, it DOES NOT provide you with anything, it doesn't hand out favors, it isn't Santa Clause or the tooth fairy and after realizing it's basic operations, doesn't require anymore study, analyzing, or other research.
What does require other research though are the other Laws of the Universe.
While the Law of Attraction is important, but no more important than the other Laws of the Universe. This is because all these laws are perfect laws and created to interact with each other perfectly and without monitoring by God, The Universe or whoever you believe created them.
It is a checks and balance system that require no checks or balances. Because all the Laws work in unison. Each and every one, has a job that makes each and every one of them valid to each other and useful for beings in this realm.
Enlightenment is the real reason that the Laws were created, because if you were to follow and integrate all the Laws of the Universe at all times, then you would, without much effort have reached the enlightenment that is why you are here to begin with.
Really, if you think about it, it's not about "what can I get using the Laws of the Universe", instead it's more, "what can I give, using the Laws of the Universe". "What can I learn?", "How can I grow?" "How may I use the Laws of the Universe to truly know myself and attain enlightenment?"
If one would integrate that intention into the usage of the Laws, then anything and everything you want to "get" would be attracted to you without effort.
It is my belief, and I mean this in the most friendly way Up, that if you continue to analyze every aspect of your life by what the Law of Attraction is bringing to you, you will never experience most of what your life is supposed to be.
If you love a woman, go get her, worry not about trust, fidelity, and what the Law of Attraction was "supposed" to bring forth, because it will bring things into your experience of choices, but will never hand you what you want exactly on a silver platter. It allows for free will, and that free will is your choice and the choices of everyone else.
If you are trying to create this perfect relationship (no infidelity, total trust, etc.) by utilizing the Law of Attraction, thats fine, but why wouldn't you instead, use it to find the love of your life, then keep using it to perfect the love that exists now in your life? Seems like the more you want in one, is really more like creating conditions that you want the Universe to deliver. It is you that delivers this to you, it is you that creates the woman, or that man. It is you that manifests your dreams. The Universe merely places choices in your path.
From reading your analytical posts and threads, I am lead to believe that you believe that you can actually change the free will of another, You can not!
It is only when two are in the same vibrational state that they will or can be brought together in a situation. Thereby allowing a whole new set of free will choices to be made.
It almost seems that you are looking to control the Law of Attraction to do your bidding, it does not work like that either. You control your own thoughts, emotions, thus vibrations.
The Laws of the Universe have no idea who you are, what your name is, and they don't care.
They don't care if your vibrations are high, or low, good or bad, they don't care if you ever get anything you ever wanted.
They are only there to create the vibrational mix that is everywhere from all people and all at the same time.
Keeping this in mind is why you want to keep your vibrations at a higher self level.
Meditation is keeping yourself at a higher self level. Thinking and doing the right things that make you feel good is keeping yourself at a higher self level.
This is why when you vibrate at a constantly higher level, your manifestations are nearly instantaneous.
That is why when one tries to manifest the love of a lover that no longer holds the same vibrations, that it takes the time for that other lover to be back into that vibrational state that matches yours.
This is why letting go of everything but the love itself is so important.
If you forever hold the desperation of the need for the other, then thats what you will get in return, more need for the other and the other's vibrations will change to no need, no desperation, but they will want love at some point, and if you are still in desperation, then your vibrations STILL don't match and you never get what you want in that other person.
Letting go of the desperation, not the love. If you are able to remain in love, without the need, then when the other person feels they want love, you become the shortest route to love for them.
Its at this point, that free will is in full force and you both are at the mercy of each other regarding pairing up again.
It's not rocket science, it's merely love. All the Laws of the Universe work together, therefore you cannot take one, without encompassing the others.
You want to analyze something? Analyze how one would make it easier to make all the Laws of the Universe seamless in one's own life. Now that would be a study of some significance.
Peace and Love,
BW
   

[UpLOAding]

I have been busy and away for Christmas. Thank you for all your long replies which I much appreciate and am answering to point by point (I am replying to everyone since some asked the same questions I didn't always write their name).
 
