what's going on here... people can be confusing!

[OmAumOm]

Hey guys, been away for sometime because I've been really busy and focusing on other things... I'm so happy at the moment, 2012 has been incredible and I'm just so happy with everything. I have so many things to be grateful for, especially my best friends, we've all hit 2012 together after a crap 2011 and we're all having an amazing time, j'adore la vie it's truly beautiful...
I hope you have all had a brilliant start to 2012 as well!

Noooow, here is the confusing part in my life. My intentions when I came to this board some months ago were to get my ex back. Since then I've honestly gotten completely over him and I could never, ever imagine myself romantically involved with him. HOWEVER, the part that does hurt is that we did try to be friends, then all of a sudden he's turned sour and hates me for no reason. Or whatever reason, it's terribly petty/silly. I guess I care because I was once so close to him, and now he's gone all negative and horrible. An update on what happened: we broke up, we were friends, he got with another girl shortly after, we were still friends but it hurt me a lot and that was my "screw you!" phase which I think he took to me "I still have feelings for you" so then he suggested for us not to be friends, and during this time I think is when he started disliking me... probably from random things people say, and also my friendship with this guy that he absolutely hates, yada yada there's probably multiple factors... ANYWAY, at a gathering he was at I tried talking to him and I just said look we can be friends I don't have feelings for you anymore (this was like 2 weeks ago and honestly I my feelings had become completely platonic) and he got really blunt and rude, telling me he didn't want to be my friend and how it upset him that I went on antidepressants after we broke up (aka got happy again) and then he started saying he hated me sometimes, and I was just so confused because I hadn't seen him for over a month so this was all coming out of no where it seemed... anyway, then he was saying that he loved his girlfriend and he didn't want to be friends because he wasn't sure if she was a rebound or not and then he was like "I don't know if my feelings for you would come back or not if we were friends" and then we just stopped talking because he was being a boob (I was drunk and he was sober and he hates alcohol so that probably had something to do with it). Anyways, then he sent me a text saying he didn't want to me friends, for me to leave him alone, and that if he wanted to be friends he'd talk to me but right now he doesn't want to.
After that I was like pfft screw him, and did leave him alone. Since then, he was at a party I was at and he was with his girlfriend, and I barely saw him, didn't look at him, barely noticed him because I was focused on this other guy (who I eventually hooked up with  ) and then he broke up with his girlfriend (well, now ex I guess) and today he was at another gathering and we just avoided each other completely.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH HIM? I just want to be friends because honestly, he was a big part of my life and he was special to me, and I appreciated him as a person and he always said that he wanted to be friends and would say that I was great and everything, then all of a sudden he's bitter acting all victimised thinking that there's a war going on between us and that my friends are turning against him (which they haven't despite everything that's happened)... in a way I feel sorry for him because he's doing it to himself but I think he's just blaming others. I don't know if he hates me or why he hates me or what the hell is going on, or if he just doesn't give a crap anymore. I'm NOT going to talk to him first, he was so rude to me and I wouldn't want someone like that in my life anyway - I guess I just wish he got better and stopped being so negative!

Guys, help me out here! How is everything like this now? I was so sad when we broke up, and he was meeting a new girl and new friends, and now it's flipped and he's hating everything and I'm in love with the world. I think it also has to do with the fact that I am actually immensely happy now, and when we were together I was really depressed refusing medication, and I wonder if it's because he wishes I was happy then so none of this would have happened so that's why he's so full of hate now? I dunno. People are strange!! I dunno if I even want to be friends with him now because he's acted like a twit, I just don't get why he's being so sour!

(I know this doesn't have much to do with LOA, but I value all of your guys opinions and obviously LOA can be incorporated into everything)

Love to you all!! xxx

[irishgirl69]

I think it can be possible to be friends with an ex, but not always right away.  You and he are on different paths and you can't control his.  I think the best thing for you to do is to leave him alone and le thim figure out his stuff.  Perhaps at some point you can be friends again, but you need to give it some time.  For now, just forgive him for being so rude to you and send him your love - love heals everything.

[tereza]

I think it can be possible to be friends with an ex, but not always right away.  You and he are on different paths and you can't control his.  I think the best thing for you to do is to leave him alone and le thim figure out his stuff.  Perhaps at some point you can be friends again, but you need to give it some time.  For now, just forgive him for being so rude to you and send him your love - love heals everything.

