Why he is doing this

[ellebelle]

Thanks guys, that sounds kind of scary but it might look my best option right now. Still no contact, I'm hurting so much.

[ellebelle]

Finally managed to speak to him. Apparentely he lost his phone and he hasn't read any of my texts yet. Now I feel like a complete idiot. I'm so embarrassed, because all the things I said were just.. not called for.  Now he's going to read them and think I'm some kind of physco.

[tereza]

Finally managed to speak to him. Apparentely he lost his phone and he hasn't read any of my texts yet. Now I feel like a complete idiot. I'm so embarrassed, because all the things I said were just.. not called for.  Now he's going to read them and think I'm some kind of physco.

Relax. Take this as a lesson learned and know not to repeat this again. When you talk to him again, just apologize and let him know you were a little high strung because you were worried about your friend that was sick. Then just drop it. The more energy you give to stressing out about this, the worse it will get.

Also, in the future, try to assume the best about this guy. The reason I recommended writing a gratitude list about the things you like about this guy, is because it will attract more of that to you. It's explained in the relationship section of the Power a lot better...but basically if you want to improve your relationship, focusing on the good rather than the bad will help you achieve that. I wasn't trying to say turn a blind eye and be a doormat, I was trying to say...stop being so afraid of being hurt that you sabotage things before they can even start or something like that.

[ellebelle]

When we was on the phone yesterday explaining why he hadn't rung, he promised me he'd ring me that night. I said to him, only say that if you really will, because it's getting a little tiring being let down every time. He said he would and that he'll 'suprise' me.

He didn't call. I called him because I really did get angry this time, can you blame me really?    I mean AGAIN?!
He still hasn't spoke to me today, so I don't know what's going off. My patience has run out. If he wants to talk to me, he will. I'm not going to sit and worry anymore. I'm done with it. I love him and I'm just going to concentrate on the good stuff about him. I don't know what he'll have to say when he speaks to me next, because I bombarded his phone again with texts and calls, but hopefully he'll understand that what he's doing is a little unfair..

[irishgirl69]

Did he tell you he would call before he saw all of the texts you sent him before?  It's possible that freaked him out (which is understandable) and that's why he didn't call you last night.

I'm sorry you're feeling down, but you really need to relax.  Or you will scare him off forever.  There is a chance that you have already done that with your behavior.  You really need to look at why you jump to these conclusions and why you react the way you do if you have any hope of salvaging your relationship with this man.

[Mariposa, (KnJ)]

Is this guy your current boyfriend?   

I mean do you actually date, schedule regular time to spend together just doing fun things, this does not include sex......do you two spend quality time together regularly? 

[ellebelle]

I am very surprised that I have not lost him due to my behaviour.
However, we ended up having a very deep conversation face to face for hours, after he practically begged me to come to his place. He told me that he doesn't know what's wrong with him and that he apologises greatly for ignoring me these past few days. It said it hurts him that he was upset me. He says he wants me to help him.. That he feels like he's losing everything, including me. He says that everything isn't going the way he planned and that he lacks motivation in every area of his life. He told me that he wants to stay together because he loves me and thinks I can help him bring motivation back in his life. It was a well needed conversation and when he was talking to me, he sounded so anguished that I was going to mention LOA, but decided not to for the time being. I've never really spoke to anybody out of this forum about it.. Maybe him knowing how LOA works could benefit him?

And yes, Mariposa we are dating and spend out free time together.

[crazysoul]

Ellebelle, I am so sorry that he is treating you like this. OK, yes, sometimes people get busy and distracted. But if someone is important to you, you will make time for them. So I can understand why you're feeling crummy and like you feel not important to him.

The main thing to do is raise your vibration. At the moment, you're sending out a needy 'I'm not valuable' vibration. While you do this, he will continue to reflect this back to you.

It's up to you to decide if it will be easier to raise your vibration with or without him in your life.

