What's so scary about opening up to "someone better"

[Happybeingme]

So this topic has been on my mind lately. I am among those that are trying to attract a specific person. I knowit can be done, there are many success stories on here and I have done it in the past, but when I did it I was fully detached and open and interested in other people. It took a while to get there but when I did it happened. Well I have to ask the forum and myself what is so scary about opening yourself up to other people? I have heard before that I should ask for my ex or someone better and I am guilty of thinking "but I only want my ex back not anyone else" however shouldn't we be excited about either outcome? If your car broke down and you were told for the same price I can fix your car or give you a new better car you would not be scared to choose a new better car? Obviously it is not a perfect analogy because people are not cars and are feelings for people are not so interchangeable, but why is the thought of allowing ourselves to be open to see if there is someone who can make us happier than the one we are trying to attract so scary to most of us?  I still love my ex with all my heart and I want him back more than anything but if he is the perfect person for me then the universe will bring him but why be scared to be open to other possibilities without the agenda that by doing so I will get my ex back. I state this in the first person because I amm not directing this to anyone in particular and as I stated earlier I know I am guilty of this, but I just want to open up the topic to hear everyones thoughts on the general topic not to talk about specific details of my own story.

[Believing Love]

Hi,

I my self is in the same boat as you,attracting a specific person.
So I know how hard it is to make a move when we know our heart is wanting that person to be ours but we have others who show interest to us.

The question to that is simple actually, if your heart is still desire for that guy and still totally attach to it and thinking by doing this i will achieve my desire, then you are totally wrong. It will make your vibration gone lower because notice it or not, you will put a lot of your hope there.

Make a move with someone when you are ready and truly let go everything that you have for other person.
Sometimes people here mistaken Letting go by moving on and forgeting about the true goal that they are trying to achieve. Letting go is being happy with or without the outcome. If you still think your happiness is based on some outcome,then you are not letting go. That's why some people here using Restaurant Analogy, you order and u just forget about it because You know your food will come.

I know some of people here said to find your happiness and move on, seek for another option or pick up that vibe that will give you the vibe that you been looking for. But yes, how would you enjoy that vibe if in your mind goes : I wish it was him instead of you .. It wont make your vibe higher, it will make it lower because it will devastate you.
But hey, if you think you are ready to move on and you think you are okay with the whole " If it;s not Him then someone else better " Then go for that date, do it because you will enjoy your night with this new person and you will say, Look what ive been missing ... and it for sure will bring your vibration higher.

I really hope you understand what I'm trying to put out here.. I dont want people to think I suggest them to wait and seat at home hoping for their specific person to show up. I'm just saying if you're not detached,then dont dig your own hole by going out with other people for the sake of hoping your specific will come back to your life.

[Happybeingme]

Thank you for your reply, I understand and totally agree with you. Like I said I wasn't trying to direct this toward my situation even though I think I do need to be more open to other people. This was being discussed on the other thread and people seemed to get heated about what I thought was a good discussion topic so I wanted to move it to a new thread where anyone that wanted to discuss the topic and openly state their thoughts could do so without angering anyone.

I agree with you that dating others is only good if you are doing it for the right reasons and not an if I do this I will get this result. It can seem strange but it is all part of detaching and isn't the easiest thing. I ask why are we scared of asking for someone better because I have said to others on jere that they should accept the date because maybe they will actually like the new person and then they say the inevitable "but I only want my ex not this new person" I am guilty of the same thinking at times but when I really think about it o have to wonder why? I know I love my ex but what is wrong the idea of "someone better"

[Believing Love]

I ask why are we scared of asking for someone better because I have said to others on jere that they should accept the date because maybe they will actually like the new person and then they say the inevitable "but I only want my ex not this new person" I am guilty of the same thinking at times but when I really think about it o have to wonder why? I know I love my ex but what is wrong the idea of "someone better"

Back again,if we are still wanting our ex to come back and not opening the door to others,means we are not detaching from the outcome. When we read other people success story here, when they are finally give up on their desire and start to open up to other people,then their desire comes to them saying they missed them etc. But they given up and open to a new possibilities, " If not Him then someone better "

Well, We love that person that we are trying to attract so much and we are being desperate and needy and wanting him and just him .. that is what attaching is really about.

basic line is .. all you need to do is just to be happy ... with or without the person or a new love. It's about you and you alone .... that's what matter.

[irishgirl69]

This is an interesting topic and definitely something I've struggled with.  The guy I'm attracting isn't an ex, but my feelings for him are still very strong.  I've just recently begun to think about opening up to the possibility of other men and I'm not sure if I can put a finger on why it's scary.  Maybe it has something to do with our ego?  I know for me, I haven't felt a connection with anyone like I've felt with this guy in a very long time.  For me to say there might be something better it lessens that connection somehow.  I also think I like the idea of that great love story and let's face it, no great love story is one that's easily obtained.

I do hope that this guy is the one I end up with.  I think I would always wonder what could have been if he's not.  But at the same time, I don't want to live my life on the sidelines while I wait for this guy to realize what he is pushing away.  He has all the qualities I want in a man, but perhaps he is not the only man that has those qualities.  And perhaps that other man will actually recognize and appreciate what I have to offer without all the drama.

[onlyhappiness]

Hi
This is an interesting topic and i have to agree that i am afraid to look or ask for or something better . I think in my heart i know my love and i are meant to be together , this is now the second time i am going through this. I know last time ( about 3 years ago) i did believe my love and i were over but i wasn't ready for anyone else. It has only been 3 weeks since my love and i have broken up again and i am ready to let go but still not ready to date i think it really does come down to being happy with yourself and i'm not yet ( incedentally i wasn't when i was with my love either if i am honest) So i think maybe when you are truly happy with yourself and not doing it for the wrong reasons you will be ready and it won't be scary.

[lilly]

From my own experience, as it is something I am also in the middle of. Wanting to attract someone back into my life is motivated by not wanting to miss out on something, and a gut feeling that he is indeed the one. Not wanting to regret not having done my best to repair what could have been repaired.
Of course there are lots of other people to meet who are better in a way, but they never "feel" right.

[animor]

I am on a same boat...
I love my guy and I know he loves me, too. I believe that he is the one and that we are a great couple together and we are not over yet. I see no signs from him, we have no contact, I don't know what he's doing but I have signs from the universe.
I believe that this month is bringing me love and a new relationship. Don't ask me why, it's a month full of work and responsibilities with apparently no time for anything else, but it is what it is!

If you are not sure what to do, you can just ask for a partner with the characteristics you desire him to have. If the description applies to your ex he may respond, otherwise you'll get a man like you want him to be.

But asking it when you are not completely over your ex, will not get you there. You may find someone else but not the way you'd prefer it. That's why rebound relationship that begin without having completely move on rarely work.

Focus on what you want, it's very important to know what you want. If you want your ex no matter what, focus on that. But you may attract the same relationship that led you in the break up at the first place. If you want a specific kind of relationship, send it out.
If you have a gut feeling, just follow it.