Should I contact him?

[tereza]

So I want him back. I don't care about the past or who was wrong or right. I know we both did what we thought was best at the time.  I'm aware of my mistakes and I'm starting to understand his reluctance to get involved with me (the distance and the fact that it would be difficult for me to move close to him).

Even though it's been 7 months since we've had any form of contact, I know we're still connected.  There are constant reminders of him everywhere I go. A few times, when I logged onto instant messenger, he'd log on the same time as I do. 

But neither of us ever talk to each other! Most of the time, I get so surprised I'll log off or other times I'll wait, but he never says anything.

I'm not sure what to do. Part of me wants to say hello, but I feel like I'm not ready to. Like my life isn't completely in order yet.  I'm not sure what to do.

Does it matter if I still live so far away from him?  Should I wait for him to contact me?  In the past, I had always been the first one to make peace, is it bad to continue doing that?

[Wistaria]

Please read the thread I wrote to Jasmine on my post "I was on Oprah "  Hope it helps somewhat.  Namaste

[tereza]

thank you wistaria. 

[abasssgirl]

If it were me, I would not contact him.

I would just stick to my visualizations and acting as if the outcome already "IS".

I am thinking, and mods correct me if I am wrong because I am fairly new to this, that if you are consistently and properly implementing LOA, he will be attracted to you and contact you. When a man is attracted to you, he will "go after" you.

Men have no qualms in pursuit if they really want you - so keep instituting LOA - and enjoy YOU (although it is not always easy - even when you are dating other men when all you can think about is Him) and when he is re-attracted, he will be pursuing you.

Traci

[tereza]

Thank you for your answer Abasssgirl. 

I agree with you, I shouldn't contact him and haven't done so.  I want to change the bad patterns between us.  So I've been focusing on what I want to happen and have even tried being open to the idea of a different soulmate.

Well...lately, it seems I'm attracting to myself many reasons to contact him! 

First, I get an email from my school with information about a trip to somewhere that I know he would be so interested in.  Then I get a message from someone telling me that when they had broken up with their ex, they wished that their ex would've contacted them.  Then I get another message from another girl who had contacted someone she was experiencing some relationship troubles with and had been not speaking to for awhile...she told me that she finally contacted him and things were starting to look up!  Now today, I watch the news and there was a horrible thing that happened in his city and my first reaction was to send him a message to see if he is alright! 

I still haven't contacted him though, because I did a little research and it seems part of the city is far from the bad things. I'm not sure what do now. Should I contact him or should I try to focus my thoughts better?

[tereza]

This post is mostly for myself as I have no one I can share this with right now. If someone would like to respond, I'd greatly appreciate it, but it isn't necessary...

So I sent him an email. There were mudslides on his side of the country and it seemed spiteful not to ask if he was alright. We exchanged a couple of (very short) emails. I shared with him some links that I had been saving because I thought he would like them. He seemed really happy that I was worried about him.  He said that he hoped I would start using flickr again because he missed seeing what I was photographing.   

I was excited and hopeful until today.  He seemed off and I asked him what was wrong, he told me that he was upset about a girl. 

I've been in this situation before and each time, I lost my friend and a potential love. I believe I could reprogram my thoughts and envision a better outcome, but right now it's difficult.  It's hard to focus when your mind is conflicted. 

Lately, I've been surrounded or exposed to all these beautiful displays of love.  I read about acts of grace and thoughtfulness and I think to myself...I want someone who will treat me like that.  And when I look back at my past relationship, I don't know if he's capable of being that person.  It seems like his sharing about this girl with me is the exact opposite of grace and thoughtfulness.

Do I really want to become the sort of person that would attract him, when what he has to offer may not be what I want?

Oh well. Tonight I'll try to offer him a distraction from the upset of the current girl in his life.  A long time ago he did that for me and I guess this is sort of my way to say thank you for that.

[Galia]

Tereza, thanks for sharing!

