Author Topic: NEW BEGINNING (I attracted him back; he cheated; I broke up) (Read 3214 times)

beautifuldreamer · « **Reply #30 on:** April 12, 2012, 09:08:34 PM »

Quote from: tereza on April 12, 2012, 08:04:58 PM

In your current situation though, I think it's best to end things. His behavior was disrespectful and you deserve to be treated with respect.

Don't settle for less than you deserve.

Giggles · « **Reply #31 on:** April 13, 2012, 04:15:05 AM »

Thank You for all responds...
Im sick and tired, and all in pain, but I also love him and myself, and its so hard for me.
I think Im gonna talk with him about this, and tell him that Im gonna break up...
But I still loves him so much...

beautifuldreamer · « **Reply #32 on:** April 13, 2012, 04:27:55 AM »

Be strong you can do it...

onlyhappiness · « **Reply #33 on:** April 13, 2012, 04:34:07 AM »

Giggles ,

I know it is hard when you love someone , and you can still love him but you should love and respect yourself more. Would you ever dream of treating him (or anyone else) this way? I think not. Yes letting go is hard , but i promise you , you will respect yourself and get stronger everyday. It took me a long time to get to that point and i still miss him , but i deserve more and so do you!!
You really have to decide for yourself i guess how you are going to allow others to treat you. whatever you decide know that we are all here for you , we just hate seeing you being treated as less than you deserve.
Wish you the best whatever you decide

Giggles · « **Reply #34 on:** April 13, 2012, 04:06:38 PM »

Guys, its everything so wise and good ... Your advices are great.
But I just cant stand this that I wanted attract him back to my life ! And it was ONE YEAR of attracting him back ! And finally I did this ! And now I have to break up with him?!

Its so awful...
Did I chose wrong guy?
I dont know whose fault is it... maybe mine, maybe him, maybe both.
I really dont know.
But now I know that his fallen in love in her, and dont know which wanna choose. Me or her. I know it from our friend.
Also its so awful because it started to be good times, and I really felt safe and better. I love myself and him. And I planned our trips, weekends, and romantic things. And now ? I really dont know what

And also this thought of talking with him about this that I know he cheated, and then coming back to home, alone, with broken heart, feeling that Im never gonna see him again as my bf, and never kiss, hug or sth is so painful because I really know how it is cause I had this couple of times during last year when he broke up with me 2 times.
Also I know I ant just tell him that I know he cheated and then say that I still wanna be with him cause it will show him that I disrespect myself.
Also I dont know if he still wanna be with me. Cause what I really have in mi mind is to break up to show him that I respect myself, and give him somekind of kick, to make him think what wrong he did. And then I still wanna be with him as happy couple, sometime.
But I dnt know if he wanna be with me after breaking up. Maybe hes gonna choose her then?
Or maybe he will ake me guilty in this conversation, maybe he will tell me that "why I trust my friend and not him" and so on things like that?
I really dont know what to do.
But I love him so much and I wanna be with him but in new relationship, when I can trust him.

tereza · « **Reply #35 on:** April 13, 2012, 07:16:40 PM »

Quote from: Giggles on April 13, 2012, 04:06:38 PM

Did I chose wrong guy?

That's a possibility, but I think it's more likely that it's just not the right timing. You had a lot of trust issues to begin with and unfortunately, those manifested. That's not to say that he is innocent either. He needs to sort his thoughts and get clear on who he wants to be with and grow up a bit. Being confused is no excuse for lying and cheating.

As for breaking up with him, that's your decision to make. But I think you need to really think about what's good for you to do. Would you feel happy staying with him, when you know he has cheated on you and lied to you? Could you trust him?

As for a relationship in the future…if you attracted him back once, you can attract him again. So I wouldn't worry about that. I would be more concerned about doing what's best for you (because everything falls into place when you do that).

Giggles · « **Reply #36 on:** April 13, 2012, 10:29:58 PM »

Thank You Tereza You helped me so mch ! Thank You God bless You my dear!
You are right - I attracted him once so I will do it so many times I want.
Cause I know how to do it.
And now I made a choice - Im not gonna break up strictly, but Im gonna tell him that I know he met wit her, and he disappointed me so much doing this, and acted like child...
And I will be calm and kind.
And tell him that now he must think about it, take some time and make a choice abut his life and witch whom he wanna be, because he cant live like this hurting me and also her.
And if he doesnt wanna make a choice, and he still wanna live like this so I dont wanna him any more.
So thats what Im gonna tell him tomorrow...
What do You think?

