Not coping very well

[OmAumOm]

Hey guys, I hope you're all doing well. Kind of in need of a venting session, it's easier for me to put it out here where I can get feedback instead of in my diary where I just mull it over in my head.

This is killing me. I just want to forget about him. I spent like two months trying to get him back, and it just prolonged the pain. I couldn't give up. I've faced that we're never going to get back together - I don't want to. You know, I still love him, but it hurts way too much. I couldn't trust him like that again. It hurts coming to that realisation. It hurts knowing he is happy with someone else.

I feel like I can't do certain things because of him. Like it hindered me. I was invited to this gathering and him and his new gf were invited to, I wanted to go but I couldn't face them. My ex and I ended on good terms then he realised it'd be better if we weren't friends for the meantime, because I need to get over it. It's like he always has the say, he always has the power. He was the one who ended the relationship, the one who chose to be with the other girl, the one who chose not to be friends now. I want to be friends with him in the future... I think. The no contact thing is good though because I need to get over him, I want to get over him so badly. Talking to him would just prolong the pain. I want to not think about him and just... not have it hurt me any longer. I'm angry. I feel rejected and worthless.

I commend all of you guys for keeping the faith in getting your ex back. I know how goddamn hard it is. You're all amazing, incredible, strong people.

To be totally honest, part of me still wants him back. But I think that part is just the part that longs for the comfort of having a romantic partner. I just couldn't get back with him, not with how things went. Deep down I know for sure there's a better guy out there for me. It hurts all the same though. It's almost been three months... and I still have down days.

Tonight I felt particularly bad. It feels like it's a lot fresher than it was. Like the wound is fresh.
Part of me wants to go to his house and smash all his windows, and part of me wants to go to his house and hug him. You know the feeling.... urgh.

In my head I know I shouldn't be hung up about some tosser who wasn't there for me... "if you're dumb enough to leave, I'm smart enough to let you go"... even though he was tactless about the whole thing, it's proving hard to get over him, I just wanna erase him from my memory.......

[tereza]

Om,

Instead of viewing it as if you couldn't go to the party, view it as you CHOSE not to go. It's much more empowering and it's the truth. Personally, I would've done the same thing as I was in a similar situation a few years ago, except I went to the parties. I got to see him make-out with his girlfriend multiple times, while my friends would talk trash about the girl and give me pitying looks. It was not fun. I felt a lot better when I stopped hanging around that group of people.

Also, he doesn't have the last say (he doesn't have any say over your life actually).  You can also choose to not be friends too.  You have the ability to block him on instant messenger, defriend him on facebook and delete his number on your phone. Basically, you can say, that he can't come back whenever he wants to and he can't have access to the details of your life anymore.

Maybe that sounds petty, but if you want to get over him, that's a good way to start. It's also a good way to start reclaiming your power because you're turning the focus back on you.

Anyway, you might want to read (or re-read if you've already seen it) the DNS guide to getting your ex back. I know you said you don't want to attract him back, but the advice in there is also great for moving on.

[ToMeAndOnlyMe]

What makes you strong, happy and at peace? What stimulates your mind? What have you always wanted to try? Really ask yourself these before you even think about your ex at all.

You are at a great time in your life where you can experience new things that you have always wanted to do.

Life is a gift. Yes, we mourn the loss of friends along the way. However, we have to remember that we have to put ourselves first because we know how to take care of ourselves better than others.

It's when we get ourselves together that our vibrations show more and we are able to attract more. Our minds are clearer on what we want to attract as well.

[arminhul]

OmAumOm

I know exactly what you are going through. I also felt like she had all the power, I was a rejected old furniture. I don't anymore. Time does heal all wounds.

We are not superhumans. We only human just like you. It can seem overwhelming, impossible but you will be happy as hell again.

Stay away from him, no phone, no facebook, no chat. Curiosity will kill you. Trust me I know. You are better off not knowing. Block him if you have too. Stay away from the computer or phone I would say. You need to heal.

You will feel much more positive then, because you wont have to see him going crazy over her on facebook because of which you will be better able to keep a positive frame of mind and hence you vibration will be a happy one.


 

[yolo7]

What everyone is saying is true. YOU chose not to go..not him! And arminhul is right. You need to completely cut off all contact with him. It's the only way you can heal and move forward. You have to do what's best for yourself . It will take time, just like arminhul said, time heals all wounds.. it's something Ive always heard. This won't be easy.. but it doesn't mean you won't get through this. You are a lot stronger person than you may think sometimes and you have a great support system in your life, including the people on this forum.