- Some of you have said that both of us hold back. My personal perception was that I was not ready, and I think she felt or still feels the same.
The best example is how I first rejected her (despite liking her very much) because for me it is absolutely immoral that someone who is already in a relationship makes advances on a third person.
Also, months later, when we were both lying on bed and she said "I'm feeling cold, aren't you?" and I coverred her with sheets... well, for the same reason I prefer sex until marriage (or significant level of mutual commitment). I think at that time I was not yet 100% sure about her interest in something serious, was not comfortable about the fact that she still met with other guys, etc. (this is all before LOA).
But even after having started using LOA, my goal is not just "being with her", but a whole big framework of a lifetime plan: faithfulness, family, financial sustainability... the three foundations (FFF... lol). Whenever I felt that one of those F's might be threatened by one of my actions, I wouldn't do that action. "being with her" for two months and then breaking up like all other people in our age is not what I'm looking for.
All in all, I think that given these objectives, I have acted properly and towards them, but sometimes may have been too afraid to turn them according to my way. e.g. While we were on bed, I could have just kissed her and then "keep her warm" But I had the premonition that such actions would not lead to my longer-term objectives.
As some of you suggested, too, I am more comfortable following the slow path, so that we get to know each other, avoid misunderstandings, do things when both want it, etc.
I also think that a possible reason she is holding back is the mere fear and stigma against long-distance relationships. Maybe for her it is more comfortable, at the moment, not to take risks and keep options open.
 
- In case some of you misunderstood, when I asked whether it might be good to become "sexy", I didn't mean specifically with her, but to behave like the stereotypical Man with masculinity, being surrounded by other women, and other stuff that people advice in common dating rules (the most famous of which is "As long as you're single, you're free to have sex with anyone"). Knowing her, I think such a transformation might be counterproductive. But was just asking your opinions.
 
- tereza, you asked why I don't transition from platonic to romantic, but what exactly do you mean by "romantic" in this case?
 
- For me, staying chaste until marriage (BTW when I say marriage I don't mean the official marriage, but simply knowing for sure that we will be committed forever, regardless of whether the wedding took place already) has become a core belief because I perceive that relationships in which sex does take place too early easily break up or end up giving less weight to other important aspects (friendship, care, affection, commitment etc.) which indirectly also lead to break up. I know there are exceptions, but especially when I knew for sure that she was staying in my country just for a few months and then returning home, and yet I knew for sure that she was the woman of my life, I didn't want to make it yet another superficial fling or love affair.
 
- stevelewis, I am in my mid 20s And yes, I notice very well that when I am not jealous, we understand and empathize each other much better. I mean, our first deep discussion when we first met was about our previous relationships. We were like two old women gossiping about their husband/s. Except I'm not a woman
But that was easy for me at the beginning since I still saw her as my friend's girlfriend, whereas my attitude probably changed when I saw her as the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with
I also realized recently that when I don't take it personally if she had other men, I actually feel much more connected to her, when talking etc. - After all I am an "idealist" with very complex values and thought through beliefs, whereas she is a normal girl, and I know that if I hadn't studied too much religion and philosophy, I might also be one of those normal guys who had many girlfriends and one-night-stands before finding the "right one".
 
- Some of you suggest that I should be direct with her.
Well, if you mean "direct about us"... ever since my holiday with her, I haven't directly addressed neither the story with Rob, nor love, nor anything, but have been simply enjoying our relations, communication, etc. 
While I am absolutely sure that she likes me despite having spoken the opposite during the summer events, I feel that if I made a second move she might not feel respected.
How exactly do you think I should be direct? You mean something like:"So, how's everything going with Rob?" and then keep pushing? Mmm I don't feel comfortable with doing that, not out of fear, but out of respect.
 
