One doubt has caused a spiral effect. Need my faith back

[Sailorsalem]

Where to start. Sorry long story.. Hello Ive been reading on this forum all the wonderful stories but this is my first post. All you wonderful supportive people give each other support and love and I feel that love. Kudos. Months ago in Nov. me and my on and off again boyfriend of ten years broke up. At first I was devastated but it was something I needed to do to gain myself back. Theres two parts to him. the wonderful guy who I could talk to, funny, relate to and then the other guy who listens to his friends and doubts himself thus doubting us. When we got back together last year his friends who had became my friends had negative feelings from the start. "Once an ex always an ex" or "you guys dont need to get back together". ultimately when my whole life spiraled. My relationship did as well. Well his friends were mad because I had deactivated my fb two days before my birthday and made a new profile without adding them on it. I needed a break from the drama. I got in a fight two days before with one of his friends who lied on me then convinced  everyone including my guy to not show up to my birthday. I was hurt, angry, and depressed. This June I reactivated my account. And all including him except for four of his friends
deleted me. At first I was mad cause I asked for forgiveness but understood and moved on. (the ones still on dont say anything however. I think they do it to keep tabs.)

Months later down the line I gained my confidence back. Gained some self control and got ME back. I feel good about that. however.... Since me and him have the same friends from his music, years ago from high school, family, we have had mutual friends along the way. Ive bumped into him several times over the past couple months. Out of those we've had two times we talked last time in March him crying and saying he loves me but I made the decision to break his heart. The next day he went back to ignoring me and I left it at that. Last time he saw me a month ago in August at a bar he saw me and 20 mins later he left. My first reaction was to almost get upset thats hes still hurt, instead I just smiled cause I figured honestly if months later you still are hurt that you still care and have feelings on our relationship. The thing is I honestly haven't tried to contact him, cared about what hes  going on because I knew one day we would talk again whens he ready and see what happens. I have asked and prayed for that. And though doubtful was getting use to the idea of letting it go....

I went to a party on Saturday and was invited. His friends also were invited. I eventually told the guy who was throwing the party what  happened in Nov. because a physic who was at the party said to me it looks like I had a dark vibe and my ex and I were never soulmates. Okay I guess that how it looked? but I decided to ignore it. His friends who happen to be in  his band (thats how theyre friends) claimed they didnt show up because I was going to be there simply just to see him. And my friends believed them! For one... turns out they said at the party he was in jail this whole weekend so obviously he couldn't go anyways so what did that have to do with them and two Why do I affect them so much? I admit I Love him but not in the way where I have to go following him at parties. Im live my own life nor have to force my way needly in his life. I always believed he would come on his own.

However that message from one of our "mutual " friends really bothered me. Why are these people still bringing up negativity? I asked for forgiveness on my actions months ago and they turned it down but I dont deserve being labeled as crazy or stalkerish, when I know thats not the case at all. Its been on my mind all day. I mean I know he didnt say it. But among other things all today, my dad sickness back and forth, my job up in the air. I focused on this. wrong to do I know. If his friends are thinking it wouldnt he think it too? I would be lying if I said I never wanted to get back together but im losing faith in even us talking again. Im concerned about him ever since we broke up people love to give me the scoop on his life another negative thing when I moved on... and it doesnt sound like hes going down the right path....

I do EFT, affrimations, say what I am grateful to God for everyday and yet negativity keeps biting me in the butt. I try to focus on the positive but cant shake certain things. I want to just delete all the people that are negative  associated with this off fb but I dont know if it hurt me in the end. I let people control my desnity of not being with him before but I want my friendship back with him. Please help.... Thank yous in advance. 

[ToMeAndOnlyMe]

Big thing that seems to be going on in this forum: detachment. It's definitely hard to do, but it's just so gosh darn true. Detachment from these people around you, your guy and the outcome of all of it. Rely on your faith in the Universe and yourself!

Don't be afraid negative people and their energy, keep focusing on your positive growth. The more you focus on yourself, your happiness, the more you're in control with your situation. (The one that matters the most)

Your response to why people focus on negativity so much, it's just easier. It's easier to go into other people's business and trash them. There are many who enjoy going around listening to the gossip of others as opposed to focusing on themselves. Think about the celebrities and how often they get negative publicity. It's like how Heidi Klum describes things in Project Runway: "One day you're in, the next day you're out!" Do you need it? Nah, not at all.

