Need to make a decision, need advice and massive encouragement

[arminhul]

Lots of new names here. So I dont think most of you here know my story. I will tell it in short.

I met a girl in college, I fell madly in love, I loved her, we were together for 3.5 years. Then she left me for someone else. The last year we were together it was long distance.

We broke up, she broke up with me now almost 10 months back. I have tried to get her back, been pathetic, been strong, gone back and forth over elation and desperation many times. Now I sometimes feel a tinge of missing her, I feel resentment towards her and also the other guy.

I feel resentment because of the things that guy had said to be, when I had tried to find out what was wrong, and because of the terrible things she had said to me. I am bitter.

I have tried very hard to leave such feelings but I have not completely been successful. Somedays I don't feel resentment only love for her, sometimes it drives me crazy. Because she talks to him and not to me at all and I dont deserve that.

A few days back I asked her for a project which we had done together while in college. I needed her to mail it to me. She said she cant because it is to big a file and told me to ask someone else. I asked her why she behaves so, she said you have not left anyone so you dont know how it is. Whatever the reason unpleasantness was not needed or proper. She should have sent the file to me, seeing how much we worked on it and I have every right to the file. She was selfish. SHe has enough bandwidth to upload tons of photos on facebook but not send a file which I need.

It made me feel sad and resentful.

This was the first relationship for both of us. I am trying to be brutally practical here. I am thankful for the good times we spent. This back and forth thing has happened long enough and I want to completely move on.

I feel I must completely cut her off. Remove her from friends on facebook primarily. Because I dont want to see her. It gives jolt to me to see her and anything related to that guy just makes me feel sad.

Should I remove her from friends on facebook? It is a big decision. Because it will mean I am cutting ties when she is not bothered to even keep ties.  But I am a hesitant to remove her  Because I still want her in life, I want to know news about her. But I know it is also stopping me from moving on.

But I need to have my life back completely. I am 90% back full happiness, 10% is the attachment and fear of letting go. What if I lose her? I know I dont have her but then thats how stupid love has made me.

I want to be absolutely unaffected by her. I want to get to the point where she can have sex with that guy, marry that guy but it will not affect me at all. But I love her. And want her with me. But I want to be open to other girls. I want a relationship. Because it seems to be the right thing for me as of now.

I dont want to resent. I want to reach total zen, peace.

Will it help my cause? I need some encouragement guys. Thank you.

[tina_attract]

I am so sorry for how you are feeling, but I strongly encourage you to cut her off! It is unhealthy for you to be checking up on her and you are only hurting a wound that has not yet healed over and over again. Once you cut her off, you will feel withdrawal symptoms, I guess is the best way to put it. But just keep affirming to yourself that everything will be okay, and even if it happens slowly, day by day you will get better.
Right now you are in a state of desperation. And the law of attraction is not going to give you that happy positive relationship that you want with her. Once you put the focus of your life on yourself, and do whatever you can to make yourself happy, you can make your wish to have her back in your life once again.
But don't become desperate or needy! Continue to heal and grow and do things that make you feel good, and when the time is right, the Universe will give you what you want. You will have her back but it won't be like before, because you will have that 'zen feeling' that you are talking about.
This will be quite a process, but the first step in my opinion is definitely no contact, because you'll finally stop concentrating on her, and put yourself first instead.

[MikeG]

Cut her off. If she's bringing you down, cut her off! Focus on yourself for a while, but don't let your desire for her drift away. Imagine you're in a happy relationship with her and make the most of your current life! Get those exams done, get your professional life in order and only when you're truly happy and at peace with your life and with the idea of your relationship with her, can you finally try to contact her in some way. Note that she might contact you aswell during this period. If she does it then you're already at peace.

[Scorpio]

Ok bro i feel you Ive been there had a horror movie BU last year,this girl ditched me in a similar way.I thoud this was the girl i will marry she said to me too,she even kind of proposed to me one night ..yes,thats right I said yes
After the BU i felt like nothing matters anymore you know it was hard i was walking-crying infrom of my family...