Since splitting from my ex I found it was much easier to raise the vibration without that person in my life disrespecting me. It is a very powerful, affirming message to yourself and to the universe to be able to say to the person not treating you right 'OK, I am better than this. So I am not going to be with you unless you respect me'. Making THEM chase YOU, is very powerful. It sends out a totally different vibration, one that says 'I am worthy and I live my worthyness'. Yes you can change your vibration and enact a shift with gratitude lists etc, but profound, powerful actions can ALSO create a big shift.

I know it's a jump from where you are, but consider it. At the moment you feel like you NEED him. How cool would it feel to call him up and say 'You're my friend, but you're just not boyfriend material at the moment. If you want me back, you're gonna have to work a lot harder'. Then just move on, spend time with other people, see other guys if you want...and if he's worth it, he'll come back to you. He'll probably even respect you more.

It feels GREAT. So please consider it. I was where you are now (always annoyed that he wasn't texting, calling, when he clearly could have been, he was always letting me down). What I just described is a much better emotional vibrational place to be in. Please consider it. We're all here to help you.

(And then if you want to make a gratitude list, make one of things that YOU LOVE ABOUT YOU).

that could have been from me!!!! great great post and advice

thanks for the reminder!!!

[crazysoul]

ellebelle---

just found something on FB and it reminded me of your situation....

"Don't be someone's...Down-time, spare-time, part-time, or sometime. If they can't be there for you all the time then they're not even worth your time!!!"

just for now ellebelle, care for yourself

[onlyhappiness]

 crazysoul..

Truer words were never spoken!!!!

Thanks!

[iloverainbows]

Dear ellebelle,

It's good that he's being honest with you.

Now you need to be honest with you.

At the moment, it sounds like he is very needy as well. He has said to you he wants your help.

I'm not saying to not help him, not at all. But I encourage you to step back from this a little. At the moment, he is needy, you are needy. This could create quite a co-dependant relationship. Remember, you can help him as a friend.

He doesn't sounds like he is able to be a fully present partner to you at the moment, as he is dealing with some other stuff which is all-consuming. So if you want to be his partner you will likely get disapointed in him more. Have a think about what you want, and what you deserve out of a partner. He sounds confused and unreliable.

[ellebelle]

Dear ellebelle,

It's good that he's being honest with you.

Now you need to be honest with you.

At the moment, it sounds like he is very needy as well. He has said to you he wants your help.

I'm not saying to not help him, not at all. But I encourage you to step back from this a little. At the moment, he is needy, you are needy. This could create quite a co-dependant relationship. Remember, you can help him as a friend.

He doesn't sounds like he is able to be a fully present partner to you at the moment, as he is dealing with some other stuff which is all-consuming. So if you want to be his partner you will likely get disapointed in him more. Have a think about what you want, and what you deserve out of a partner. He sounds confused and unreliable.

For the first time since using this forum, I have to say I disagree. He is not needy in the slightest. The majority of the time he shuns any form of help off anybody including his family. I could tell that when he confided in me, it was a weight off his shoulders. All he wants is my support as he is having problems at work, which is what I will do. I AM going to take a step back from this for the time being but he is what I want out of a partner. He is a good man and he does treat me well. It's me who has been needy and I need to take time out.

[tereza]

I am very surprised that I have not lost him due to my behaviour.

Don't be. I think when two people care about each other, there's a bit more leniency. Plus, I think you had a good reason to be upset and it's good that he acknowledged he screwed up. 

For the first time since using this forum, I have to say I disagree. He is not needy in the slightest. The majority of the time he shuns any form of help off anybody including his family. I could tell that when he confided in me, it was a weight off his shoulders. All he wants is my support as he is having problems at work, which is what I will do. I AM going to take a step back from this for the time being but he is what I want out of a partner. He is a good man and he does treat me well. It's me who has been needy and I need to take time out.

Taking some time for yourself is a great idea. Plus, when you've taken care of your needs first, it's easier to help others. Sounds like things are looking up for you.