Once you cut him out of you life and slowly move forward with yourself and your amazing life that's coming your way, you will see everything will fall into place just the way you want them to. Believe in yourself! No one's expecting you to snap of out this right away .. your human.. the way you feel is normal but remind yourself that this is just for a moment and you'll come out this  I've been in a similar situation before.. I literally had no contact with my guy.. he cut me off completely. so  I had no choice but to move forward with myself and pick myself up day by day..  then i started making goals (this is before I discovered LoA) and those goals became reality because I knew in my heart they would happen and and they did and they brought me pure happiness.. and literally everything else in my life fell into place perfectly.. even having contact with my guy again within a matter of 3 weeks after he cut me off. ( which I didn't forget but more so let go and believe one day we will meet again)

So have your moments but just don't fall too deep into them. I know it's hard at times, trust me.. but take it day by day. You have such an amazing and happy life ahead of you.. know that! 

Much Love! xx

[adamzyzz@yahoo.co.uk]

keep positive

[57angel]

I can really understand how is it to feel being in your situation right now for I was dumped and was told by my ex that his heart is already close for me! It was indeed so terrible, but just few days after I wished to become a better, happier me – the movie The Secret landed in my hands! And the rest was history – but becoming a better and happier Grace is my reality!

It is good that you are here in the forum, keep coming here! We are all packed here with very positive and loving people who are always ready to share love and inspirations! In the past 16 months, everyone here in the forum never stopped inspiring me!

Start working inwards, taking responsibilities of your actions and feelings. Definitely, we cannot change anyone around us, but we can sure do change our feelings towards others and the situations. First and foremost, forgive yourself for your choices, and love yourself more. When you do love yourself more, you will learn to choose which feeling you can accept, which feeling you need to ignore, just like when we show love to others – we would always give our best, and there is no reason that we will not love ourselves by giving only the best. In my case, it took me months but I didn’t regret anything for the time I spent with all my baby steps – for I am now reaping the fruits of my efforts to become a better and happier me.

You really need to forgive him as well, for when you do, you are not giving a favor to him but you are giving yourself a very precious gift to feel better and move on. Choose to forgive him, decide to forgive him. You can do all the LOA things taught here – affirmations, gratitude, meditations, EFT, Subliminal Blaster, Sedona Method, among others. These worked for me, and am so sure this will work for you too. It may not worked for you in an instant, but I am so sure that it will. Keep the patience, it will surely get you to where you want to be.

Commit to yourself now – to completely forgive, accept and love yourself! Do everything and anything that you can that you do love yourself. Believe without any shadow of doubt that you deserve only the best in love and in life! 

[OmAumOm]

Thank you all so much guys  all your posts made me smile, you're all such wonderful people. I think the main reason I was attracted to this forum in the first place was because it's what I needed at the time - positivity, uplifting posts to read, and giving/receiving encouragement. Even though I came here to attract my ex back, this board made me realise that in the end I didn't want my ex back - I just wanted to be happy again. I think part of my depression was caused by being in a relationship and being open and vulnerable, which scared me, I still have a lot of negative beliefs about relationships to work through (mainly from my mums and dads broken marriage) and in the end once I fell into that vulbernability, I got worse and I got clingy, at least now I can reflect on what happened with a clear mind and take what I've learned from that relationship into future relationships.

I've unsubscribed to him and the girl on facebook and I absolutely do not check their profiles, I wouldn't do that to myself. I know from experience that would make things a lot worse and bring me back to square one. I've also deleted his number and any pictures of him that I had, and hidden gifts and all of that. I'm not sure if we ended on good terms - we did at first when we tried to be friends, then it went a bit rough and that's when he said we shouldn't talk/see each other for awhile. I hope that in the future we can be friends, but first I need to work through everything and get myself together. I'm going to start doing affirmations again, but not focused on him at all (I'd do them when I wanted him back) now it will be completely focused around me, my goals and becoming a happier and stronger person. This whole experience has made me a lot stronger, and I'm proud of myself for how I've handled everything. To be honest, him breaking up with me was one of the best things that's ever happened to me because I was in such a bad place, I was self harming, severely depressed and crying all the time. I don't blame him for leaving because it's really hard to be with someone like that. Him breaking up with me forced me to have a good look at myself, attracted me to these boards and brought me closer to my mother and friends. Also, it means I can go out and flirt with any guy and I can lap up the attention I get

I'm so grateful for all of you guys on here, and my friends and family. After the break up, my friends weren't exactly 'there for me' because everyone was involved with exams (and I was acting like I was fine), but now that it's all over they've helped me through it a lot and genuinely tell me that I deserve better - not that he's a bad person, I just mean someone better for me. The main part that hurts is feeling rejected and feeling replaced.

