I appreciate all your concern and the help some of you gave me in private. I really became violent.
It was the sum of many negative coincidences coming together at once.
I got so stressed yesterday that I even lost my energy to write. Well, I know I write too long, but I got tired of asking. I got tired of everything. Now I am a bit more calm, so here is what happened.
Background story (most of you already know it, but I really think the details would make you understand why I flipped out):http://www.powerlawofattraction.com/forum/1/update-stable-progress-surprises-but-effects-of-distance/
Basically, we talk quite frequently and until 2 weeks ago we were actively encouraging each other and following each others' achievements.
However, what happened yesterday was a big blow.
1. About 1 month ago she had told me that after her exams she would go to city Alpha (in her country), to the countryside.
2. The ex-roommate whom I visited a few days ago said that my girl had told her various weeks ago that she would go to a wedding in the Spanish islands.
3. Then, this morning, my cousin told me that on my girls' Facebook profile, last Friday she had written about organizing a trip to Spain and also had the tickets already.
Yesterday I called her via Skype online voicechat and we had a pretty normal conversation as always. She congratulated me on my current partial achievements and said that she didn't know her results yet, which is why she didn't call me yet. I asked about her family and other random things. We spoke around 15 minutes.
Towards the end I asked her:"So, you're going to city Alpha right?"
She (very calm and slow, normal tone):"Not these days. I'm still here for now. Maybe the beginning of August I'm going to the countryside and then to the city Alpha. But just for a weekend or so."
I didn't answer.
She:"Well, Chris, I have to go and help my mother out with chores now. Hear you again."
I didn't answer.
She:"Hello? Do you hear me?"
I:"Sorry... didn't hear you. What did you say."
She:"I said that..."
And she cut the line.
I was shocked about the fact that she didn't tell me the whole story.
I wrote her a few lines on Skype saying I didn't understand but she didn't answer. I wrote "goodnight" in a very normal tone and and logged out of Skype.
After various conversations with friends, on the forum and in my city, I decided that she might need space, but that it was still strange that she actively avoided talking about such an important thing.
A trip is something that requires lots of organizing, getting a Visa (she is not from an European country), doing many things. Effort and energy. It is not some ladies' shopping day but a big project.
My cousin also said that my girl had talked very happily about the wedding of her friends on her Facebook. She had written "How nice to know when friends get married."
So, it is something pretty important. Why not share with me? She even didn't share with me the fact that her grandmother had been hospitalized... Her roommate told me!
I truly am very open-minded about giving space, but I feel these are pretty important events in life. Not something trivial. This is why I was more worried than usual.I am now deciding how to react and I have already written part of the following to one forum friend who helped me a lot with this:
According to a person who was romantically involved with me in the past, very often I came across as indifferent and uninterested EVEN THOUGH I was actually needy and willing to know. My effort to look cool and "not needy" made me come across completely neglecting and cold.
I do not want to come across the same way with my girl now!!!
I remembered a brief moment during our Skype-phone conversation yesterday. She apologized for not contacting me because she didn't know her results yet.
For the first time since ages I had the courage and spontaneity to say:"Hey, I called you to ask how you are, too. Not for your grades." And I heard a small heart-felt laugh
I usually don't tell her such things directly and openly... but maybe this time it helped.
It made me really tell her that I was interested in HER and not her grades. I think that was deep.
So, I am wondering whether I might continue on that track (deepening intention, opening up) rather than staying indifferent.
I certainly do not want to come across as controling, so I thought of the following compromise. Please let me know whether to you it sounds controling or not:
"Dear Friend, how are you?
Did you have the opportunity to look at my photos of that event?
[etc. other random stuff]
I wanted to write to you something that was stuck in my heart yesterday, but I was a bit afraid to tell you.
When I was at your roommate's place for lunch, she asked me what was your news, since I hear from you more often. I said that you have been very busy with studies and are relaxing a bit now.
Then she asked whether I knew anything about a wedding. I was surprised and said no. She said that you were going to a wedding in Spain. I didn't know what to say, since you had never told me
Anyway, I didn't pay much attention until another friend of ours told me that she read on your Facebook that you are organizing a whole roundtrip in Spain and inviting anyone to join
Wow, great, I thought, since that was your dream destination I remember, so I wanted to talk about it with you on the phone yesterday, but I didn't want to sound as if trying to intrude in your plans and knowing everything about the trip you organize before you even invite me
So I only asked you about your plans to visit city Alpha, but on the phone yesterday you didn't say anything about Spain
I really didn't want to sound too surprised, but in fact I was, and now you know it.
Well, perhaps it's nothing really important, maybe you just forgot to tell me, because you forgot that I don't use Facebook.
Or maybe you didn't want to invite me. That was my gut feeling. So, if there's any problem, any reason for which you don't want me to join you in Spain, please let me know and your wish will be my command
You know you are my best friend and I really appreciate it when I hear the right information from the right person, and when you speak from the heart.
I hope this does not trouble you.
I just wanted to know what's going on, if anything is going on.
Have a nice day"
I would appreciate your feedback on this.
I have decided that I am
calling her today, at least to show that I was concerned about yesterday, but if you have any ideas/advise on what to write afterwards, or whether to change the contents of what I plan to tell her, please let me know.