Please help with girl I'm seeing...

[awake28]

Let me start off by saying that I've had alot of success with LOA when it pertains to my career.  My problem is the girl I'm currently dating. 

We started dating last June, and I fell for her hard.  We dated for about 5 mnths before I told her that I loved her.  She said that she was not in love with me, and that she wasn't ready to open up to anyone right now because she had gotten out of a bad relationship before me.  She also wasn't ready to commit to me.  I got scared by this and ended it with her.

We remained friends after this, and she started dating another guy and I was dating other people.  I was still i love with her, ad wanted desperartely for her to be in love with me and be in a comitted relationship with me.  So I started doing visualizations and affirmations to bring this about.  After about 3 months we were both single, and we started dating again.  I made it clear that I wasnt content to going back to the way things were, and that I wanted a comitment from her.  She said she wasnt sure if she wanted that, so I said we could date again, but she had to make up her mind what she wanted to do.  I continued with the visualizations.  I planned on giving her till July (about a minth fromn now) to make up her mind.  She's not aware of this deadline.  Since then we've been seeing each other every day, and neither of us are seeing anyone else.  She claims to love me but not be "in love" with me.  Both of these things seem like progress to me, and it seems like the LOA is working for me again.  However, she is still not sure if she is readsy to offically commit to me yet.

So my question is do I stick to the original deadline and give her the ultimatum in July?  We've been together for long enough for her to  make up her mind about me I feel.  But Idon't want to mess up the LOA process.  But I'm also not feeling very secure in our relationship right now because of the non-commitment.  Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[stevelewis]

Awake, this sounds good. You sound that you can apply LOA easily... You are doing very well with this girl, she wants to spend time with you and you seem grateful with this. I would avoid the deadline... I had a friend of mine who dated a guy for 2 - 3 years, whilst not 'committing' as you say it. They are now in the last year very committed, and will be getting married next year. She DID see a couple of other guys during this non committal period, and found that all she did was compare them to him! Your partner just needs a little more time, maybe there are some other things in her life that need to be sorted (maybe you can work these out)... Whats another few months? Are you happy with her, imagine getting to July, you ask for commitment and she doesn't give it. Then what? You end it, your happy times and days?

You have a bit of fear here about it, you have plenty of time I'm sure, forget about the commitment, and enjoy your time with her!

Visualize yourselves at the end stage (living together or whatever you want those end goals to be), and relax about it all!

Good to see someone who can apply LOA so seemingly easily, shame that matters of heart can be a little harder

Steve!

[puja]

hi
am v confused they say u can attract a specific person and then told why attract a specific person because it contradicts the law of attraction

[stevelewis]

Puja. If you apply your desires and wants to a general search, you open up more possibilities, there's more than one person in the world matching certain qualities isn't there?! So it opens up more possibilities, it doesn't mean you can't attract a certain person, but you need to make 100% sure that they match ALL your wants and desires...

If you say I want this exact car for example, why not attract one of the same make and model instead of your neighbours or whatever! That is all!

[awake28]

Steve,

Thanks for the reply.  I guess my problem is that the only reason I'm willing to give it longer than July is because of the LOA.  My common sense is telling me to stick to the original deadline.  You say a couple more months won't hurt, and I guess you're right, but what happens if in a couple months she still isn't ready?  Do I wait a year then?  I almost feel like it's an insult to myself by devoting this much time and energy into someone who isn't sure about me. 

Like I said, I've had alot of success with the LOA, but I guess I still have some doubts as to whether it can work in bringing back one specific person like I'm trying to do.  I've heard conflicting messages about this.  Some say you can't infringe upon someone's free will.  I believe this doubt is affecting the success of my visualizations/affirmations.  Doubt creeps in much to often, where as with my career I had alot more faith and it seemed to work out better.

[schenderson22]

As a female, in my opinion, this girl appreciates the companionship but that is it.  My question to you is, what kind of intimacy is there? (Rhetorical) If it is very close to zero, then she isn't the one for you.  In my opinion she has many of the characteristics you have set as qualifications for "the one".  However, she lacks a few or many.  The Universe will NOT let you settle for anything less than what you ask for.  That is where we, as humans, have difficulty understanding the process.

[awake28]

Schenderson,

We are definitely intimate.  We have sex regularly, we're both very affectionate with one another, we tell each other we miss eac other all the time etc.  She also says this is the healthiest relationship she's ever been in.  This is what's weird to me.  She acts like she's totally in love with me.  But she says she is not "in love" with me. (but she loves me.)  I should also mention that we're not high school kids... I'm 29 she's 35.  So we are mature (somewhat )  By the way we act around each other, it's like we are bf/gf, but there is the lack of a stated commitment.  So Iguess I'm lacking the feeling of security that comes with a comitment.

[awake28]

Anyone else have an opinion?

[stevelewis]

Awake, don't mind if I ask do you, but how old are you both?

Steve

[awake28]

I'm 29 and she's 35.

[stevelewis]

OK, so you're not young, and yeah probably time you both want to settle down... Does she know what she wants from life and passed this onto you. You say she's scared, and has been, maybe she can't (or won't) completely open up to someone else again. It could be a matter of trust. I'm not sure what to suggest, but I don't think pressuring her will help any here. Do you both talk about everything? There does seem to be some barrier there! To get into bed with you on a regular basis is a piece of commitment from her, then again it can be easy for some more than others. Is she exactly what you want? You say you act young sometimes, it sounds like a great relationship TBH. I think there must be fear and a trust issue. I don't know either of you, so I cannot really help, other than know what you want, try and not to worry too much about it, and go with the flow if at all possible. Is there anything else you can add? I think a deadline is a bad idea, but you may need to move on again one day! It's a hard one mate... But focus on you, and try not to worry too much about it!

Steve

[schenderson22]

Thank you for the clarification.  I agree with Steve.  Try not to focus so much time on it. 

Just b/c she hasn't given you a verbal commitment doesn't mean she is already committed.  My boyfriend (age 36) I am 37 and I never gave each other a verbal commitment.  Granted we both knew we were in love with one another but there was never a verbal commitment.  There is a good chance she is "in love" with you but it is easier and less scary to say she loves you but is not in love with you.  If you want to help her maybe you could ask her if she has other friends, maybe childhood family friends (opposite sex, of course), that she loves.  If she says yes, you can ask her if she would share the same intimacy that she shares with you with them.  You can ask as a rhetorical question so you don't have to know the answer but maybe that could help her distinguish her feelings and make it so it isn't so scary.  As a person, it is very hard to avoid bringing in feelings from past relationships.  However, in order for a relationship to be successful you have to try.  Hope that helps!