updates and new questions--> long distance ex

[seb913]

hey guys! soo a couple months ago, I wrote a post about wanting to get back together with my ex that lives in another state, and the circumstances surrounding the break up.
a quick re-brief: I brought around the break up by doubting our relationship with negative thoughts and paranoia. we broke up, and got back together, but I still couldn't shake the doubts, then we broke up again for a second time. we didn't talk for almost two months. and after our break up, I started focusing more on me and fixing myself and being happy. I still loved him and visualized us talking and saying that we missed each other. I used affirmations saying that I was attractive, that I could get him back, and that he missed me. but I didn't hold myself back from enjoying myself.

UPDATE: he called me after a month of my visualizing and affirmations!! =]. he called me and told me that he really missed talking to me, and all the times he saw me on messenger, he wanted to message me, but was scared that I wouldn't say anything to him. after casual conversations, he repeated, "wow. I really missed talking to you.". so I believed my affirmations worked on that part =].

now for the negative part...he has another girlfriend now...BUT I'm not going to let that stop me from trying to get back with him. despite her, he still texted me on a regular basis and called me when he wakes up to wake me up for a while. so I have no intentions on giving up. and he's not the type of person to do any of those things unless he truly cared about me to a great degree still.

so now my question is basically what should I do to succeed my ultimate goal: getting back together with him for good?


so far, this is what I've been doing:

1. I visualize us together and talking like we did when we were dating. I feel the feelings I would feel if he really were talking to me the same way he did before. and I visualize us hanging out together and feel the feelings I would feel if we really were hanging out together.

2. I use the following affirmations in the morning as soon as I wake up, and at night before I sleep:

-"______ is truly and madly in love with me"
-"______ and I are back together for good, and more in love than ever"
-"______ misses me, and I miss him"
-"I project unconditional love to ______, and receive mutual love in return"
-"______ and I are soul mates, and are meant to be together".

then I use the following affirmations throughout the day:

-"I'm beautiful, smart, clever, funny, and original and attractive"
-"I can attract whatever and whomever I want to me like a magnet."
-"love comes to me without any effort"
-"I'm in love with myself to the fullest, and deserve love."
-"I'm different from all the other girls, and it's because of that, ______ loves me so much."

3.) I go throughout the day remembering and reminding myself that me and my ex are back together already, and therefore, have nothing to worry about or fear. I KNOW our rekindled relationship is on it's way, and I don't concern myself with the "what if"s, because I convince myself I already have him back.

4.) I avoid things that would give me negative vibes. I refuse to think about his new girlfriend and their relationship. I only concern myself with me and him. and I try to focus on my feelings and what I desire most. I don't even visualize them breaking up, because I think that's using energy in her benefit rather than mine.

5.) I try my best not to obsess over it. I try not to look at his facebook 24/7, and I don't constantly check if he's online on ichat, and I try not to text him constantly. I only do it when I feel it's right, or I convince myself that he'll text me and will talk to me later. I try not to freak out when I haven't heard from him for a couple of days.


so that's my plan. does anyone have any other advice? it'd be greatly appreciated =].


also, should I set up a deadline for when we will be "officially" back together? I was thinking like "by the end of june 2010, ______ and I will officially be a couple, with the title and all.".

ps. PLEASE do NOT tell me that I should consider doing a "general search" for a lover. I've made up my mind that my ex is the one I want and that we will get back together, and I have no intentions of finding someone else. I'm convinced that he is the one I'm meant to be with, and I feel it in my gut. so please don't give me that advice. I won't really budge. thank youuuu =]

[dawn]

I've been doing the same for about a month now....and as sooon as I found peace within myself and was trulllly happy and KNEW that my ex would come back, things fell apart.
It started with another guy asking me out (his coworker) and it just broke my world apart.... i lost my balance and started doubting...a few days later my ex tells a mutual friend to tell me that he's getting married!!!! To a girl he's seen a few days in his life and lives across the world!!!
Now I don't know what to do....I don't know how to regain my peace and faith....

