Should I stay or should I go?

[gogetter]

So I have a dilemma.

I pulled my son from grade 1 in the local school due to some very mean, gossipy, small minded parents who really upset me with a personal attack and my son was never welcomed and had a very hard time fitting in.

But we now talk to no one in the community, really. We see a few people when we go out once a week for homeschooling swimming lessons but otherwise no one. The kids are lonely and I am lonely. We could maybe go out a bit more to some other kid-program or something but honestly my heart is not really in it.

I live in the most beautiful place with sweeping ocean views but we are a family trapped in our beautiful abode...not honestly trapped but we don't go far beyond our home environment. I am caring for my elderly parent too...which is hard and also makes it difficult to go far from home.

Anyway, I was thinking about trying to ignore all the gossips and get my son back to school even if he is not able to bond with other kids, at least he will be out in a more stimulating environment each day. I think I can send happy thoughts to any mean parents I encounter and I can stay to myself quite happily. I just worry about my son's loneliness more than my own.

If I ask the universe for a sign to say yes my son should go back to the school, how do I know how long to wait? Like if I pose that question and put it out there right now, what if I see some sign on next monday...would that still be relevant or would that be for something else by that time? Are signs usually appearing fairly quickly when you seek an answer? I also don't like to nit pick and overthink what could be a sign or not...I think it should be very obvious.

Would love any input...I honestly do not know what we should do next.

I have no desire to stay here should we come into money (as I am working on via my vision board!) so because my intention is to eventually move on, is that why we were not welcomed to the school or community because we gave off a vibration of just passing through...?

[judasentinel]

Personally on this specific issue, it may be wiser to just make a decision and stick to it. No matter what anyone says, time is of the essence here. Your son, IF he needs to go and get acquainted with the ways of the world and learn social interaction, is losing precious time every day that he is not out doing that.


See, there are needs that you have every day, that you do not wait for a sign to appear, in order to know if you should fulfill them or not. You want water, you go get it. I think for children, this is in a way survival training. I am in favor of home schooling over public schools but for reasons relating to the quality of education. I still believe that learning social skills is more important for life success than scholastic skills.


If I were you, I wouldn't wait for a sign to show what to do. I would just do it. If your intentions are good, then only good will eventually come out of it. Have faith, and even if things dont seem to go your way, they have a tendency to turn around. Let him be out there. He will have to do it eventually when you're not around him in his company. Better to give him a headstart.


That's my opinion. Of course, youre free to do as you choose.

[loveofabundance]

well, it sounds like your kids are lonely because your lonely and you're subconsciously creating that energy in their lives.  There is no reason for the kids to feel lonely in a full house if mom is infusing it with vibrance and creative energy, a lot of work I know, but it must be done. 
 
what kind of stimulation do you expect your son to have in a school where (in your own words) he's not welcomed, has a very hard time fitting in, and you believe (and are probably imprinting this on him unintentionally) that he is unable to bond with the other kids?  You're describing an extremely hostile environment.  Why are you thinking about putting him in the midst of it?
 
Many, many homeschooled children thrive and have lots of friends.  It certainly is possible for your son, but it's up to you to create a stimulating environment for him.  I'm not saying that it's easy to be a homeschooling mom and I am still waiting for that priviledge myself, but you're a MOTHER, the most important calling ever, and you owe it to yourself and your kids to throw yourself joyfully and completely into this role.
 
Here in the states, a little boy killed himself last month because he was mercilessly teased at school.  His parents initially took him out of the school and homeschooled him but put him back in that terrible environment because they thought he should be with other kids.  well, he went back to school, the teasing continued and one afternoon he hung himself in his backyard!  all around the first world, the level of bullying is increasing in schools.  don't take my word for it, although I do have a professional background in childcare and education.  please, please research it yourself. 
 

We could maybe go out a bit more to some other kid-program or something but honestly my heart is not really in it.

You should consider changing your attitude here.  This is something that you know your kids need, why is your heart not in it?  Is it because you are uncomfortable with the idea of having to interact with the other parents?  sending your son back to school would require you to get heavily and whole-heartedly involved in the school community.  This would involve interacting with and befriending other parents on an even greater level than in the homeschool community, not to mention being extremely bold in confronting and repairing the negativity of the past.  It would require more than sending happy thoughts.  It would require positive, upbeat, generous involvement rather than keeping to yourself. 
 
Go-getters are extremely good at developing and maintaining positive relationships with other people.  They also are thick-skinned and willing to do things that are outside of their comfort zone.
 
whether you choose to homeschool or send your son off to school, you will be required to start developing and maintaining relationships with other adults and children if you expect to see success.
 
I do understand that this will be challenging but that's what this forum is for, support.  we are all helping each other as we deal with the world.  this is a very family-oriented community.  sometimes we even disagree heatedly with each other, but like a family, we're here for each other and there is love enough here for every member!

