TIRED OF BEING NEEDY

[Dr. Drama]

Hello everyone,

This is my first post on the site.  I was fortunate enough to stumble on this website while looking for help in getting my ex-GF back.  I would like to share my story and I would appreciate all feedback given.

My ex and I were together for 4 plus years.  She is a pharmicist and a very intelligent, independent woman.  I was lucky enough to catch her eye after my divorce in 2006 when I moved back to the city where I grew up to try to restart my life.  I took a job as a grocery stock clerk to just pay the bills. Needless to say I was down on my luck after my divorce and I just wanted to regroup.  I saw my ex one day while at work and I fell for her immediately.  I never thought I had a chance with her since she was the store pharmacist and I was just a stock clerk.  I thought to myself-screw it, what is the worst that could happen.  I mean her rejection could not be as bad as my recent divorce so I approached her and introduced myself. To my surprise we actually hit it off pretty well.  We both happened to live in the same neighborhood so I asked her to go for a walk as a first "date".  She accepted and gave me a chance to meet with her outside of work.  We had  a great time together that day walking and talking for a few hours.  Well we continued dating and eventually became BF and GF.  Then, I was lucky enough to find a new job working for an investment bank and I quit the stock clerk job completely.  My life was looking heading in the right direction again.  We were together for the next four years.  We had the best relationship.  I learned a lot from my divorce and vowed not to make the same mistakes with C.  We had the best time together. No arguments.  We were best friends.  Then on Halloween 2010, C called me and said she wanted to end our relationship.  I was blown away.  She said she was thinking of going back to school to vet her Phd. in pharmacy and did not  think she could handle a relationship and school at the same time.  She said she also had some frustrations with me but refused to say what they were.  I admit I had put on some weight and became lazy, possibly even boring to her.  I was under a lot pressure from work during the financial crisis in 2008-2009.  I stopped working out and I just wanted to sleep after I got home from work.  I was working 60 hours a week to try to save my position at the company as lay-offs started to occur.  C said she wanted to break things off to concentrate on herself and did not want to be in a relationship.  I was crushed beyond belief.   This was the woman who believed in me when I was at my worst.  She was my inspiration.  I told her fine and that I understood.  I did not speak to her for 3 weeks.  Ugh!  I am sure you can imagine the despair I felt.  Then I broke down and called her.  She was polite but still refused to tell me her frustrations with me.  She said that the next woman I would meet may not feel the same as she and that her frustrations didn't matter anymore because it was in the past.  I felt empty inside.  I was like WTF.  We ended the conversation politely with the promise of being able to speak again.  I waited another 2 weeks and then called to ask her out for breakfast.  Well this didn't go well.  She said I was pressuring her and to stop calling.  She gave me the LEAVE ME ALONE and I went off the deep end.  No eating, no sleeping, etc.  We did not talk all through December 2010 (no Merry Christmas, no Happy New Year) and most of January 2011.  Finally, I could not take it and emailed her with all of my pent up emotions.  she responded that her feelings had changed and that we were not going to get back together.  She gave me the line-you deserve a better woman.  She said she was not interested in being Ina relationship with anyone and wanted to concentrate only on herself.  She said she did not want me to be a part of her life anymore and to not contact her again.  I could not believe it, we never even argued about anything and now I was being tossed as side like I had cheated on her or something.  I tried calling her. No answer. I texted her. No answer. I was blown away.  Now, I find myself texting her repeatedly with questions about what happened. No answer.  This has frustrated me even more and now I am texting her everyday even though I know she will not answer.  I think I am trying to convey my emotions to her memory since I am not able to speak to her directly.  I am not the stalker type to show up at her work or home unannounced nor will I call her at the store where she is forced to speak to me by way of her answering her work phone.  I feel trapped.  My only outlet is texting or emailing her, but I want her back.  How can you get through to someone if they refuse to even acknowledge your existence.  It iis not FAIR to put a person through anything like this.  I tried using logic, I tried getting her to feel sorry for me, I tried to be romantic.  No response.  I know I am coming across as needy and girls are turned off completely by this, but I just do not understand this harshness after the relationship we  had.  NOT FAIR.  I have been researching how to get you ex back and I see that I have been doing the wrong things repeatedly, but I feel like I have gone too far to go back now and try no contact.  I am now going to try the LOA to regain my postivity and attempt to become the man that attracted her in the first place, but I am confused.  I think no contact now will be actually doing her a favor and she will be happy if I use this method to attempt to attract her.  It has been 4 months since our break and I have not seen her at all.  He only responses to my texts now, if anything is leave me alone.

I sent her the email below yesterday to try to affirm the principles of the LOA.  Please see below:

Carolina. I know one day we will be back together again.   Our hearts have touched deeply and we have experienced a level of trust, understanding, and compassion not common to most relationships.  I truly believe we are meant to be together.  Right now,  I am working on me and you are working on you.  I believe it was the energy of the universe that brought us together to meet at the pharmacy.  This energy gave me the courage to approach you at my worst and gave you the courage to accept me at your best.  The universal energy between us remains strong to this day.  Remember how we would text each other within seconds apart during the day.  This happened too often to be considered just random. We are in tune with each other.  I know you felt this too.  I am starting to believe our break up is a blessing in disguise.  It has forced new life and motivation in me that I was lacking before.   This time apart will only make life better for us in the future.   Our hearts will find a way to be together.   I believe it is inevitable.  Until we reunite,  I wish you good health, not just physical health, but emotional health. I wish safety and security from the negativity in the world.  I wish you happiness and peace as I am focusing on the same
 for me.  I believe we are already together in the future.  We only have to
 catch up to those two people who are waiting for us to arrive.  Xoxo!