- loveofabundance
What I call intensity of belief may be the same thing that you call desire or feeling. Consider that I am a very philosophical person, and am often involved in questioning my own moral laws and those of others, and obviously I also do this in combination with LOA and love, relationships, etc.
So whenever I am awake, belief and feeling and desire are heavily interconnected. My imagination is so strong that if some random person told me "Imagine your wife cheats on you by having sex with your best friend.", I actually imagine that very vividly, and it has a solid and instant impact on my beliefs, my feelings, etc. as a consequence my desire becomes less.
(---> Imagining her with another man ---> liking her less ---> believing less in a relationship with her ---> desiring her less ---> leading to that manifestation )
I think in my case this might be very strong due to the above-mentioned reasons (lot of philosophy, reasoning, etc.).
It has both advantages and disadvantages (i.e. If I imagine something positive, the impact is always very positive).
When I say 100% belief, I mean keeping my imagination clean and without bad premonitions.
Consider also this:
Just two days ago, Natasha was very flirty with me again  Yesterday, two of my best friends were dumped by their girlfriends (simultaneously, lol, right after Christmas), which heavily stirred my negative imagination, and made me think about my old pessimist ideas about women and relationships... is it sheer coincidence that just after I felt this pessimism, and these old thoughts, Natasha didn't contact me today (we actually planned to discuss something quite important - not related to ourselves but our studies -, and yet she's nowhere to be found)?

[UpLOAding]

@HelpingitHappen
I appreciate your long reply. Before answering your questions let me say that in many of my posts I address how certain interpretations of LOA actually make sense to me and some don't. I also combine my knowledge/experience of LOA with what I know through my university studies in psychology and social sciences, and to all that I just add my personal experience, and that of others whom I know to use LOA or behave in a way that resembles the philosophy behind LOA.
 
I am certainy not a VIP who deserves to write a testimonial, but all I can say is that I feel it works, and that if I had to write a thesis or a book about my experience with LOA, I would re-write everything I wrote previously, especially:
 
You'll manifest 50% if you believe only 50%
http://www.powerlawofattraction.com/forum/6/you'll-manifest-only-50-if-you-believe-only-50/msg13311/#msg13311
 
Why some can't attract someone specific?
http://www.powerlawofattraction.com/forum/6/why-some-can't-attract-someone-specific/msg12729/#msg12729
 
Why couples break up - A LOA interpretation
http://www.powerlawofattraction.com/forum/6/why-couples-break-up-a-loa-interpretation!/msg11641/#msg11641
 
I stand up to what I wrote, even just for the mere experience of having seen it happen. It is true. Maybe others experience something different, but that actually makes me wonder why for me everything works quite purely... As you notice, I also discuss LOA and its relationship to values. One very important conclusion I have reached in the past months is that people become pessimistic or abandon their values, expectations, hopes, etc. BECAUSE of things that are perfecly describable by LOA.
So I have also started some discussions about the HOW of relationship dynamics, with hope to restore such values a priori.
 
To answer some of your specific questions, I think I say a lot in this topic:
What is a "right person"?
http://www.powerlawofattraction.com/forum/6/what-is-a-'right-person'/msg13166/#msg13166
I don't want any person or any love because I don't see the point of doing so... I'm not looking for "a relationship", but for a relationship with a specific person.
 
One more important thing I say to you as a human being, and as a pyschology student: the existence of free will may be plausible, but even babies know that people's choices are interdependent.
I think many of the interpretations of LOA that reject the idea that we have absolutely no influence on each other (I neve said it goes in one direction) are quite misleading, and even quite limiting beliefs.
Look around: there are salespeople, marketers, ad copywriters, but also preachers, religious leaders, political leaders, comedians, and to a certain extent coaches and self-help gurus. What do they do, every day of our existence?
They change people, they change the way people perceive things, they change their hearts and minds.
What do our parents do, our best friends?
They influence us.
Of course, we as individuals are the people who make the final conscious decision, and that we call "free will", but there's loads of influence beneath the surface of this free will, loads of information that escapes the conscious mind.
 
The reason why I think this is related to LOA is that people (especially in the realm of relationships) shouldn't uselessly give up to thoughts such as "whatever I do, if they don't want they will never want". That is total nonsense!! No, a total lie!
 
I never said that I can directly make you love me, but that if I behave in a certain way, if I reach a level of inspiration that helps me empathize with you and understand you, match our priorities, etc. there is a high chance that you will chose to love me. I feel that many people in today's world don't try hard enough, confine themselves in pessimistic ideas instead of thinking creatively.
I feel that regardless of LOA, there's always a way to get someone back, but the use of LOA gives us ideas to help speed up the process.
I felt that it speeded up my creative process, and in fact gave me very specific ideas on "what to do next" (and most of the times helped).