Yup. Totally agree with that.

As for your situation Om, um...I don't really think it's as confusing as it seems. I mean, he still likes you, but at the same time he wanted to see what else was out there which is why he started dating that other girl. Then when he saw you with the other guy and he saw that you were moving on without him...he got jealous. That's probably why the relationship ended between him and the other girl. Either she picked up on the fact that he hasn't moved on or he realized that he isn't that into her. So now he's miserable because he doesn't know what to do.

But whatever, don't stress yourself out about him, I think he'll be fine with some time and introspection.

Anyway, congrats to you! Sounds like you're doing awesome. Glad to hear that you're so happy.

[OmAumOm]

Thanks guys. I really have no idea why he hates me or why he's bitched a bit about me to mutual friends. It's bizarre.

I've given him space but I saw he posted one of my brothers bands songs on a blogging website so I sent him a message, I'll update you if he replies. I don't want to lose him as a friend, and I know he needs space but for me at the moment I don't see him as an ex at all I just see him as an old friend. It's sad how things turned out but I hope it all works out in the end. Even though he's been rude to me and everything, I know deep down he's a nice guy... just confused and angry...

But it does hurt knowing that he's so against me or whatever for no reason. I don't think he does have feelings for me anymore I have no idea what's going through his mind

[OmAumOm]

He replied and it was very blunt and he said he was anti everyone and was like p.s. you suck. So I replied civil. Man I'm trusting he'll come around.

[tereza]

Thanks guys. I really have no idea why he hates me or why he's bitched a bit about me to mutual friends. It's bizarre.

I've given him space but I saw he posted one of my brothers bands songs on a blogging website so I sent him a message, I'll update you if he replies. I don't want to lose him as a friend, and I know he needs space but for me at the moment I don't see him as an ex at all I just see him as an old friend. It's sad how things turned out but I hope it all works out in the end. Even though he's been rude to me and everything, I know deep down he's a nice guy... just confused and angry...

But it does hurt knowing that he's so against me or whatever for no reason. I don't think he does have feelings for me anymore I have no idea what's going through his mind

If you're into pop psychology, you might want to check out the Mars and Venus books or Why Men Marry Bitches or even books on the art of getting happy. There's a book on love by a guy named Dobransky....who I don't totally agree with (he thinks opposites attract, I strongly disagree), but it's an interesting look into the way men think and the whole dating process.  I think it'll give you insight into what he's thinking and perhaps help you out with future relationships. Plus, they're usually quick and fun reads.

But to sum that stuff up...The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. Hate and love are both extreme emotions, so if a guy is feeling pretty angry towards you, then well...that probably means he still has feelings for you. If he didn't give a crap about you, he wouldn't be affected by you regardless of what you do.  Especially since well, you haven't done anything worth being upset over.

[OmAumOm]

Tereza I can always rely on you for brilliant advice and guidance, thank you.

I ended up talking to him and got through to him, he said that he would bitch about me in a way to trick his mind to think of me badly because he didn't want the feelings to come back. He always said he doesn't know if he can be friends because he knows that his feelings could come back.

There's more to it obviously but that's the main thing. He finally told me that he did appreciate me, after being so rude to me. I'm hoping in a few months or even next year we can be friends eventually. I don't wanna mess with his head too much, and if we were friends and he did start liking me again he'd then hate me for liking me if that makes sense. I've even befriended his ex and she said that he used to talk about me a lot, either bitching or just saying random stuff and she said "now that I think about it, I think he still did have feelings for you." After all this time of me finally getting over him, he was still hanging on. it's a shame because we both know it'll never happen again, yet if he has unresolved feelings it'll be hard to move onto friendship

So I dunno I'm just gonna leave him be and yeah. I miss him as a friend though, like talking to him and everything but time apart is for the best. I think.

[tereza]

So I dunno I'm just gonna leave him be and yeah. I miss him as a friend though, like talking to him and everything but time apart is for the best. I think.

I think you're right. It's pretty hard to move on from someone when they're always there. When I was in his shoes, I would always be trying to convince myself that things were over, but at the same time I would be always looking for signs that there was still hope.  So being left alone for some time is helpful. Anyway, good luck. I think you've handled things awesomely and it's great that you two were able to communicate so openly with each other. I think everything will work out.