Mariposa, (KnJ) · « **Reply #37 on:** April 13, 2012, 11:12:23 PM »

I am having a real problem with this thread, sorry!

First off, it's just so full of un-necessary drama and thoughts that are so wasted. I say wasted because instead of practicing gratitude for your guy and loving him unconditionally and realizing that you made all of this happen, you are fretting and fraying and spending all this time being miserable and trying to figure out "what to do".........I can tell you exactly what NOT to do, don't give that guy an ultimatum! Never, ever give anyone an ultimatum unless you are willing and completely and totally prepared to carry it through. That means, if you say that if he continues to do "whatever" you will walk away, you better MEAN IT!! False threats will get you no where except more disrespect. And in addition, ultimatums are manipulative! That is a twisted way to try to get someone to do what you want them to do by using FEAR as a motivating factor and nothing is more of a turn off and in the long run you will regret it.

Now, here's the thing, I believe this is a classic case of low or poor self esteem and all your doubts and fears have manifested into this man considering you are not the only choice for him. You were worried he would cheat and you made that public here on this forum. You put your fears out there.....you worried and feared that he might mess up and guess what??? He did!! YOUR THOUGHTS BECAME YOUR REALITY!!

Now you can't pretend to fool the universe into believing that you think you are worthy.......you can't. You can act like you are ALL THAT AND SO WONDERFUL......but if you don't BELIEVE YOU REALLY ARE.....well then you will continue to attract someone who thinks the same as you and will have doubts about how wonderful you are and they will continue to look else where to find that WONDERFUL person you at one point presented to them. That person may be someone other than you since you don't REALLY BELIEVE you are that great or worthy!

You don't have to be full of yourself or act as if you are the best thing since sliced bread but you do need to accept yourself and love yourself for who you really are. You need to do this so the person you attract will feel that too! They will know how wonderful you are because YOU ARE REALLY WONDERFUL AND YOU KNOW YOU ARE AND EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS GOOD, HAPPY, AND LOVING OF YOURSELF.

You need to work on you. Stop worrying about this guy, he will fall back into place when you stop giving this "so called problem" so much attention! All this attention to this is making this a much bigger deal than it really is. You will only attract more bad stuff if you continue to be concerned about this. Let it go!!

Who cares? He's WITH YOU!! He isn't with that other gal.......HE IS WITH YOU!!

You need to follow Tereza's advice, lighten up and get happy.....WITH YOURSELF.

Don't worry about him, you can't control him. But you can control how you will react and if you get good with YOU and are happy with you, he will fall back into line.

All this is unnecessary time wasted on something that is easily fixed by just getting back to loving yourself and living for you.

He doesn't make you happy........YOU MAKE YOU HAPPY!!

You can either decide to be upset and unhappy and try to DO SOMETHING about this....meaning manipulate him or you can do what you are supposed to do, what the UNIVERSE desires for you to do to manifest the best life possible and just decide to be HAPPY REGARDLESS........for you!!!!

You will see, it will all work out once you get your head back together again!

Smile be happy!

Giggles · « **Reply #38 on:** April 14, 2012, 03:22:56 AM »

Mariposa... You are right. And I know it.
But You know... I just focused on this because it actually happened in my life.
So do You advice me to let go - so dont even talk with him that I know about all this cheating stuff, and just forget about it, and be happy with myself?
Do You really think its better that telling him that I know the truth or sth like that?
I know that the most important thing is believing and loving myself, but he actually cheated and its the fact. I dont feel sad or sth any more, cause I got calm, and now its good, I feel Im on good path, cause Im calm and feel safe because its all my feelings. But do You advise me also to forget about this stuff ?
Cause Im confused

Giggles · « **Reply #39 on:** April 14, 2012, 03:12:20 PM »

So Im not gonna give him an ultimatum.
But I cant stand this that he treated me with this kind if disrespect.
My doubts and his doubts dont excuse cheting as Tereza said.
And I agree with it.
I dont feel sad any more. I visualized all night. I visualized myself strong and happy.
Now my energy is up.
Im gonna meet with him today and say him about all this stuff that I know he met with her, and I dont like it. That it was childish, and he cant have doubts if he wanna be still with me.
That he must think over his life, and stop being childish. And that current situation dont fit me any more.
Thats what Im gonna say to him.
Im not gonna break up just telling him - "hay you bastard I know you cheated so bye !" because I think its childish

But also Im not gonna give him an ultimatum me or her because its showing disrespect to myself. Its not supermarket. He cant take me or her like that milk or that... Im not a product in the store. He chose me so now he take responsibility what he have done.
And its his problem to think over it.

