Relationships

[beautiful]

Ok this one I am having a hard time with because it seems contradictory. We can not change people etc but yet just affirming the best doesn't seem to work either.

I met a man whom I ended up failing in love and he ended up abusive. I should have got out while I could but by the time i realized I was emotionally involved and couldn't seem to break the ties. The law kept us apart because he was charged. I keep thinking if i affirm and believe the right things he will love me again the right way but i am not getting the relationship from him i want.

Help

[Sweet Spirit]

Beautiful,
If you are not getting the relationship with him you want, then he may or may not be the man who is going to give it to you.

I started seeing my BF as the man I knew he could be and he became better at being that man. You have to know that a better man exists inside that man, because you are not really changing them, you are just bringing to the surface what is already there. So do you believe your guy has a better nature within him? If so, start affirming and believing that the better man who is inside will emerge, not believing and affirming that he will change into something that isn't within him.

So what is the right way for him to love you again? That love may have never gone away its just buried under all that other junk right now, so try affirming and believing its there somewhere but it needs to be brought out by your loving him unconditionally (at his very best and apart from you,) while not expecting anything in return.

 

[beautiful]

OK i get that, i do. now everyone has some sort of baggage as we all are human and have a past. this is where it seems to get contradictory as he treats his mom horrible so people say he will treat you that way. he did in the end.  however i understood this as my mom has a mental health issue too and i do not speak to her at all but before i could break the ties it was rocky.

This man also has a temper but when he is not displaying it he is wonderful.

I guess for a woman once you get emotionally involved and sleep with someone it is hard to let go and I started to see changes in him and was devastated. all while hoping for the best and thanking the universe for bringing me this relationship.

[Detached&Allowing]

People can change and you DO have the ability to change their behavior.  When I first moved in with my fiancee, I saw a side of him that I wasn't so clear on prior.  He abused alcohol and had a temper.  He never hit me but would yell and had no patience with his children.  I started to be grateful for the behavior I desired.  I would forgive him in my heart for the things he would do wrong.  We had our share of issues.  However, the Universe intervened and his behavior changed.  We have lived together for about a year and a half and he has done a complete 180.

I am so grateful!!

[beautiful]

that is so cool

[Vicki Christina]

Schnderson is correct, you can change other people's behavior.   It takes unconditional love for yourself and that person.   Norman Vincent Peale in The Power of Positive Thinking has a lot of examples of these changes happening.   

[Ginny]

I agree that you can change another person's behaviour (although I think of it as bringing out a side of their personality that you haven't seen before, rather than actually changing them) - but if he has been abusive, please do not put yourself in danger during this process. You can send someone unconditional love at a distance. I don't want to be negative, but I would be very wary in this kind of situation. It may be possible to change someone through LOA, but as we've seen elsewhere lots of other factors come into play, and we all have varying degrees of success, so I really want to tell you (sorry) to direct your energies and attentions elsewhere. I don't want to contribute to any possibility that you get harmed because you are putting yourself in a dangerous situation based on advice you get here.

I do sometimes wonder how much we can change other people's behaviours. I have seen dramatic changes, but in each case, I think the person always had that aspect of their personality available, and it was either brought out or not depending on their interactions with others and their own beliefs. Sort of like, if you have a pumpkin seed, you can prevent it germinating if you put it in dry soil in the dark, or you can get a gorgeous big healthy plant with lots of pumpkins if you plant it in optimum soil on a sunny patch and give it plenty of water and fertilizer, or you can get any degree of healthy and vigour in between the two extremes depending on how you treat it - but you will never get apples growing off it.

[vpsean]

Hey Beautiful (<-- Excellent username by the way ... it must feel nice being called beautiful every time someone responds )

I frequent another forum called Powerful Intentions and just responded to someone with a similar situation ... the situation is similar not in it being abusive, but in it coming down to a decision on whether you are to 'accept the way he is and compromise your values,' or to stay true to what you want ...

I think what I wrote there would help you, so here it is:

What it comes down to his just HOW important the various things you want in a partner are to you ... Here's an assignment for you:
 
Step 1:
A. Before starting the next step, meditate for a moment, even if for one moment, and say, "Clear it out ..." as you close your eyes and take some deep breaths ... then tell yourself, "I'm looking forward to writing out exactly what it is I would truly like to have in a partner if everything was perfect." <-- Feel free to modify if you like. The reason I'm having you do this is so that you don't 'filter' what you want based on who this man is ...
 
