One step from success and blew it with very aggressive scene! Help please!!

[UpLOAding]

There are so many details I could write but this time I really, really, really need a very urgent and drastic help. A practical one because here I did something very wrong I think. I acted out of violence.

Things have been developing really well with Terra, especially after our trip to the mountains together. Even the days at work were getting better and better, with us inviting each other more and more often to breakfast and lunch, doing more things together, talking constantly, and truly becoming very romantic at times.

Yesterday and today especially she gave me some important hints, such as quoting beautiful passages from literature referring to me. She was truly flirting, saying also quite romantic things. She even said we could spend Christmas and New Year's together. That much strong was our trust.
I swear she was truly becoming very affectionate, looking for me, talking to me, etc.

Today I had a plan.
I didn't carry it out well, and it ruined the rest of my day, all my mood and my behavior with her and with everyone.

Basically, me and Terra went out to lunch and it was truly a wonderful one. It really was like a date and there were beautiful moments in which I and her were behaving like an actual couple. Sharing the plate, the cup, being very close to each other, etc. It was some of the most wonderful moments of my entire life.
I had asked a colleague to leave a bouquet of roses and other flowers at her workdesk while we were at lunch, so that she would be wondering all the time who brought them.

After she saw them, I got very nervous. She could have understood it was me, or she could have thought it was someone else (since she has many admirers at the workplace!). In either case I was extremely nervous. Nevertheless, I often spoke with her, and we went to have another coffee as well. She wasn't paying attention to the flowers.

She was invited to a pub by one male colleague (whom I'll call Frank) with whom we had met only once before, including some other male colleagues who  had invited her to parties. But this guy had also asked her to invite me as well, since he often sees me around her. I accepted her invitation, mainly wanting her to have fun and enjoy.
She (who, like me usually doesn't drink alcohol) said she would join just for a non-alcoholic drink and then leave as she would be very busy tomorrow morning.

Before leaving the workplace, she left the flowers there so I asked:
"Hey why aren't you taking them? I think the guy who gave them wanted you to take them! Haha"
(pretending not to be the person who gave them)
Terra:"Maybe someone just got confused. Come on, let's go!"
Me:"But the flowers will get ruined. Just take them." (and I started joking that I would take them)
Terra:"No! Leave them! Let's go to the party now!"
Me:"What if I brought the flowers?"
Terra:"Just stop kidding. Come on let's go!"

That gave a huge blow to my confidence, but me and her ultimately joined the other colleages and we started walking. All the time, she was following me and wondering why I had a sad mood.
Apparently she still hadn't understood that it was truly me who had left those flowers.

At the pub, before she was drawn into conversation with the others, Terra asked me:
"Chris, do you actually know who gave the flowers? If yes, please tell me!"
Chris:"It was ME! I told you! I wanted to give you those flowers!"
Terra (with a big smile):"Chris, are you serious? It was really you?!"
Chris:"YES, it was me! I'm telling the truth"
Terra:"But how? but when?"
I told her the details
Terra had the most beautiful smile. She was glowing with happiness and her eyes were so wide open, they were shining. And her lips were also shining and wet! I had never seen her like that.
Terra:"Thank you so much."
Chris:"Yeah"
Terra:"That is really wonderful, thank you."
I really think in that moment she wanted a kiss or something, but I was too damn shy! Very shy!

I didn't take that opportunity (remember, I have never kissed a girl! Girls have approached me and kissed me before, but I hhave never taken initiative! I am totally inexperienced with kissing and any sort of relationship building!).
In the meantime, she was drawn into the conversations with the other guys and was kind of ignoring me. I felt a bit that she wasn't looking at me anymore with that shining smile and with those shining lips.
That confused me a bit. She had completely changed from that first reaction.

And, all of a sudden, guys started offering her alcoholic drinks and she accepted. I asked her what was wrong. Why she accepted (as she normally does not drink alcohol!).
Terra answered:"Ah, who cares."
Chris:"Are you angry at me? Or annoyed?"
Terra:"No... why? Maybe a bit weird now..."
Chris:"Weird?"
Terra:"I mean, I have already told you that I have a boyfriend, right?"
Chris:"Yes... but that's why I would like to talk to you."
Terra:"About what?"
Chris:"Not here, while walking home."