Now its been 10 months since this BU im complitly over this girl,and I dont even know what i found in her once,Im inlove again with a new girl,but foremost with myself-so whats the diference between you and me,bro?

You've been trow several phases after the BU,everything around was telling you that you should move on,but you neglected those signs and continiud to try-so what did you get in return,resentment,and now you hate 2 people-your ex and her bf.If somebody was trying to steal your girl from you you would react the same way as this guy.Your ex is in the wrong here only.

Here is what you do,give yourself a period to complitly forget,say to yourself from 1st april I will no longer think,or care about you.....(insert ex name here<------).Until that time,remember everything,the good,the bad,try to understand what YOU did wrong in the process of this relationship,that made it sour.Than reflect on your ex in what way did she mess up the previous relationship u had.
After your reflecting is done,and the time you've given to yourself has passed,close your eyes,bro,yes close em,close em right now,and see your ex standing infront of you,silent,expecting your final sentance.
When you see her tell her this:

,,Hi I've been thinking alot lately about how relationship turned out in the end,we both made some mistakes,but this is really a good thing becouse I've learned from mine,and I will be a better person for my next girl.So im not sad it turned out this way,Im happy,becouse I know and i feel that somewhere there is my girl,the girl that will make me feel that good-crazy,that lust,that pure unconditional love,and I am waiting for her now,as we speek!
Lastly I want you to know that I forgive you .......(you know what thats for<----)I wish you all the best.Bye,,(you can even make a joke you two had during the relationship if you wanna make her smile for the last time (devil)

After you have you little last chat with the girl from your previous relationship,its over,you're new,better,stronger,wiser and ready for the new girl,that will be the most perfect choice for you!
go buy some new clothes,get out there,meet there is 8 women for every 1 man on Earth so ask math and you know you wount get lonely.lol.Make a list what your new girl will be like,what cool stuff you're gonna do,how will you tease her,pick her up and turn her arround yourself,imagine how you will wisper in her years late at night even if she is already asleep,,I love you,thank you for loving me,,how you will hug her,how you will kiss her how will you...uhh i got to far already didnt I?!:D
And basicly be ready for her,becouse if you want her you will get her.hope this helps I know it helps im just pretending to be modest jeez

[Mariposa, (KnJ)]

What you have here is a classic case of indecision mostly brought on because you have expectations of her behaving a certain way although you are NOT her boyfriend anymore so any expectations are completely unwarranted. 

I understand that you are confused, you want her but you don't want her and because you haven't completely made up your mind you are getting even more confused and upset. 

Here's the thing, you don't LOVE her unconditionally because if you did......this stuff that she does, or doesn't do (your expectations) wouldn't matter in the least to you.  You would love her regardless and except her regardless unconditionally.

You would do whatever it took to stay in a place of allowing.  You wouldn't be concerned with her and some other guy.....you would just think of her in the now with you and you would be trying to manifest a more positive relationship with her.  You are nitpicking her apart with your expectations.  You are comparing yourself to her now boyfriend and thinking of them in ways that you shouldn't be thinking....ways that upset you and make you even more angry.

You have limiting beliefs here and a lot of unresolved anger issues that need to be dealt with! 

I get that you feel rejected and that you are pissed but those are YOUR feelings!! 

Regardless of what you think, you are so bitter that you are projecting those feelings outward and do you realize that she can feel that???  Hell, I can feel it myself and I am no where near you and never had a relationship with you!! 

If you want this girl back I suggest you NOT cut her off entirely, because you can't have a relationship with someone you never talk to.  But my suggestion to you is to back off and work on you and your limiting beliefs and get over your anger toward her. 

What are you angry for anyway?  Don't you know that the demise of your relationship was brought on by you??  You did this to yourself with your own thoughts and insecurities and now you are blaming her for it!! 

You made this YOUR reality and YOU are the ONLY person who can change that!! 

