This Makes No Sense To Me

[tereza]

Ok, so for the past few weeks I've been feeling really unsatisfied with everything (even though things are going great). Today, I realize I've been feeling this way because I've been worrying about how I will be able to move closer to my guy sooner. This also makes me resent him because I feel like I'm making such an effort to be with him and he's not doing anything.

Then there's all these little things that have been eating at me…he's got an active online dating profile, his close friend adopted twins and for some reason he's kept that a secret even though he used to tell me all about his friend, the rude behavior on instant messenger…

Yes, they're small things. But then I was watching some romance movie and it made me sad to see how wonderful this guy was to this girl. It made me even sadder to see that when they were separated, he reached out to get her back and she did her best to reach for him too. I feel like I'm doing all the reaching.  I hate feeling this way so…I figured it was time to go out and meet some people and create an online dating profile of my own. 

Well instead of feeling better, I feel guilty. Why in the world do I feel that way? I mean, he's off doing his thing not worrying about me. I shouldn't feel guilty, but I do.

[I AM LOVE!]

Hey tereza

I know how you are feeling..because I too had felt exactly the same at some point back in time..
See I personally believe a) guys are a lot different than us..Their sense of feeling,sense of possessiveness,sense of expression everything is completely different from us..(Some months back I used to believe that they are exactly like us..When I can make effort or I can feel this way..Why can't my guy?Then I read an amazing book Men are from Mars,Women from Venus.I could relate to the female part exactly hence I assumed the men part to be true so now my thinking has changed)
b)If you fear or feel negative about the wat he's not making any effort to reach out to you,you are apparently adding more power to your fears..(LOA)
so based on what I can understand from your post...I would highly recommend starting a gratidue journal(As always advised by Schenderson 22) because I rea;lly feel it works..You could start with something you are grateful for and then you can write "I am so happy and grateful that my guy is making a lot of concious and unconcious effort to reach out to me and make our realtion work......................................add whatever beautiful things you want to".Whenever you watch any romantic movie,instead of feeling lonely start feeling happy by seeing the guy's effort to make things work.Infact I would say watch only these movies where guys do make an effort and after that you can choose to feel happy by reminding yourself that he too is making an effort...

[I AM LOVE!]

and yes regarding the guilty part....
You are probably feeling this because you want to do these things only to counter the actions done by your guy..Because he is dating..I will date too/I can also show him that I can move on and try dating/His online dating profile has hurt me..Now my online dating profile will hurt him blah blah...
See moving on is not to prove somebody something...Its only for you..If you read the great DNS post then things will get clarified to you.

[LifeAttraction90]

Well , I am in your same situation as well - I am a trusted female friend to my man on Facebook  .... I always have to show my love instead him at least saying something to me or leaving a posting .... but I am starting to back away of a bit - talk more to my friends & being selfish for myself & work on myself & I know if he made me a friend on Facebook - that is a sign he still wants me but way too damn stubborn to admit to me - keep on visualizing & doing affirmations - that love vibration will reach him no what he tries to resist! love is like a vinyl album - it may be old & have scratches on it -  but the awesome memories are still there ...! the romance movies are useful - put yourself in the female character role & pretend the man you love is the man character role - that brings positive energy as well to you - a great person on here named Schenderson22 says a gratitude journal is a good thing to add on! : D Good Luck , you will jump over this hurdle very soon! : )

[57angel]

Today, I realize I've been feeling this way because I've been worrying about how I will be able to move closer to my guy sooner. This also makes me resent him because I feel like I'm making such an effort to be with him and he's not doing anything.

I can understand how is it to feel this way, because I felt this way too in my past relationships. I realized that loving is not counting what you do for the persons you love, love the feeling of giving love to him - even when that is not returned the way you want it to be. Keep loving yourself, keep loving him without any traces of resentments, the most loving relationship is on their way to you both.

Then there's all these little things that have been eating at me…he's got an active online dating profile, his close friend adopted twins and for some reason he's kept that a secret even though he used to tell me all about his friend, the rude behavior on instant messenger…

I figured it was time to go out and meet some people and create an online dating profile of my own. 

Well instead of feeling better, I feel guilty. Why in the world do I feel that way? I mean, he's off doing his thing not worrying about me. I shouldn't feel guilty, but I do.