But what happened next started making me angrier and angrier. The guys kept offering her drink and she kept accepting. She told me she would stay maximum half an hour and we were there fore almost four hours! And she was clearly flirting with the other guys, and I felt so ignored.
I then let her be free to do what she wanted but was concerned about her sudden change from her typical personality.

Meanwhile, most of the guys went away except for Frank. Frank kept offering her drinks, and I told him, quite kindly (and away from Terra), that I and Terra had to do some serious talking, and that she shouldn't drink that much. But he kept doing against that and suddenly even asked to dance.
Terra was clearly drunk and just following the fun.
I started arguing with Frank and told him:"I didn't expect someone rational to behave this way."
Frank:"Calm down, calm down! Just relax man!"
Chris:"I say f..k you."
Frank:"Calm down"
Chris:"F..k you!"

Frank got very angry and started saying I am uncivilized, that I should get out, and so on. I was looking at Terra, who was not taking any sides, but since Frank was more articulate and I was clearly very jealous and angry, she seemed to listen to Frank (who also invited us).
I apologized and told him sorry, but Frank kept insisting that I am an idiot and should go. And many other things like that.
I asked Terra whether she wanted to go and she said:"If you want you can go."
I was clearly hurt by that but reminded her:"We still have to talk, remember???"
Terra:"Hmmm ok"

Ultimately Frank said:"This is so bad. I'm going guys. See you at work."
Me:"Frank, sorry, I apologize!"
Frank:"No, you uncivilized person. I try to respect, and you start saying f- you, f- you. Terra, what is wrong with this guy?"
Terra:"I don't know."
Me:"Ok, Frank you're right."
Frank:"At least tell me what's going on, OK?"
Me:"I'll tell you at work."
Frank:"I'm gone. Goodnight."

While walking, I apologized to Terra for that violent scene, then I told her that I liked her a lot, that I understand she has a boyfriend and peacefully accept that, but that at the same time I really appreciate being around her and hanging out with her. That I truly want her to trust me again despite what happened.
She said not to worry, that she also enjoys my friendship, but also (unlike what Natasha used to say) that I should find other friends.

I personally am sure that there was more than friendship, actual sparks!
Something just went wrong right there, and things got worse because of her suddenly drinking alcohol (she usually never does! It can have a very strong change on one's personality!).

I would appreciate all sorts of advice, LOA and non-LOA.

I never have been so aggressive, and I am sure this changed her impression about me.
I think what I did was probably not so cool, and may have repercussions on my reputation at work as well, so that may influence her opinion, too.

Please please please please please please help.

Thank you.

[UpLOAding]

A message of love, a greater confirmation of our friendship, an explanation for my behavior...
 
Or even another little message saying that I actually think there's more, and she just reacted strange because of the alcohol.
 
But in general... please, anything. I am lost, I am devastated and feel in pieces.
 
Please please please... oh God... 

[lise]

You're not going to like what I have to say but honestly you need to stop being so melodramatic, seriously. I don't see why you needed the subterfuge with the flowers. Maybe she didn't make a thing of them just because she didn't know who they were from.

I have no idea what you mean by she was looking at you with shining lips!!!

Anyway aside from that. She got drunk, you got jealous of attention she was getting from other people and Frank was annoyed you told him what to do. I really don't see the need for the god help me stuff. You need to chill and don't make it seem more of a big deal. I strongly suggest you don't make it a bigger deal by trying to have a post mortem about it at work with her. If you have to, say sorry if I upset you and leave it at that. She will probably be thinking nightmare I got drunk and Frank the same.

There's a quote about you'd be less bothered about what other people think of you if you realised they're more worried about what they did!

Honestly, my staff night outs are far worse than that! Its the reason we have them. Its all forgotten the next day.

You need to put things into perspective. I know this is important to you but you need to calmn down.

[tereza]

I have no idea what you mean by she was looking at you with shining lips!!!