Meditate, focus on those who you know really love you as opposed to the negative people around you who may say they care about you but really don't. Most of all, focus on yourself. Careers, goals, family etc, the progression of these are part of what makes us well rounded people. Use your visualization and energy to tell the Universe what you want, this includes your ex. Give him positive energy and love! We've had several people in these forums who have managed to get back together with their exes. You can always reference Katie, DHaynes and most recently Priestess.

[Sailorsalem]

Thank you, I totally agree one hundred percent. I have to get back to focusing on me and my happiness including the people I love! I deleted the bunch on fb tonight. I cant release negativity if I allow it to come in. I will defnitely continue to send my love and meditate. As far as my ex, i agree letting go is key, now to just do it! 

[ToMeAndOnlyMe]

Always keep in mind that (and I'm paraphrasing from a famous quote which I forgot) that life is a love affair with yourself. I think that sometimes we view ourselves in such a two-dimensional way that we forget that our bodies and spirits are strong. We all have a foundation that we continue to build ourselves on and we have a choice on how we want it to look like.

[MiaVictoria]

How did it make you feel to see your ex recently?  Did you see a side to him that you didn't see before?  When I read your post, I'm getting an impression that his friends (and even your ex?) are a little immature? (bear with me, I ask certain ?'s to get answers for myself too ).  Maybe something is trying to get you to notice that.  And FB!  Love it/hate it.  I'm making my FB all about what makes me feel positive and the good that surrounds me.  I can control the negative there with that defriend button.     

Overall, to me, your post sounds like you're on the verge of starting a new personal journey. 

[Sailorsalem]

ToMeAndOnlyMe: I believe it. I was so worried for months about how people would feel that I didnt give myself enough credit to believe in my self. I believe Im getting stronger everyday...

MiaVictoria: Its weird, I always felt all kinds of emotions when i saw him. The love thats still there but then I would get angry because of him chosing to side with his friends, anxious because I dont know where our path may lead us, just always a whirlwind of emotions. And hurt because I feel like I was forced to let something go that I know was still there....It wasnt like a OMG I see him!!!! because there is always drama behind it, and people expect me to act a certain way and i dont give in to that. Im beyond  looking at him as on a pedastool but I just cant shake the fact that theres more between us. Him and his friends are REALLY immature. If you dont like the way they think they kick you out their circle like kids. And will try to convince other people that your no good either. There's nothing different because anytime that my ex was mad when we were younger, he would throw the same hissy fit. He would talk about whoever or whatever (ive been in this wrath) and then when he wasnt mad anymore would pretend like nothing happened and talk to the person like it was yesterday. I think I attracted the breakup because I always did say in the end I wish he would growup so we can get back to our relationship. and i guess my wish was my command :/.

[tereza]

Sailorsalem, my first thought was that this guy is really connected to his friends and values them like he would family.  So when I read this:

Theres two parts to him. the wonderful guy who I could talk to, funny, relate to and then the other guy who listens to his friends and doubts himself thus doubting us.

I kind of think perhaps that may be part of the problem? That you view his friends as a separate part of him, when in reality they're part of the package. It's like the other members on here who have problems with their SO's parents. They want to be with the person they love, but unfortunately the parents don't like them and this causes friction in the relationship.  Maybe, what you could do to help this situation is forgive his friends for the hurt they've caused you and try to focus/visualize them being more accepting of you?  I kind of think they're just trying to protect their friend because well...you really stir up quite a bit of emotion in him (as evidenced by the way he's been acting).

Him and his friends are REALLY immature. If you dont like the way they think they kick you out their circle like kids. And will try to convince other people that your no good either. There's nothing different because anytime that my ex was mad when we were younger, he would throw the same hissy fit. He would talk about whoever or whatever (ive been in this wrath) and then when he wasnt mad anymore would pretend like nothing happened and talk to the person like it was yesterday. I think I attracted the breakup because I always did say in the end I wish he would growup so we can get back to our relationship. and i guess my wish was my command :/.