When I asked for some signs - there was a lot of feathers with blue ending, and hearts painted everywhere that I havent seen before

Thank You so much for Your advices. I know Im so dramatic, and so on... but its just me.
Im not gonna think about her, as I used to do from 2 weeks until this wednesday...

Mariposa, (KnJ) · « **Reply #40 on:** April 15, 2012, 02:37:03 AM »

To answer your question.........I think you should let this entire matter go, but obviously you do not.

Maybe in the future you will be able to see and understand why I gave the advice I did.

As far you being dramatic....and that's JUST YOU, that is NOT just you, that is YOUR CHOICE TO BE LIKE THAT and you evidently think it's attractive otherwise you wouldn't behave that way.

I personally do not think it's attractive at all and I do know most men very much dislike drama of any sort but especially drama from their partners.

I wish you the best.

Giggles · « **Reply #41 on:** April 15, 2012, 12:11:22 PM »

We had conversation about it, I told him I know about all this stuff, and that it was disrespect for me.
That he cheated, and I cant feel safe any more.
I told him that he should think over his life, and everything I said him, also what he have to do. he must consider what is important for him and so on...
And because I dont really like this situation and dont feel good in it, I withdraw from it now.
And again told him "Think about everything I said You and what is important for you. Think the matter over"

He told me that yes, he was with her during that day my friend saw them, also he didnt confess that he kissed her.
What is more - he was strange. I was thinking that hes gonna faith with me and shout or sth but actually he didnt. He was silent, and sad.

Now I know he contact with me soon..

Giggles · « **Reply #42 on:** April 16, 2012, 01:17:49 PM »

I broke up with this guy to show him that he cant treat me with disrespect. Also to make him think about this. But it was just like break not breaking up.
And what he did?
At the day of breaking up he met with that girl.
Also he ask her for date in the other day.
I am sick.
He also dont contact me.
I dont know? I worth nothing to him when he just simply forgot?
Or its just showing off that "hey I dont care you"
I dont know but I feel sick and I want him back right now. I want to contact him so much.
Sorry for that

Mariposa, (KnJ) · « **Reply #43 on:** April 16, 2012, 05:37:22 PM »

Maybe I should say something so you will feel better, I just feel that you made this situation what it is with your insecurity, manipulation and doubting thoughts.

I wish you had listened to the advice I gave you earlier!

Sorry you are hurting, you can turn it around but you will have to take my advice to heart and do what I said before.

Work on you, get happy with you!

Ginny · « **Reply #44 on:** April 16, 2012, 06:23:34 PM »

I agree with Mariposa.

Giggles - I hope you don't take this the wrong way, because I'm saying this with the best of intentions:

Your profile says that you are 26, but the behaviour you describe sounds like that of someone much younger - 16 or 17 max. Sometimes much much younger.

I think (putting on my amateur psychologist hat again) that you have some very deep hurt in you. The behaviour you describe is very much like someone with a kind of attachment disorder. There are various ways that these can manifest, but I think you may have what is called an insecure or anxious attachment disorder - see the description under "anxious / ambivalent" here: http://www.attachmenttherapy.com/adult.htm

I'm not sure what to suggest here... I am personally very anti-therapist (due to negative experiences with other people in my life), but I gather that they are very helpful for a lot of people, and might help you.

One thing seems pretty clear: you are unlikely to find security or happiness until you deal with these issues.

I personally found relief through reading, meditation and trying to develop spiritual aspects of my life. I think Buddhist philosophies are quite good in terms of dealing with attachment disorders, so it might be something you would like to explore?

Or perhaps therapy - just because I am suspicious of it doesn't mean it's not for everyone. If you went and came out feeling better, more optimistic, more in control of your life, then maybe it would be a good thing.

I hope things work out for you.

Much love and wishes for the best for you
xx