My parent's relationship (Very scared. please help)

[Miracles]

Hello beautiful people!

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[2thetop]

I would like to applaud your strength.  Not many people realize how something like that effects the relationships around them.  About the only advice I could give here is something that once helped me.  Approach him about it.  Its hard and takes a great amount of strength to do it correctly.  It is something that when I did, I had to make sure to detach myself from my emotions.  Besides that I would say to just send continued love to both of them.  As far as seeing the light, one thing i can offer is the above, you are very strong for understanding how this and the past with your father has effected you.  Another point of light might be the relief that comes from confronting the issue head on.

Dont let this choke you out.  I know its easier said then done, but you CAN do it. 

With love, and respect

[Miracles]

Thank you skersting,

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[Vicki Christina]

When/if you approach your father, you need to make sure there is not anger in your discussion.  Just like our lover relationships you need to be feeling.  Tell him how not having him home more makes you feel. Possibly - you feel like you do not see him enough.  You feel like you would like him to spend more time with the family...  Caution - a major midlife crisis often puts men on the defensive very easily.   Lots of love for you and your family....VC

[Miracles]

When/if you approach your father, you need to make sure there is not anger in your discussion.  Just like our lover relationships you need to be feeling.  Tell him how not having him home more makes you feel. Possibly - you feel like you do not see him enough.  You feel like you would like him to spend more time with the family...  Caution - a major midlife crisis often puts men on the defensive very easily.   Lots of love for you and your family....VC

Thank you so much Vicki for you advice. I agree, if any confrontation will take place, it must be free of anger and negativity.
That's my focus now will be to clean up my negative energy and focus on the good things, and i'll see what kind of action the universe will inspire me to take!

Thank you! 

[Miracles]

If anyone else has any input to help me with the situation, please do.
My posts might give the impression that i have a plan and don't need help, but i'd really appreciate your ideas! =)

Thank you!

[2thetop]

well first i just wanna say, i have gone through similar thoughts through the last few years.  The last few months for the relationship stuff.  I dont want you to think I in any way know 100% what im talking about but this is all opinion based on my experiences so I just hope it helps.  I am sure the more experienced can point out some more helpful things

.... i will not be focusing on this unhealthy thought, i have no solid proof whatsoever....

This is very true.  This will help you more then anything in dealing with anyone else.  I learned a great deal on this while reading that book I recommended, "The Four Agreements".  Heard the old saying? When you assume you make an ASS outta U and ME?

I think i MUST stop idolizing and focusing too much on my parent's relationship, it's so unfair to take this one example, with its imperfections, and focus on it!! there are so many successful, warm relationship, right?!...

If you continue to focus on bettering yourself, how can you not have a warm relationship.  Many of people have broken the cycle.  Its about you, not them.

But what worries me a bit is what's said about how girls end up being attracted to men who are like their fathers .. i guess that's a limiting belief that i have to let go of...

 
Once again your later statement is true.  You will in many ways find what you see in your father.  If you see the bad you will find that, if you see the good you will find that.  If your dads and yours relationship has always been a very strained one, focus on something like how hard of a worker he is, or how he can easily fix anything.  This helped me many times when I would get negative thoughts about my parents.

Most of all, Concerning how this affects my relationship with my guy, i really don't know!! Sometimes i feel like i should just cut him loose, and find someone else new, with a clean slate..

With this one I would just say, if you feel like cutting him loose then do.  If you really think on it and dont do it from fear, or any other negative force, then listen to your heart.  With that being said, isnt a new you and a new approach a clean slate?

But i've felt emotions for this man, that i havent felt for any other!! that's why i think our relationship deserves another shot!! he will not end up like my father, if i stay positive, grateful and happy, right?

Once again you are on the right track.  Do what will make you feel positive, grateful happy and bring you self love. 

today, i started a conversation, but he didn't reply.. although he was online for a long time after..

One thing I have learned about online.......dont ever assume.  I have accidentally left my chat client open when I fell asleep, started watching a show, reading a book, and taken a shower.  Also focus on you, not him...if he answers he answers, if he doesnt he doesnt......but make sure you know he will.<----that right there is the hardest thing I have ever worked on and am still working on it.  I am getting it down.  Detach associating any negative thought or feeling with any thing you do wanting a response.  Dont let it control you, control it......

k im getting sleepy and might have not made sense.....I hope something in all that helped you out a bit. 

I will think positively for you tonight.....