Thoughts! and Positive energy needed! -DHaynes , katie ..Anyone Help pls!!

[faith105]

Hi,

My LDR love broke up with me for more than 6 months. He said he can't cope with the distance. He kept apologized during the last conversation. He knew i never remain friends with exes but he sincerely hope that we can still remain as friends but i never provide any answer on this. I was crushed. He's the one who chased me all the way to my country and convinced me to be his girl friend. He talked about marriage. 2 week after he broke up with me, he dropped me a msg and wished me well. I was too hurt that time, therefore, i didn't response. He sent me another sms 2 weeks later for my birthday, and wish me happiness. And again i didn't response. How can I be happy when he's not beside me. That time i just felt like i was emotional detached to anything around me. Nothing can make me happy or sad. Maybe I was too hurt, I didn't have any intention to contact him for following months and I thought I can get over him.

But lately, I keep thinking about him. Deep down inside, I know i have already forgive him. I don't blame him as i learned that Im responsible for the break up as well. I didnt pay much attention on him as I tied up with the job that time. besides, I didn't tell him what's on my mind, and remained unbelievable calm and i didn't show any emotional the time we spoke via phone for final conversation.

I re-organise my thoughts lately and I know he's the one i want to marry. I have started the gratitude journal since Sept'11 as I just learned about LOA in Sept. It's very hard to remain positive. I have no idea why i become so emo lately, no idea what;s triggered this. How to remain positive guys? I want him to come to my country for this coming Dec 2011. I want to be hopeful .. any method to remain positive that he's on his way to back me?


Your advices are very much appreciated!!

[tereza]

Well sometimes, what I find helpful is reminding myself of the things that demonstrate that he still cares for me. So I guess in your situation, the fact that he contacted you after the breakup and the fact that he contacted you on your birthday are things to be happy about as it shows that you are still on his mind and that he cares about you.  Sometimes I find it's helpful to step away from focusing on all this and do other things. 

You know, he didn't break up with you because he wasn't in love. He just couldn't handle the distance...which for a lot of people is a hard thing to deal with. It's clear that he still cares because he tries to keep in touch. I kind of wonder if maybe you should get back in touch with him? Was there ever a plan for you two to move closer to each other or visit each other regularly?

[faith105]

Hi Tereza,

Good day! Thanks for your response! I think he used "distance" as the excuse, because he wanted to be out from the relationship that time. he even told me that his heart is not in the relationship anymore and he's no idea why. So, i just felt like i have been fooled. And before the final conversation, I already felt he's some kind distance and keep finding faults on me to start the arguements before he brought the news to me.

I have written an email but i never sent out. In the email, I told him how I really feel since i never show any emotional on the day of break up. I never shout,never beg, never argue not even once when he asked for OUT. I granted his wish and let him go. I turn my back and walk away and pretending that i no longer care and love him. He might think that i never love him because as per his friend. He's still hurt. But why? Isn't he's the one who want to be OUT?

In this stage, how to get in touch with him without bringing up the uneasy feelings? This is the part that makes me headache...

[faith105]

One thing to add on, he keep asking me to go his country. But I keep telling him to wait. For me, it's too fast and want me to let go everything that i have here, I seriously need to THINK, Im not the risk taker in relationship. He's in such a hurry and keep pushing, and I can stress out due to this. My friend says Im too rational coz i love to use my mind to analyze everything instead just follow what heart desires... Good or bad?

[lashark]

You can do no wrong when you follow your heart.

[DH4-everhappyinlove]

Faith104 i really like your name ... Have faith n believe in the unseen n the unknown...you have to trust your inner feeling as lashark states  "you can do no wrong when you follow your heart."...it is really hard indeed to stay positive during these situation but you have to try and focus....you said that you have already forgiven him/yourself/others so you are on the right track...visualize and affirm how you would want this relationship to be with him, never forget to be grateful for what you have and is yet to receive...everything will fall into place sooner than you think.

much love and peace
DH

[Katie]

Hello Faith, I love your name too 

I don't understand what's going on, you say he dumped you with a message and then you say :

he keep asking me to go his country. But I keep telling him to wait. For me, it's too fast and want me to let go everything that i have here, I seriously need to THINK, Im not the risk taker in relationship. He's in such a hurry and keep pushing, and I can stress out due to this

Was this prior to the breakup ? or is it what he is saying now ?

[faith105]

@lashark , thank you !!! 

Aww ... Im so happy you both response to my thread !! So grateful To be frank, I can always feel positive energy when I read your posts !