Your post here is very inspiring :-)

I think this is the question evreybody has to ask himself here:  "Do I really want to become the sort of person that would attract him, when what he has to offer may not be what I want?"

This is THE question!!!! Where from I advice people to take a general search for a soulmate.... THANK YOU!!!

This was something that  (longtime ago when trying desperatey take someone back), I asked myself...and the answer was "no" , he likes things in girls that I don't want to become... :-)

Love and peace!!!

[wedding]

i sent a message him before few minutes.i wrote don't reply because i know what you think, but you must know i'm waiting for you until my love will be end.
i won't contact him until he come-back.
but i'm happy now, i know we will be together...

[tereza]

Thanks for the kind words Galia.  Right now I don't feel very inspiring, just really confused.  I still want to be with him and I feel this strong urge to talk to him because it feels so comfortable, even though part of me is hurt to know that he's been dating someone.  I think I'm just going to write out my thoughts so I can untangle the confusion.

I know that I want him, but...I want him to love me back, much in the same way that I show my love for him...by being there for him, by paying attention to him and remembering what he says, by sharing my free time with him, by being interested in his life.

Actually, he used to do that for me and I know that if we were together, that's how it would be.  My fear is (and has always been) that because of the distance, he wouldn't want to wait for me. I was afraid that it would seem really selfish to ask him to wait (and not date other people) while I save up some money to move closer to him, especially since I wasn't sure that even if I moved, we would get along as well as we did when we were far from each other. 

Hah. And isn't it funny, that my fear came true?  That each time he ended things, there was another girl who lived closer to him and took his attention away from me?  I created that didn't I?

I think the real problem right now is that I've got too fear working against everything that I want.  I know I'm scared about two things.  I'm scared to move (even though I've been saying I wanted to move before I even met him) away from my home and I'm scared to be in a relationship again.  My last serious relationship before him, was with a guy who wasn't so nice and I was afraid that things would be like that all over again.

Hm. I'm not sure how to get over that. I think if I want to be able to have a relationship with anyone, I need to get over that fear.

[tereza]

So this is a bit weird...
I wrote a short letter to him and told him about a website I had made. He wrote back a long letter that was nice and complimented my website. He then asked for me to create a RSS Feed so that he could follow my site.

It sort of bothered me that he was asking me to do something for him.  (I guess because in the past, I had put him on a pedestal and was always doing things that I thought would make him happy.)  Well, ever since then I haven't felt compelled to respond to his letter.  I still care about him and I know that he meant well, but I just don't feel like writing anything.  Is that inconsiderate of me?  

It's been nearly a week, but for some reason whenever I go to the computer to write something to him, I decide to do something else.  Is that weird of me?  Is this detachment or something else?

[seb913]

hm. I was kinda in the same case as you for awhile.
me and my ex broke up in december, and it wasn't a very nice break up. I thought that we'd never speak to each other again (the fact that it was long distance made me think that even more). I'd see him log onto messenger, and I'd wait for him to say something, and he never did. I almost thought I lost him for good.

but I was proved wrong.

after the break up, though I still wanted to be with him, I knew I had to focus on myself first and make myself happy. I hung out with friends, laughed, went on a few coffee dates, and just enjoyed myself. I knew that my real wish was be with him, but I knew if I wanted him back, I'd have to fix myself up first.

after hearing about loa, and realizing how many times I've used it unconsiouslly (good or bad), and how many times it worked, I decided to use this as a way to try and get him back. I visualized us talking and visualized us saying we missed each other, and I also used affirmations to tell myself that I was deserving of love and that I was attractive and could get whatever I wanted.

