New developments

[arminhul]

I wrote a mail to her and her boyfriend. It was mail with a bit of venting, telling them both the hell they caused me, but also saying I am glad it happened. And thanking them for the good it did to me. I forgave them and myself too for feeling hatred towards them. It was a polite mail. Not disrespectful at all. I wished them a happy new year.

She replied and then after a few hours sent another mail saying she is pained at the hurt she did to me. That she spoke harshly because she had no answers to my question and still does not have and that is why she avoids me because it disturbs her.

I relied back today saying pretty much that I dont believe it. If she was really pained to hurt me she would not continue to behave the way she is, that actions speak louder than words and  her words and actions definitely dont match. I was not harsh I was polite and as nice I could be without being on the backfoot.

The boyfriend did not even reply. That was impolite. I mean what is the big deal in just wishing happy new year. It just gave me another reason to think that he is not a nice guy. I mean I had to do the forgiving not him. It is hard to wish well to someone who causes us pain.

Anyway I am detached. I am absolutely free of her. But seeing that she was compelled to sent two mails to me sounds like she is a but confused. I dont want to get my hopes high and I have managed not too to. A part of me still likes to think that she is innocent and a nice girl. But a friend said that her reply is simply her saying she is not responsible for anything. I feel he is right. Her actions really don't match up.

While we were chatting before i sent her the mail we got into a fight. She said she did not answer the phone because her family is nearby. But I think it is <<word Removed>> and told her so. And she blocked me.

I removed her from facebook friends. Not as revenge but just to show I can too. I told her in the mail that I am doing it and if she wants to be friends she must try to be one, also that I dont think she will and I dont care if she does too.

I had sent my initial mail to her and boyfriend after she had blocked me. But when she replied saying she is pained by hurting me I was blocked then too. That tells me her reply was a sham to salvage some dignity like my friend said.

I hope I did the right thing by telling her not to <<Word removed>> me(politely of course).

I had also met a guy who studies in her college yesterday and he knows her. I did not ask him about her. I have a feeling that everytime I am going away something happens which somehow shows that something is still left in her heart. And I met the guy from her college too. Are these signs? I dont know.

But I am happy on my own. And I still believe that she will come to me.  I dont spend the day thinking about it though.

SO what you guys think is happening and has happened to me?

[Mariposa, (KnJ)]

I'm sorry, but this is going to be the case of you getting back exactly what you put out there so I am calling you on it....



Detached? 

You are so far from detached it's ridiculous!! 

A detached person puts their intention out, and trusts it will work out.....they DO NOT send bizarre emails out to people chastizing them and then......WISHING THEM A HAPPY NEW YEAR!! 

They do not expect to hear back from some person who they were NEVER INVOLVED WITH and then get pissed when that person doesn't reply......of course he didn't reply.......What happened between you and your ex is between you and does NOT INVOLVE him!! 

You were obviously sending this letter for a reaction (which is manipulative in of itself) and then when you didn't get the reaction you wanted you got pissed!! 


What you did here, in my opinion was really immature and although I am glad you are putting it out there by telling us about it, I for one can not pat you on the back because this is NOT how to use LOA. 

Sorry, I know this isn't what you want to hear and it will probably piss you off but you are already pissed off and were when you sent it so it really doesn't change that at all.

Forgive them.....REALLY FORGIVE THEM BOTH!  Decide what you really do want and focus on that and stop putting negative energy out there and making matters worse for yourself.

Thanks!! 

ps....being polite about it.....still doesn't change the fact that you did this out of anger and to get some sort of reaction out of her and him!!  Oh and by the way, ultimatums RARELY, IF EVER work out. 

[2thetop]

ya i gotta say i agree with a lot of what mariposa said.  what was your real intention of sending him an email?  it really has nothing to do with him.  and to be honest, when it comes to forgiveness.  if you havent figured this out yet, then maybe me saying it will help you.  when it comes down to it, theres only really one person you need to find forgiveness for and thats you.  Why?  because you brought this all on yourself, just like all of us did.  what i see here is the law of attraction at work. 

Look, its obvious you arent detached.  If you were you would have had no need to send her anything.  why is this happening and what is happening.  well youre gonna have to look inside and be honest to answer that.  anyone here can tell you what they think.  your true motives and your true feelings are for you to decipher and work with.
 
Can you get her back? yes you can.  are those signs? thats up to you to figure out.  she still has feelings, and yes it sounds like shes confused.  however doing stuff like emailing her bf isnt gonna help you.  let her go and walk away for your sanity.  send her love and nothing else.  think happy thoughts about her and you and just let the rest be worked out.
 
hope that helped you a bit.   

