Struggling...

[magpul289]

There is a long story that goes with my experiences, but I will attempt to sum it up as best as I can.

There was a girl that I reconnected with about 5 years ago.  It was almost like an instant attraction that I had to her, I knew that I was going to have a profound experience with her that would change the course of my life forever.  As time went on we grew closer and closer, but in a weird way I also felt that the relationship we had was not going to grow into one that two people who are in love with each other would share.  Eventually our relationship became strained, and I sensed that I was about to lose someone that was incredibly important to me.  One night I told her that I was in love with her and that she was the most important thing in the world to me, she completely rejected the idea and it left me in pieces.

Fast forward a little bit, and I have only received one e-mail from her in over a year.  She is getting married to a guy next month that could pass as my brother, and it pretty much seems like she wants nothing to do with me anymore.  While it does hurt, especially since I haven't seen her face or heard her voice in so long, I know that ultimately this was to teach me some sort of lesson, even though I may not currently comprehend the extent of what that lesson entails.

I never thought that it was even possible to love someone to the extent that I love her, so I began to search for answers as to the feelings I was having because they were so strong.  I am doing the best that I can to move on, but it has been hard.  I hate to admit it, but I have resorted to alcohol in order to reduce the pain that I feel from this experience.  It's gotten pretty bad lately, I have never drank very heavily in my life, but I have been drinking around 12+ shots a night for almost 3 weeks now, and it kind of scares me that I am doing this to be honest.  I have also met and dated over 20 women since this happened, but none of them have been able to fill the void that she has left in me.

I came close to killing myself a couple of weeks ago when I was drunk.  I had a gun in my mouth and had the trigger half way pulled.  I don't know why I didn't pull it, but when I woke up the next morning it scared the hell out of me because I have let this effect me to the point where I didn't care if I died anymore.  It just seems like there is no other woman out there that I will be able to love as much as I loved her.  I feel alone more so than I have ever felt in my life and I think that is the reason why I have come to this point.  I no longer hang out with any of my old friends because quite frankly they are addicted to drugs and their lives are going nowhere.  I lost the most important thing in my life (her), I lost my job, I wrecked my car, and I failed out of college.

I am struggling right now and trying to pick myself up from all of this in order to find some sort of meaning.  There is a part of my soul that longs very deeply to connect with the right woman.  I just don't know who she is, or where she is. 

Can anyone give me some words of wisdom for my situation?  Thanks.

[vanessa202]

Hi magpul289, Im so sorry you had to go through that. its interesting how you knew when u met her that it would be a profound experience as in a way it is. what i know in loa is we get what we feel we are.
I went through a patch where i was attracted to guys who rejected me, then after some soul searching i did eventually attract a guy who felt the same but because i was still carring the feeling of being 2nd best we wasnt able to be together. At the time i was devastated and felt things would never change. It wasnt until years later after learning on loa i relized that although i had felt better in myself i still held a life long feeling of 2nd best and that was what i recieved back from this guy.
Now i am happy to have that exsperience as if anything showed me how loa works it was that.
i can only suggest to you that this may make you a stronger person in the long run and its just getting through this hard time.
time will help and also concentrating on you and what makes you happy. By putting that focus on you will help you know yourself and find that happiness that will draw others that will be a reflection of how you feel.
i wish you many blessings at this hard time and hang in there i promise things will get better xx

[excel]

I am sorry to hear that you have come that close to taking your life. Please don't do that, as it will hurt many people around you, that love you in this very moment and it will not solve your problems at all. Drinking is not a solution, but I would understand the desire of trying to ease the pain. Know that alcohol is a depressant so after the initial 'I am happy' 'I don't care mood' it will throw you in a depression so stay away from it, if you are in one already.

I am sure most of us can relate to your situation, or otherwise we wouldn't bet on this board. If she is getting married, let it be. If someone wants you in their life, they will make a space for you. You wont have to beg for it. Know that everything happens for a reason, but we can never see it when we are looking towards the future. We can only connect the dots when looking in the past so it will take time until you see and realize why this has happened to you.

Start surrounding yourself with people. Start doing fun activities with guy friends it will help your mind focus on the activities rather than her. I don't really know what works for you, but actually shedding a tear or two, and letting it all out can help. After all crying is the body's natural way of calming your system down. I know it hurts and I know it sucks, but like a wound it heals over time. It's all about your mentality.