[gogetter]

That second reply sounds logical. I will never be able to be closer to the people of our community school beyond a nice thought or peaceful interactions. And I don't feel I should be either after all that transpired. I just don't want to know these people any longer. So although my son wants to go back to that school (he does not grasp the depth of what happened but I agree that he has an idea) simply to get out of just being at home, tells me the answer is to get more involved in other activities to ensure at least 5 out of 7 days we are outside of the home for an extended period of time.

That is what I feel I should do, based on your replies. And the thought I have been giving it too.
I have been cocooning for awhile now, and it is easy to do when it is so rainy and gloomy outside and inside is so cosy and snug. And I am happily stimulated with my writing whenever I can but I think the children are slightly more in need of outside stimulation/interaction with others than I have grown to be.

I am starting to plan us another amazing overseas adventure and hoping that within the planning lies the means...

[loveofabundance]

Hooray!  I am so happy for you and your familly!  I am sure you will go on the trip and it will be fun and educational!

[gogetter]

I had thought i had reached a decision about this but now I am torn again after lengthy berating from my mother.

I am back to struggling with this decision and would love more input because I just don't know what to do anymore.

[loveofabundance]

If i were in your shoes, I would put all of my effort into homeschooling my kids with as much passion, joy, and determination as I could muster.  In putting my focus towards this noblest and purest of goals, I would have faith that EVERYTHING else would work itself out.
 
That's what I would do in your situation.

[gogetter]

i have no motivation to homeschool. I did when we started but I got tired of battling my son every day with his constant pleading to go back to school. And his refusal to do any work and I would get upset and nothing would get accomplished. So I hired a tutor to come twice a week and make a plan for us to follow. He was great when she was here but otherwise he would NOT do a thing.

I also have the other two children to work around and when my mum is in a mood, we can't even try and do school work because I have to deal with the other kids since she won't watch them for me. Or if she does, she ends up throwing at me later, "what kind of person expects her 88 yr old mother to watch her kids!!" yet when she is happy she OFFERS for them to come to her suite and be with her or she says get on with some housework or school and i will watch them. it comes with a price though because she always throws it in my face later.

Today I feel like marching up to the local school and saying my son is starting back here on monday and if anyone gives me a hard time i will try and ignore them and send them a nice thought. Right now I don't have any nice thoughts though.

[loveofabundance]

If he wants to go.  Then let him go.  You made it seem as if the school was a negative place for him, as well as, you.  But if it's just you that is having difficulty there than, by all means, let him go.
 
Just be sure to keep a positive spirit about the school with your son.  There is no reason for him to have anything but a positive, happy experience there.
 
 

[gogetter]

Don't get me wrong, the school did make HIS life difficult. He was bullied, teased and could not make a single friend.

He had many mornings where he did not want to go because no one would play with him. But once he felt better, he wanted to go. He is a child conflicted.

He likes the buzz and activity of the school but he doesn't like not having friends. Yet he still wants to go back because there are fun, exciting things going on.

I don't know how it is going to go but I don't know what else to do any more.

[loveofabundance]

well, it will do no good to homeschool if you don't enjoy it.  what I worry about is the fact that you are having difficulties with basically every person you encounter and it's possible for you to project this onto your son as well.  It is possible for him to make friends easily even if you find it challenging.  His experiences don't have to be the same as yours.
 
whatever you choose, a positve attitude from you is crucial.  Why not try the charter school?

[gogetter]

What is a charter school?

I did look at the alternative arty private school but it is a 45 min bus ride and I would have to take all 3 kids and depart at 7am daily and get home at 5pm. Mum freaked out and that's why I decided to just go back to the local.

If mum was not here, we would simply move nearer the other school.

I did enjoy homeschooling but my son refuses to buckle down and do it and I cannot find the time to devote to him due to the demands of the other children.

I started at the local school with him last yr when we moved here with a positive outlook but my son acted out and had all sorts of social problems but it was due to him being upset over all we went through with dad and the move away from dad being so raw. once my son settled down, he wanted to make friends but the kids had already decided against him. Then I got too involved with the parents...I saw their eagerness to befriend me as good but they actually just wanted to know all about me then use it against me, as small minded gossipy types do. And sadly, these ones just happen to be the ones who run the school parent council and have alot of clout.

I don't know what else to do. I feel so broken.

[gogetter]

And now my mum has freaked out again and says I am only deciding to take him back to the local school to somehow benefit MYSELF. She says, you only do things to best suit you so I am sure you have some scheme or motive behind it.

So now I don't feel like taking him anywhere or doing anything!!!

She just wants us to have as little a life as she does and to be as shut in as she is and I may as well just do that since she will never stop. Never.

[judasentinel]

Just out of curiosity.........how much time out of your waking hours are you generally spending on the computer, especially on the forum? How much are you spending with your kids? Are they getting ALL the love they need in their life from you?

[gogetter]

I beat myself up about that constantly. Thanks for reminding me of how much of a loser I am.