Get over your anger toward her, forgive her, forgive yourself......come to love yourself and her unconditionally again and then you will see the light.  Work on you!!  Don't worry about her, once you get yourself straightened around and change that negative angry energy back to a happy positive energy, she will feel it and you will be able to start again with her.......better than ever!! 

This is LOA.........Love is the only way, pure love for yourself and for others.  You must forgive, her and you!! 

[Mariposa, (KnJ)]

Oh yeah and another thing......

Isn't it strange that just 17 short days ago you wrote a post on the forum about being giddy because she "liked" something that you posted on FB?  You were all, she loves me.........

And now?  Now you are giving it up because you are pissed off and bitter with her because you aren't where you want to be with her and she isn't meeting YOUR expectations? 

So far, I haven't once heard or read anything about you looking within yourself and asking yourself how YOU contributed to this situation.  Only blame and bitterness about her leaving you, her dumping you for another guy.....

If this is the reality of the situation you are dealing with, I assure you.......you did this to yourself in some manner or another and that is the real issue that needs to be addressed.

You can't control her, but you CAN control yourself.  You can get your head screwed back on straight and stop with the pity party for yourself.....own your responsibility in this and fix what ever got you here. 

What ever you do you better be damn sure before you cut her out of your life because if you do, you may regret it because you are making that decision when you are not coming from a loving, forgiving or unconditionally loving place. 

Oh and if she REALLY cut you out of her life and if you didn't mean a thing to her, do you really think she would continue to be friends with you on FB???  Get real!!  This girl obviously still has feelings for you so why are you being such a "##%^&*^" to her?

[Mr Brightside]

I agree with Mariposa 100%, she knows her stuff. Nothing more i can add really, i can only say look at her 2 posts and you have the answer.

[dave40]

Hi, my name is David. I'm a doctor, I was in a relationship for 4 years and I encountered such a situation in the past when my woman decided to leave me because of some incompatibility issues, so I seek for advise from a friend who introduce me to a spell-caster that helped me get back my woman after 6 months of breakup...The spell-caster did A Lover Retrieval spell that really helped me to get back my woman, so right now we are happily married with two lovely kids..

For all those heart broken out there or those who want their ex back should in case you want the help of the spell-caster reply me...I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news plus he can also do different type of spells that you want… Just thought I should share my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there need’s it.....Don’t give up just yet, the different between “Ordinary” & “Extra-Ordinary” is the “Extra” so make extra effort to save your marriage/relationship if it’s truly worth it.

Good Luck.

[Mariposa, (KnJ)]

Excuse me for being unaware but......What does casting spells have to do with the Law of Attraction? 

[arminhul]

Thank you guys.

Mariposa

I really am so confused. I know it is up to me. I can change the reality. But I get overwhelmed. I try to continue to love her unconditionally but it makes me miserable after a few days because I feel like talking to her. And one bad phone call, her tone of voice and way she speaks to me makes me wonder, why do I still love? I have nothing to love her for anymore. But I still do, in whatever way I do, I still love her. And even now with the bitterness I know I would die for her. But I am not 100% happy. LOA everywhere says to move on. I am not able to detach completely. I want to move on so that she might miss me and we might be together someday. And if she does not well I will be happy anyway right?

I am not crying my heart out here anymore. That stopped a very long time ago. I am happy. I enjoy my day, I am not morose and pining for her but god it is tough. Not an hour goes by when I dont think of her. I know she is a good person, but why is she so terribly unpleasant to me. And no apologies for being so either. Why take someone who was her pillar of support once, her only real friend, for granted, why treat me so badly. I just asked her for our project. She has been selfish and very so. She has used our other projects for her present studies. Why not give me what I needed? She simply told me I dont have bandwidth to upload? That was a lie.

Trust me I am trying to hold on my faith. Love her. But I must think for myself too. And right now it seems like a good thing to me to just go. I imagine her. Talking to me, smiling to me, loving me, but it is just me alone actually.

I will try to keep my faith. I do still continue to believe she is a good person.

Thanks a lot guys. Reading your advice and just typing my reply here made a few things clear to me again. I love her but I am angry too. Just I wish she would pamper me like before, like how I used to pamper her when she was upset or angry. I miss that.