Know this, it's tested and proven, that if something has happened over 3 months ago, it has no affect on your happiness unless you are hypnotizing yourself and making a big deal out of it. An experiment done, was with people getting their legs amputated and lottery winners. After a year, when asked how happy they were, both groups were equally happy. Therefore you are CAPABLE right now in this very moment to feel good and happy.

Would you really want someone who doesn't appreciate your uniqueness and character? Even she comes back to you in this very moment to ease your pain, would that be right? Believe that the Universe is saving you for someone even more special. Or perhaps this woman needs to learn something about herself through a failed marriage you never know.

Anyways it's not your job to know, all you have to do is focus on yourself. Love yourself, cause to want to take your life means you have lost the love for yourself. Be proud of who you are, and yes at this point you can feel a bit of anger towards someone that did not appreciate you and let you get in this state of self destruction. With time you will be able to forgive and move on, but at this very time, it's ok to express anything that you feel and hold it within.

If you are angry be angry, if you are sad and feel like crying, cry, basically anything that will let you get out all of the tense you are feeling. Start with watching funny movies, relaxing movies to shift your energy. Make a list of all of the things you are really grateful right now in life. Make a list of all of the qualities you posses. I know where you are standing right now, and some 7 years ago I was there. Gets better with time and a few years later I saw it's a necessary experience.

I will allow myself to quote something from a movie. "Life is not about how hard you can hit, but about how hard you can GET hit and keep moving forward". So you got hit hard, perhaps the hardest you have ever been hit. You can accept yourself as a victim, and self pity, or you can stand up and keep moving forward.

Know this as well, some of the finest wines in the world are made from this special type of grapes, where they are left completely without water and only the grapes that survive are used. I hope you find the power within yourself to like yourself, to believe in yourself that you can 'stand up' and move forward.

Henry Ford once said, 'Whether you think you can or can't either way you are right'. Keep us posted and hope you feel better.

[Mr Brightside]

magpul289 i have been there, many years ago, and to some degree i am going through the same problems now but i have learned from my experience and I’m not taking it nearly as badly.  To be honest based on what you said I would recommend seeing a professional, I know LOA can help, but when you are in such a deep hole more help is needed.  Essentially you need to snap out of it , I had a wake up call one day when I realized the only person that was suffering was me, and everything I was doing was just bullshit that made it worse.  Cut off the people that are negative in your life, trust me once you stop drinking/drugs they will all go away anyways. Find something you have a passion for and do it , it will make you feel better and add worth to your life.
Trust me when you realize you are only hurting yourself, and other people are just going on with their lives, it’s a big step in the right direction.
 

[jtut21]

You absolutely deserve to find the woman of your dreams and it is completely possible. There are 6.8 billion people in this world and even though it may feel like she was the only one for you the chances of you finding the person that is perfect for you is extremely high. If you want to be loved by someone than now is the time to become a person that someone can love by finding all the reasons that your life is great! Just as what has been mentioned before, it is a great time to discover the things that you do enjoy in life. Begin spending time around people that are doing positive things with their life. I guarantee that right now there is someone looking for you and they need you to begin becoming the person that matches them. Start by finding the things that are working in your life. It can be easier said than done but don't allow yourself to make excuses because there are things that are working. You undoubtedly deserve to have the love of your life and that is a happiness that will far outweigh any challenge that you are presently facing. You attract what you focus on and right now your focus is upon the lack end of things in your relationships which is understandable but the next time you notice yourself seeing things as you don't want than simply ask yourself "So, What do I want?" I have used this one simple phrase to change my mindset about many undesirable things in my life and even though it is simple it is powerful. There is happiness in your path and trust the Universe to grant you the desires of your heart.

All the best,

Josh
Get Your Ex Back www.romance-beacon.com

[magpul289]

Thanks for all of your replies.  For as long as I can remember I have always felt that my life was going to be a difficult experience, but I also knew that it was going to be one that I would learn from, become stronger from, and ultimately positively influence a mass amount of people from.  There is something deep inside of me that has been wanting to come out for a very long time.  I now understand what it is I am supposed to be doing and what I will achieve because of everything that I have experienced.

In a couple of years I will come back here and let you all know what it is I have achieved, and how I have helped others who have had no hope, like I once had.

Take care.