Author Topic: PLEASE REPLY URGENTLY!=_= (Read 1699 times)

Sayo · « **on:** July 23, 2012, 11:36:41 PM »

Like a lot of you, I'm attracting my ex back. But i dont know whats going on. I think I've made progress, there's regular contact, he obviously cares about me and calls me sometimes dear and sweetheart. But today, he said he asked a girl out and broke up with her the next day because it was long distance. He says he didnt tell me earlier because he didnt want to hurt me. And later, he said he was talking to the girl but by mistake he said instead my name, which is understandable, both of our names start with S, and then the poor girl got really pissed. But i dont understand what he's trying to get at. he knew it was going to be long distance when he asked her out, why break up then? is there any significance that he said my name?
Also, there's this other guy who really likes me. he's been asking me out for ages and he's really sweet but he's not really my type. i mean, i dont really find him stimulating or anything. But today, when i heard my ex was committed in a day, i flipped and talked to this guy. (I had earlier refrained from contacting him, cause he's way into me and i cant reciprocate) I'm tired of being single. I dont want to be single. but i dont want to have a rebound and mess around with this guy either.
Please someone shed some light on my situation, I cant think straight right now.

Autumn · « **Reply #1 on:** July 24, 2012, 01:00:23 AM »

Well he obviously still thinks about you a lot, since he's calling you dearie, sweetheart and what-not and the fact that he called her by your name does mean that on an unconscious level he associates you with the role of a girlfriend in his life. What he's doing seems a lot to me like the confused one-step-forward-two-steps-backward thing people do after a relationship ends. He's confused about what he wants, what he thinks you'll think about it and all the rest of it.

My advice: Stay cool. Talk to him and be understanding and non-judgmental. Don't try to rush it just because he seems to be in a mess. He'll come back, you've made progress girl

and that's something to be happy about. About this 2nd guy, you don't seem like you find him all that attractive. In my opinion, when you meet someone just right for you, you'll be swept off your feet. It feels exhilarating and exciting. Everybody deserves that in a relationship. Just because your ex's emotions are all over the place and he's asking girls out left, right and centre doesn't mean you need to do the same just to feel... I don't know... validated?

Getting together with this guy just because you're tired of being single may not be what you really want. While there's no harm in talking to him and being friends, just make sure you don't lead him on if you have no intention of pursuing a relationship (since you said he's very much into you). And you read it right, you want to have a great relationship. While rebounds aren't necessarily bad, and a lot of people do find someone great, just make sure you're emotionally ready to handle a relationship.

Well good luck on things, keep us updated.

Sayo · « **Reply #2 on:** July 24, 2012, 06:03:18 PM »

Hey 9J, thank you so much. I cant think straight at all, my brain's completely contradicting itself and I'm so angry. Why would he ask her out? when we brke up, he said he was not in a postion to ne in a relationship. he liked me but didnt love me and i was ok with that. But this? I was his first and he was my first and i wanted us to be a cute love story, childhood sweet hearts who separated for a while, but only had each other and later they get married. This totally ruins it. And i dont care if its just for a day. I thought I knew him, he was quiet and mature, didnt take whimsical decisions but this proves he's either whimsical or has totally moved on. I'm so...I dunno...disappointed...
And yes, i told the other guy i'm not serious and he said he was ok with that because he loved me and as long as i was happy i didnt matter. Now i feel like a complete bitch, so i'm going to be a bigger bitch and start no contact with him.
I dunno how to be cool. i screwed up yesterday. I told him i knew he would date that girl and somehow old issues came up and he thinks that i think that he likes any girl he talks to. HOW?!?! i NEVER SAID THAT!! Bottomline's he thinks I'm still needy and insecure. God, I could kill myself. should i just be friends or start no contact?

Autumn · « **Reply #3 on:** July 24, 2012, 10:19:39 PM »

I understand. I also had the same kind of relationship with my guy before stuff happened. But I'll say one thing, when you set out how you want your relationship to be, it blocks what may be even more beautiful coming to you. I know you wanted to be a cute love story, but why does it have to be only that way? It could also be two people who were in love, separated, but no matter whom they dated, they were always meant for each other and came back, or some alternative story, supposing the Universe pulls off something very flamboyant. That's also pretty touching and cute in it's own way. Just relax, and let things come to you.