My mom and my sister have a similar way of "apologizing"....pretend like nothing happened. So I find it's just better to let them know when they're upsetting me and get all in it. Usually, when they come back later pretending like nothing has happened they do little things to show that they understood what I was upset about.

I think I attracted the breakup because I always did say in the end I wish he would growup so we can get back to our relationship. and i guess my wish was my command :/.

That isn't necessarily a bad thing.
There was a reason you ended things and I think that it was good that you stood up for yourself.  Also, I kind of think that eventually he'll realize that he isn't punishing you, he's punishing himself. It seems like he's really torturing himself.

[Shrikanya]

Hi SailorSalem,

Somehow, I feel that you are on the verge of beginning a new journey of personal growth. I think that the universe is conspiring so that you get what you deserve( Having friends and relationships who would support you in your growth).

I can just say that do not hold on to anything. It gives us more pain. Let it go. Once you come in terms with yourself, you will be happy.

Take care

Best Regards,
Shrikanya

[Sailorsalem]

Tereza: your right they took him under their wing four years ago and hes been protective by them every since. The thing is although i really did or do want him in my life, I dont want them. And I dont know if i can have both so I rather give up and let it go. They have lied against me which caused us to break up in the first place, called me out of my name, have made other people judge me. Invited me to their show in June and then lied and said I popped up. Said that i created a fake fb page to talk to him, i would never do such a thing. Just too much. Everytime I said okay im going to move pass this theyve done something else. It makes me have tears in my eyes becuz once upon a time I was really close with them too. It took me a long time to realize but i love him but i have to love me more. While we were together they would say how stupid he was and how immature he was and really the only reason sometimes they kept him is because he played so good. I didnt want him to believe that i was starting mess so I never told him exactly what they said, only i said he needed to evauate his friends. Well he did and chose to believe them. While he was in jail they quickly got a replacement for the show, they had another member a couple months before got hurt and they cancelled all the shows to show support.. It just doesnt make since to me where his heart
 lies.... Your right i think he punishes himself cuz he believes he deserves that...
Shirkanya: thank you I starting to think that true.

[Shrikanya]

Hey SailorSalem,

Please don't feel sorry for him and don't hold yourself guilty. You can just thank him and his friends that they have at least shown you what you don't want in life. This will help you decide for yourself who or what you want in life.

I am reading a book "Manual of the warrior of light"

A warrior of light does not keep company of those who wish to harm him. Nor is he seen in the company of those who want to 'console' him.

He avoids anyone who is only by his side in the event of a defeat: these false friends want to prove that weakness is rewarded. They always bring him bad news. They always try to destroy the warrior's confidence, all under the cloak of 'solidarity'.

When they see him wounded, they dissolve in tears, but in their hearts, they are happy because the warrior has lost a battle. They do not understand that this is a part of the fight.

The true companions of a warrior are besides him always during the difficult times and the easy times.

May be this will help you get over the current state of affairs. You just have to thank him and his friends and let it go and let universe do the rest. Life is wonderful and world is full of wonderful people. Let them find you.

But under no condition, hold grudge against him or his friends. This is LOA forum and we are all going to help you get a more fulfilling life with law of attraction. Meditation may help you shift your focus to the better things.

Let us know how the things turn up. I am sure we will soon hear good news from your end.

Best Regards,
Shrikanya

[MiaVictoria]

Sailor, your "wish" may just have saved you.  I'm sure this guy and his friends have some sort of redeeming qualities or you wouldn't have been attracted to him in the first place.  Only you know who they really are (meaning their identities).  LoA was at work...was it possible at the time that you were vibrating the same? (and this is painful because a new journey may not include him) 

The sadness in this is they hold hostage some sort of vulnerability in you and in a way, they use it against you.  There seems to be so much strife with this man and it pains you to think he's being influenced by those friends.  If he is an adult, it's not his friends.  It is such a good possibility this is who he really is and he may be hiding behind his friends.  Look at his past relationships, how he acts on FB.  Does he say one thing and act another way?  In times of vulnerability or needing love, we've all made the mistake of creating an image and attaching it to someone when in reality, they aren't that image at all.  They are someone else entirely, someone that we would not want on a day to day basis.  Your list of things they've done to you is cruel and toxic.  Their immature high school antics take away your goodness, your positive energy.   

