Why couples break up - a LOA interpretation!

[UpLOAding]

Please allow me to suggest my idea of why couples break up nowadays. Consider that I am of multicultural background and grew up in "the West", so despite sharing many habits with Westerners, I can also easily look at all habits and behaviors in a detached way.

As far as I have observed and also read on popular relationship advice magazines, from what I have heard through the media and among friends, today most relationships start as an experiment.
People start getting to know each other, check each other's compatibility over time, and as soon as they perceive too many differences, or if they perceive that the grass is greener with someone else, they just decide to break up (or dump their current partner)!

Many people in the West say that "wanting to commit forever" is a childish fairy-tale and belongs to nice movies, and that it is important to "sew the wild oats", i.e. getting to know many potential partners before settling with the right one.

From a LOA point of view, these attitudes attract exactly what they assume!

I mean - if you start dating someone thinking that maybe he's good, he'll be only maybe good! If you are already in some kind of relationship, but still keep looking with interest at other people of the opposite sex, that's exactly what you attract!

If you truly want him or her to be the right one, you should start imagining yourself marrying them and having a family with them! And start getting ready for that event from the beginning!

If, instead, you just start with a "he/she's interesting... let's see how it goes..."-attitude, I think it will obviously attract only an uncertain and unstable relationship.

Start committing from the beginning!

I invite to you read up a bit on the relationship success among cultures that encourage early commitment/marriage or "absolute monogamy". I know these societies aren't perfect, and there are still many issues as in all civilizations, but focus on how relationships happen.
An "extreme" example (for Western people): in some countries, two people (or their parents) decide to be married before even getting to know each other. This has been happening for centuries, no, thousands of years, and such relationships grown in deep affectionate love that has never broken up.
A less "extreme" example, in the West: in a psychological experiment, some men and some women are kept in two separate rooms.
They are then shown photos of someone in the other room and told, randomly, "Guy X said he's really interested in you" (even though he never said it!) and to Guy  X someone sayd "Girl Y really likes you!". When these men and women are put together in the same room, the "paired" couples often perceive strong attraction towards each other and start dating.

The bottom line of both these examples is that if we want to have a stable, caring and loving relationship, maybe we should stop behaving as if our relationship is only a trial period, maybe we should stop thinking that "there's plenty of fish out there anyway", and start expecting to commit through good and bad, start trying to understand each others differences, changes, changing needs, and especially be willing to solve difficulties and challenges (e.g. finances, distance, etc.) - for the rest of our life.

I think that with such an attitude, we attract the best, most consistent and enduring, understanding relationships in the world!

This is my idea, and I'm open to any feedback and comment.

[Thumbelina :)]

From a LOA point of view, these attitudes attract exactly what they assume!

I mean - if you start dating someone thinking that maybe he's good, he'll be only maybe good! If you are already in some kind of relationship, but still keep looking with interest at other people of the opposite sex, that's exactly what you attract!

If you truly want him or her to be the right one, you should start imagining yourself marrying them and having a family with them! And start getting ready for that event from the beginning!

If, instead, you just start with a "he/she's interesting... let's see how it goes..."-attitude, I think it will obviously attract only an uncertain and unstable relationship.

Start committing from the beginning!

Loved the entire idea... its amazing.. Thank you so so much

[Akshita]

That made so much sense. If you yourself are uncertain about a relationship, you cant expect miracles to happen. A relationship can last only if you're sure about it and want it to be forever.

[Unusuallystrange]

This is so true.My" last realtionship" is was to me and "experiment".I hadnt had a boyfriend in a year and a half so when my brothers best friend who I've know for 7 years asked me out I was happy!BUT!Me and him never got along as kids.NEVER.I hated him.We were total opposites.At first I would ignore him knowing we would never work out,but after 2 weeks I convinced myself maybe he's not so bad and that maybe I should give it a "whirl"I was wrong.This was right before I got into the LOA.I though to myself "well he's not the best match but he has alot of things going for him"I attracted exactly what I had assumed from the beggingng.We were always fighting.I couldnt trust him and he couldnt trust me.We alway said we were to much alike in some ways.Like our tempers and how hard headed the both of us were.Every bad trait I had in myself was matched by him.I would blow up he would blow up.I was verbally abusive he was verbally abusive.Then one night we got into a fight at a party.I called him a name,he called me a name.He grabbed the back of my neck.I asked him to let go,he was still pissed off at me for fighting with him in front of all his friends.So again I asked him to let go but this time I warned him.If you dont let go of me I am going to punch you.He didnt let go.So I punched him three times in the face and gave him a black eye.He later told me he didnt think the first time got "full on" punched like that would be by a woman.We would bring out the worst in eachother.For that Im glad,because Im working on all of the bad things we would bring out in eachother.Like all the anger,all the lack of trust,all the ego.The both of us went into the realtionship with hidden agendas.But the worst part of it all the both of us loved playing mind games with eachother,we both felt like we had ownership of eachother.Looking back all I can do is look at it as a big lesson learned.Never go out with someone unless you really care about them ,dont let your ego get in the way and if you feel like the realtionship wont have a chance in hell then listen to yourself.Guess karma bit the both of us in the ass on this one.

