Reconciled with fight guy. Terra's bodyguard.

[UpLOAding]

New updates from the office romance!

After lots of efforts, I finally managed to invite Frank on an evening and we partied the whole night away. Frank was the guy I fought with because he offered Terra (who doesn't drink alcohol) too many drinks. I think I fully reconciled with him and that is a blessing. Thanks universe!

Terra, however, is not behaving in a clear way.

Apart from the little surprise she did to me on my birthday (quietly organizing a lunch party, but not even talking to me during it!), she spoke with me only when other guys were there, especially another colleague whom I'll call Bodyguard. He seems to be a very reliable person, is married and since what happened last week (my fight with Frank in front of Terra), Bodyguard is always around Terra.

I noticed how he alerts her whenever I get off my seat, checks in which direction I walk. Whenever I speak to him when randomly meeting him alone, he is kind as usual, but in the last 2 days he often looked at me with a humorous face.  He sometimes says things like:"I have a big secret!" (with a humorous tone)

I insisted on inviting Terra for coffee. She accepted, but also Bodyguard was with her.

She spoke to me with a pleasant tone, smiled at me as usual, but kept the conversation very brief.

I am generally more at peace. I am grateful for the reconciliation and for the increasing contact with her again, after that bad fight last week.

I would like to attract more trust and sincere friendship.
Should it be more than friendship, then only if it's her choice.
But true friendship first and before anything.
That's what I think we had before this mess.

[2thetop]

Up...i have decided to stay out of all this for the most part.  I have decided to do this because your situation and what i have to say about it may disturb people here a bit.  but when you play with fire, you get burned.  sorry bud, but you brought all this on yourself.  you over stepped your boundaries.  and i am not talkin with anyone except terra.  she has a bf, then you need to back off.  she has a guy going with you to coffee.  time to walk away.  she doesnt feel comfortable around you alone.  be nice and respectful.  say hi as you pass.  but dont push the friendship thing and try to lie to yourself that that is all you want.  wont work bud.  dunno why people expect to go after someone in a relationship and for it to end up in a good way.  sorry but you are stepping on the very commitment you are asking for.  sometimes you get lucky, but very few times does it work in the long run.  good luck to you though.  i hope everything works out well for all those involved.  ahh ya, dont mean to be a jerk here, but dont ask a million questions, i personally wont be answering them.  nothin towards you but this situation is just wrong and full of negative energy all around.

[UpLOAding]

I understand what you say, but would like to emphasize very loudly (also to others who might have 2thetop's same thoughts) that through values, principles, culture and personal willpower I do believe and give lots of weight to friendship - and in general to personal commitment.
 
My aim at the moment is to confirm myself as a sort of brotherly friend to her.
 
I can move on and look for other women (yeah... I guess goodbye Natasha and goodbye Terra), but as I have remained very good friends with Natasha (whom I even confide about Terra), I would like to be the same with Terra.
 
Especially after all what we have done together.
 
What do you think could be necessary to make her feel comfortabe again?

[peter_93]

To make her feel comfortable is to leave her alone.

Seem that Terra a gentle and polite, because some woman would probably disrespect and reject you immediately or not speak to you again, you will feel even worse. Terra did it the polite way, speak to you with a limit, get another person to be her wall. It's more than enough sign to step back.

If male and female would meant to be in relationship, they would have been with no doubt. There has been enough mess and should not bother with a woman anymore. She is what she is and you can't change her. Understanding her and then what are you going to do?... adjusting yourself to fit her, to please her? If you insist friendship why would you want to do that, and if you want relationship you should not do that neither.

If you enjoy a being what you are, then let her be herself and leave her alone, give her space and her life... What you have been doing and trying to understand her is making her feels reluctant deep inside, put yourself on her shoe, I mean I wouldn't be happy if a woman is investigating or researching my life making lots of assumption in order to understand me, it is interrupting my privacy, neither do you like so neither does Terra would like it. No complicate logic, just a life common sense.

[UpLOAding]

I confirm that I will not pursue a relationship with her.
But I do confirm that I pursue her friendship.
 
I don't believe in "meant to be" because I attracted Terra in the best period of my life (compared to the rest).

[peter_93]

When believe in such as attraction, then must not ignore phenomenon that you could have attracted Frank and the guy who involving around her now.