Ladies,  please advise me of my best of action going foward.  Thank you for reading this rather long post, but I had to get it off my chest. 

[SpeedZ]

Stop talking to her. No contact works best. You haven't let go and that's why she's going farther away from you.

[Dr. Drama]

Thank you SpeedZ.  If I let go, doesn't that mean I am giving up on the relationship?  What about trying to get her back?

[Miracles]

Hello there!

I didn't read all your post. But there are very important points about the law of attraction.
First you ASK , and this means that you decide in your own mind about what you'd like to have in your life.
Second you BELIEVE, this takes some work, because it's hard sometimes to believe in the universe's perfect timing. For example, you want your ex back, but meanwhile, she's not giving you attention, this makes it hard to stay certain that the universe will bring you what you desire, but here's the trick:

it takes time for things to go in a certain direction and manifest what you want. Right now you are desperate and needy and you're so focused on the idea that you DO NOT have the woman you love, this will keep bringing you more of the same feelings. You have to break out of this cycle and start FEELING secure, loved, appreciated, peaceful. There are many ways to shift your thoughts and emotions (you'll find many great techniques posted by members on this forum) ..  But there are basic things that you should do:

First: GRATITUDE. preferably, start a journal where you write all the things you're grateful for. However basic or insignificant they may seem. Then start to include how grateful you are to have met her, and having her fall in love with you. Write everything in a positive, grateful attitude.

Second: Visualization. and this means to SEE the outcome you want and to FEEL how it's going to be like. See her calling you, smiling at you, whatever situation associated with good feelings and emotions.

This takes me to the Final step of LOA, after ASK, BELIEVE, and that is to RECIEVE.
Which means now you're Grateful, confident, and you're open to receive all great things from the universe!

Note: It's very very VERY important to just LET GO of expectations.. do not keep wondering HOW or WHEN she'll come back. that way you only limit your possibilities, and drag yourself back.

Know what you want, visualise, be grateful, live your life fully and work on yourelf, and do not expect,
as SweetSpirit always says: when you don't expect, that's when you get what you didn't expect!

[Miracles]

Also, a great point that Magdog made me realise is the impact of the "subject" we use in our posts!
Your subject has two very negative words.. "tired" and "needy" ..
You'll feel better if you change the subject to something more positive

[schenderson22]

I sent a personal message to you and look forward to working with you.

Best,

[SpeedZ]

Thank you SpeedZ.  If I let go, doesn't that mean I am giving up on the relationship?  What about trying to get her back?

Ditch her and focus on yourself. Go lift weights, meet some other girls, go out with friends etc.

This is the hardest step but its the best step.

Then she'll come back to you after seeing the new you (:

[Dr. Drama]

SpeedZ,

Thank you. Lift weights. Let her see the new me.  I like your advice.  Screw it. If she doesn't want me what can I do?  Thank you g
for responding again.  Please look out for me.  I am a student. 

[Sitfab]

You have received great advice here. You may even reach the stage where you don't ( that's right, DON'T ) want your ex back with the added bonus of YOU deciding if you get back together or not if she asks. Personally, I'm in this position, as I now am interested in someone else other than my ex ( which now, quite frankly, I don't care about at all ).

I agree with SpeedZ, go to the gym, workout. Have the fun of your life ( with other girls, even ). This is ultimate self-love. And it's not about letting her see the new you. It's about letting YOU see the new you. The ultimate you, the one that has been destined for greatness but could not see yet until now, the one that has been gifted with the power of manifesting everything the heart desires but didn't allow it until now, the one that can truly see that he is the center of his own universe, but who thought that this kind of thinking was too big until now.

But first you have to get rid of all the neediness. The e-mail you sent her pretty much drove her away even further, because if she doesn't believe in LOA or never heard of it, she'll think that you're slowly but surely going nuts. Period. Counterproductive stuff. But fear not, I've seen and heard couples get back together who had way way WAY more issues than what you two had...to the point of saying words like "I never want to see you again".

What we need to do now is to make you "The Shit" when it comes to women. We need to make you the kind of guy Barbie would cheat on Ken with. I have some stuff for you. PM me if you're interested.

Read some more material on LOA, try manifesting small things, like quarters, a certain number plate, a certain way a certain person dresses, whatever.

Enjoy your journey of conscious use of LOA...in the end, it'll be all SO worth it.

[57angel]

Dr. Drama, focus on YOU - on loving, forgiving and accepting yourself, on making Dr. Drama a happier and a better person. You will only let go the feeling of fears, doubts and desperation as you believe that one day soon, you will be together with her, with a very happy and fulfilling relationship. Stop communicating with her, give her time to miss you as you also work on you. As you work in you inwards, you will see that there are lessons for you to learn, things to change, to add or delete, in as much as she has also some lessons to learn in relationships. Just enjoy the journey with lots of love and forgiveness their in your heart - for yourself and for others - I found that having them in our hearts will give the desires of our hearts the easiest and the fastest way.

[schenderson22]

Well said 57angel. No offense Sitfab, while I understand where you are going with your advice, I feel a different yet similar approach can be taken.

[Dr. Drama]

Group,

I am so appreciative of the advice given.  Thank you for taking the time out of you day to felons to my desperate call for HELP.  I am very inspired by all of you.  I an going to take the advice and

[Sitfab]

None taken, Schen. Everybody is entitled to voice their opinion, it's a free world after all. We're here to help out those in need and they're entitled to choose whatever advice fits them best.

[57angel]

You are most welcome Dr. Drama, I am greatly helped by the inspirations given to me by wonderful people here in the forum. And I am passing on to others also what I have learned, what was shared to me and what I did to make me a better and happier me. Feel free to write here, we are here for you