why has this happened to me? Really need guidance (UPDATE post 10)

[Tulip]

Everyone, I cant thank you enough for your responses. I've read over this whole thread a few times to try and take in everything everyone has been saying. I took a drive with my nephew who I've always been close to, talked things out with him and then we just messed around and I started smiling again. I allowed myself to feel the pain and let go. I'm feeling much better now. When I was with my nephew I was texting my ex about last night.

He got quite rude with me but I stayed level headed because I wasnt really angry to be honest- just confused. He kept telling me he's moved on and Ive moved on so its done. I let him know it wasnt about getting him back and that I just wanted answers for lasts nights affectionate words and passionate kisses. I told him that it was the other guy I was missing and thinking about, so he need'nt worry that I'm trying to lure him back. He then sent me a long text about how he's finally found someone whom he loves and loves him back and shes cared and supported him more then he could ever ask for and my god did that hurt me.

So I rang him and calmly said, enough of the texting, lets wish each other the best and break ties. He said OK after confessing he lied about this girl, he's only been casually seeing her for a few weeks. I think he was hurt hearing me talk about this other guy. It could confuse me but at this point in time, I'm just living my life and not worrying about him.

[tereza]

He said OK after confessing he lied about this girl, he's only been casually seeing her for a few weeks. I think he was hurt hearing me talk about this other guy.

Tulip, thanks for the update. It does sound like he said that stuff because he was hurt over hearing about the other guy and perhaps he still has feelings for you. I know my first boyfriend used to do things like that to me, whenever he would get jealous (he used to make up stories about girls who were interested in him). 

It could confuse me but at this point in time, I'm just living my life and not worrying about him.

I think that's a good idea.
Glad to hear that you're feeling better.

[kjkitt]

Hurting people, hurt people!

Reading, it seems to me that you DO care for him as you are reaching out to him. When your sad, when you are having fun. By texting him asking about the kind words and intimacy, perhaps you deep down want more, otherwise why would you text him to ask "why"?

Decide what you really want, tell the universe, let it go.

I am sorry for your pain and pray that you will be wrapped with love and peace. I pray that you will receive clarity and wisdom! Love and Blessings to you! Amen.

Have a wonderful wonderful day! Be grateful for what you have and say Thank You often! 

[Tulip]

Thank you so much.

I've been doing a lot of thinking. It seems as though he has really missed me and what we had and has made it clear in words and actions that he still loves me just the same. His reaction to this new guy proved a lot to me but no matter what I said or the changes he saw in me- he kept stating we have both moved on and our relationship is done. He agreed on breaking ties and that's that. I guess I still do want a second chance, which he knows.

During our texting yesterday he was frosty up until points where I reminded him I didn't want him back and then he was soft with me again. I think after all this time, with all the love we showed each other, I'm stunned we didn't agree on giving us another shot.

I can't get my head around what's stopping him from taking that leap. He said things like he would have loved to be part of my family and then things like 'too much time has past now, its too late' he said I deserve someone who will treat me the way I want to be treated but why doesn't he want to be that guy?

He bought up so many silly and sentimental memories of us and when kissing me- told me that it felt right and he was so comfortable with me.

He just said about how he doesn't think second time round we will work and I was too exhausted to try and fight his viewpoint. He has no idea how great we would be because he hasn't fully been aware of the extent of my change.

He is confusing me. I don't know whether to re-ask the Universe for a second chance or just find someone else because I thought after being around me and the way he was with me- he would realize there and then that I'm the one and he never wants to be apart from me again.

I'm scared this has just been one of those manifestations that happen- but not in the way you want. I got to see him, kiss him, and hear him say I lovee you which I am so thankful for. But this is not what I asked the Universe for, this is not what I wanted to receive, this is not why I allowed myself to let go.

Just feeling really sad and confused..

[Tulip]

I forgot to mention he treated our sexual antics as a 'final goodbye' and that's all it was to him. He was too busy talking away about his 'girlfriend' before hand and smiling while talking about her and saying all these nice things about her personality. I'm surprised I acted like it didn't phase me- in some respects though, I was ok

He said I was a big part of his life and will always have that special place in his heart but that's it now. I said this in my first posts all those months ago- he's never fought for me and now I know he never will

It feels like he loves me but he no longer wants to be with me. He would much rather just move on now and let the past be the past..

It feels like the first day of my breakup again. Square 1. But this time, hopeless. I'm sad the Universe was just showing me that he's still not changed and he wont take me back. I've lost a lot of faith right now..

[tereza]

Tulip, you've sent the universe and this guy mixed messages from the beginning and until now. You manifested exactly the confusion you were sending out. Like Kjkitt has said, get clear on what you want.

As for your guy...geez louise. Didn't he tell you he exaggerated about the girlfriend because you were talking about the other guy? Look at the way you're directing your thoughts. You get positive information and then you muddy it up with pessimistic thinking that doesn't even really make sense. I think for now, maybe it's best to stop thinking about him and really start thinking about yourself. You've said over and over that you deserve someone who will treat you right, start thinking about what that sort of behavior will look like. When you've made yourself a priority and learn to treat yourself with respect and to expect that treatment from others, then you will get it.