[Mariposa, (KnJ)]

I know what it is like to miss someone and to think of them everyday.....EVERY DAY!!!  And I also know what it is like to be treated badly when I did nothing to actually deserve it.  But in my case the reason I am being treated badly is because it's a reflection on him not me.  He feels badly and he was frustrated at the time because he had false beliefs about me and my feelings for him and he was pissed off and angry with me even though he never spoke to me about it. 

He was angry he had feeling for me when he wished he didn't.  Once I realized this, I had empathy for him and got over my anger.  Truth is, he still loves me and that is huge when you want someone back.  It may take time but the feelings don't ever go away......you can have your desire but you must become the person you were BEFORE you ever met them.  The person they were attracted to in the 1st place is the person they really want and that is actually the person you really are!! It's really very exciting!! 

You get YOU back and at the same time you get them back too! 

But getting over the anger and bitterness is a must because you can not move forward until you have resolved these issues. 

And again, I have yet to read or hear about how YOU contributed to the demise of your relationship.  You must face this, for this is the real reason your relationship failed and until you face that.......you will never be able to move ahead not with her or anyone else because you will just repeat this cycle with a new person.

I have a feeling it is some insecurity issue or issues............something with self esteem, lack there of. 

Look within yourself and ask yourself how you contributed to this relationship not progressing. 

You can fix this, without a doubt but you have to face the real issues to do it and those issues lay within you. 

As far as eliminating your limiting beliefs......pstec really worked for me and I tried EFT and it did work but no where near as fast or as well as PSTEC.  Give it a try!! 

[arminhul]

Thank you.

I do have some issues. I will tell you what I think I did wrong. She is a very hardworking woman. Very motivated and ambitious. I was laid back. I was doing better than most people did after our college, I would say better than everyone who did not go for further studies right away. I was earning more, I was liked in my office, but thing was I was not pushing my limits. My job was hectic but it was still easy. It was somewhat easy for me. This is what I felt after I left that job anyway.

She went for higher studies. To get into a good institute she joined a coaching classes where she met lots of guys. Intelligent, smart, motivated guys. All hit on her. She stuck with me. I was busy with my job, I did call her almost everyday but she felt neglected. And then the other guy came in. And slowly put me out of the picture.

This was my mistake. I loved her, but I should have paid more attention. I can say blame that she could have told me she felt so, but I should have realised it. My fault. But I never stopped loving. She even once in the beginning of our break up say you dont love me. All this thing of neglect she told me herself. But it is a pretext when she said it. But I know it to be true, but she should not be the one telling this. And on top of everything, we were long distance in different cities.

The other guy is got into a very good institute. I feel competitive against him. I know I dont have to. I am good on my own. But I still feel competitive and even against her. When I miss her and she treats me so badly and I know I dont deserve it of all people on Earth not from her, I feel a hatred for that guy like I have never felt for anyone else ever. I want to beat that guy to a pulp just rip him off limb by limb. The only thing I hate more than this is the fact that I feel so. The things that guy told me when I had talked to him. Mocking me, telling me look at the girls in my office and forget her make me hate him even more. And she took his side. And not mine. I feel so much anger. I hate feeling so.

And then I hate myself for feeling so much venom for a fellow human. He had seemed like a nice guy to me when I had first talked to him for the first time. But for what he said and her behaviour towards me, I want to rip his head off. I try to stop myself. But it takes quite a lot of time to calm myself. I try to distract myself as best I can.

I assure you though, my temper is not the reason she left. The distance and my poor understanding of her needs maybe. But you got to admit she should have stuck. I did even with the attractions of 6 females and me being the only guy at work in my team.

I have tried to forgive. But I guess it is my fault that I go call her and give her an opportunity to be bad to me. I will never on my life call her or contact her on my own now.

Right now I feel very calm, no anger no bitterness no hatred. But I wish this feeling stay with me always.

What you said in the second paragraph made me feel nice. Thank you.

