Need Advice: Fears and Doubts?

[simplyjess]

Hey everyone!

There's a question that's been creeping into my mind here and there. I was dating this guy for only about 4 months before he broke it off (but we were friends for 2 years before we began dating). After learning about LOA, I realized that it was my own insecurity and doubts that "attracted" the break-up. I'm in the process of trying to attract this guy back, and have been in a positive flow so far (focusing on myself). However, today the voice in my head is loading  me with doubts and worries because I started to think about what some of my friends and online articles have said. I've read articles where some say that 'people who get back together share an emotional bond, so there is no emotional bond, there is little chance that those individuals will get back together.'

It bugs me when my friends say, "Oh he was just never that into you" or when I read on the website that "In relationships that didn't make it past the one year mark, aka short-term relationships, two people seldom make it through in the long run because there is no deep connection".  When we broke up, he said that he doesn't feel an emotional bond...and I don't know if he lost it or if it was just never there. When we were dating, he was the first one to say "I love you" and this guy takes things seriously, so I know he was not saying it for the heck of saying it. I tell myself to be strong and just stay focused on what I do want, and disregard what others say. Deep inside I know that the break-up was a good learning opportunity because if it weren't for that, I wouldn't have learned of the LOA and gained so much personal insight and growth. And I believe that through this personal growth, we belong together and it was just the wrong timing.

But the fear of "what if these people are right" always creeps up on me.

So, anyone care to share how they deal with these fears, and more importantly: In your opinion, does the duration of the relationship matter when you're trying to attract back your special someone?

Thank you! 

[Queen Of Light]

I don't think the duration matters at all. If you were friends for 2 years before you started dating - then you already had that emotional connection.  My situation seems to be very similar to yours. I was best friends with him for a year before we started dating - lasted 1 month as a couple due to MY negativity - and were best friends for a year after that. And like you I am in the process of attracting him back. I think in both our cases it was just the wrong timing even though we felt at the time it was right. I know I certainly thought that, but in retrospect I attracted the breakup so it obviously wasn't the right time for us to be together as a couple. But also like you, I'm glad for it because I never would have discovered LOA and realized that I need to work on me first before we can be together again.

[simplyjess]

Queen of Light, thank you so much for your reply. And you bring up a good point how the friendship before pretty much demonstrates an emotional connection. It's nice how you and your special someone are still friends, but in my case there were so many hurt emotions, we are currently in no contact and he said we can be friends after a few months (2 months have passed since he said that).

If you don't mind me asking, how did you two become friends again afterwards (like what made the transition easier?)

I am asking the Universe to have him contact me to break the ice (since this is what I want), but sometimes wonder whether I should contact him instead =S.

[tereza]

It bugs me when my friends say, "Oh he was just never that into you" or when I read on the website that "In relationships that didn't make it past the one year mark, aka short-term relationships, two people seldom make it through in the long run because there is no deep connection". 

Before the LoA, I would tell everyone (even people I just met) my story and ask their opinion on the relationship and depending on the person, they would respond based on their own personal experiences. The problem with that, is that when it boils down to it, they're advice is based on their experiences with other people. Not me or my relationship. They don't know what's going on and they'll never really truly understand it because they're not living and experiencing it. So asking them for advice or for their opinions was a waste of time. 

Then when I learned about the LoA, I learned that when you're trying to manifest things, sometimes it's best to just be quiet about it and choose carefully who you will discuss your dreams/goals with because it can take energy from your manifestation and it may be polluted by other people's limiting beliefs. This post explains it better than I can:
http://www.mind-your-reality.com/tempt_fate.html#Part_2

As for the time thing, eh. I know a couple that got engaged after one week of meeting each other and have been married almost 30 years now. You've got 2 years of friendship on them.    Plus, I think depending on the online relationship guru you're looking at, they have very different ideas of how long a relationship should have existed to have chance of reconciliation. I think Al Turtle, who's one of my favorites said a month. Then there are others who say a year. I think it's kind of irrelevant.

When we broke up, he said that he doesn't feel an emotional bond...and I don't know if he lost it or if it was just never there

Yeah, my guy said that to me too when we first met. Then a year later he said he had lied because he was afraid of falling for someone who lived so far away.    I'm not sure what the reason was for your guy saying that or what was going on towards the end of the relationship, but there's a good chance he didn't mean it and it's something I wouldn't put my focus on.

[xcfastdude14]

  Wow they got engaged after one week! Haha that's amazing. But yeah I mean I know tons of people that are always complaining about relationships, all guys are jerks, all girls
only like guys with money, blah blah blah. I just tune that stuff out I mean I can't hold myself back because of their limiting beliefs due to their negative experiences!

[Queen Of Light]

If you don't mind me asking, how did you two become friends again afterwards (like what made the transition easier?)

Well we don't have any contact right now. We had a big fight 4 months ago and he stopped all contact with me. So I'm also in the process of attracting him back... first as a friend and then as a boyfriend.

But when our relationship didn't work out as a couple in 2010, the breakup was pretty bad! We didn't really have contact for 2 weeks, and when we did it was sarcastic and negative. But within a few weeks he made contact again, but for the next year he always held a grudge against me that I could feel and our friendship was NEVER the same. Which is what ultimately led up to our fight late last year. At the time I just wanted him back in my life in ANY way. I know now that was wrong. So now I prefer to have him back in my life when all the negativity has subsided rather than having him back tomorrow.

[crazysoul]

Then when I learned about the LoA, I learned that when you're trying to manifest things, sometimes it's best to just be quiet about it and choose carefully who you will discuss your dreams/goals with because it can take energy from your manifestation and it may be polluted by other people's limiting beliefs. This post explains it better than I can:
http://www.mind-your-reality.com/tempt_fate.html#Part_2

so, tereza- what do you think about talking on here about it?

[tereza]

Wow they got engaged after one week! Haha that's amazing.

Yeah.  They had to have a year long enagement because of their parents, but they both knew after a week that was it for them.

so, tereza- what do you think about talking on here about it?

Me personally, I just go with my gut. If it doesn't feel right to talk about it, I don't. If it feels right or I'm just so out of touch with what I think feels right, then I will ask for help here. I've done it a few times and it's always been helpful.

[simplyjess]

Well we don't have any contact right now. We had a big fight 4 months ago and he stopped all contact with me. So I'm also in the process of attracting him back... first as a friend and then as a boyfriend.

That's what I'm experiencing now too. Although it wasn't a big fight, he and I were both pretty bitter the last time we spoke (December 2011). Just keeping up my good spirits now by doing yoga, chanting, and being grateful =) Queen of Light, thank you so much for sharing your experience with me, and I definitely will be chanting for and channeling positive energy to you and your love =D

[simplyjess]

I'm not sure what the reason was for your guy saying that or what was going on towards the end of the relationship, but there's a good chance he didn't mean it and it's something I wouldn't put my focus on.

We had a small fight 2 months before the break-up, and he said how something was "missing" or just "bugging him". He later apologized and said that it may just be his own problem and said that we'll make it through. Afterwards everything just went downhill: he started distancing himself. When we broke up, he said how we don't "click that way" and there's no emotional bond.

It comes back to haunt me here and now, but I'm glad that it's happening less and less. And you're right, tereza, I shouldn't let what other people say affect me and my goals. Thank you for sharing your insight and the link with me =)