[tereza]

- In case some of you misunderstood, when I asked whether it might be good to become "sexy", I didn't mean specifically with her, but to behave like the stereotypical Man with masculinity, being surrounded by other women, and other stuff that people advice in common dating rules (the most famous of which is "As long as you're single, you're free to have sex with anyone").

Now I understand what you meant by being sexy.  Well my opinion is still the same as before. You're different from the sterotypical male, you're passionate about your beliefs and that's probably a big part of why Natasha is attracted to you. So nope, I wouldn't try to be that sort of "sexy" if I were you.
 

- tereza, you asked why I don't transition from platonic to romantic, but what exactly do you mean by "romantic" in this case?

I was wondering why things were strictly friends only when it seems like you both are very attracted to each other? Why be friends when you can be boyfriend and girlfriend? But I see now, that she doesn't want a long-distance relationship so trying to be romantically involved with her (meaning trying to become her boyfriend) at this moment probably wouldn't be a good idea.  It would be different if that was something that she would be ok with.

Consider also this:
Just two days ago, Natasha was very flirty with me again  Yesterday, two of my best friends were dumped by their girlfriends (simultaneously, lol, right after Christmas), which heavily stirred my negative imagination, and made me think about my old pessimist ideas about women and relationships... is it sheer coincidence that just after I felt this pessimism, and these old thoughts, Natasha didn't contact me today (we actually planned to discuss something quite important - not related to ourselves but our studies -, and yet she's nowhere to be found)?

Come on, you know the answer to this. 

[UpLOAding]

Come on, you know the answer to this. 

A Christmas/New Year boyfriend mass-dumping conspiracy?

[HelpingitHappen]

Up,
I can mostly agree with what you have said here, although, it is a broad stroke of a very wide brush by the looks of your perspective.
In a general sense, yes one can influence the free will of another, but that is because the other is wanting something or is needy of someone, such as a parent child relationship, or a consumer salesperson relationship.
That is a very, very general idea of what the Laws of Attraction is to most people, even from a psychological standpoint.
People as you know, tend to believe what they want to believe, they hear what they want to hear, they cling to what makes them feel better about their given situation at that time.
These feelings change in every person on a constant basis, and thats why you cannot generalize the use of the Laws of the Universe.
Anyway, my reply, quite simply put, was one that is designed to take the stress out of the use of Laws of the Universe, and for people to do what is necessary for them to feel good on a constant basis so that their dreams will manifest in the least amount of human time.
Thus letting go, is not giving up, it is reversing that which most people do when they want a particular person. They continue to need and hunger for the other and that alone will make manifestation a near impossibility.
It is out birthright as human beings to live joyfully, why is it you think most of us don't? It's the preachers,  the salespeople, parents, all those folks that you say influence us and create a change in our free will.
Thats right, they are conditioning us to believe as they do, they are planting thoughts in our subconscious minds that only serve them, not ourselves.
Its why the leaders of our churches preach to us what they preach, they want us to believe as they do, just so you won't step out of line..
I said the Laws are simple, and they are, they are like how a newspaper is written, so that nearly everyone can grasp the intentions of them and to utilize them to create a joyful life, OUR BIRTHRIGHT.
They are designed to allow us to reach enlightenment, and when one achieves total enlightenment, there is no need to be human again.
You know, one of the great things about the Laws of the Universe is, is that it makes for wonderful and healthy debate. It is a hardy subject to say the least. Realizing that what is good for one, will not be good for another, is an absolute that cannot be argued with.
Some do give up, others don't. Some find comfort in the "norm" that they were conditioned to believe, others don't. Some even find excuses as to why none of this works, but those are the ones who will not create the lives they really want.
I agree that people should not uselessly give up on attracting back to them the love that was lost. \
You then have to agree that if part of attracting is to release and let go, then that must be done in order for the love to return.
I fully expect that my ex will return in some form or another, I just don't know where my heart will be at that point.
Thats the way the Universe works. That is why there is such a thing as free will, forget influence. If you were in my shoes, I guarantee that you would not be able to influence my ex. She won't even entertain the thought of communication, so unless you want to go to jail for stalking, be aware, because of this alone, that not everyones situation can utilize the laws in the same way, therefore, by generalizing it with such broad strokes, that alone creates the lies for many.
I studied criminal psychology myself in college, along with physics and general law. So, I am not without education in social matters and realities.
It has been fun, and one more thing I want to ad, My last reply, only asked of you one question, "You want to analyze something? Analyze how one could make it easier to make The laws of the Universe seamless in one's own life"
That is a question I have yet to have answered, no sweat though, I'm working on it.
Much love to ya, I do enjoy your posts, You are inquisitive and informative
I have learned much from you. keep writing.
Thanks again,
BlondeWop

