Author Topic: why do I attract men with commitment issues?! (Read 1469 times)

sunnysideup · « **on:** April 30, 2012, 03:21:16 AM »

For those of you who know my story a couple of months ago my bf and I broke up. We went from talking about our wedding plans to not talking at all. My guy went from saying that I was the love of his life/soulmate to saying that he wasnt sure.. I know that he still loves me but has commitment issues (his friends tell me the same). I've got to the point now, that I have put it out there enough for the universe to KNOW what it is I want and in the mean time I have detached myself as best as possible...

In the pursuit of moving forward, it just so happened that a guy friend and I have been getting really close..he told me he liked me for a while (whilst I had a bf), we have been growing closer of late, and now he tells me that he doesn't want to commit.

I'm not sure if I am going about this all wrong.. I'm trying my hardest to move on from bf, trusting the universe and trying to go downstream and generally move and make myself happy. I just want to clarify here , that I am aware that I don't need someone else to make me happy- I really am happy on my own..

I'm just wondering why I seem to get guys who fall deeply in love, and then decide that they are not ready!

I am so ready for big love!!! what can i do to manifest this!!!

truelove · « **Reply #1 on:** April 30, 2012, 05:01:52 AM »

When I saw this topic I thought wow! I was just thinking the same thing!

For me this has been going on for years.. Every single guy that comes into my experience does not want a relationship. And I am wondering WHY?!

Someone had told me that if I commit to life, my life will commit to me. So I did!! I made plans and I stuck to them and I started following my dreams. And they were right, life did give me back what i had put into it.. But still same story with men. I don't know the answer. Sorry, I wish I did.

SO now I am happy in every aspect of my life- family, friends, work, my hobbies and ambitions, spiritually... but relationships- bah bow.

Mr Brightside · « **Reply #2 on:** April 30, 2012, 05:53:33 AM »


VIBRATIONAL MATCH: Esther Hicks

I think this might be helpful, i think its indirectly related. Plus much more positive than my rants.

Mariposa, (KnJ) · « **Reply #3 on:** April 30, 2012, 05:57:44 AM »

Fear of attracting the same as you have......is a limiting belief. Start believing in what you really want and stop fearing what you are used to attracting and you will attract what you truly desire.

You just have to eliminate your fear and replace it with your true desire.

Dr Scully · « **Reply #4 on:** April 30, 2012, 08:49:57 AM »

I agree. You're worried about what you DON'T have - a committed relationship. Don't focus on that. Focus on the end result. You HAVE a committed relationship, believe that, and that's it.

truelove · « **Reply #5 on:** April 30, 2012, 06:49:29 PM »

Quote from: Mariposa, (KnJ) on April 30, 2012, 05:57:44 AM

Fear of attracting the same as you have......is a limiting belief. Start believing in what you really want and stop fearing what you are used to attracting and you will attract what you truly desire. You just have to eliminate your fear and replace it with your true desire.

Thank you mariposa. I think this is exactly what I am doing. Because I have had the same experience so many times, I've fooled myself into thinking that 'this is how it is' but I am just creating the same thing over and over again by looking at what 'is' instead of focusing on how I want it to be, and knowing it is 100% up to me.

Work in progress. Thanks heaps!

sunnysideup · « **Reply #6 on:** April 30, 2012, 11:53:43 PM »

Awesome.. so how do you guys get into that head space? Affirmations and mediations etc.... I'd really appreciate some specific advice !!

Just like you truelove, I don't have issues in my other areas... its just a negative mentality regarding relationships... i've made massive strides since I first came on this site in the way that I think... but I would love to move even further and my outlook so that I am 100% sure that I'm attracting ONLY committed relationships

truelove · « **Reply #7 on:** May 01, 2012, 04:56:27 AM »

Hey Sunnysideup! This advice is to me as much as anyone else, but I think this stuff would help.

I think it starts with changing what you say to yourself in your head. So if you find your self thinking negatively- like- there are no good ones left, or men aren't interested in commitment. Then you have to stop yourself. Don't indulge in it. And change the thinking to plenty of fish in the sea and men want love too.

