The LoA just blew me away, completely

[Autumn]

It's just so awing, how the most impossible situation can be transformed by belief. I'm sure a few of you here know that I currently am in the process of attracting my boyfriend back. There's a lot of hurt and pain involved in the circumstances of our breakup and I won't go into them. The past month has been hard, with a lot of harsh words exchanged and we were basically making no progress. I released an intention into the Universe that I'd like us to have better communication and get back together if it's best for us. I actually just sent a message to Mariposa today asking her to add it to the list of daily intentions.

After a lot of introspection, a hard time detaching, I decided to work on me. Even though I care very much about our relationship, the important thing was to work on me. I don't think it's been longer than a week since I started following it to a T and not letting anything or anyone shake my belief. It helped in strengthening the belief I can tell you. He started texting me more often. He asked me to call him today and we spoke. We talked about a lot of things & released so many pent up emotions. He said that he can never think of being in a relationship with me, after the way I hurt him because it’s too painful. But he said you never know what might happen. We can’t tell how things will work out in the future. Mostly he expressed sadness that it has left both of us distraught, and emotionally vulnerable. Him, not able to trust anyone and me, pining for him but unable to be with him. Now that I do want to just love him unconditionally and keep him happy, after learning so much about life, love and happiness, I can’t do that. That he loves me too much to just forget and move on. He agreed that we were never a conventional couple but had something so deep that it is impossible for any of our friend group to understand and that we can’t just cut off contact. They just keep telling us to move on. And sidestep the issue. He says that he wants to be with someone for a bit, to feel validated and like he matters very much to someone. That he wants to see what’s out there, date some other people and get some perspective. He said he can’t do this anymore, quarrelling with me, hurting me just to get back, not to someone who meant so much to him as me.

He also said he’s willing to leave the lines of communication open, he wants to know what’s going on in my life, that he cares for me and maybe we could Skype sometime (we’re long-distance). This, from a man who told me a few weeks ago he hates me and would never ever want to see me again. He also told me that he understands how much pain I’m going through and how I feel sad for hurting him. Because he knows me the best and can read my tone of voice. I then understood that we can never tell how the law works. All we have to do is decide what we want, believe and the Universe will give it to you, if it’s best for you, if it’s meant to be. Last week, I could not see how we would ever have a turnaround in our situation if it was even possible. I just somehow knew and held to the belief that we’re a beautiful couple and that we’re strong enough to overcome this. Believe no matter what and don’t set a time limit. I wasn’t sure if I should ask for anything now, or let the years heal the pain we both felt before attempting reconciliation. Believe me, the Universe knows what’s best for you and when to give it to you. Both you and the person have to be emotionally prepared to handle it. It will come then, not before and not after. Now that we have the lines of communication open, we will be back together sometime. It may happen in three months or three years. I just know that whatever is best for us will take place.

His dating other people might work to our advantage. If we and when we do get back together I want him to be completely sure of what he’s doing, that he truly believes this is the best choice for him to make. So that we have no doubts and also have a firm conviction that we’re meant for each other. I want us to feel completely sure about it and not wonder if maybe there’s someone else out there who’s a better match. I never want him to feel that I cozened him into coming back, that he’s with me because he wants to be so we can have a healthy relationship based on love, trust and mutual respect. It’s so true, about relationships & detachment that is – If you really love someone, let them go, set them free. If they return, they’re forever yours.

I just can’t express how grateful I am to the Universe and the power that each of us is blessed by. The hardest step is belief. I’ve read so many success stories on this forum. They have inspired me so much, but it really takes time and acceptance to move into a state of belief; to step over and beyond grief, fear, despair. Once you feel that belief from the inside, just hang on. The Universe will either keep that belief strong or give you signs to keep your hope up when it might weaken or falter. Never ignore an instinct that tells you you’re close to your dream coming true. It is a sign in its own way. I’m so blown away by the power of this law to completely transform your life even when it seems like there’s no hope left and nothing is working. There’s always a way, somewhere, where you least expect it, in the best possible way for you to achieve what you desire. Just believe, on the inside and let no one tell you otherwise. I’m so grateful and happy for all of us here who understand and appreciate the treasure we each hold by understanding and believing in the law, in the good beautiful things and that life is meant to be happy and abundant. I know that each of us deserves and will definitely achieve our goals and ambitions.