[UpLOAding]

HelpingitHappen,
Thank you again for your reply.
I think we are on the same wavelength on many points, so I will address only the points which remain debatable to me

These feelings change in every person on a constant basis, and thats why you cannot generalize the use of the Laws of the Universe.

What do you mean here? Are you agreeing with my idea that personal inconsistency and lack of integrity in one's beliefs (and as a consequence, feelings) is a cause of why many things don't manifest as seamlessly as we wish?

...and for people to do what is necessary for them to feel good on a constant basis so that their dreams will manifest in the least amount of human time.

...whereas my ideas are generally aimed at defining more properly how to dream. I perceive (generally) that many people are passive in their lives. I never said that "letting go" means "giving up", but that letting go too much can make us grow unaware of the other person, become neglectful and out of focus - basically make us grow apart.
Also, my personal experience in previous relationships is that I often feared to appear too needy and clingy, but after those relationships ended, I was told by my previous partners that I was exactly the opposite (Oh, yes, I always ask their feedback and often I use their advice for my later relationship). So I also feel a moral duty to inform others that it is very important to know who you are and who your partner is, understand their needs, adapt the differences between you two, etc. By this I don't mean to be needy and clingy, but to learn to understand when they need space and when they need you, and to give them accordingly, rather than just putting them in the backyard of our consciousness
I have also often said that my manner of focusing is more about being productive and creative with getting close to the specific person rather than just feeling nostalgic and having negative feelings. At the same time, I also believe that love is giving without expecting in return, which is also a way to detach from the outcome.
However, one important point that strikes my attention is this:
You say that your heart may be somewhere else after you let go, but my perception is that "letting go" (the way I perceive most people let go) is often the CAUSE of such changes of heart. Please think about this carefully, and compare with what happens in society also outside the LOA-world.

It is out birthright as human beings to live joyfully, why is it you think most of us don't? It's the preachers,  the salespeople, parents, all those folks that you say influence us and create a change in our free will.
Thats right, they are conditioning us to believe as they do, they are planting thoughts in our subconscious minds that only serve them, not ourselves.
Its why the leaders of our churches preach to us what they preach, they want us to believe as they do, just so you won't step out of line..

OK, we can discuss history here but I was addressing something different: my point was that EVERYONE, yes every single one of us, influences each other, whether we do so intentionally or not, whether we do it to persuade each other, or not. We always have an impact. Each of us is a preacher and a believer at the same time. Even when you say "it is our BIRTHRIGHT to live a joyful life", you are influencing many readers to start thinking about it. My notion of influence is thus not one of persuasion nor coercion, but the mere fact that if I start acting like a monkey on a plane (with no intention towards others), people will think I am crazy, get annoyed and maybe even panic, whereas if I am neutral and mind my own business, people who are aware of me will see me as any other person.
With regards to a joyful life... here I will start speaking about values. Of course, happiness is important, but what's the point in following our blind happiness if it can cause us to do things that are not in line with our higher objectives, or cause other people's unhappiness (especially of those whom we love now), and most importantly cause our heart to change every day?
I know for sure that if all I wanted in my life was happiness, I would spend my days going to sex parties all around the world. No, seriously. It is not dreams, but the pure satisfaction of body and mind. No values, no restraints, no safe future, just fun and constant enjoyment, here and now, without thinking about rules and what will happen tomorrow...
I think this is the reason there are values such as love, marriage and commitment, or any values for that matter. And for me, love goes beyond happiness. It is the ability to grow together with someone, be for them and learn from them, learn to make sacrifices, and much more.
I am sure these ideas are not encompassed in any of the Laws, and each has different varieties of ideas about love and relationships, but I just mention mine because I think love is more about understanding and growth, relating to someone, rather than our sheer happiness. Because I think sheer happiness can be found anywhere, especially in the red-light district.
I say this more or less in the tone of Aldus Huxley's "Brave New World", in case you have read it. People in that dystopic future society are programmed to be happy, even take pills to be happy, and have regular company orgies to even out their work-life balance. When people die, their memory is immediately erased. One important message I learned from that book is that we need to go through sadness in order to understand each other.
I am sure that today's society is not as extreme, but I find it already quite disappointing that people break up just because they expect to find greater satisfaction with someone else (which, coincidentally, is also out of line with some of LOA: be responsible for your own happiness), or just because of some obstacle.
I think this is the reason why values are important in defining what exactly we want, HOW we want to be happy, and with WHOM we want to be happy. As I have often written on other posts, there is always someone who is ready to love us out there and you certainly don't need LOA to find one of them