Yeah, I'm kind of lost on that too.

You need to put things into perspective. I know this is important to you but you need to calmn down.

Agreed. Up, maybe you should go back and read over some stuff about the Law of Attraction? All of this stuff you perceive to be bad can be fixed later. It really isn't as serious as you think it is.

[UpLOAding]

@lise
 
OK, I am calm
 
But I would appreciate some advice on restoring what I was achieving with Terra, in the short term, before work starts again (especially to emphasize that we aren't just colleagues but true friends also outside)
 
Shiny lips, shiny eyes, whatever you call it. It's what I see people have before kissing or when they are truly happy and infatuated. I have rarely seen this directed at me.
I did a quick search. Although I usually don't read from these websites, I think this page describes what I mean:
http://francisgithinji.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/body-language-signs-and-female-techniques-kiss-me-please-530337.html

[lise]

Apologise (briefly) if you feel the need. By briefly I mean sorry if I upset you last night. Then forget and move on from it.

Don't start asking her are you sure were ok? Are you sure youve forgiven me. How did you feel or start explaining everything in depth.
 
It's really not a big deal unless you make it one.

[UpLOAding]

Rather than [just] an apology... what about something, as LOA would say, from a position of abundance, for example?
 
I really want to show her that I love and care about her, and am not indifferent.

[lise]

I've given you my opinion on what I think. It's up to you what you do.

[UpLOAding]

I mean something positive... something kind and nice to say, that will also distract from the negative vibes.
 
You know, negative attracts negative... apologizing may just remind her of that.
 
Positive attracts positive... something that may make her think of something new and forget what happened.
 
You get what  I mean?

[lise]

Yes I get what you mean. Explaining in more detail wasn't necessary.

An apology, that's meant is nice and kind. I don't think anything else is necessary and just drags it out making more of it than is needed. In addition, I don't think you would be giving from a place of abundance but from fear and desperation and a misguided intention to put right what you feel you've put wrong.

However, it's your relationship, your decision and you need to do what you feel is right. It's irrelevant what I think really as what you decide is whats important.

[keepee]

Just to throw in my two cents, you sound a whole lot like where I was at one point in that you seem to read a whole lot into things. More than is needed to a point where you just make yourself more unhappy and stressed out than you need to be. At a point not too long ago, in response to something like this happening to me, I probably wouldve sent my love 15 texts apologizing and asking if we were ok! Not too say Im at the highest place with in myself I could be, and I dont get urges to do stuff like that still (because I do!), but I no longer actually do it, and I know thats big progress! But, anyway, what it really sounds like is that more than anything you are upset with yourself over your actions. IMHO the best thing to do might be to apologize to, and really forgive yourself, and then let it go! The more you focus on thinking you upset her and messed things up, the more you will manifest her being upset and things being messed up!

[peter_93]

May be give yourself a break over the weekend to release the tension of event that had happened by not contact her to say anything about that night.

And when you see her next week, you move onto something else more pleasant and not resume things about the passed night that could recalled negative vibes.

[UpLOAding]

@keepee, thanks for your advice; I would like to know why you think I read too much into things, and what exactly you meant.
 
@peter 93
After sleeping and waking up, I actually thought that she might have appreciated that I acted so defensively towards her (even though I didn't tell her how come I got aggressive).
 
But still, would you be sure that after behaving so badly she would see me as a man again, as a potential partner? Musn't I show that I can grow up?
 
In addition to all that, I had promised her to do some help for her during the weekend (which I can send via e-mail). 

[UpLOAding]

We could have been on a date or even more today. We could be kissing all the time.
 
I am trying to attract that instantly.
 
 

[UpLOAding]

What surprised me most is that after that violent scene, she was trying to persuade me that we would be better off as friends by using false information.
For example, she would say that she is "the opposite of me" (complete contraddiction with what she said just days before!), that she does not do certain things like me, etc.
Maybe this attitude was supported by the alcohol, but still, it hurt me quite a lot, and I live on the hope that we have or had a much deeper connection beneath the alcohol.