I’m going to continue working on myself, in being the best person I can be, to fill my life with positivity, laughter, joy and optimism. To surround myself with people who love and care for me, to follow my dreams and do things that make me happy. To be cheerful and know that what I want (or something even better) is coming my way in its own perfect time. I send my love and light to all of you. I’m also stronger for all the good wishes and bright vibes that I’m lucky to receive from lovely people like you. Thank you!

[Autumn]

Quick update: We continued talking and discussing things. We've agreed to meet up once when I go back home. He admitted that he cares for me as deeply as he did before but needs to date other people so that he can appreciate what we had. We've both never been with anyone else before and first love is always hard to forget or ever surpass. Maybe we do need to do some growing up and regain some perspective and confidence. He said I'd always be his and that we belonged together but that we really need to be apart for a while. He asked me to meet him September so that we can say a proper goodbye with closure. We were the best of friends from age seven, and in a relationship for 3 years so we can't just break it off over the phone. I'm so scared, and I feel so emotional. I hope I handle it well. I feel a little lost. Right now we're taking it one step at a time. And it seems to be getting natural and easier with time. I am so thankful for the changes I'm seeing in both of us. I understand what a big step it is for him to say all this to me and for us to move forward so much in terms of maturity. I would love some advice and tips that might be helpful.

[sh-boom]

That was beautifully written. I wish you all the best and know that whatever happens it will be whats right for you. My only advice, and you may intend to do this anyway, I just mention it as it wasnt in your post, but you should also date when youre ready, dont just wait for him, there may be things you need to learn from others too. I know whatever happens you will do the right thing, you sound like you have a great head on your shoulders

[Autumn]

Thanks sh-boom. I'm doing my best. About what you said, it was on my mind. But I figured I'd cross that bridge when I got to it. I currently don't feel like seeing anyone. I might, given some time. The problem is, the whole discord in our relationship occurred because I started having conflicting feelings about a friend of mine, whom I met after I came here. So my boyfriend had never met him. I always knew that I'd never let go of my guy but the feelings were confusing me. It took a while to come to terms with them. I told my boyfriend about this and we talked about it because I can't keep something like this a secret from him. Our relationship has always been built on complete trust and honesty. I told him even though I knew it  would cause us both pain. And even though it was in the past. I did not want to have it coming between us.

The whole reason he says we need time off is because I have already had and dealt with feelings for someone else and know that nothing can be stronger than what we have. He needs to feel the same. Also I don't think he would very much like the idea of coming home to a girl who's been with someone else. Neither would I like that. It's just weird to explain cause we've grown up together, were each other's world, and each other's first. There's some sort of sanctity that I'm reluctant to breach.

If it indeed does not work out I'd happily go out and date other people. I haven't ruled out the idea, because I've tried to detach myself from the outcome and be equally accepting of either. But I would like to see if this is indeed what the Universe thinks is best for me or something else before I take the plunge. It's not like I'm unhappy or need to date other people. I feel completely whole and fine. I just don't feel the need to date. Even though we don't keep in touch like we used to or text and talk everyday, my life is full. With friends, cooking, events, exercise, hobbies and creative pursuits, dancing. So I don't really know.

[embrace]

What a great story. LoA keeps blowing me away as well, although it's been years of practicing it and enjoying the results of it. Thank you for sharing, it's very inspirational.

[Autumn]

Actually I have another question as well. I normally use RS but there are days when I don't want to have to sit down and consciously send love. Nights when I'm tired, I start off doing RS but I'm so relaxed I drift into a sleep and usually end up having the craziest dreams, all associated with us. I'd like to feel a constant connection with my guy. Is this possible with practice and are there any alternative techniques?