Remember, he should not be in your pedestal - it is you and you alone who should be there. Do not let his actions affect you in any way. Let him do everything that he wants to, that will let him know with so much clarity what is it that he wants, and help him realize as well what is it that is missing in him. Put up an online dating profile, only if you want to and not feel guilty about it, and not to get even with him. Focus on you and focus on loving yourself more and more. Those are just petty things and should not be focused on, instead exert your effort on making a more beautiful and more loving you - he will then follow! 

[loveofabundance]

@tereza, I know that the women who've replied to this post have encouraged you to watch romances even though they make you blue.  I disagree.  Some women get all oogly-googly about romantic films.  I'm not one of them.  I've always disliked them but after the break-up, I literally find them painful to watch.  If it hurts you to watch such movies, you are under no obligation to continue watching them and use them as visualization tools.  My rule of thumb is if it hurts, don't do it. 
What I find is fun to watch is irreverant, romantic comedies.  These still give you images of loving relationships, but they also have funny moments that allow you to laugh and not take love so seriously.  During this challenging time, two movies that I've really enjoyed are "Knocked Up" and "What Happens In Vegas."  They involve true love but in the unlikeliest of ways and there are a lot of laughs.
Remember, if it hurts, don't do it.

[I AM LOVE!]

@Love of abundance:
Agreed!!Point taken

[Priestess]

Tereza, let me share my perspective on the guilt feeling you mentioned...
I know what you mean, I've seen that in many of my friends also. One can actually get irritated by this advice of getting out and start dating... Well, if you feel like doing it for your own fun and future, then do it. But if you get those unpleasant feelings, then it's not for you. In my case, I'm going out a lot and talk to the opposite sex. But I'm not dating because I simply don't feel like, and this simply has no connection to my man. Maybe I would feel different if I'd meet some really interesting men.... In the end, my conclusion is that it can be about timing, too. some things are possible only when the timing is right.

[tereza]

Wow! Thank you everyone! 

See moving on is not to prove somebody something...Its only for you.

That's the problem. I'm so sick of being alone, so I'd like to meet other guys. I had been thinking about doing this for awhile, but now that I've done it I feel like I'm cheating on him. Like I should be focused on moving to his city instead of dating other people.

.... I always have to show my love instead him at least saying something to me or leaving a posting .... but I am starting to back away of a bit - talk more to my friends & being selfish for myself & work on myself & I know if he made me a friend on Facebook - that is a sign he still wants me but way too damn stubborn to admit to me - keep on visualizing & doing affirmations - that love vibration will reach him no what he tries to resist!

I think that's great that you are turning the focus onto yourself and it sounds like things will improve in your relationship. I haven't been doing the gratitude journal lately though as I've been in such a bad mood.

Keep loving yourself, keep loving him without any traces of resentments, the most loving relationship is on their way to you both.

Yes, I shouldn't be counting. It just feels really unbalanced, like I'm giving too much and I'm left with nothing. Though...when I really think about it...I'm not really giving anything. I'm just not allowing myself to be interested in other guys. I guess I'm bothered that I'm putting off a potential relationship/happiness that I could be experiencing right now, for whatever it is I have with him right now.

What I find is fun to watch is irreverant, romantic comedies.  These still give you images of loving relationships, but they also have funny moments that allow you to laugh and not take love so seriously.  During this challenging time, two movies that I've really enjoyed are "Knocked Up" and "What Happens In Vegas."  They involve true love but in the unlikeliest of ways and there are a lot of laughs.
Remember, if it hurts, don't do it.

I love the movie "Knocked Up"! And yes, I think I'm skipping all romantic movies for now. Lately they either irritate me or make me cry. It's just too much of a contrast to what my reality is.

Tereza, let me share my perspective on the guilt feeling you mentioned...
I know what you mean, I've seen that in many of my friends also. One can actually get irritated by this advice of getting out and start dating... Well, if you feel like doing it for your own fun and future, then do it. But if you get those unpleasant feelings, then it's not for you. In my case, I'm going out a lot and talk to the opposite sex. But I'm not dating because I simply don't feel like, and this simply has no connection to my man. Maybe I would feel different if I'd meet some really interesting men.... In the end, my conclusion is that it can be about timing, too. some things are possible only when the timing is right.

Well lately, I've been thinking that it's a good idea to start dating. That it'd be nice to be with someone who makes time to be with me. I guess I feel guilty because it means that I'm not trying harder to be with him or as patient with him.  But then, he had so many opportunities! It wasn't like I was hiding from him.