I am sorry you experienced that but Shrikanya put it perfectly:

Hey SailorSalem,

Please don't feel sorry for him and don't hold yourself guilty. You can just thank him and his friends that they have at least shown you what you don't want in life. This will help you decide for yourself who or what you want in life.

May be this will help you get over the current state of affairs. You just have to thank him and his friends and let it go and let universe do the rest. Life is wonderful and world is full of wonderful people. Let them find you.

Also as Shrikanya mentioned, do not hold a grudge against them but you are not their avenger.  They are truly responsible for how they act and choose to live their lives and treat others.  Don't wait for him to change either.  You mentioned that your guy has acted this way for years.  Chances are this is who he's going to be for a long time if not forever.  We can say that they are all unhappy and that's why they do what they do but problem is, they don't know it and may not even care. 

Please keep going, get past this train wreck, you are evolving.  The Universe has brought this to your attention to make you see this situation for what it really is. 

[lashark]

 Giving up on the negativity and resistance is letting go, giving up on your desire is not letting go.

When you say no to something you are really saying yes to it, by acknowledging it and keeping its vibration active in your life by disliking it, you are giving it more power by paying attention to it even if its attention of dislike.

Those friends of his arent the ones that made you feel bad, you allowed yourself to feel baad due to not accepting who they are as people. By wanting them to act a certain way you gave away your happiness and love to conditions and they will never get you anything but heartache beacause conditions change constantly.

Learn to love him and them unconditionally, by loving yourself FIRST unconditionally. 

[Sailorsalem]

Shirkanya that was a lovely poem that lifeted up my spirts alot .


Thank you all for your advice. It really make me analyze all the questions I have asked myself several times before. I did at one time match their vibrations but even though I dont feel sorry the him, I do feel responsible how our relationship was.

 three years ago we had a fun loving compassonate relationship. We talked about life, God, was always goofing around, he was always willing to listen,  and we had plans to marry. Then after being stressed out and alot going on, I found out I was pregnant by me having a miscarriage. I was devesated but was so worried about how everyone would feel, my silly self decided to push everyone, my parents, bestfriend, and him away... He couldnt understand why I became so mean but I felt sooo gulity one being afraid to tell him and what had happened. I know it wasnt my fault but I did alot of shouldve couldve wouldve in my head. By then he left me because my behavior had been so bad so 6 months after the fact I told him what happened. He was pissed off and devasated because I couldnt trust him enough to tell him and he figured if I held that info, that I would hold anything... I cried for months was devastated. He had just started being in that band and found solace in hanging out with him. Ironically the same person who I had a fight with since I became close to his wife has decided to befriend me. It was weird we didnt talk for a whole year but unlike this time I was invited to their events their shows. He was so mean. I knew nothing of loa but I decided a couple months later that I had to move on and make myself happy. I became happy at my job started working out, and I guess put myself in a better state of mind. Once I finally let go of all the hurt and pain I felt towards him. I prayed for him and sent him my love and months later he came back!!!! I was so happy. So last year everything was good until I started to doubt again. I kept saying what if he never trusts me again? What if our relationship is never the same? And months later of doubting bing bam boom. This stuff happened... I prayed to God this morning to help me forgive them. I really dont want to hold anything against them. As for my ex I been sending him love almost every night for two weeks because before the chaos of last I actually had hopes of us one day getting together.

 Your right he is an adult and he making these choices. It may be who he

       but I pray thats not who hes become not for me but for himself. I will
always love and I guess I decided to give up because i keep getting that since hes friends with them and hes so hurt I should give up cuz he moved on thus I should too. I would never get with him. I look at the peoples stories on here and they give me hope. Even though he Wasnt the one who told the other people who were at the party, i do feel like hes linked to them right now so he might feel that way too.  I dont hate them im just hurt of all the pain theyve sent me.

[MiaVictoria]

Oh Sailor, honey, I know...I am out with friends now...will PM u tomorrow.

[ToMeAndOnlyMe]

Life is always changing Sailor, our good and bad experiences make us who we are. There are many things that we can't control in the world, but we can control ourselves.

The miscarriage, I can't even imagine how hurtful that must have been.

It's a day by day thing, the more we practice, the better things get. As everyone on this thread has stated, you're on a new path to better things and you deserve it.