[57angel]

I agree with Mariposa and 2dtop, Arminhul! You did that out of hatred, out of the intention to get even. Do you think it will give her the reasons to regret that she let you go? From LOA, everything that you give will be given back to you - a thousand times! Since you already did that, forgive yourself. Focus on "letting go" of the negative feelings out from your system, you don't need that! The longer you will let it stay within you, the longer you will be eaten up and thus, hinder you from being happy and getting everything that your heart desires!

[arminhul]

Thank you. But let me explain.

I was angry yes. I called to wish her. I was feeling a bit I don't know what, missing her because it was a new year, whatever I called her. And she did not respond. She was online I gave a angry reponse to her and she blocked me. That made me angry. Why is it so hard for her to just be nice. Civil.

When I say I am detached, I mean I dont care what she thinks of me anymore. If she thinks well, she has enough reasons too, if she think bad well she is giving excuses to herself. I had not said or done anything since she left, I had been as dignified in my behaviour towards her as I possibly could. I was a wreck but dignified. I also don't obsessively think about her and hatch plans to get her back or day dream about us being together. I do not.

But that day I felt like telling her and him. I have had enough. I am not being self righteous. I had no wrong intentions. If it is finished why behave like that. About getting even? A mail cant get me even.

I have felt a desire for revenge. I wanted to beat that guy up. I could have done it too but I did not do it, because I do not like feeling like that. It is so very negative, it is a sign of weakness and I am determined to not be weak. Also I thought she probably loves him so at least for her sake I shouldn't do it. I did not.

About him not replying I am neither surprised not  pissed. In fact I am happy he did not. It says a lot about him. Wishing someone well who caused us pain is hard. I did not do it to show off. I did it to end resentments. I felt actually telling them that will help me and it has. Of course your reponses here took a bit of that feeling away. But honestly I still do not think I did anything wrong.

What I wrote in the mail was not to chastise them. I did get a bit carried away though. I said how horrible I had become. Why would I want to show them how weak I was? For sympathy. Of course not. I did it to let go. I did not want to keep all the that I had suppressed inside. I let it out.

I did play one trick though, I mailed them both to make sure they will read it.

Considering what I have been through, is this one act so wrong on my part? Am I not allowed to slip even once. To be angry and show it even once. I am only human. She can't treat me like that, she should know enough is enough. Just because I am kind, does not mean it is an invitation to come f*** me again.

I do not doubt LOA. I do not doubt that what I want I will get. I don't think about the how. If I feel like it, I only visualize what I want. That is it.

I welcome you comments, positive or negative, please feel absolutely free to say what you think.

[irishgirl69]

Well, right now you're obviously not going to see where you went wrong here.  Hopefully you will at some point.

There is a lot of value in getting your feelings out in writing.  But I think you would have felt the same relief, and possible even more, had you simply written the letters but not sent them. 

[2thetop]

ok i will be completely honest then.........who the hell are you trying to fool?  cause you arent fooling me.  you emailed her to tell her how bad things were for sympathy.  you did it in hopes she would feel bad and contact you and you could work from there.  you mailed him because you were mad, i dont doubt you had some good intention in there, but what i have no clue.  theres no point in emailing him.  she blocked you for a reason.  accept it.  if you were truley detached, you would have never emailed her or him.  you would stop bsin yourself about it and move on.  look man its cool to not be detached, it doesnt mean anything besides you need more time.  its clear in your first post it annoys you that he didnt respond.  why the hell would he.  to be honest that just made you look like a royal p****.(...i will only star that out due to the women here, if it offended anyone i do apologize.)

man my girl started talking to someone the day after we broke up, which ya she musta been talkin to him before.  do i want to whoop his ass.  not really, its not his problem and he has nothing to do with anything.  he is a byproduct of my thoughts and beliefs at the time.  just as he will soon be again if he isnt already.  either way not my issue what or who she does.  honestly she could be screwing 10 guys right now and its just not my issue.  if i saw it or knew it for sure, i would only be hurt because she is only hurting herself. 

look, dont bother with her.  if you are detached then you have no reason to carry on with any of this.  in fact your response to this should be the last of it, if you decide to respond.  unfortunately i can feel the negativity in your posts and the frustration comes through loud and clear.  if i can pick up, better believe your ass she can too(and without saying a damn thing to her).  get over all the negative feelings towards either of em.  heres something to help you out..............ITS ALL YOUR FAULT.  so be mad at yourself and then get over that too.  she has no reason to contact you and wont until you relieve yourself of the negativity.