Then maybe take some time regularly to think this thought and make it strong. Connect emotions to the thought, feel how good it feel to meet emotionally available men. Focus on that feeling for 17 to 68 seconds regularly. You are rewiring your brain.

Lastly while watching this video posted by Stefzilla the other day I had a lightbulb moment when Sonia talks about loving yourself and becoming a beacon of light that attract people rather than someone who goes out looking for love. That really is great!! This is why we put so much focus on being our true selves and loving ourselves right?


How to manifest with ease ? Attracting all your heart desires - Sonia Choquette

Lastly, I know I am a bit of a people pleaser and over the years I would give up parts of my authentic self to please partners and parents. This was something that was only bought to my attention yesterday. To the point where I realise there is a big part of myself I have not embraced for a long time. I was shown the importance of excessing your true self in all situations, from the way we act to what we wear. This was my problem... I was a very alternative youth, and wore all sorts of wild and way things, but my mum hated it and gave me a lot of grief then my ex fiancée used to go on at me about my clothes and say "you're not wearing that!' in the beginning I would fight about it.. but by the end of our relationship I would say, 'tell me what you want me to wear and Ill wear it"!!!! I had given up on my authentic self.

Now I was talking to my mentor yesterday and I told her I didn't care about the clothes I wear, most of them other people give me and I just wear them. She told me of the importance of expressing myself authentically and that people will be drawn to the "real me"

This was huge, so I'm throwing out all the boring conservative clothes I own and I am GOING SHOPPING!!!

Hope some of this makes sense!

Mr Brightside · « **Reply #8 on:** May 01, 2012, 05:27:27 AM »

Truelove this is great stuff, you know this is going to require some Facebook picture posts, just letting you know. I always had my own style, granted how I dress today is much more conservative than before, I had quite a few piercings. But I always liked to do my own thing when it came to style, and people always notice and appreciate when you are true to yourself.

jtut21 · « **Reply #9 on:** May 01, 2012, 09:22:23 AM »

You get what you focus on! Celebrate the fact that you have been able to attract some potentially great relationships. For many people this is a challenge. The first suggestion that I have is to stop looking for the problem. As you focus on the problem you will continue to attract circumstances and situations that are evidence of the problem (men with commitment issues). Focusing on the how's and why's of these circumstances indicates that your focus is upon the problem and not upon the solution. It also would seem that as relationships become more serious there is a belief within yourself that sabotages the results that you desire. In both cases it would serve you to direct your attention/focus upon having the desire of your heart i.e. a healthy and loving marriage, a fun and enjoyable relationship, esteemed and adored by the man you love. Always focus on the end result and avoid worrying and giving any focus on the "how's." You are certainly on the right track for your creation you just require some fine tuning and will soon enjoy the relationships of your dreams.

Best Wishes,

Josh
Get Your Ex Back www.romance-beacon.com

sunnysideup · « **Reply #10 on:** May 01, 2012, 05:47:56 PM »

Thanks everyone

Your advice really helped

and thanks Truelove for the Juicyliving clip, I recently came across Lilou's youtube- she has so many inspirational videos.... also just attracted another clip from Vena Ramphal who is a Passion Coach... its put me on the right track


Do men and women have different attitudes towards commitment?

Blessings

JustForToday · « **Reply #11 on:** May 02, 2012, 03:36:58 AM »

hey i am in the same boat, just exactly the same as you experienced. havent found it yet, but after those great posts here, i am getting the solution nearer.
so i will just stop of thinking someone doesnt want to commit to me. just relx and manifest an healthy reationship.

PeterWilliams · « **Reply #12 on:** April 04, 2013, 03:06:01 PM »

You can find such type of people too often who claim that they love you the most but do not want to marry for their own reasons. Though love and marriage seems to be two different things, still the latter is the result of the former. People love to marry only, and if we see such claims that they love but cannot marry then one thing is clear, they do not just love their girl friends and simply want to flirt with her. moderndatingrules.com