Apart from that, as a quick update - he has started communicating with me a little more. It's not much but it's still good and I'm so thankful for that. But now that he's communicating slightly more I feel like I'm getting attached again. All the old feelings are rushing back and it feels a little hard at times to keep a balanced view and detach from the outcome. I feel like the focus is shifting again from me towards him and that feels like a small drain on my energy, hope and conviction. I know it's kind of screwed up, but I'm just so happy that we're sort of on talking terms again and that he seems to be coming around that I'm again getting anxious about how things will progress. I know that it should supplement my confidence in the LoA and believe me it has, it's just this weird feeling that I'm losing myself again. I guess it's normal at this stage. I'm trying not to push him too quick and give him space. I think I've done well so far in terms of not creating any scenes or overt displays and kept cool, calm and collected. I need to remember that everything will come in its perfect time.

Thanks for letting me rant awhile. This has somehow become an online journal and whenever I write here, as I write my thoughts become clearer and more focused. The positive vibes also help (:
Advice or even a friendly encouraging comment would be much appreciated, thanks! It would make my day..

[Autumn]

I do think the 'I am' affirmations helped a lot, from the 'Become your desire' topic. I compiled a list of all the possible ones I could glean from the 20 odd pages on that topic and added the ones which I thought were missing but essential. I ended up with a 9 page list of affirmations . Even so, they really help me feel the emotions associated with each line. I believe that merely repeating it aloud isn't useful. Actually feeling yourself aligned with each emotion really opens up your heart and makes it so full of love. I felt so positive and full of conviction that I am the embodiment of each one of those beautiful qualities. I think I might just put up the list some afternoon for fun (when I have a lot of time, it's a long list!), I'm sure someone would appreciate it.

It helped with what I mentioned earlier of my focus slightly starting to drift away from me again. I now know for sure that I am the most important person in my life, I love myself first & foremost. So much so that I have unconditional love to give my guy. Thank you once again to all the lovely people who keep putting up lovely posts like these that help me in ways I'd never imagined.

As for other areas of my life, I have begun an intensive cycling program and I am so happy with how much I'm enjoying it, the way I look forward to zipping down the road every evening. For the 1st time in years, because of the LoA, I know that I will stick with it to completion until my body is healthy & strong and even long after that. I know that every part of the physical me is responding to my thoughts and the perfect self-image of myself I hold in my mind.

I'm also no longer as anxious and negative I was about the prospects of finding a job. I know that the perfect one will come along in time, just as I near completion of my studies. In the meantime, I keep my eyes peeled for opportunities and stay happy.

Love, light & happiness to you all xx

[Autumn]

I'm such an idiot. After all that positive talk, I watched 'The notebook' today again and started crying. Texted him in a fit of emotion. He texted back, we talked again and then quarreled, real bad

I can't believe I was so stupid. I know he needs time to heal. I know I need to work on myself, that it isn't about him. I wish I'd just kept my head. Now I've hurt him again by reminding him of everything. Acted like a fool, a desperate, emotional, needy cry-baby. I wish I'd had enough discipline to just take care of myself. Messed so many things up. I hate days like these, sometimes it's so hard. Undid all the progress I'd made and brought us back to square one. With him not interested in ever hearing from me again, and both of us emotionally distraught. I thought I'd learnt something. I'd really like some help here. It's just one of those hard days and a few smiles and a little encouragement would really help

[RS]

ur NOT an idiot hunny! u are only human and sometimes we get upset an cant help it. u are doing SO well! and look at ho much he is contacting u, ur so lucky. wish my ex wud contact me!!

just forgive urself and go back to working on YOURSELF and YOUR happpiness and he will come back again..remember u are number one and u are the person who matters most. become detached again and he will b back!!

seriously u are doing so well..dont give up:-)

lots of love xoxox

[Free bird]

Hey 9J, this was a reminder of the fact, where u actually need to learn and have u actually let it go............ur beliefs are not to be shaken by such movies............u have to wrk on urself everytime..........u made a progress where many of us are yet to reach, forgive urself and move on.........he will comeback.