Thanks all so much for your advice, I appreciate it immensely. Merry christmas and much love to you all xxxx

[OmAumOm]

The strange thing is, because when we were together we formed a group of friends, and now that we've broken up he still talks to our friends/hangs out with them and it seems strange so me. Like they were my friends first, and he's continuing friendships with them when we're not in contact. I'm glad he's staying friends with them, but it's just weird for me in this situation... hanging out with some of my best friends... I suppose it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable.

He said he still wants to be friends, but not right now. Do you think we even ever could be friends? I mean, we'd only really be able to be friends once I stop having feelings for him completely and completely move on, right? So I suppose I have to wait things out, wait a few months, get on with my life and deal with him still being in contact with my circle but not with me...? I just hope he doesn't hold any spite towards me or dislike me, I just don't want there to be any tension between us, I guess that will clear out once I completely get over him?

Also, it's not like it's going to take six months for me to get over him. It's already been three months and I've realised we're not right for each other, so I've taken big steps to totally getting over him. And the no contact thing seems to be the biggest helper in getting over people... it's just a matter of time and it will get better.

I'm not sure when we'd start talking again, either. Like should I just wait for him to initiate it even when I'm over him, or should I make the contact once I know I have no more feelings for him?

I think I'm getting a bit too far ahead of myself and worrying, but I've never been in this situation so it's a bit confusing for me. Is anyone on here friends with their exes, and how did it work out in the end?

[Mariposa, (KnJ)]

I am friends with all my ex's except 2.  That's a lot of ex's.  And a couple of them I really, really liked and 2 of them are like my best guy friends now, they are just like family to me.  It works, you just have to set your intention of what you want and put out that friend vibe....they get it.  Most guys don't WANT bad feelings and the ones who do choose to feel that way, usually it's because they really loved you and their egos are bruised because you decided you didn't want them.  In both cases of the two that I don't talk to or they refuse to speak to me, it's because I dumped them and that isn't what they wanted.  I tried being friends with them but they wouldn't have it.....oh well, their loss! 

[OmAumOm]

We talked a tiny bit today, about a conflict, but we ended on merry xmas and such so we're on good terms. I do need this break though, even though I would like to talk to him, that would make things worse in the long run and the break will allow me to get over him, and then continue a friendship once my feelings for him are platonic. It's a bit strange having him still talk to my friends, and hard to get over someone if they're around close to your friendship group, but it's something I can handle.

I'm confident that we will be friends eventually. I'm now going to work on getting over him completely, forgiving him and the girl and whoever else involved, and becoming happy and confident in my life. I was really angry about it last night and this morning, I felt very victimized in the whole situation because I was treated like sh*t throughout it. Holding grudges doesn't do you any good though so that's why I need to let go. This whole experiences has made me stronger and I've learned a lot about myself. There's a long way to go, but I will get there in the end. I'm just glad we're on good terms for now, and that he doesn't hold any resentment against me because I'd hate it to become a big drama.

I was treated badly after we broke up, the way he moved on so fast and certain people who were involved (I won't go into it because there's no point), they all did things that REALLY hurt me - even though it wasn't intentional but they knew what they were doing was horrible to me but did it anyway. I guess people are selfish, and do silly things, that's life. I'm actually really proud of how I've handled all of this, it's been extremely hard and I've had a lot of opportunities to snap at people or get bitchy or create a big drama about it, but I didn't. I've taken it all in my stride and am healing myself. You know, I would like a sincere apology from him or others involved but eh. I don't think they realised how much it all affected me. I've come out stronger though, so it's alright.
It still does bother me, I feel like I've been emotionally cheated on and all the things he said were lies (though at the time he meant it). But... I will forgive him. I will get over him. I'll be complete about it all one day and will grow from all of this.

I hope you all have a fantastic Christmas and happy new year!!!

[addice]

Keep on keeping on, let go for now, and the new one will be coming!