[bweston]

Haha, I was going to say do everything that you're doing but make it for someone general, but then I read your p.s.

If you're not going to budge, then yes, you're visualizations are absolutely wonderful and sound very effective. The part that still catches my intuition is that your intention involves someone else's loss. I mean, I don't know your ex and his new girlfriend and they could be a horrible match in comparison to you two, but knowing that your intention requires someone else lose concerns me a bit.

Either way though, I do hope you find the love that deserve! =)

[seb913]

@bweston: haha. yeah, I've seen a lot of posts similar to mine that say we should do "general searches", but I'm really convinced that my ex is the one for me, and I know it was my negative thinking that caused the break up, and I know he still cares about me, so I won't consider giving up on him.

so my affirmations and visualizations are good? =D. yay. haha. do you think the deadline thing would work as well? I've seen other posts in which people advised setting a reasonable deadline. my ex is supposed to visit this summer, or I'm going to see him that summer when I go there to visit a college campus. so I think the deadline seems reasonable. I know if we see each other again, all the old feelings will spark. I feel it in my gut =]

as for his new gf...yeah, it would be her loss. but I truly believe that me and him are meant to be together. I know him very well, and I know he wouldn't even bother calling me every morning if he didn't miss me, especially if he was seeing someone else...I really believe that me and him are "forever" material. I've seen a lot of posts from people who are in similar situations as me, and are managing to get their exes back, despite their new (and temporary) significant others. so I refuse to give up.


does anyone else have any other advice on what I should do? thanksss =]

[tereza]

yay! I'm so happy that he contacted you!
I think everything you're doing so far is good. Once you feel it in your gut and KNOW that it's going to happen, I think things start shifting into place even if all that shifting makes no sense at all (well right now it makes no sense, usually it makes sense later).

Only suggestion I have, is to remove this affirmation:
-"______ misses me, and I miss him"

You are in a relationship with him! He's back with you! Why would you miss him? 

[seb913]

@tereza: thank youuu so much for your support! =]. I agree about the gut feeling, I think it's the energy and feelings that come from that that will send the right vibrations to my ex. I have so much confidence in it, that I'm sure that it will work. I just have to be patient and be assured that it's on it's way back to me.

well that affirmation about the missing each other was in context that we are in a long distance relationship, and therefore would miss each other even when we're a couple. haha. but I get your point, and I'll remove it =]. what's your viewpoint on the deadline affirmation?


more advice would be great!! =]

[tereza]

You know, I've never really tried the deadline affirmation before. But I think the one you have sounds good.  Good luck!

[David V.]

I support you wholeheartedly, Ms. seb913. I, like you, know what it is to want a very specific person back, no matter what.

[seb913]

@David V.: I kinda got that vibe that we are very much alike in that aspect; I've read some of your posts. I think what we both need to do is just focus on the feelings of already having what we want, and honestly believe, without any doubts, that we are getting them back. it's never going to be easy, but I truly believe that we can get them back. like right now. I have sooo much faith and I'm so confident in this, that I don't even worry about it as much anymore. I know that I'm going to be with him again, so I don't fret about it as much.

is that what you're doing?

[David V.]

Indeed. I have a chronically easier time finding stuffs that make me laugh [today I broke the record], and took to hearing THE SECRET over and over again until it got through my thick head completely. It is starting to work, seeing as I feel better and better each time. The full story is on my thread, I update it daily.

[khushboo_dand]

You will definitely get him back....
When we really want something ... we definitely get it... Try try until u succeed..

As u said, he really misses u... may be you can communicate with him more....
make him realize how happy he was, when you both were together ... he will definitely come back to u .. all the best

[Andrew Wilkie]

Seb913.

Reading your posts. What makes you convinced?  I'm sure others would like to know how you know so that they can incorporate the ideas into their own LOA work.

"Missing" is a clear take away. Bin that.

Do me a favour. Write in a reply your goal, then we can go from there. I want, I have etc. Sum it all up in one sentence.