now.  since i beat you up here.  i do just wanna say.  yes you are allowed to screw up.  more then once even.  we all have.  and im sure that im not done with the screwing up.  but the thing is, if you screw up you gotta fess up to it.  not partially, but fully.  intentions behind it and everything.  you dont need to do it here.  you need to do it in your head.  i know where youre at.  ive been there.  hell i still have my days where i miss the shit outta her.  you think i didnt want to call her on new years?  you think im not sitting here wondering if i should atleast text her on her bd at the end of the month?  the whole thing is, what are the motivations?  you really gotta look at that.  new years i missed her, so i didnt bother.  her birthday is more of just because its a special day to her and even though she may ignore me, im sure she would like to know shes being thought of.  but i personally dont even know if i should do that.  only time will tell.

good luck man.  i hope that wasnt too harsh.  i do want nothing but the best for everyone.  ive gotten my ass rippings like this too.  and man, if you end up facing the facts, and it sucks, and you are mad at yourself and anger, then thats cool.  even if its towards them.  just dont react off of it and just let it work itself through.  its hard, its painful at times, but damn is it rewarding when you get through the storm.

many blessings to you.

[I AM LOVE!]

arminhul...

I agree with people out here..You are just trying to fool yourself and everyone else including her and her bf.

Accept that you did this to only get a reaction out of both and frankly speaking if her bf did not reply to you..I think he acted in a much dignified way than what you did.From your previous posts its very clear that you still have lot way to go.You are not even close to forgiveness.If you loved her if you truly truly ever loved her you would have not done this in the first place.You are full of revenge and sorry to say but politeness is not even close.Atleast I did not feel it anytime by reading what you wrote.

You have always wanted this girl to come and ask for forgiveness from you for what she did.You have written here plenty of times..However I dont even see whats her fault in this entire episode if she fell out of love with you.You have attracted this in your life and she has attracted him (whether its good/bad) in her life.Listen I am gonna be very straight forward with you..I have never witten you this but today I need to tell you this.All your actions/words remind me of my previous bf whom I left offcourse to move with the other guy.And frankly speaking I have not even once regretted my decison.All his hatred (mails/phone calls) made him drift away further from me and you know what I dont even think f him now not even out of sympathy..Infact I am always grateful for leaving that jerk who cant even control his anger.I am not saying he was a bad guy but what he did has closed my mind/heart forever for him.

I am not telling you this to say that your gal is feeling the same.However my only point is to tell that acting out of manipulation is DOING A BIG HARM TO YOURSELF and no one else.

STOP FOOLING YOURSELF AND AT THE LEAST STOP JUSTIFYING YOUR WRONG ACTIONS..its ok to dip once a while..we all have done this and we all are allowed to do that BUT AT LEAST ACCEPT THAT IT WAS NOT LOA AND IT WILL ONLY HARM YOU IN THE LONG RUN.Open your eyes MAN!

P.S : It was all <<<Politely>>>

[arminhul]

Thanks Bal, I really understood now what the others have been trying to tell me. The PS made understand it.

Now i feel bad. Its like all the work I had done is gone, i am back to square one. i have again started thinking about her. i am again missing her. I am alright as long as I am at work but when i am free I am thinking of her.

I was really believing I had moved on. Now what do i do?

Why did she avoid me on her birthday and on new year. I had already stopped calling her like crazy before that. Why? I did not react on her birthday. But this year it was too much. I was angry.

I have become happy. If she had not behaved like that I would not be angry. If she has no feelings, nothing left for me why still behave like that. I am sitting here at work writing this. Why cant she be civil. Is she really guilty or it is really she does not care at all about me. I no longer know what to think. I want to believe she is nice but her behaviour towards me specifically, is avoiding me or bad or harsh.

What do i do? God why do I still love her, why do i miss her again?

I keep seeing her name or hearing her name. Why?

[I AM LOVE!]

Arminhul

Realizing your actions (good/bad) is the first step to moving to a better place.
I know how it feels when we do all the good work and suddenly we dip.It feels liek all te effort we have put in go waste..but this is not the case.Have you read the post made by To the Top "Plant the seeds and let it grow"??Its bookmarked in the Relationship section in the topic where Tereza has collated all the info together.Read it and you shall understand what I am trying to potray.Also there is one topic posted by Tins on similar lines the title of which read "For all of us"..Can you get a hold of these??

[irishgirl69]

Well, for one thing you are making her responsible for your feelings and actions and that's unfair.  Only you are responsible for those.  You need to take responsibility for your own life and stop putting the basis your happiness on other people.  When you do that, people's actions will not affect you so strongly that you can't control the urge to act as you did.