I did this for a month,
and he called me a couple days ago =]

he said that he really missed talking to me, and that when he saw me online, he really wanted to message me, but was afraid I was still upset and wouldn't message back. and now we're talking again =]. I'm going to keep visualizing us talking and rebuilding a relationship again, and picture us back together. and I believe it will work.

so I guess my point I'm trying to tell you is that AFTER you have worked on yourself, used LOA on YOURSELF, and used visualizations of the response from him you want, etc. THEN you should try contacting him. I believe that a lot of what loa does is bring you oppurtunities to get what you want, and sometimes you're just going to have to take it once you're ready. BELIEVE that you are getting the response you want. like someone said once, treat your desires as if you were ordering something online: once you've asked for it, be assured you're going to get it. if you ordered let's say a pair of shoes you wanted, you know that it's on it's way to you and you just have to be patient; it's already yours.

[tereza]

Oh Seb!  Thanks for sharing your story! It's very inspiring. 

I knew that my real wish was be with him, but I knew if I wanted him back, I'd have to fix myself up first.

I've been doing that also. I quit a job I didn't like, I spent time with friends that are positive and supportive and went shopping and got a new haircut.

after hearing about loa, and realizing how many times I've used it unconsiouslly (good or bad), and how many times it worked, I decided to use this as a way to try and get him back. I visualized us talking and visualized us saying we missed each other, and I also used affirmations to tell myself that I was deserving of love and that I was attractive and could get whatever I wanted.

This I haven't been doing though.  That's actually a great idea and I hadn't thought of it.  What I have been focusing on is the end result, us being together.  But I think what's causing problems for me, is that deep down inside I want him to contact me in a similar way to how your boyfriend contacted you.  I think that's why I've been so reluctant about responding to his letter.

so I guess my point I'm trying to tell you is that AFTER you have worked on yourself, used LOA on YOURSELF, and used visualizations of the response from him you want, etc. THEN you should try contacting him. I believe that a lot of what loa does is bring you oppurtunities to get what you want, and sometimes you're just going to have to take it once you're ready. BELIEVE that you are getting the response you want. like someone said once, treat your desires as if you were ordering something online: once you've asked for it, be assured you're going to get it. if you ordered let's say a pair of shoes you wanted, you know that it's on it's way to you and you just have to be patient; it's already yours.

Hm...
Well I already contacted him and now it's my turn to write back to him. 
To me, that seems like an opportunity?  Maybe I just need to get clearer about what I want?

[7up]

Okay, so to confuse matters worse. LOA says always and only dwell on the end result, but here's the real kicker here - Do not get attached to the end result.

Now if that's as hard to understand as it was for me at first, it's okay! I've said it in here somewhere else but pretty much you gotta feel the feelings of being in that harmonious relationship - not necessarily with that specific person. If it helps to visualize that person then sure go for it, but do not get attached to the idea or outcome of it. It's dangerous territory in the sense that if you attach to it, it's an expectation, and when it doesn't deliver or it does come but in a different form you weren't expecting - you get thrown off. Then the desperation starts to emit and you've just thrown yourself into a hole which takes a lot of work to get out of.

So with your internal work in place, you'll know easily how to feel those wonderful feelings of the relationship. Great! Keep that up! That is exactly how everything will come to you with ease.

Or to put it in simpler terms: You will most likely have friends who have said to you they like this guy, but he doesn't seem to like her. Then she gets over it, moves on and all of a sudden the guy is into her. And vice versa. It's like that!

[miss_giggles]

Yep that always happens! As I've read, it's to do with energy and them feeling us pulling it back. I sometimes do affirmations saying "I am pulling backy energy" and imagine it running thru my body.

The detachment bit is hard to grasp, but if u do a google search for 'law of attraction detachment', there are some articles which explain it very well.

[dawn]

I found this article online....
But I'm confused....does this mean we shouldn't focus on what we want? not visualize?
I thought if we want something we have to put our (positive) feelings and emotions into it?

http://www.energymanifesting.com/blog/law-of-attraction/how-long-does-it-take-for-the-law-of-attraction-to-work/


How Long Does It Take for the Law of Attraction to Work?


