Spiritual/Friendly vs Masculine/Sexual approach

[UpLOAding]

Just a brief question, to digress from the massive text and off-topic-ness of the other thread
 

Considering that so far, by using a very spiritual approach to LOA and thoroughly following through with my Christian values (friendship, loyalty, helpfulness, humbleness, prayer and meditation), I have achieved quite positive relations with romantic overtones with the woman I love (She lives in another country; I told I love her when she invited me to her place during summer but also that I hated promiscuous people including her ex-lover who introduced her to me; She angrily said she doesn't love me but the rest of the holiday she seemed extremely sensual and "motherly" towards me; Afterwards however she was very inconsistent, swinging between cold and occasional "hi"s), the most recent significant manifestations of which have been:
- me finding a job that would lead me almost next to her house.
- her being very happy about my career success.
- her initiating written contact (online chat) more often than I do.
- her calling me for the first time since 3 months and telling she would like to visit me the next month
(but later saying she can't due to studies/career)
- her calling me again for two hours
(in which I was a bit jealous, and thinking about stuff discussed on the forum -_-)
- her sending me and my family a lovely Christmas card
- her calling me again, before New Year, with a quite sensual voice, and saying she would like if we called every day at least for just 15-20 minutes
- but the next day I started chatting very late and she went offline without even saying Bye (I was debating and doubting a lot in those days), and afterwards she completely disappeared (maybe for studies... maybe because I have been thinking extremely negatively because of my forum discussions...).

...I am - again, due to all the discussions I've had here in the past days - wondering whether I keep attracting good but not more because I have removed my masculine behavior for the sake of my spirituality. I feel that by being more spiritual than "masculine", I feel much more free and at peace with myself. In the past I was your typical leader whereas now I'm almost like a hippie monk.
I wonder whether this is what keeps us from growing more romantic.

If not masculinity, I wonder whether I am overly patient. If it wasn't my negative vibrations on the forum that caused her to disappear after New Year, maybe she was waiting for me to call her?

Please remember I always look for every opportunity of self-improvement in relation to her

I am usually quite confident and very sure about my approach, but my recent discussions here have planted a big fat seed of Doubt.

Thank you

[Vicki Christina]

Up, if you feel happier in your more spiritual approach, then that is what is right for you!  Her actions seem to be mixed with confusion.  Like you said though you were holding some negative vibrations and they do have affect on all relationships.  I do think my negative and fearful thoughts pushed my Honey away when he was trying to get close this past fall.  I was not open and allowing when he crossed the line from chatting to emotions after a few weeks.  I was all worried about the negative possibilities.   I still am I am sure by some of the dreams I have had the past week.  Need to keep working on releasing to allow. 
 
As far as masculine features go, I for one am not looking for just those qualities.   Spirituality with a bit of the masculine (so there is wonderful attraction) is what I would rather have.  All testosterone and no mental matter is pretty low on the list for me. 
 

[UpLOAding]

Thanks VC!
 
Yes, I was thinking the same about the doubts... though these days they were reaching unfair proportions!
 
What I meant when I said "masculine" was also to be "competitive on the market". If there are other guys, to be/feel/offer better than them, etc.
 
I noticed that by being too much "at peace with myself", there's one disadvantage: I seriously neglect deadlines, forget duties, responsibilities, etc not just with her but also in my personal life.
 
I woke up very early this morning because I remembered that I had to write an important letter!
Also remember from my original story that there was a period of almost 8 months during which I had told her a complete lie about myself (which may be one of the reasons she rejected me in summer). It was a lie about something I didn't take responsibility for in that period: finishing my degree on time.