[Mr Brightside]

Mariposa is in the zone today. If she keeps this up we might have to start paying: P, but all joking aside she’s is dead on. I have really come to the same point, and i really understand every word she is saying.

The person they were attracted to in the 1st place is the person they really want and that is actually the person you really are!! 

That should be on top of everyone’s vision board who wants to be with their ex. Magic.

[Mariposa, (KnJ)]

The other guy is got into a very good institute. I feel competitive against him. I know I dont have to. I am good on my own. But I still feel competitive and even against her. When I miss her and she treats me so badly and I know I dont deserve it of all people on Earth not from her, I feel a hatred for that guy like I have never felt for anyone else ever. I want to beat that guy to a pulp just rip him off limb by limb. The only thing I hate more than this is the fact that I feel so. The things that guy told me when I had talked to him. Mocking me, telling me look at the girls in my office and forget her make me hate him even more. And she took his side. And not mine. I feel so much anger. I hate feeling so.

And then I hate myself for feeling so much venom for a fellow human. He had seemed like a nice guy to me when I had first talked to him for the first time. But for what he said and her behaviour towards me, I want to rip his head off. I try to stop myself. But it takes quite a lot of time to calm myself. I try to distract myself as best I can.

Ok.....here we go.  Your anger may not be the reason she left you but it is part of the reason she isn't with you now.  All this hate and bitterness is obvious.....I can feel it and I live in Michigan.  Of course she feels it too!  How is that serving you? 

You know my guy too went off with someone else, but I don't hate her.  Granted I did go through a period where I spent WAY TOO MUCH time focusing on her and how she was to blame but you know what?  She had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with us not working out!! 

She has her own stuff to deal with, her own issues and they are not a part of our relationship. 

I feel empathy toward her, crazy......I know!!  But it's true!!  I actually feel bad for her because of her past and what brought her to get involved with my guy.  It was for all the wrong reasons and now she has to face that and so does he.  Life lessons!! 

Anyway, the point here is that you MUST forgive her and him.......and yourself!!

And as for the reason of neglect being why she left you, maybe she did feel neglected or taken for granted but I venture to guess you DID feel that prior to the breakup and chose to ignore it because you were far away from her and what could you do and then the feelings of her withdrawing started to creep in which in turn brought feelings of losing control and insecurity and it played out and she eventually left because you were sending her negative energy and it was a turn off where as this other guy made her feel happy and secure and like he was fun.......you were desperate and insecure. 

So you see, you need to work on you and getting back to that SECURE, HAPPY GUY that you were before all this happened. 

Forget about this other guy, he is a speck of dust!  He doesn't have the history you two do, he wasn't her 1st anything......he is just a temporary distraction! 

You are the guy for her, you are her everything.  She can't resist you because she loves you and adores you and you know that and she never has to tell you and you feel the same way about her!!

Dude!!  GET YOURSELF BACK, TAKE YOURSELF BACK!!  Stop being this whiny little insecure man and stop complaining about her behavior.  Stop being a hater of others!  Stop hating on yourself!! 

Just STOP!! 

Start forgiving yourself for letting her go and for driving her away and focus on attracting her back to you. 

Do the PSTEC, see how that works for you.  Don't discount it, just take a few minutes and do it.....it's free so use it!

You can do this if you want, I would say to just give up but I don't feel you are there yet......too many unresolved feelings going on here for that. 

You will detach when the time is right but I can assure you that letting go of your limiting beliefs and replacing those beliefs with new and more positive beliefs will be the catalyst to help you get there!! 

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=339890556061017&set=a.214607188589355.77970.171306369586104&type=1&theater

[arminhul]

Mariposa thanks a lot

It always helps this forum. I am sane again. I get upset at times. Now I am alright. I will be alright for some days now. Maybe after that I will again write a negative post like the above ones. But right now I am at peace. I am able to actually feel holding her in my arms.

Scorpio, MikeG, n_attarct, Stefzilla, thanks a lot.

My faith is strong again.

Universe bless you all.