When working with the Law of Attraction, sometimes it seems like the things we don’t really care about attracting appear almost immediately. We simply think about them once, forget about them, and then suddenly we have them. But when it comes to the thing we really want to attract, it appears to take forever. We simply sit and watch the days go by, no closer to our desire than when we first began.

We make list after list of what we want, getting as clear as possible. We visualize. We think positively. We do everything we think we are supposed to do, and then when that doesn’t work, we start looking for something else to do. Because there must be something missing, right? We must be doing something wrong. All the time we are thinking, “It has worked for everyone else, so why isn’t it working for me?”

So is it possible to ever know how long it will take for the Law of Attraction to work?

Well, yes, in a sense. You see, it all depends on us. Whether something appears instantly or takes years to come into our lives, depends on how attached we are to the outcome.

The things that appear quickly in our lives do so because we do not care about the outcome. It is not because they are easier to manifest. It is because if we never get them, it is okay. Sometimes it might be a shirt or a favorite food that will appear quickly. All we did was think about how nice it would be to have it and then went on about our lives as if it was not a big deal, as if everything was already okay exactly as it was. And then before we knew it, what we wanted was there…everywhere, in fact. People were talking about it, sales ads for it appeared all over the place, we received dozens of e-mails related to it, and then, suddenly, we actually had it. The whole process was effortless. It was as if the entire world conspired to give us the very thing we wanted, and it even gave us little clues along the way — the overheard conversations, the e-mails — to let us know it was on its way.

But the new job, the relationship, the things we really want and care about, they still haven’t appeared. We have done everything the gurus say we should do. We have asked. We have visualized. We have imagined it as being so real, we could taste it. But we are still looking around and not seeing what we want. It is taking forever for the Law of Attraction to work. Why?

Well, there are four important things to remember here. The first relates to what we are noticing in the world around us. Because our thoughts create our reality, when all we do is notice how we don’t have what we want or that it is taking a long time for what we want to appear, then all we are doing is creating more moments in our lives where we don’t have what we want. We keep thinking we don’t have the new house or new job, and so we don’t have them. The more we notice we don’t have something, the longer we will go without it. The longer we think it is taking for something to appear, the longer it will take to appear. If we think it has been four days since we asked for what we want and we still don’t have what we want, we just created four more days of not having what we want.

The second thing to remember is that every time we think that the Law of Attraction is not working and start to look for ways to make it work, any time we tell others that we need help manifesting something we can’t do it, any time we think that there is a step we must be missing, what we are actually doing is telling the Universe that we do not trust it to bring us what we want. We are trying to control the situation. We are trying to determine how something will manifest. That is not our job. That is the Universe’s job. All we are supposed to do is ask and then allow our desires to appear in our lives. That is it.

The third thing to remember is that what we want to attract really is not taking forever to appear in our lives. Sometimes there are factors involved in creating our desires that we are not aware of when we ask for them. These factors can prevent us from instantly receiving what we want. For example, if we desire a new car, we want more than a certain make and model. We also want it to run well, to be affordable, to have a great time purchasing it, and so forth. These elements also have to be created. And no matter how badly we want our car right now, however long it takes for everything to come together is exactly the right amount of time needed for us to attract our desire.

The fourth and final thing to remember is that whenever we feel nervous, anxious, impatient, or scared, we are pushing away the very thing we want. That is why it is so important to detach from the outcome. Detachment is about not caring whether we will get what we want. It is about being okay with things being exactly as they are now. When we are okay with never getting what we want, all resistance will be gone.

Most importantly, detachment is not about giving up. It is not about resigning ourselves to never having what we want. It is about accepting what is. It is about allowing ourselves to have what we want, allowing ourselves to experience the feeling of hope that we will get what we want, but still enjoying the process that takes us from where we are now to where we want to be. It is in this process that true enjoyment of our desires can be found. When we simultaneously enjoy what we have now and what we want to manifest as if we already have it, the sooner our desires will manifest. So, ultimately, we decide how long it will take for the Law of Attraction to work and however long it takes is exactly the right amount of time for us.