If you were in my shoes, I guarantee that you would not be able to influence my ex. She won't even entertain the thought of communication, so unless you want to go to jail for stalking,...

I don't know your specific story, but, considering my clarification above about what I meant by "influence", do you really think there is absolutely no way you can think of for her to to want you again?
Anyway,
I think it is really, really, really very important even for other people here to understand the cause of break ups. Two friends were dumped because of distance and boredom (See? When people blindly follow their happiness, they will always settle for what makes them happy at their easiest convenience. Obviously, a partner here and today is better than a partner I will see physically only once a month, right?)
I have advised them to take responsibility and learn to be more present and trusting towards their (hopefully soon again) partners.

It has been fun, and one more thing I want to ad, My last reply, only asked of you one question, "You want to analyze something? Analyze how one could make it easier to make The laws of the Universe seamless in one's own life"

Did you mean anything specific regarding my post? I'm not sure I understood the connection, or whether it was a rhethoric question to something you were talking about before
I think I can summarize my above essay with the following: While it is important not to be too needy and focus on our own self-realization, it is also very important to understand and focus on the needs (differences, life changes, priorities, tastes, passions, etc.) of the other person and dedicate ourselves to it. That, I think, is the foundation of a relationship. And that will make any vibrations match.
(As I wrote on another post, if you simply look for "someone who matches your vibrations" it can be anyone at any time, and they can change because the vibrations will change, and then it will be someone else after that, etc. etc. etc. causing relationship rotation and/or bed-hopping... so I am not entirely sure that looking for "vibrational matches" is really productive - at least, not according to my ideal of love. I feel that when I think about vibration match theory, it makes me think of many hot women, promiscuous lifestyle, sex parties etc.)
Note:
Right before finishing the last words of this post, Natasha called me (surprise!) and we spoke for an hour While we spoke, my mind was 50% thinking about this post. In a way you could call this "letting go" (since I wasn't 100% focused on her), and thereby I was speaking nonsense at times, e.g. forgetting things she had already mentioned over 100 times, thinking about "what else can I reply to HelpingitHappen's?" while she was talking about organizing somethings together and even told me "I really like talking to you more often. Let's phone each other every day for an hour or so, alright?" And I was thinking about HelpingitHappen... and not even sure what to tell her, was getting distracted, etc.
I say this in a humorous way, but I know that I should be a bit worried. At least in my specific situation (if for you "letting go" means focusing on this discussion instead of her), how can letting go be conducive to improving our relationship?
Maybe this is not even a serious problem as it is for others, but I really think that in order to find empathy, or (in LOA terminology) in order to make the vibrations match, it is also important to be with them with the heart
I know I am usually much more dedicating towards the woman I love.

[HelpingitHappen]

Up,

This was a very interesting reply, well thought out and quite illuminating in some aspects.

I will agree that everyone of us influences everyone else, but the problem is that most people, mostly those unaware or uncaring of the Laws of the Universe, are allowing that influence out of convenience, or lack of a better application for their own situations.
This is why people change on a constant basis. If one was to believe one way, and then was told of another way to believe, well if that new belief served them better as to what they want to accomplish,
(basically being told what they want to hear, that sounds better, ooh, I like that, etc.) then there is no consistency  FOR THEM as to what is available as truth.
This is the reason most people simply give up, or tout that it does not work, or is not real, or is just fantasy thinking, even fanatical.
It goes against everything that they were conditioned to believe.
 
