Need help attracting an ex who is starting to date others

[Lulu4482]

Hi all!

I could really use advice on how to keep myself positive while knowing my ex-boyfriend has started to date other women.  He and I were together for 4 years and broke up 2 1/2 months ago after a long period of fighting and us both expecting the other to make us happy.  We have not seen each other in a month, but we do talk a few times a week.  We still tell each other "I love you" after every conversation, but he continues to say he "can't" get back together with me because of the pain he feels.

I have spent the last two months trying to keep my energy up through affirmations, tapping, listening to the Power & Secret, and following the teachings of Abraham Hicks.  I have tried to put myself on a pedestal and work on myself.  All of these actions have worked quickly to attract him to communicate with me, but whenever he did, I would tend to feel uncomfortable about what he had possibly been doing with other women and would push him away.  I have done this push-pull multiple times now, despite my efforts to not let his actions affect me. 

I am pretty sure he has been fooling around with this girl the past few days.  It has caused me to be upset and cry, and to focus on him and what I think he's doing rather than focus on myself.  I know I need to let go, but I don't know how.  How can I ignore this pain?  I want to stay positive and continue vibrationally attracting him to me, but I keep picturing them together and it brings me down.

[MeowMix]

I perfectly understand what you are going through! I went through the exact same thing. However, one thing I learned is not to use the law of attraction to cover up feelings. If you keep bottling feelings up, instead of dealing with them, then they will come out eventually. My advice would be to deal with your emotions first. It is normal to feel sadness, if crying makes you feel better then go ahead my friend! But you need to deal with your emotions first so you can start applying the LOA without any negative feelings. In other words, accept that it is happening and that he is seeing other girls. Once you accept that, everything will be easier from then on. But I do have good news for you! You can change this! Instead of focusing on this girl and dwelling on them dating or whatever it is they are up to, go out with girlfriends and have some fun. Go to a pampering day, on adventures so when you guys get back together you have fun stories to tell him.

It seems to me you are too attached to the situation and the outcome, which is something we all do at some point or another. That is what is preventing your desired outcome to not manifest. I know it is hard being all happy and giddy when an ex is with someone else. Once you have detached and find your happiness from within he will see it ! Also too much attachment can cloud your judgement...maybe in the future either you will get back with him or someone 10x better! Who knows if there is someone else out there for you but you haven't noticed yet Good luck with everything <3

[Lulu4482]

MeowMix - Thank you so much for your reply.  I was absolutely using the LOA to mask my feelings and last week I finally allowed myself to cry a few times and experience the sadness I was feeling.  I think I was scared to allow myself to experience those sad feelings because I didn't want to bring more sadness into my life. 

I think I am still too attached to the situation and the outcome.  I am trying to focus on myself as much as I can, but I still think about him every day.  I told him via text last Saturday that I was hurting and that I loved him, but that I was letting go and giving him space.  He responded "baby, i'm sorry you're hurting," which was the first time he had called me baby in months, and he called me later in the day, but I missed his call and chose not to call back.  We haven't called or texted each other since.

I am worried I'm losing my belief that we'll get back together and that he will call me soon.  This is the first time we've taken space like this (and we were together for 4 years).  I want to believe, but my faith seems to waver more than it did when I was calling him on a regular basis. 

[crazysoul]

sorry i dont answer much, but as far as getting detached and free from the pain....

try this with amazing results---
http://www.pstec.org/selfhelp.php
completely free and that will help you i promise.

you can also do a search here for pstec, there are some posts.

you need to heal your hurt.... then you can start to be detached.

i need to do the same cause i feel the hurt today, its only 10 min, please try it

[bravelioness]

@crazysoul-Is it also the free download from pstec?I think I've got that.

[crazysoul]

@crazysoul-Is it also the free download from pstec?I think I've got that.

yeah, youre right, completely free 

i dont know what i would do without it already

[Lulu4482]

Crazysoul - Thanks for the link and advice! I have tried PSTEC for the last 3 days and I have found it to be quite helpful.

I feel like my feelings have wavered up and down.  I committed to writing down what I'm grateful for twice a day, and noticed immediately that that has made a huge impact on my level of happiness.  I also have used PSTEC, EFT and meditation to help me move past my resistance.  I do feel like I am detaching from the outcome of what may become with Steve (my ex), and I even attracted a new guy who last night asked me out on a date.  I have also practiced appreciation for my body and have lost over 15 lbs.  I still think about Steve, but not as frequently and overall each day has become better and better.

However, I must admit that after a week of not speaking with Steve, I became a little impatient and called him this past weekend.  He didn't answer, so I left a cheerful message saying I hope he is well and that I was calling about our storage space (we have a storage space together that we still need to empty out).  I did not hear back until today via text.  He was cold and mean, telling me that I can just move everything myself, that he's done, and that he was so unhappy when "he allowed me to affect him" but now he is "happy and himself again" and "doesn't have to be afraid anymore."  When I discussed how the storage unit contained both of our stuff and how it is the responsibility of both of us to empty it and not fair to leave me doing it all, he said that "everything has to be a struggle with you" and got angry with me. 

I have believed for a few years that Steve has borderline personality disorder, but I am trying to see him as happy and healthy and not let my knowledge of the disorder affect how I view his responses.  Each time he told me how happy he is now, I told him I was happy for him and glad to hear it.  I also told him I accepted his choice to move on and do as he pleased, since he asked me the last time we chatted to "let him be." 

I left the conversation in tears.  I know he is still seeing the girl he met a few weeks ago, although I didn't ask their relationship status or anything else about them.  I have worked to focus on me and us together rather than her or them together so that I was not giving them my energy.  I do believe I have come to a better degree of acceptance for his dating her, although it hurts a lot when he tells me how happy he is now and keeps acting like I was so horrible.  During my relationship with him, I did my fair share of things wrong, but he also treated me poorly.  I have forgiven him for his prior actions and have forgiven myself, but it is hard to not get defensive when he acts like I was absolutely the worst.

It is hard to hear all these comments from him and still keep the belief that I am now in a happy, loving and committed relationship with him.  Any advice on where to go from here?  I could try again with the NC, but then I worry that it makes it worse for someone who is Borderline.

[crazysoul]

congrats on your success with pstec and the weightloss!! how did you manage to lose weight?

[faithofrich]

dear lulu

Send him your love 

Not your pain, not your sorrow or sadness, just your love.

Visualize him smiling at you and "feel" all the love

all the best

[Lulu4482]

Thank you all for your continued support.  I am trying to focus on sending him love and feeling love all around me.  It is definitely helping.

As for losing weight, I have been doing the tried-and-true working out and eating healthy.  However, the biggest factor has been adding in appreciation and gratitude for my body.  As someone recently suggested in a post, I now talk to my body... I thank my body for having the motivation and energy to workout, for the strength to keep pushing myself during workouts, for my body becoming slimmer every day, etc.  If I feel any soreness or pain, I repeatedly say thank you for my healing and then try to focus on something else.  I chose this body and I really work to appreciate how lucky I am to be in this body.

[crazysoul]

omg lulu told you about the name thing and you know what? when she was small i called her LULU.... haha, just realized that. i have attracted you into my life

really good that you lost weight by loving your body.
just not long ago- i read that you have to love your body to lose weight, not so easy for me too but now i am telling my body that i do love it and keep on being on diet and have my goals on my visionboard as well. luckily i have been at my goal weight before, so i can easily imagine how great it was

and- when i am unhappy in my life, i try to fill the hole in me and eat..... nothing new hm?
i feel better and thats why i can easily stay on my diet and be happy as well.

great that youre here lulu