As far as NC goes, start it if it makes you feel better. Remember, NC is about you, not him. If you feel like talking to him, do. But try not to bring up anything related to the relationship. If you're gonna be friends, truly try and be friends

.

siamesegirl · « **Reply #4 on:** July 24, 2012, 11:52:56 PM »

I really love 9Js reply. xxxx

lucymable · « **Reply #5 on:** July 25, 2012, 12:50:15 AM »

I think 9J has, as usual, offered some sound advice and I totally agree with what she's saying. Relax girl and have some fun being single!! Now, when I say this, I mean enjoy being selfish as only you can be when you're unattached! I don't mean that you have to go around dating a whole bunch of guys (but hey, if that's what people want to do, then more power to them!) just enjoy your own company, enjoy the company of your friends etc. The way you said 'I'm tired of being single' really stood out to me, it sort of smelt (haha if it can!) of 'lack' and frustration, so the universe is giving you more of this undesired single life, as you're so focused on NOT wanting it! Just be yourself, be happy and I believe the rest will fall into place

good luck girl!

Sayo · « **Reply #6 on:** July 25, 2012, 08:33:56 PM »

Yeah..I've been thinking, maybe the reason he's beng so confused and all over the place is because somewhere deep down I'm very all over the place too. One minute I love him and the next I despise him. I'm just going to stop thinking and be cool. And I'll be platonic friends with the other guy...its not like me to be on rebounds, I'll just always be guilty and not be feeling right. So there, that's my plan. Haha, thank you so much all of you :*

Sayo · « **Reply #7 on:** July 26, 2012, 07:33:48 PM »

Here's an update.
He didnt break up with her. She broke up with him. They've maturely decided to not ruin it by going long distance, so when they meet up, they'll be in a official relationship. right now, its a 'pseudo' relationship. I told them to get committed and not let it go just because of the distance, and he was sure she wouldnt get committed and he would wait for her.
Where did I go wrong? I was so sure I was making progress. Now they're in love and being best friends. I feel so low. I want to hug someone, but no one's here in the hostel. I've been crying buckets and I cant stop. I thought I'll be cool and let nature take its course, but nature's course is hurting me so much.

Autumn · « **Reply #8 on:** July 26, 2012, 07:43:37 PM »

Would a cyber hug do? You'll feel better. Will write back soon.

makrsy · « **Reply #9 on:** July 27, 2012, 02:50:55 PM »

Hey Sayo,

Well, like 9J said, your ex seems to be in the confused stage. Right now, what you can do for yourself is to stop keeping track of their relationship progress because it is bound to upset you further and you won't be able to move on as quickly. Since you are still going through an emotional roller coaster, its best that you spend some time away from your ex and go into NC for a while just to calm down and control your emotions. At this stage it seems like you're still holding on to some frustration from the breakup. Even if your ex does come back to you right now, it would be harder for you to get your relationship back to how it was last time as you're still hurting.

Anyway, just to ask, are they gonna be long distance for a long time or just a while? It seems to me that if they aren't willing to start just because of distance, there may be a lack of passion there in the first place. The thing about guys is that sometimes after a traumatic breakup, they may need to find someone else to heal their broken egos. It makes them feel better about themselves and usually, if they rush into the relationship quickly, they fall out of it quickly as well. I know it is easier said than done but if you truly love him then maybe after a while, you will find that you will be able to accept the fact that he went out with another girl.

Knowing that your ex is trying to get together with someone else is probably one of the most painful things one can experience and I know just how much it hurts. But the fact that he called her by your name and he still cares about you is indicative enough that he still has feelings for you isn't it? I guess the key now is to just let go, and let them run their course. Who knows, they may not even end up starting a relationship. You just need to trust that this is just a phase that your ex has to go through before he realizes that he may not get the same relationship that he used to have with you.

Right now, be strong girl

Just focus on getting yourself happy and visualize yourself vibrating strong energy levels which will probably attract him back to you again. Even if he is preoccupied with the other girl, there is no doubt that he will be able to feel the energy switch in you when you become the happy confident person he first fell for. Then he will reconsider

Stay happy! And just keep thinking positive thoughts, focusing particularly on thoughts that do not involve him first, just so you let the universe know that you do not need him to be happy and you are able to make yourself happy. Once you have mastered that then you can start visualizing the both of you being happy together again.

Sayo · « **Reply #10 on:** July 27, 2012, 08:03:56 PM »