I'l share one little incident with my ex, we are now friends too..........i was touched the same topic again but i wasn't desperate or aske her to come back or somethng, but talked abt old days.............and we had a huge argument after which i thgt she would never call now............instead of thinking ''o my God wat did i do'' or ''probably i lost her again'' n all tht..........i diverted my mind on other things..........shifted my focus on myself being happy..........and guess wat next day, first thing i saw was her call and we started normally talking again

Let me tell u one thing, u guy loves a lot, no matter how hurt he is or angry it may seem, weh he cools he wants u too, that is why he started contacting u more coz u were so much on his mind............the only thing which might come in between u n him contacting u is his ego...........apart from tht nthng, and he will come back

Trust the universe , watever happening around is only for good

[Autumn]

Thank you RS. It's just that sometimes it gets hard. Some days, it's really easy. Other days I feel like I'm pushing against a flow. Like I'm not really happy but I'm making myself happy because I know that the ultimate goal of life is to be happy. It gets easier though, the longer you're happy... the easier it is to stay happy. I know that sounds like a roundabout way of putting it .

But you are right, every time I am busy and happy doing something else and not worrying about our relationship, he contacts me. And every time he does, the bitterness and anger he displays seems to be decreasing. I guess it's just a matter of time. Until the Universe decides the timing is perfect for me to receive what I want. I promise you I won't give up . Why should I, when it's already on its way right??

And thank you so much Free bird, truly - whatever happens, happens for the best. It's not that the movie shook my belief. I think I just got emotional. I let it overwhelm me to the point where I fell back into old patterns of thinking and behaviour (one thing I now know I have to guard against). You're right, I can't let silly things like that undermine progress which I've already made.

I think sometimes I don't really appreciate the small miracles that take place everyday, I should practise my gratitude a bit more (makes me feel so good every time). For example, just the way you said, I went to bed one night visualising him sending me a text message with very specific content. I woke up the next morning to a message asking me to call him. When I called him, he repeated all that I had visualised, word for word. I know my guy loves me a lot and it's only his ego and nothing else that's stopping him from reaching out - you are very perceptive! When he cools down and his anger and hurt dissipates, he will come back. We've been in love with each other, and loved to distraction for 12 years. That kind of love doesn't just disappear overnight. *sings* "Our love is strong enough, to last when things are rough. It's magic!"

Lots of love to you both xoxo

[Autumn]

Right, last night's dream was quite out of the ordinary. I dreamt (among other things related to my current project and write-up, with my supervisor going over my thesis lol) that a funny glowing, radiant green ball of energy entered my heart and transformed me. Brought me inner peace and power - the dream was soo vivid. I actually could feel the burst of energy rushing towards me and the shudder as it entered my chest. It also left a slight green mark on me where it entered that I was proud to bear in the dream. It seemed and felt so real I actually checked for the mark as soon as I woke up. I woke up feeling so great. Though I don't really know what it means I still thought I'd share it.

Among other things, he contacted me again yesterday. We had a long chat over text. He says he still loves me, loves me sooo much but that the pain is too much for him. Currently I'm concentrating on sending him healing thoughts and telepathic love. I am very happy and I know for a fact we're always together. Everything he said had positivity in it, a little hurt that we need to work on together. But we're a couple, now and forever. Something about our whole conversation yesterday strengthened my belief and for that I thank the Universe. It makes me very happy but doesn't surprise me anymore. There's no way I can keep up with the HOW of the Universe . It's just too magical and is beyond me, but I'm grateful. It keeps delivering miracles, some big, some small but all beautiful.

[Free bird]

thats very good 9J, now u jst need to keep up..........and attract good things..........evrythng is just gonna b fine

[Mr Brightside]

WoW amazing dream you had there, I got a shiver just reading it.  Your dream is about your heart chakra. Green is the actual color of the hear area, so getting a green ball of energy coming into your heart makes perfect sense.  I would say it was more than a dream, almost a vision or spiritual experience you had.