[Mergirl]

If you truly want him or her to be the right one, you should start imagining yourself marrying them and having a family with them! And start getting ready for that event from the beginning!

Start committing from the beginning!

Umm I did do that. I swear I did. I know I did. I really really know I did. But here I am and there he is with another.  Actually not only did I want it forever so did he. He even said it before me and was more open about it.

[57angel]

Mergirl, not all separation will last. There are temporary separation that will make you both grow to become perfect for each other on the time that you both is ready to be back in each others arms. Just continue believing that he is the one for you and work on yourself as well. My last breakup was the hardest of all, and it was like I hit the most bottom part and there is no way but up. I have seen that there are things that I needed to change, to add and to let go for my man to be happy to be with me. I took responsibility in all of my past actions, identified my limiting beliefs and with my little steps, am sure that my man will be truly proud of me and will be so happy to be with me, the moment he will find me Mergirl, take time to focus on yourself and take responsibility in your past actions and slowly delete, change or add those that are needed, you are amazing and anyone is so worthy of you, always believe that Keep preparing yourself for him and am sure before you know it, he is already there in your life. 

[Mergirl]

Thank you Angel. I am off soon to a forced social gathering and having read your post has given me some confidence in showing up at this gathering. I had been doing positive affirmations and meditating so that I would align myself to have a good time with these people and your post has further helped me. I am ever so grateful and hope things are going very well for you.

[Skye Frank]

I just posted about this in my blog and included a great video by Bob Doyle, http://skyefrank.wordpress.com/2010/11/18/can-i-attract-a-specific-person-with-the-law-of-attraction/

[Mergirl]

OMU, Thank you Skye. That video has helped me greatly and I no longer care if my ex comes back.

[Skye Frank]

you are very welcome

[UpLOAding]

mergirl, Skye Frank
It really also depends on how much effort you put in. Many people want something super-duper in their lives but aren't ready to put effort in it.
 
The most important part of my message was:
"if we want to have a stable, caring and loving relationship, maybe we should stop behaving as if our relationship is only a trial period, maybe we should stop thinking that "there's plenty of fish out there anyway", and start expecting to commit through good and bad, start trying to understand each others differences, changes, changing needs, and especially be willing to solve difficulties and challenges (e.g. finances, distance, etc.) - for the rest of our life."
 
Personally, I feel that having such an attitude really makes their "coming back and going away" irrelevant. What truly matters is HOW MUCH WE LOVE THEM, and everything else will follow naturally, even if it takes a bit more time.
But yes, love also means being patient and being ready to wait for the one you love.
 
Penelope waited faithfully for 20 years, keeping all her suitors at bay.
 
Can you imagine yourself waiting 20 years and getting ready just for that one person you love? Seriously?
 
If you can, I think that's a good first step in truly loving the person, and as a consequence your mindset will automatically start focusing on the positive aspects, show gratitude towards the other person despite the flaws and differences, show ways to reach the other person's heart that you may have never thought of before!

[loveofabundance]

I agree with you UpLOAding.  It can be very difficult being someone who believes in committment in today's society.  This includes Eastern culture as well.  Not every easterner is faithful and not every westerner is laissez-faire regarding relationships.
 
For myself, I don't believe in divorce under any circumstances and there is really and truly only one man for me.

[Mergirl]

mergirl, Skye Frank
It really also depends on how much effort you put in. Many people want something super-duper in their lives but aren't ready to put effort in it.
 
The most important part of my message was:
"if we want to have a stable, caring and loving relationship, maybe we should stop behaving as if our relationship is only a trial period, maybe we should stop thinking that "there's plenty of fish out there anyway", and start expecting to commit through good and bad, start trying to understand each others differences, changes, changing needs, and especially be willing to solve difficulties and challenges (e.g. finances, distance, etc.) - for the rest of our life."
 
Personally, I feel that having such an attitude really makes their "coming back and going away" irrelevant. What truly matters is HOW MUCH WE LOVE THEM, and everything else will follow naturally, even if it takes a bit more time.
But yes, love also means being patient and being ready to wait for the one you love.
 
Penelope waited faithfully for 20 years, keeping all her suitors at bay.
 
Can you imagine yourself waiting 20 years and getting ready just for that one person you love? Seriously?
 
If you can, I think that's a good first step in truly loving the person, and as a consequence your mindset will automatically start focusing on the positive aspects, show gratitude towards the other person despite the flaws and differences, show ways to reach the other person's heart that you may have never thought of before!

Umm where did you get this information from?

[bravelioness]

I agree with you UpLOAding.  It can be very difficult being someone who believes in committment in today's society.  This includes Eastern culture as well.  Not every easterner is faithful and not every westerner is laissez-faire regarding relationships.
 
For myself, I don't believe in divorce under any circumstances and there is really and truly only one man for me.

Is it still Chris?How are you guys btw?

[loveofabundance]

Yes brave, it's still Chris.  We're doing well.  Things are moving very slowly but in a positive direction!