I would not call it a lack of integrity for their own beliefs, because most people don't have a clue what to believe, they just ride the waves and let life happen to them instead of through them.
Really, their initial belief systems or conditioning is not far off in most cases.
The Buddha, Sri Krishna, Allah, Jesus and so on, taught basically the same thing; A higher awareness of one's self is the key to happiness and joy in this life and in the spiritual realm.
That is why I say our birthright is joyful living.
 
Thinking of constant happiness as being sex parties, orgies and the like, is a value. I assume its not yours, but if that is what makes a person happy, then that is what they value.
But you must agree that that value is an earthly one, and not even congruent to the teachings of society as a whole.
There again, an influence where there is judgement, a judgement where there is no right to it.
Right or wrong is not for us to say or judge, but the happiness I am talking about comes only from truly knowing one's self, as in total enlightenment.
 
This is why generalizing the applications of the Laws of the Universe is irresponsible; because different people have different values and they, all of us are influenced by society around us. It can work one way for one and not for another, but knowing that it is constantly working, makes it easy to generalize.
By generalizing the Laws, it tends to discriminate one person from the other. The Laws work for everyone, all the time, but not in the same way.
So by generalizing, you can easily make (influence) people to think that there is only one way to utilize them, when we both know there are millions of ways.
 
If you can explain a way that makes sense, is logical and actually works to let go, and not detach from the love of another, then I am all ears.
I would love to find that way, however, we all know that because of the history between two people that were in love, simply thinking of that person brings out the love you shared, the experiences you had together, and ultimately a lack of what that person meant to you.
I do like what Vicki said in another post though, she said, "Let it be"
It seems to be easier to do.

 As it has been my personal experience every time, that when I let go of all attachment, including the love, the want, the need. and keep only a respect and a love that is in itself just a respect as it were.
That is when they come knocking on my door. It doesn't matter the situation, or the problems that occurred during the relationship, they always come knocking at my door, save one; she past away 2 years ago, and I learned just a week ago from her sister that she tried to find me before she passed. (I am assuming to tell me goodbye after ten years of no contact) I will miss her, I truly love her as a person.

This is what will happen with my current ex also, I will hold a love for her as a person I know, and one day she WILL come knocking.
This is why I say that the vibrations will match only after you both have moved on, like our exes do, and have come to that time when you both are wanting to experience love again. Therefore you become the shortest route to the love they now desire.

The one question I asked, was not a rhetoric.
I simply want to know; How one can incorporate all the Laws of the Universe in their life seamlessly to create the best life one could possibly dream of for themselves. AND, do this without driving yourself insane!!
I know it can be done, although, as my research seems to be taking me, you have to operate your every day and every thought from a much more enlightened state than most of us are capable of right now. (at least me at this point) When you operate at such a level, then society tends to estrange itself from you, and it can get quite difficult to make a living, and I am not one to take a vow of poverty just yet.

When you asked if I could think of no way for her to want me again. Yes, I do know of the way. I have known the way since our break up nearly a year ago.
It is her fear of wanting me again that restrains her from communication.
If she communicated with me, saw me, talked with me on a one to one basis, she would definitely be attracted and want me again, and that is exactly what she is afraid of, so she simply does not allow it.
I have to respect her wishes and attract her indirectly, which is what I have been doing, although as yet, I see no indication that she even knows the improvements and changes I am making.

Lastly and lovingly, I want to say, don't let my writings interfere with the love you desire.
Push me to the side when communicating with the one you love.
In the whole of the matter for you, what I think is unimportant, our interaction here is unimportant compared.
I will gladly wait if it means that your love is manifesting as you desire.

Laughingly, I will say thank you for your UNDIVIDED attention.

Once again, an informative and enjoyable read, and I also think we are not far apart on things regarding this subject
Thank you,
Peace and Love,
BlondWop
 

[Magdog, MD, Mr. Best Luck]

Helping,


Same with mine afraid was what I thought, at this point I have decide to let go and not think anything about it, other than she is fantastic and send unconditional love, point being we create what we think and feel. I am looking at the goal line, not behind me.


MD