Thank you 9J, as of now, I do feel better

Hey makrsy, I know your profile says 'newbie' but honey, you're so mature and strong!! Thank you so much, Your words are so warm and logical, I read your reply in some other thread too, you're really a pro! ^_^ I do keep telling myself that letting go is the key, but I'm just not consistent enough. Sooner or later I stumble and I stumble so bad that i become an emotional wreck.
Regarding the 'caring' emotions my ex seems to exhibit, i did ask him about that a few months back, because every now and then, he seems to totally take me by surprise and be all flirty-flirty. He doesnt deny that he cares about me. he's very clear about the fact that he does want me in his life and i'm his real friend but he just doesnt 'feel' the attraction..you get what i mean?...More like a platonic friendship between robin and ted in how i met your mother xD.
Well, they'll be long distance for a minimum of 4 years because of college, but they may meet in the middle during vacations....I'm feeling slightly better now, because yeah, I've come to realise that maybe he needs this. I remember after the break up, I got pretty close to another guy and i thought he was better than my ex and all that non sense, but a month later I realised i just used him as my emotional crutch, to both make my ex jealous and to move on myself. But the whole plan back fired and here i'm trying to get my ex back xD
This is becoming a rather long post, but I've to ask. My ex has been going on asking me about how i feel about the whole thing, y'know about him pseudo-dating this girl. I told him I was happy for him and it seemed like a cute rom-com and he shouldnt let distance come in between. he went on asking about my views and said distance was nt coming in between, they were already in an unofficial relationship. I admitted that i was hurt and kinda sad but on the whole i was happy for them. he again asked why was i hurt, which i refused to answer because honestly, the reason's OBVIOUS. i know i'm not supposed to use my head, but i cant help thinking either he actually is really confused OR he's enjoying the mind games and this whole thing is giving him a major ego boost. Maybe i shouldnt have admitted being hurt, now I'm back on square one.

makrsy · « **Reply #11 on:** August 02, 2012, 03:00:51 PM »

Lol aww thanks that's so sweet

I'm glad i was of help! Trust me, don't feel bad about stumbling because i am stumbling myself. I find that giving advice to people is so much easier than actually doing it, unfortunately.

Well, believe it or not, i think it's hard for exs to get back into platonic relationships. I love how you used Ted and Robin btw, i'm kinda hooked on that show too!

Anyway, well even in some episodes, Ted did question whether he actually still had feelings for Robin. You see, right now, i think your ex knows you are still gonna be there for him. That's why his mind is telling him that he still has to keep you around. But to eliminate his guilt for feeling that way, his brain probably rationalizes it as a need for platonic friendship. Anyway, since this whole forum is about the law of attraction, it helps you to believe that deep down, he still has feelings for you. He just doesn't feel it as strongly because there is no urgency to get you back.

And yes well honestly, if they had the passion and chemistry, they wouldn't even have hesitated getting into a relationship. The fact that they are gonna be away from each other so long makes the whole relationship sound even rockier. I might be wrong, but I think this definitely sounds like there is some confusion going on in his mind.

On a further positive note, if you went through the whole process of meeting someone and realizing your ex is still better, you should have faith that he will feel the same too! Right now, the only thing you can do is take yourself out of the equation and disappear from his life for a while. I really don't understand why he has to ask you about how you're feeling, but I guess that's just his way of trying to test your feelings for him. I think it's really good that you told him you were happy for him though! When you do that, he will probably start to remember how nice you are and all that

. And nope, i think it's alright to admit you were hurt. Maybe it did reassure him a bit that he can still have you if he wants you, but we're girls! Sometimes it's hard to keep your emotions all in lol. I think right now you should really just give you guys some time apart though. You have to give him time to miss you! Now he's probably feeling good about the whole situation because he still has you there for him and yet he doesn't have to commit. Wish him the best of luck and tell him to treat her well. And find a reason to disappear for a while. Hopefully that will work

Autumn · « **Reply #12 on:** August 02, 2012, 05:09:38 PM »

Makrsy, that was a lovely response. And really helpful. Very rational and it helped me a bit as well. To look back over how things went with me and my guy and understand it better.

Sayo · « **Reply #13 on:** August 03, 2012, 04:21:07 AM »

Haha, just as I was beginning to think no one on the planet cared anymore. >.< Thank you so much makrsy and 9J

Yes, doing things things and saying things are two very different things. Just look at me, still trying to move on even though i KNOW i should =.= haha, i know, i love that show too!!! And sometimes i cant help but see glimpses of my life in it xD
I'm finding it very hard to cut contact!! Something or the other pops up and we start texting anf if nothing, he'll atleast say good morning...Oh and tells me how he finished his balance and how much he texts her (In comparision, he texts me like 4 times a day and her 200), but i just give very dull answers. haha, not biting the bait buddy

I do have faith that somewhere deep down he still likes me a lot. That was further confirmed when he asked me. "how're you so sure that i really like her?

''. But i dont have enough faith. I mean, i'm not hanging onto it, i read somewhere, to get your ex back, prove to yourself that you can get over him. (i think Ankur wrote that somewhere

I really dont know how to make him miss me......Obviously the girl is more often on his mind than me, so i dont know if i can influence him his vibrations or anything, but i guess the LOA answer to that would be to focus on myself. xD
hehe, i love this forum, thank you so much for everything :*