[Tulip]

Hi tereza,

I had got to the stage where I was so happy and I detached because I found my self worth. I knew in my heart its him I wanted and that he would, without a shadow of a doubt, come back to me. Meeting the new guy was just something I felt helped my vibrations lift. But he was just using me and cheated me even though I didnt deserve it and now my ex is making it clear he will never get back with me.

[crazysoul]

Tulip,

I think you've already been given great advice, so I don't really have much to add on. But your situation really reminded me of what I went through in the past.  See back then, I would meet a guy, be uncertain about him at first, then when I would start to like him, he would leave me for another woman. I actually wrote a thread about it here and got some insight into what may have been going on:

http://www.powerlawofattraction.com/forum/law-of-attraction-for-relationship-6/need-help-breaking-an-old-pattern/msg3674/#msg3674

I think Galina, pretty much nailed it in post #4.
I had a lot of doubt and insecurities with relationships and with myself. So I attracted situations where I wouldn't get into a relationship because deep down inside I was afraid. Which was sad, because it only reinforced the hurt and the idea that I wasn't good enough and attracted more rejections.  It wasn't until I worked on myself and realized that I was worthy of love that things started to change.

Anyway, I hope you feel better and please don't take this experience to be a reflection of your worth. You're a wonderful person who deserves love. *hugs*

great post tereza, youre damn right. i can relate to that very much too.
but now its time to change...

[tereza]

Hi tereza,

I had got to the stage where I was so happy and I detached because I found my self worth. I knew in my heart its him I wanted and that he would, without a shadow of a doubt, come back to me. Meeting the new guy was just something I felt helped my vibrations lift. But he was just using me and cheated me even though I didnt deserve it and now my ex is making it clear he will never get back with me.

Yeah, that's still confusing. So even with the new guy, you were sure you wanted your ex back? Because that's not what you told your guy.

[Tulip]

I really like the new guy and I would have seen it through with him but something was telling me to hold back and just in time, I found out he was only using me and had a girlfriend. It bought things back in perspective for me, reminded me how much I loved my ex and how I tried to forget him- or at least let go so he could come back. Does that make sense?

[tereza]

Actually, I meant that it was still a confusing/mixed message you were sending out there.

When you were with the new guy, you wanted to be with him but at the same time you didn't trust him, then when things went south, you wanted to be with your ex. Then when things ended with the new guy, you still told your ex that you weren't interested in getting back together with him, but made out with him and then told him you wanted to be with him.  When he said he didn't want to get back together, you're now sending out this message that your ex doesn't want to be with you, which is kind of what you had asked for since you told him you didn't want to get back with him.

I mean, ignoring the LoA for a second, if I were your ex I'd be totally confused and all over the place too. I mean, if you were to look at his perspective…he's currently in a blah relationship, then he finds out his ex was dating someone new and is super upset over the breakup, which makes him a little jealous. Then when he goes to comfort his ex, things heat up, which is super confusing because his ex seemed super upset about the other guy, but yet she wants to get back together…
So now he's super confused because he hasn't had time to really consider his feelings about his ex, plus he doesn't know if his ex just wants him back because she's lonely and hurt. So it seems to him, the best thing to do right now is stick to the original decision because he hasn't had time to really think things through.

Considering how confusing everything has been, maybe it's best to just give things time to settle and clear up. Spend that time focusing on you and what you want, so that in the future all this confusion can be avoided.

[Stefzilla]

I have to agree with Tereza. I was the ex bf in this situation. I wanted her back, but she kept rejecting me. I got another gf and she got a bf, even though she wasnt happy and neither was i she still kept playing games with me. She would get upset that i was seeing someone, but then would turn me down every time i wanted to spend time with her. We got back together but not before months of crap that could have been avoided, and in the end that was the reason we never could really get back on track.

[Tulip]

tereza! Thank you so very very much - you managed to put things into perspective for me, I really do need to start focusing on me again and just forget about my ex and this guy for a while. I cant put out a request to the Universe if I dont even know what my heart truly wants. Thank you tereza your  post has cleared things up for me 

Stefzilla, thats really interesting. You sounded like you've been in my position and my ex was just like your girlfriend. Just wanted to ask how was it you managed to get back together? My break up has been 9 long exhausting months and its only now that all this has happened with me and him.

[Stefzilla]

This went on for months, i left one girl then another soon after because my ex was still in my life and every time i was pulling away she would make sure i was feeling down again.

I woke up one day, me and my ex were going to see some mutual friends of ours, we were gonna hang out with them. But that day was different, i looked at myself and said i cant do this anymore. No matter how much i care about her this is killing me, and i said today will be the last day i ever see her.

I drove to pick her up, thinking in my head how i will tell her its really over between us. She got into the car, and i said listen we really have to talk. Before i said anything she said i want to try again.

[Tulip]

I know how you feel in terms of not being able to maintain a friendship with someone you love. I feel like I cant be friends with someone I love in this way and its the hardest thing but I have to break away from him now because it felt like it was getting nowhere and all these complications have now occurred between us.

I hope we get a second chance, I stated to the Universe for months that I'm not asking for forever with him- just a second opportunity to make it work. Whether it does or not, I just wanted that second chance.

But I think the best thing for me is to now focus on myself. I hope your healing too...