[irishgirl69]

Immediately after writing my post above, I found this.  I thought it was insightful.

http://positive-thoughts.typepad.com/positive-thoughts/2012/01/hhappiness-comes-from-inside-if-we-look-for-it-outside-we-dont-find-it.html

[Rain Raquib]

ohh no... i can feel how u r feeling now...

Please try to understand... if u r in sadness.... u r attracting more sadness to you...
and u are running far from all the possibilities and opportunities of ur life...

If she is not nice with you... dont contact with her anymore...
coz every time u contact with her, ur heart breaks... thats bad

She did nt reply on her birthday and new year??? so what?? take it easy...
My love also did nt reply my msg on his birthday and on Eid day(Muslim festiv.)
But still i am happy and not angry with him at all...
it does not mean i dont love him anymore... YES i do love... but not angry at all...

Try to divert ur mind to something else...
Learn new languages and it's really fun (it worked for me)...
Watch lots of movies...
Study about history and discover unknown facts of the world...
Just do whatever u get interest...

Prove that it is HER who lost a person like YOU...
why should you miss her?? She should miss u someday...
Dont keep any anger for her... anger is harmful for ur health and mind...

Hope u will feel good soon...

[arminhul]

My obsessions have returned. I will have to do all work all over again. I feel lost. I am not exactly sad, but not feeling very good either. Why cant she be nice? Earlier I felt saddened when she behaved like this but this time I felt angry. I don't know if that is better or worse.

When I spoke of feeling like wanting revenge, I meant I felt it earlier. I have struggled against feeling like this since the very beginning, never wanting to give in to hatred. Now I feel the negativity building again.

"I lost not only my love but my best friend. This guy destroyed my friendship that she won't even talk to me anymore and I never did anything to deserve this from her." - This thought torments me. I don't want to feel this but I can't help feeling that this is true.

I want to forgive, I seriously do. And now I am confused if I really love her anymore. Is it pride that makes me want her. If I loved her I would not feel like this.

Its ironic. Earlier I was sure about where my heart was but no so much about what I want to do in life. Now I am sure of my aims and goals but I am not sure where my heart is anymore.

Rain, I do want to prove to her that she lost me. But again why should I prove anything to her.   I must do things for myself first. I love her and she knows it. Maybe that is why she can't face me even on the phone. But then why be so harsh.


Bal can you please tell me? Why she behaves like this? Trust me I have not been needy for a very long time. I don't bombard her with what she does not want. Why cant she be normal? She could not go without talking to me once. I would like to show the mail she sent to some of of guys? May I?

2thetop thanks a lot. I really like whatever you say. I have always wanted to be like that, think like that. I do it too. But then I get emotional.

Irishgirl, thanks for the link, it made me feel a little better.

This is not at all how I wanted to start this year. I planned, told the universe I wanted to have her back by my next birthday. That is in April.

I am very confused right now. I feel she still has feelings, somewhere something is still there, however little, not enough to get her to be with me, how to increase that feeling in her, why is she so reluctant to talk to me?

[2thetop]

arminhul.  i have read so many stories here from people, please excuse me that i dont remember you full story.  so if you posted responses to this already in a previous post Im sorry.  I have to ask you though.  I read in there that you didnt do anything to deserve this.  I would have to argue.  You did.  Because it happened.  There is no other explanation. 

Youre first step is to figure out what you did.  Put yourself in her shoes.  Think like her.  If you really love her, that wont be too hard.  The answers you find might be hard to face, but they will only help you.  When you find what you are looking for, you then have a decision to make.  Were those reasons good enough to have left you?  Are those things you wish to change about yourself or not?  You might find you like how you are and dont want to change.  In that case its time to walk away and let go completely.

Its hard as hell when you dont hear back.  So dont write, call or text for now.  There will come a time when you will feel strong enough to do it.  Right now theres too much desperation.  My girl walk out on me, agreed to continue the convo another day, and i never heard from her again.   I never got to say anything to her about how i felt.  So i know the frustration.  I tried to contact her several times and it got me no where.  Now i dont really bother.  I can look at her face book with out really stressing on if she is in a picture with a guy or not.  I just enjoy seeing her.  Everything about her lights my insides on fire. 

You need to understand one thing right now.  You dont NEED her.  You can survive with out her.  Her coming and going is a by product of YOUR thought process.  As you learn to change your thought process, you will learn that you dont need her and will be able to detach easier. 

you will be fine.  i dont see you as a slouch.  put in the work and you will reap the rewards.