[seb913]

@khushboo: thank youuu for your faith and support! . I think he does realize how happy we were when we were together, because he's texted me on his own several times. And he wouldn't call so early in the morning for just anyone; he's not like that at all.

I really believe in the whole "if we want something badly enough, we'll get it" thing. That's almost what LOA is about, right?


@andrew: hmm. Why am I so convinced? That's kindaaa hard to explain. I've really just used affirmations and visualizations, and results have happened. Then I realized the times I've used LOA, knowingly or not, and how results have always come from it. Sooo that gives me faith that my ex and I will be reunited again if that's what I truly want and truly feel/believe I have; that's part of what convinced me. Also, using the LOA and truly believing the desired result is on its way, and feeling the feelings I would feel if we were together right now, has made me feel like I already have it, so I have nothing to worry about. I go about my day feeling happy and grateful . Now the hard part to explain...its just that gut feeling I feel that tells me we WILL be together again. I've never experienced that feeling, so I trust it...if that makes sense. like I'm not the type of person who could force myself to believe in something just because I desperately want it; I simply can't do it. So since I feel that this is truly possible and can truly happen, I'm confident it will. Its just a gut feeling, I don't know how to explain it...this probably made no sense! Sorryyy X).
 
My goal? Well I want to get back together with ______. But instead ill say "I have a mutual loving, strong relationship w/ ______" because I'm acting as if I'm back with him already. Is that what you asked for?

[David V.]

Mind if I join in this practice?

What makes me convinced [whether pathologically or positively] is the fact that we spent three solid years together, and there were full plans for spending the rest of our lives together, down to the names of our children. I wanted someone whom I truly could consider my equal in matter of intelligente, maturity, decency and commitment to a goal, and she was the one.

The setback was because I treasured so much, the relationship became claustrophobic for her. I needed so badly.

However, I am finally beyond that. I do not need her anymore. By myself, I made myself become stronger and more powerful than ever.
But I still want her, more than ever before. I want our love to overcome this, so that if we overcame this, NOTHING would ever be as comparable to split us again, for we have grown exponentially stronger both individually, and thus two happy individual beings make an even happier couple.

[seb913]

@david v.: that's also what made me convinced! though I haven't been in a relationship with him as long as you were in a relationship withe her, we too had full plans for spending the rest of our lives together. we talked about getting married, the names of our kids, how we would raise them, etc. and yeah, a lot of couples do that, but for me, my ex is NOT a person who would normally do that. he treated me so much different from the other girls he dated; he never talked to them the way he talked to me, and never wanted to spend as much time with them, yet he ALWAYS wanted to be around me. it's because of this that makes me believe that we still are on the same "vibrations", or something like that. I know he truly loved me then, and I know he still does.

the difference between you and me was the ending of the relationship; I became so negative and paranoid because of the long distance, and thought negatively so much, that it pushed him away. I believe the law of attraction played a role in that too, since I got what I thought about so much.

but at the same time, since I believe the law of attraction played a role in the break up, I believe it could also bring him back to me =].

and I feel the same way about being beyond the "needing" stage. since our break up, I've become a stronger and more independent person. I don't NEED him, and I don't cling to him. but that doesn't mean I don't want to be with him; I want that more than I've ever wanted anything. and I have immense faith that we will be together again, and I believe you can be with her again too! =]. Just keep up with affirmations, visualizations, and stay detached from the outcome (not worrying about it because you're certain it's on its way). trust me, it really does work.

I'll give an example about what happened today. so I haven't heard from him for a couple of days, and I started to worry that he didn't want to talk to me anymore. but whenever those negative thoughts started to come up, I immediately told my mind "stop! stop! stop! CANCEL!", and I continued to use my affirmations and visualize us in a perfect loving relationship. I told myself that he was going to text me soon, and not to worry about it. so I just didn't let myself worry about him not texting me, and just continued to feel grateful and happy that we're together again (acting as if I have it now). then today, he texted me =].

trust me, we WILL get them back. we just have to be patient...a word that sometimes I think should be deleted from the human vocabulary XD. hahaha. but still. I'll wait =]