@DHaynes, I never keep in touch with any exes (none in the record), he knew it. He wants to remain friends but I didn't give him any response. Because I don't want to be his friend. In this case, if i contact him, he'll be the ONLY exception..  As mentioned, I want to tell him how i feel via email but I back off. My concern is, how about if he's in another relationship? I have no way to know. I want him back and i want him to come after him not the other way round.

@Katie, sorry for the confusion. He said that prior to the breakup. That time, I asked for time to THINK about it, but he just kept pressing me, and i stressed out. After that, he kept finding faults on me, just to start the arguments, distant himself before he brought up the conversation that he wanted OUT. I never shout,never beg, never argue not even once when he asked for OUT. I granted his wish and let him go. I turn my back and walk away and pretending that i no longer care and love him. My reaction was so abnormal, i was dishearten at that moment, i believe. And now, Im thinking to drop him an email to tell him how i feel, is it a right way to do so? how about if he's in another relationship?I have no way to know. I still want him, and i know he's the one I want. How do you know if I truly let go? My mood swings lately, still finding remedy for myself .. I have tried EFT, gratitude journals..

[Katie]

Faith, your situation reminds me of someone who is a friend of mine ;  when they broke up and you are right to be strong, and not to beg and be desperate, but if your heart is telling you to send him an email, listen to your heart.

You have forgiven him, that's fine, but have you forgiven yourself ? You are carrying alot of guilt for what happened. You can use EFT to rid yourself of this guilt.

Long distance relationships are always challenging. He put you under pressure to move,  you stressed out, and he ended up backing out of the relationship. But he still cares for you obviously. Let him know your true feelings for him, if that's what your heart is telling you to do. In your gratitude journal, give thanks for your relationship being restored and for finding clarity, for unless you want a casual relationship, one of you will have to move some day.  as Tereza said, he didn't break up because he doesn't love you, he broke up because he couldn't handle the distance. You are new to LOA, and things can't happen overnight, but things will work out if your faith is strong ! Learn as much as you can and rid yourself of all negative thoughts, feel free to ask us all the questions you need to ask 

[faith105]

@Katie, thank you !! for taking times to get back to me.

He used "distance" to break things off. Besides, he told me that his heart is not in the relationship anymore and he's no idea why. And also mentioned that even thou i want to move there, it doesn't seem to help too. The words were mean, he just tried to brush everything off like it never happened before. I was crushed, so i refuse to response his msg and msg. He stopped contact me too ..

Is your friend get back to the guy? I think that's one my concerns too if he already involved with another girl. I have no way to find out. I want him to come back willingly.

Faith is what I have. I believe I can get what I want. I did it in my studies as well as career. But How long this be sustained? I want everyday to be smooth sailing but sometimes it is just hard to remain positive.

Will try to redraft the email and let you guys have a look.

Thank you once again!!

[Katie]

he told me that his heart is not in the relationship anymore and he's no idea why. And also mentioned that even thou i want to move there, it doesn't seem to help too. The words were mean, he just tried to brush everything off like it never happened before.

Don't pay so much attention to what he says. When my guy wanted me out of his life, I made the same mistake, I took everything he said at face value. Words mean nothing, only the importance you give them. you would never believe all the things my guy told me. One day when I was moaning and groaning, "Patrick said this, Patrick said that" someone here asked me (I think it was Tereza, not sure though) "so Patrick never changes his mind ? everything he says is set in stone ?" that hit me hard, and I realized that yes, Patrick can change his mind, it's unlikely because he is a very very very proud man, but it is possible. and from that moment on, I totally stopped focusing on his words... when he would say something mean, instead of breaking down in tears I would say to myself, whatever !  and he who hated my guts asked me to marry him last month, after a 6 year relationship and he has always been very strongly opposed to marriage.

Of course you want him back willingly, we're not talking about overriding his free will. You don't want the "old" relationship back, with all the misunderstandings and pressure, you want a new relationship based on unconditional love and to get there, you need to work on yourself, you need to become the person he will willingly want to spend his life with.  There will be bumps on the road, but if you have unwavering faith and you delete all doubts from your mind, things will unfold nicely for you 

[faith105]

Hi Katie,

Your post always lift my spirit ! It makes me smile. Thank you ! Thank you ! Thank you ! Something wrong with my internet browser, Im not able to post or response to the msg for past few days. Thank God, it works today!

I have sent you a personal msg. Need your insights pls.

Thanks and good day!
Faith105

[AnnaCarr]

I f you are following your heart then you definitely not get desired solution.