[UpLOAding]

Of course... and I guess I attracted those as a consequence of my panic moments.
But not at the very beginning, and not in general.
 
For at least the first 6 weeks everything was developing very positively with Terra, even when there were a few little negative events, I managed to attract overall positive things.
 
Then, after last Friday, I started having many negative thoughts,  and it became very difficult to get rid of the panic. so it is obvious that what I have now is the consequence  of what I attracted after last Friday.
 
The point is (I think I have told this quite often) I find it hard to "break the loop" once some negative event happens.
 
The fact that I reconciled with Frank is part of breaking the cycle of course.

I have to now focus on showing gratitude towards Terra, the few positive things she did during this week (despite the Bodyguard), and all the positive things that happened before Friday.

[Mariposa, (KnJ)]

BURN BABY, BURN, YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW!! 

[UpLOAding]

Heavy metal fan? 

[Mariposa, (KnJ)]

You will soon find the LOA......WORKING!!

I have pity for you!!!! 

[irishgirl69]

You're probably not going to heed this advice, but I will say it anyway - this is coming from a woman.  You have scared her off.  Whether it was what happened with Frank, your overall intensity, your constant presence in her life (you've said that you normally follow her wherever she goes, etc), you have scared her to the point that she does not want to be alone with you.  Regardless of what you want (and I don't quite believe that you have turned your feelings off for her so quickly and are content with friendship) if you care about this woman at all, respect her boundaries and back off.  Perhaps you can rebuild your relationship/friendship down the line, but for now, give it space.

If you want to apply LOA in this situation, do it from a distance.  Do affirmations, send her loving, positive thoughts, etc.  Keep a friendly, professional relationship with her, but stop insisting that she spend time with you.  She probably went to coffee with you because she was frightened of what might happen if she didn't.  LOA works but we also have to be aware of our current reality and work within those boundaries.  In my situation, I know that my guy has feelings for me but isn't ready to pursue anything with me.  I am giving him space, acting friendly and flirtatious when I am around him and am quietly applying LOA from a distance.  I respect him and the boundaries that he is comfortable with at this time and trust that when the time is right, he will let his guard down.  If I pushed too hard right now, he would be lost to me.

Respect her and leave her alone.

[dancingshoes]

irishgirl, your reply just made complete sense to me. I've been feeling a little low cause things with my guy have been pretty stagnant, and I got a little tired of the whole 'friendly' thing and want something more! but you're absolutely right. maybe the time is not right yet. anyway, thank you!

Uploading, I guess you can tell I agree with irishgirl

[MiaVictoria]

Up, your current posts do seem that the relationship has taken a dramatic turn however I can't help but wonder if it's your interpretation of Terra (you could be right, you could be wrong).  In the beginning, I didn't get the impression of evasion or fear on her part, instead that it was starting out as a normal relationship. 

With that said, relationships are tricky and I've been guilty in the past of projecting my feelings/fears when someone asks for my advice rather than staying objective and looking at each relationship individually. 

[UpLOAding]

irishgirl, thanks for your reply.
 
Just wanted to make sure whether you would still stick to the views you expressed if I clarify a few points:
 
1) When I said I follow her everywhere I mean a bit like a "doormat guy", who always follows what the woman/girl wants to do, and rarely disagrees with her, when choosing what to eat, where to go on trips, etc. I do tell my opinion but never explicitly go against her.
I hope you didn't confuse the "following" with "stalking". No, I would never do that.
 
2) My pursuit of friendship may be intense and can also sound unusual to most people , yes, but in my case it is innocent and sincere. It is part of my religious faith, and I am suppoed not to have any doubt about that.
I think the main reason I come across as intense is that I don't want to loose her by waiting too much time - the more days pass, the more she does these dramatic things...
I am just reacting to her sudden changes.
 

[irishgirl69]

Up, you always seem to forget a major component of LOA - detaching from the outcome, that means the timeline as well.  I didn't need any clarification and I still stand by my opinion and advice.  You're going to do what you want, just don't be surprised if you continue to press the issue and she stops interacting with you completely.

Dancingshoes, I'm glad I was able to help.  Trust me, it's difficult to remain patient, but I do have faith that we will be together and in the meantime, I am working on myself and living my life.  I definitely have moments when I'm sad that we're not together right now, but those are pretty fleeting.