Who did the ball come from? Any ideas? Maybe this was just a gift from the universe, to send you love and healing. That’s why you woke up and felt great afterword.

Here is the link :

http://crystal-cure.com/chakra-heart.html

[Autumn]

I was 24 when I met him, he was just about to turn 23. I was his first girlfriend, and his first everything, save first kiss. He was the first guy that truly swept me off of my feet and made me feel secure and loved - all of my prior relationships were absolute disasters.

Then he told me that he wanted to see what else was out there, the basic grass is greener theory, even though we had talked about marriage in the past and he had told me he only wanted to be with me.

He also tried to play a words with friends game with me, I immediately resigned.

I don't know if you can really read into dreams, but I had one a month or so ago where he came to me and said "I love you, but we can't be together right now."

I feel like I am past the hurt and anger, and the tears and pain are just from missing him. He was my best friend.

I know i have to move on - WHEN we reunite I don't want to look back and say that i spend all of our time apart moping and waiting for him - plus if that's all I do then I will never be the person I need to become, not just for us to have a healthy relationship, but for me to be healthy and happy.

Okay now I'm really starting to feel awed. One was the dream about the heart chakra. I had ABSOLUTELY no idea that the color of the heart chakra was green or any of the significance of the ball of light and energy entering my chest (I just figured green was a random color my imagination picked). Not until Stefzilla pointed it out. Thank you so much for the link! To answer your question, I didn't go into details in my earlier post because I didn't understand how important it was. I saw a face, which was kind of rough-cut, with barely discernible features. It was old and crumbly looking but had a kind of benevolent look (translate: not scary). It looked kind of stone-like & solid but was illuminated with a green light as well. It just blew up into green fire, collapsed inward and became the green ball of light & unbelievably powerful energy before it came rushing towards me. This again is what I remember in snatches from the dream (apart from where I was obviously stressing about my thesis).

Two, I've had about seven or eight affectionate nicknames piled on me by friends, family and relatives. In the past 2 weeks, everyone (and I mean everyone) has begun calling me by the nickname only my boyfriend used to call me by. People who've never used it before and always preferred their own names for me are now calling me something I've only heard my guy use.

Third, the post I've quoted above. I randomly logged in this morning because I received a bunch of PMs and emails about the resources I said I'd be happy to share. I came upon this post and it stunned me. This post tells me so many little things that were characteristic of our relationship. I'm almost 24 too, and my guy's almost 23 (our birthdays are 6 days apart). I was his first girlfriend, first everything, except first kiss. He makes me feel secure & loved. He also had brought up marriage before any of this happened. Now he says he wants to see what's out there. We used to play words with friends on our phones all the time. He's said those words to me in the last week, slightly different though - "I love you so much but we can't be together because the pain is too much. I can't trust you not to hurt me again." He was my best friend, from the age of seven. I'm definitely not angry or hurt with him. The pain of missing him is obviously there and I'd love to have him back even though I'm not fixated on it. I also agree completely and what she says is my exact state of mind. I know that regardless of what the Universe brings me, this is time I cannot afford to waste in crying and moping. I find it fun and very soothing to work on me, to give myself all the love & affection I need to grow and spread my wings to my full potential. When we are back together I want to be the best possible version of myself I have seen because we both deserve nothing less.

I feel like I'm inundated with signs, visions and spiritual experiences - none of which I've ever asked for. I'm not going to try and decipher them too much but just accept and acknowledge them with gratitude. After all, the real thing is already in existence, just around the corner. My major feeling right now is of wonder-struck awe. I've never practised the LoA in such a complete, focused and concerted manner. This is the first time I've stepped beyond the realm of what I'd term coincidence (being a natural skeptic until proven otherwise). I am so thankful to everyone here for their support and grateful for the progress I've seen in such a short period of time.

Love, light & happiness xx