Thankyou both for your replies, we have been NC now for just over a month (which feels a long time, but in reality i know is hardly anytime at all), and although I am sorry for my actions I know that if I hadn't had my 'freak out' I would still be where I had been for months, still in contact but in limbo. So in a way I feel this needed to happen to give me lack of any other option but NC which in turn is helping me to heal and also to improve myself as a person and learn. I do believe that if it hadnt happened, I wouldnt be here today learning about LOA and bettering myself and my life in general, so I am grateful that it has brought me this wonderful opportunity.
I have sent her loving thoughts on a couple of occaisons and it felt very powerful. I have also been using positive affirmations that she has forgiven me, and also that I have forgiven myself for my actions.
I will continue as I am currently, which is NC and letting go step by step. The universe knows she is who I want, but the universe also knows what is best for me, so I will trust