Step 2:
2. Write down a list of all the specific qualities you want in a man ... to help you organize it, the next few steps may help break it down ...
3. List out all the qualities ...
4. List out all the traits ...
5. List out his energy and how he is ...
6. List out what he's like and how you interact together.
7. List out what you're able to discuss together.
8. List out your common interests ... etc.
 
Step 3:
* Go through the list you created and condense it down ... so any longer sentences about what you want are condensed into single words or a few words (ie. "He is loving to me and we have so much fun together through laughing and playing ... becomes in bullet points *Incredibly Loving *Fun to be around *Funny and full of Laughter *Playful, etc.)
 
Step 4:
* Now that you have a clear picture of what you want ... mark a Yes next to the traits this man does have ... and mark a No next toe the traits he doesn't have. 
 
Step 5:
* In a peaceful state, by yourself, when you're free to relax ... I want you to meditate and really go internally about this situation and decide whether or not this particular man is worth the sacrifice of the traits you listed out you want in a man. 
 
Don't make it right or wrong good or bad. Not wanting him to be abusive is PERFECTLY valid and fine. Don't guilt trip yourself into thinking you're not worthy of better ... you just have certain views of the world that you would like to share with someone and resonate with, right? There's nothing wrong with that.
 
Step 6:
* Let us know how the process went and what your thoughts are afterwards. 
 
Good luck :-)
 
With Love & Gratitude,
--Sean Patrick Simpson
www.AdventuresInManifesting.org
 www.AlskaPublishing.com

[vpsean]

By the way Beautiful ...

My love Sarah Prout (you can see how beautiful and lovely she is at www.sarahprout.com :-D ) was in a marriage for 10 years which was not healthy for her at all. There was both verbal and physical abuse spread throughout the time ...

She just responded to someone in our facebook community for AIM that was talking about a similar situation, and this is what she said:

OK I'm just going to say it. Please pay attention to the way you are feeling. It's so important. I spent nearly a DECADE of my life fighting with my husband and feeling a little dead inside. Be honest with yourself and LOVE WHO YOU ARE. Honor your feelings. Making your decision from the highest place of love for yourself is the only course of action to take. You are a young, bright, beautiful, intelligent woman that has so much to share with the world. Just remember (and this is a great reminder for me too) that we never have to prove our worth to anyone. We should aim to feel centered, balanced, harmonious and peaceful within ourselves and trust that what we radiate will be mirrored back to us at all times. I found my Sean this way. xoxox

I hope that helps you :-)

With Love & Gratitude,
--Sean Patrick Simpson
www.AdventuresInManifesting.org
www.AlskaPublishing.com

[belive88]

Hi VC, you wouldnt by any chance have the ebook you mentioned? "Norman Vincent Peale in The Power of Positive Thinking"

much love! xxx

[boomergirl]

Thank you vpsean, and thanks to Sarah too.  What she wrote here sums it up. 

We should aim to feel centered, balanced, harmonious and peaceful within ourselves and trust that what we radiate will be mirrored back to us at all times.

[Vicki Christina]

Believe,  I'm sorry but I do not have the ebook of Norman Vincent Peale as I got that book several years ago before I had an ereader.   Hugs,  VC

[vpsean]

Thank you vpsean, and thanks to Sarah too.  What she wrote here sums it up. 

My pleasure boomer.


With Love & Gratitude,
--Sean Patrick Simpson
www.AdventuresInManifesting.org
www.AlskaPublishing.com
 

[Detached&Allowing]

We should aim to feel centered, balanced, harmonious and peaceful within ourselves and trust that what we radiate will be mirrored back to us at all times.

Very well said.  I couldn't agree more.   

[vpsean]

We should aim to feel centered, balanced, harmonious and peaceful within ourselves and trust that what we radiate will be mirrored back to us at all times.

Very well said.  I couldn't agree more.   

:-) That's actually one of my favorite affirmations I claim every single day, and it's changed my life : "I am balanced, centered, harmonious and peaceful." and many variations on it.


With Love & Gratitude,
--Sean Patrick Simpson
www.AdventuresInManifesting.org
www.AlskaPublishing.com